Some many scenarios - so little time.
Erz should be privy to some of this information, and I won't bore you guys with too many details. . .
Met a girl. She acted aloof. We talked/dated for about a month - then radio silence.
I've learned through life lessons and watching her that she wasn't quite "done" with me, so we started again. . . so I think.
The aloof has happened again.
We dated between Thanksgiving and Christmas, with her ending it with "I think this was a mistake."
I pouted - sure. Possibly even noticeable - it was noticeable.
Then I decided to move on. All of this happened between Christmas and the first week of January.
She noticed that I moved on - in my own way. I began to chat with her again, just not caring of an outcome. Complimented her dress, referred to her as "babe, sweety," etc. Basically dropped little hints of "I'm still into you."
After a few weeks of this, I noticed she would reciprocate. I pondered, wondered, what have you. Then I sought out female advice. Each lady said "she's still into you - go for it."
So I did. She was sick one day, and wanted to go but didn't want to ask. I'm not directly over her, yet have the authority to send her home. So I kneeled down, grabbed her hand, looked into her eyes, kissed her on the forehead and said "I'll take care of it."
As I walked away, I realized I may have over-stepped. So I turned to her and apologized. She smile and said "I get the picture."
From that point on, I kept up the flirting. As did she. Obviously, the flirting amounted to noticeable "I still care about you." So I dove in again. We went out for drinks that night.
The next night I stayed at her place.
This is where I get confused.
All of the re-kindling. All of the flirting. Staying at her place(no sex, by the way). It feels like she's looking for a way to back off. . . again.
Two times we've had little arguments about miscommunication. Both times, I spearheaded the conversation and told her I didn't want to argue over pity items and potentially lose what we've started again.
The first argument was the night I stayed over. We talked during my ride home and she misunderstood what I was saying - admittedly. Once I realized what was going on, I went over there to hold her and re-affirm that I was not upset with her, etc, etc. My point - she just simply misunderstood.
Last night was similar. She misunderstood - almost like she's trying to find flaws, to pre-end a budding relationship.
She thought I was upset for "blowing me off." That wasn't the case. I called her back and told her that I was not upset, that I understand she's busy, that I need for her to believe that I want her to have her space, that we will take it slow, etc.
She calmed down and we ended with a happy "good night."
I'm not looking for answers - just talking it out. Possibly, I've answered myself in writing
"she's trying to find flaws." Maybe she's looking for the other shoe to drop. Her head is on the swivel, because of previous relationships. I don't know.
What I do know - is I've told her, clearly, that I want to take it slow, that we owe it to ourselves to take it slow, to prove it to others and each other that ALL relationships do not need to be rushed, or start out physically.
I've been sober for several months, so drowning out frustrations and worries are no longer an issue. However, I've learned that issue are more clear and I'm able to head them on - while knowing I will be more keen and sensitive to each issue(focus on sensitive).
I'm sure this is garble to most. I think I'm just typing to type. To check myself. To always think through and think positive.
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