The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Anita18]

But is it wrong to invite a guy round just the two of you, drink with him and then cuddle up with him in your bed...?

No, why would it be wrong?

Sometimes people make erroneous assumptions. That doesn't mean you're wrong. And honestly, some guys will assume a woman wants them just cause they looked at them in the bar or whatever. You can't help what other people feel.

Sex is sex. Hanging out is hanging out. Drinking is drinking. Cuddling is cuddling. The combination of hanging out, drinking, and cuddling doesn't HAVE to lead to sex. Anyone who thinks you are "wrong" for not connecting that series of events, needs a good kick in the nuts.

I was on a date today with a woman I slept with two weeks ago. It was an impromptu date two weeks ago and neither of us expected to have sex. It was frustrating because my anti depressant kept me from finishing last time.

So today she and I went to a movie and while we were there she whispered that she wanted to have sex. We went back to her apartment and started making out. I was doing something for her and she had me stop because she couldn't feel anything. She said she was tired and was going to get some rest. (She had helped a friend move yesterday. ) Then she wondered if we were compatible. She wanted to think about it. I quietly decided to leave.

I dont mean to whine, I'm just frustrated. If she feels we are incompatible, that's it.

Yeah, if it's twice that you get interrupted, that's no fun. But that stuff happens, and if you can't laugh about it and find other ways to have fun together, then maybe you're better off without her.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Yeah, if it's twice that you get interrupted, that's no fun. But that stuff happens, and if you can't laugh about it and find other ways to have fun together, then maybe you're better off without her.

I think it was definitely the medication last time. It has...delayed me in the past. I skipped my meds since Friday in anticipation of today, to make sure it didnt happen again. So I was frustrated that she ended things without letting me "have some fun." I understand that she is under no obligation to continue if she didnt want to, but still.

I do hope we can be friends but the sexual tension between us has been long lasting and intense.

 

[Anita18]

I think it was definitely the medication last time. It has...delayed me in the past. I skipped my meds since Friday in anticipation of today, to make sure it didnt happen again. So I was frustrated that she ended things without letting me "have some fun." I understand that she is under no obligation to continue if she didnt want to, but still.

I do hope we can be friends but the sexual tension between us has been long lasting and intense.

I'm glad you acknowledge she didn't have an obligation, but yeah, it sucks.

But I mean, there are other ways to have fun with each other physically that doesn't involve intercourse. Sex IS supposed to be fun, after all. Even if it doesn't go exactly the way you foresee it, if you're leaving the "might have been sex but something came up" situation feeling bad, that's a red flag, IMO.

Is there less tension now that you've had sex and it went badly both times?

 

[Hobgoblin]

I'm glad you acknowledge she didn't have an obligation, but yeah, it sucks.

But I mean, there are other ways to have fun with each other physically that doesn't involve intercourse. Sex IS supposed to be fun, after all. Even if it doesn't go exactly the way you foresee it, if you're leaving the "might have been sex but something came up" situation feeling bad, that's a red flag, IMO.

Is there less tension now that you've had sex and it went badly both times?

Let's just say I did give her a fun time two weeks ago with my finger. I was happy that I could at least do that for her. When we slept together that time I couldnt feel anything, I think due to the condom and medication. She said at the time that she thought she was going to finish, so there is hope for sexual compatibility imo. She did offer to go on the pill, but has not as of yet.

I think we may be compatible, but we are just feeling each other out in this new "relationship," no pun intended. I was more frustrated that she seemed to think we are not compatible. I just hope she thinks about it before making a decision. I am willing to continue if she is. We have both said that we have no other romantic prospects outside of each other.

 

[Anita18]

Let's just say I did give her a fun time two weeks ago with my finger. I was happy that I could at least do that for her. When we slept together that time I couldnt feel anything, I think due to the condom and medication. She said at the time that she thought she was going to finish, so there is hope for sexual compatibility imo. She did offer to go on the pill, but has not as of yet.

I think we may be compatible, but we are just feeling each other out in this new "relationship," no pun intended. I was more frustrated that she seemed to think we are not compatible. I just hope she thinks about it before making a decision. I am willing to continue if she is. We have both said that we have no other romantic prospects outside of each other.

