The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Anita18]

Yeah it's definitely not great... I guess it's just happened to me so often when alcohol is involved that I don't see it is a guy being evil... I just kind of see it as fairly normal. Not that the norm is a good thing, cause it's not... the more I think about it, the more depressing it is

Yeah at this point, it's probably better not to dwell on it and just aim to do things differently in the future.

I'm sure it isn't uncommon, but you deserve better.

Well here is my scores:

8 Acts of Service
8 Receiving Gifts
7 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
2 Quality Time

For me, acts of service show you care about someone enough to do things you don't neccesarily want to do in order to help them/make them happy. Gifts show that you think about someone when they are not around (and I don't mean flashy or expensive gifts... I just mean little things, random things. I have a friend who absolutely loves little gifts, so I often show up at her house with an ice lolly or a magazine or a nail varnish or something... just makes her happy).

The texting thing... I guess it's just another way of showing someone your thinking of them when they aren't around.

I don't need to be around someone all the time, I really wouldn't want that. And I don't need constant compliments or verbal affirmations of feelings (hence why I don't neccesarily want to talk about it).

I just need to know that you think about me and that you miss me... and that you're looking forward to seeing me again.

Yeah I forgot what my exact scores were, but "acts of service" was by far the winner. And I remember "gifts" was 0.

But I suppose "acts of service" can manifest themselves in different ways. For me, going out of his way to call me doesn't matter much. But when he tells me that I have to get out of bed soon and proceeds to tuck me into the blankets anyway, that's

Or huh, the way you worded it, receiving texts would almost be like receiving a gift, so no wonder why I don't care about them.

I guess i'm just not as accepting of that as you. I think i'd have trouble sustaining interest in the long run, if I don't get any sense of excitement to see me from a person.

Or maybe I was just like, "Well, this guy keeps wanting to see me and nobody else has, so I can't be that picky about the way he's going to do it."

There was also the unconditional support, that I didn't want to let go of. That smooths over a lot of things.

Yeah maybe you're right, maybe we should do some outside the house stuff alone together.

Of course, once again, all of that would be so much easier if he wasn't working when I was free.

I'd love to just be able to invite him for a drink after work. But even when he has a day off, it seems to be difficult to get him up and out of his door before 8 or 9... if at all

I almost gave up this friday.

Last time i'd seen him he'd said he had friday off, so i'd said i'd see him friday night. He says 'why night?' and I told him I had work till 4 so could do something anytime after that.

So I ASSUME that he'll be up for coming out at that time. I message him when i'm on my way to the park to enjoy some of the sunshine we're having at the moment. Nothing. Nothing until 2 and a half hours later when he says he just woke up. I tell him i'll probably there for a while as some of our friends are here. He says he needs at least an hour to sort stuff out. 2 hours after that, he messages me again asking where I am. By this point, i'm feeling irritated with waiting around. I'm feeling generally like going home. I've been awake since 5am and he's been sleeping all day and yet i've still gotta stay up late because he can't be arsed to make the effort to fit MY schedule for once?

It annoyed me. But I brushed it off cause I don't wanna be crazy Becky yet

Eventually, we left the park and went to a friends house and he comes over - completely high. Which is fine, whatever. We still had a nice night, it still ended with him giving me a foot rub and giving me a snuggly sleep rather than trying to sleep with me when i'm tired (so he's not TOTALLY selfish).

But really, if it was me and I had a day off... if I liked the guy, the minute he finished work and asked me to come meet him, i'd be out the door.

Yeah even if you're busy....you still make time to see someone if you really wanted to.

But yeah, if he isn't considerate of your schedule even early on, that would annoy me in a serious way. I'm habitually late, but at least I let my friends know instead of leaving them hanging without a word an hour past our meeting time.

My husband has a friend like that, and he just has to assume that when this friend says "do you want to have dinner tonight?" that nothing's actually going to happen 99% of the time.

Okay, funny timing - he just messaged me asking what time I fly out tomorrow

EDIT - and now he's saying he's doing an earlier shift today, finishing at 9pm... and is gonna try and finish earlier than that

And there's a bit of life in this one yet!

 

[PacificBoy]

Not everyone shows affection the same way. That's why you have to be compatible in love languages. Some people really want gifts or physical affection from their loved one. Lucky for my husband, what really gets me going are acts of service, and he's the master at that. And gifts do nothing for me, which is also good because he is crap at giving them.

I'm so gonna refer to that website on my next first date.

It'll be fun to see whether my date and I speak the same languages. Profess to speak anyhow. t:

 

[Anita18]

I'm so gonna refer to that website on my next first date.

It'll be fun to see whether my date and I speak the same languages. Profess to speak anyhow. t:

I was first told about this website at my marriage skills workshop. So you might want to hold off until later on in the relationship.

But it does explain a good deal of why my husband and I get along so well.

 

[PacificBoy]

I was first told about this website at my marriage skills workshop. So you might want to hold off until later on in the relationship.

But it does explain a good deal of why my husband and I get along so well.

It's something I like to do on my first dates. I mean, what's the one thing my date and I instantly have in common? It's our pre-date jitters, apprehensions and expectations. I always enjoy calling out the awkwardness of first dates and poking gentle fun at dating conventions 'is this the point where I'm supposed to ask what's your favourite colour?'

I tend to be semi-serious once the rank, name and serial number is out of the way. Of course it depends on the girl and whether we click in this manner, but it's a way to break the ice which usually works for me. One time I asked 'what's your 5 deal-breakers for this date?' and I got a 'if you don't kiss me by the end of it'. Needless to say, that was a fun night. t:

 

[Godzilla2000]

*sigh* People want me to be this submissive, frail orchid of a weak creature and I'm just not like that at all. I take more after my Dad's side of the family than my mom's. I clearly cannot be that little flower they want me to be because I'm grit and fire. I'm a rugged Venus Flytrap not a wilting rose.

Oh lol...my daily Sagittarius love horroscope is spot on...

Freedom suits you -- and paradoxically, the happier you are by yourself, the more people want to be with you. Enjoy the heck out of it all while you sample what they have to offer at your leisure.

 

[enterthemadness]

*sigh* People want me to be this submissive, frail orchid of a weak creature and I'm just not like that at all. I take more after my Dad's side of the family than my mom's. I clearly cannot be that little flower they want me to be because I'm grit and fire. I'm a rugged Venus Flytrap not a wilting rose.

Oh lol...my daily Sagittarius love horroscope is spot on...

Freedom suits you -- and paradoxically, the happier you are by yourself, the more people want to be with you. Enjoy the heck out of it all while you sample what they have to offer at your leisure.

Have you tried hanging out with others or online dating?



As for me, I am stressed over work, the co-worker I really like, and my date from yesterday.


I dunno if I will text my date from yesterday or not. She said she would text me and I know she was working this morning. At the same time, I dunno how much longer I will have a job and I really like my co-worker. Just don't know if I will even send her a text via phone or even a message on the site.


Hoping I can relax while I watch Hercules in a bit.

 

[Anita18]

It's something I like to do on my first dates. I mean, what's the one thing my date and I instantly have in common? It's our pre-date jitters, apprehensions and expectations. I always enjoy calling out the awkwardness of first dates and poking gentle fun at dating conventions 'is this the point where I'm supposed to ask what's your favourite colour?'

I tend to be semi-serious once the rank, name and serial number is out of the way. Of course it depends on the girl and whether we click in this manner, but it's a way to break the ice which usually works for me. One time I asked 'what's your 5 deal-breakers for this date?' and I got a 'if you don't kiss me by the end of it'. Needless to say, that was a fun night. t:

I've never asked that or been asked that on a first date. Maybe that's why I've gotten so few second dates.

But my husband thinks all that is bullcrap. Again, why we get along so well.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Argh this is so annoying!

He finished work at 9. He contacted me earlier today, asked what time I was flying out tomorrow, said he was finishing at 9 and would try and finish even earlier, said he'd come to mine...

So I get a message at 21:45 asking me if i'm home. I get all excited... 45 mins after he said he was going to finish is good, that's excellent.

But then he says he's going to have a spliff and a shower. It's now 23:15... and i'm still waiting, getting more and more tired and less and less in the mood.