Having someone orgasm with you doesn't automatically equate to sexual compatibility. I mean, it sounded like she was disappointed when she "didn't feel anything" the second time, so maybe she has a really high standard, like "orgasming every time" with someone. Which is kind of ridiculous, IMO.

And as I said, the most important thing is that you have fun with each other. If she makes you feel bad for not making her finish or for whatever reason, that SHOULD give you pause.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Well, we'll see what she says if she ever gets back to me. This may all be over a moot point.

 

[Mysteryman]

No.

He was expecting sex. Giving awful big hints about it.

You tried to be nice. It didn't work, so you did what you had to do.

Don't even second guess yourself.

This.
You did nothing wrong Dreamer.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

This.
You did nothing wrong Dreamer.

Well I must be doing something wrong to keep finding myself in the same situation. To keep having men treat me in one specific way, when they don't treat ALL women that way.

 

[Erzengel]

All these guys don't they observe you when you're at the pub? They see a flirtatious girl, who's livelier the more she drinks.

I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong BUT some guys might misinterpret your behavior. Regardless, even if you make out with them and take them home, you still have the power to stop it. It's never a sure thing.

 

[the last son]

self sabotage is complete. After a really nice date I got drunk yesterday and called her and we argue and I talked crazy and I'll never hear from her again.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Hopeful, you're not responsible for men misinterpreting your actions. And most men are crap at picking up on what women actually mean/want anyway.
So the fact that you had to just come and on out and say what you actually meant does not make you anything bad...

Personally, I'd rather a girl flat out tells me whether she is "interested" in me or not... I don't have that big an ego that I would be crushed by honesty. Would I be disappointed? sure!

 

[Erzengel]

self sabotage is complete. After a really nice date I got drunk yesterday and called her and we argue and I talked crazy and I'll never hear from her again.

Like I've been saying, I think you need to fix you first before you bring a girl into your world. OR if you're just looking to hook up with no attachments to give you your fix.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

self sabotage is complete. After a really nice date I got drunk yesterday and called her and we argue and I talked crazy and I'll never hear from her again.

TLS, I am not a great authority on women, but I know a bit about excessive indulgences and I think you need to get a handle on the drinking before you go looking for any thing more than a casual fling.
Otherwise you're not doing yourself or them any favours. You'll just end up hurting everyone involved.

I know it's easier said than done, but you've kicked the booze before...

 

[hopefuldreamer]

All these guys don't they observe you when you're at the pub? They see a flirtatious girl, who's livelier the more she drinks.

I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong BUT some guys might misinterpret your behavior. Regardless, even if you make out with them and take them home, you still have the power to stop it. It's never a sure thing.

Yeah I know, and really I just need to stop it and be more strict when it comes to intimacy in terms of how freely I will allow it...

It just takes a lot of patience and restraint, cause when you're NOT getting the interest you actually want, it's hard not to give in to the closest you can get after a long time of nothing.

 

[the last son]

the reason I haven't stopped drinking completely it's just because I feel what's the point sometimes

 

[hopefuldreamer]

the reason I haven't stopped drinking completely it's just because I feel what's the point sometimes

That's depression.

And it's the first thing about yourself you should be sorting out... not just with meds that are IMO obviously not resolving the issue.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

So Dreamer do you have feelings for Lost Son? He seems to have a crush on you! HA if yall do eventually date, I would be down to attend the wedding! HA HA

 

[Erzengel]

the reason I haven't stopped drinking completely it's just because I feel what's the point sometimes

That's depression.

And it's the first thing about yourself you should be sorting out... not just with meds that are IMO obviously not resolving the issue.

Agreed get whatever help you need. Because you're just inviting heartbreak if you continue.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So Dreamer do you have feelings for Lost Son? He seems to have a crush on you! HA if yall do eventually date, I would be down to attend the wedding! HA HA

Just what I need, another guy who'd sleep with me but not want anything serious

 

[the last son]

I'd want something serious with you.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'd want something serious with you.

I wouldn't believe a word you said. You're actions (as you describe them on here) speak otherwise.

 

[the last son]

Watch and learn fellas. This is how I get all the women.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Just what I need, another guy who'd sleep with me but not want anything serious

LOL maybe Lost will grow on you and you might fall for his charms.

 

[the last son]

All it takes dreamer is a good woman to want to change to be a better person.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

All it takes dreamer is a good woman to want to change to be a better person.