Am I crazy for finding this really annoying?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Eh, I wouldn't say you're crazy for finding it annoying. An hour and a half later is a long time.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Eh, I wouldn't say you're crazy for finding it annoying. An hour and a half later is a long time.

It is when you both have to be up early and the other person made a point of making it seem like he was going to come round early because of that

He's coming now, but it still bugs me. I don't wanna constantly be checking my phone waiting for someone to hurry the hell up!

I can't even really blame the weed, because I have plenty of friends who smoke weed and aren't this bad.

 

[enterthemadness]

Should I bother texting her tomorrow, if she doesn't text me today?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It is when you both have to be up early and the other person made a point of making it seem like he was going to come round early because of that

He's coming now, but it still bugs me. I don't wanna constantly be checking my phone waiting for someone to hurry the hell up!

I can't even really blame the weed, because I have plenty of friends who smoke weed and aren't this bad.

Nah.

One of my best friends out here in California is a heavy... HEAVY stoner, and she always comes through when she says she's going to.

I'd certainly be annoyed if a girl was that late to meeting me.

Hope you guys are having fun tho.

Should I bother texting her tomorrow, if she doesn't text me today?

If you want to, sure.

 

[Flint Marko]

Should I bother texting her tomorrow, if she doesn't text me today?

Girls like guys who are forward and confident. I'm not sure what sort of first impression you made, but a saying I've heard before that I live by is "a confident troll will get lucky before a meek prince".
If you want to contact her, do so with assuredness. If she reciprocates and wants to see you again, awesome. If not, just brush it off. But maybe try again even, some girls like persistence.

 

[Persistence]

Girls like guys who are forward and confident. I'm not sure what sort of first impression you made, but a saying I've heard before that I live by is "a confident troll will get lucky before a meek prince".
If you want to contact her, do so with assuredness. If she reciprocates and wants to see you again, awesome. If not, just brush it off. But maybe try again even, some girls like persistence.

I like the way this guy thinks.

 

[Flint Marko]

I like the way this guy thinks.

Hey now I said some, not all

Spoiler

 

[enterthemadness]

Girls like guys who are forward and confident. I'm not sure what sort of first impression you made, but a saying I've heard before that I live by is "a confident troll will get lucky before a meek prince".
If you want to contact her, do so with assuredness. If she reciprocates and wants to see you again, awesome. If not, just brush it off. But maybe try again even, some girls like persistence.

Well, we were both awkward and nervous...but like I said, we didn't even hug when we left. Didn't kiss...even though it seems doubtful, I guess there's no harm in sending her a text like...'Hey, did you find out what days you have off this week? '' Because, when I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies next weekend...she told me she doesn't know her days off, yet. That...it's posed on Saturday's, but she had that day off.


I send her a text tomorrow sometime before work...

 

[Flint Marko]

Well, we were both awkward and nervous...but like I said, we didn't even hug when we left. Didn't kiss...even though it seems doubtful, I guess there's no harm in sending her a text like...'Hey, did you find out what days you have off this week? '' Because, when I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies next weekend...she told me she doesn't know her days off, yet. That...it's posed on Saturday's, but she had that day off.


I send her a text tomorrow sometime before work...

Exactly. Even if you get a lukewarm response, you can keep pushing it and try your luck. You have nothing to lose. That's what I tell myself every time I start to get nervous with a woman; if I strike out, so what? At least I can walk away knowing more than I did, as every time I've been rejected I've learned something.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well, we were both awkward and nervous...but like I said, we didn't even hug when we left. Didn't kiss...even though it seems doubtful, I guess there's no harm in sending her a text like...'Hey, did you find out what days you have off this week? '' Because, when I asked her if she wanted to go to the movies next weekend...she told me she doesn't know her days off, yet. That...it's posed on Saturday's, but she had that day off.


I send her a text tomorrow sometime before work...

There is absolutely no harm in sending a text message.

Here's the thing:

If she's not interested, it doesn't matter if you text or not. It's not going to happen. The worst that will happen is she says no, or more likely, ignores it.

If she IS interested, then it DOES matter if you text her, because if you don't, you'll be missing out on an opportunity.

Don't ask her what her days off are. You mentioned seeing a movie with her? Okay. Send her a text saying hey, asking her how her weekend was, and telling her you were wanting to see Lucy on Friday (just an example) and ask if she'll join you.

If she's free on Friday and interested, she'll say yes. If she's not free on Friday but still interested, she'll offer up an alternative. If she's not interested, it doesn't matter if she's free or not, and you'll know it.

 

[Flint Marko]

Here's the thing I wish all girls knew: I'd rather you outright reject me then beat around the bush. I know it's awkward but if I'm going out on a limb and being honest with you, don't try and "let me down easy". Say no, not interested. Don't make excuses or be dishonest, we can see right through that and that's even worse.

 

[Mr.M]

Here's the thing I wish all girls knew: I'd rather you outright reject me then beat around the bush. I know it's awkward but if I'm going out on a limb and being honest with you, don't try and "let me down easy". Say no, not interested. Don't make excuses or be dishonest, we can see right through that and that's even worse.

But maybe they want to keep you alive as a backup or BFF? Well within their right, and why should they tip their hand? It is your responsibility to catch on to this behavior and wave a peace out sign when an opportune moment arises.

 

[Persistence]

Here's the thing I wish all girls knew: I'd rather you outright reject me then beat around the bush. I know it's awkward but if I'm going out on a limb and being honest with you, don't try and "let me down easy". Say no, not interested. Don't make excuses or be dishonest, we can see right through that and that's even worse.

Agreed...you just have to push them for information if not sure. Ask for phone number quickly. Ask to pick them up at their house. If they're not interested...they'll be reluctant to give out that information.

 

[Flint Marko]

But maybe they want to keep you alive as a backup or BFF? Well within their right, and why should they tip their hand? It is your responsibility to catch on to this behavior and wave a peace out sign when an opportune moment arises.

I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean.
I was referring specifically to a situation in which I ask someone out, and instead of saying "no" she says, "well I don't know if I can cause I've got to do xyz" or some other transparent excuse. Usually it's easy to tell when they're just trying to let you down easy; I'm saying I'd rather be told no than told something like that. And if she's only telling me that to keep me as a "backup" of some sort then I don't like that either haha.

Agreed...you just have to push them for information if not sure. Ask for phone number quickly. Ask to pick them up at their house. If they're not interested...they'll be reluctant to give out that information.

Exactly. Usually it's easy to pick up when a girl is or is not interested, but I think I'd just much rather prefer a girl tell me "no" then some kind of non-answer. I like when people are blunt and straightforward with me lol.
That being said, I was asked out once by a very strange girl who lived in the apartment under me and I said yes because I felt awkward giving her any other answer. So I somewhat sympathize with women in that regard, letting down someone like that to their face isn't the easiest.

 

[enterthemadness]

Exactly. Even if you get a lukewarm response, you can keep pushing it and try your luck. You have nothing to lose. That's what I tell myself every time I start to get nervous with a woman; if I strike out, so what? At least I can walk away knowing more than I did, as every time I've been rejected I've learned something.

Well, I learned Olive Garden is ****ing yummy in my tummy

 

[Flint Marko]

Well, I learned Olive Garden is ****ing yummy in my tummy

Haha glad to hear that, I'm actually a server at an olive garden. What did you both get? The tour of Italy is my personal favorite.

 

[Mr.M]

I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean.
I was referring specifically to a situation in which I ask someone out, and instead of saying "no" she says, "well I don't know if I can cause I've got to do xyz" or some other transparent excuse. Usually it's easy to tell when they're just trying to let you down easy; I'm saying I'd rather be told no than told something like that. And if she's only telling me that to keep me as a "backup" of some sort then I don't like that either haha.


Exactly. Usually it's easy to pick up when a girl is or is not interested, but I think I'd just much rather prefer a girl tell me "no" then anything else. I like when people are blunt and straightforward with me lol.

Of course they have excuses for XYZ. That's how they test your interest level and persistence. Eventually your patience runs thin and you have to move on. But it's how a girl is really going to gauge what your interest level really is. If you are too desperate and insist on phone numbers or dates, it could be a turn off. If you don't continue to show interest consistently, then she knows you probably have little interest in her. She has to be noncommittal to weed out the flaky guys and the needy guys all at once, hence the mixed signals.