The plot thickens - or whatever.
No need to re-hash. If you're not privy, just go read my previous posts.
For those that are privy - feel free to unleash the hounds and call me a chump.
I took most of the advice given, or at least the understanding and encouragement.
This past Friday, I had dinner with my boss at a local pub. While talking about the issue, a patron leaned in and said "pull the trigger. Quit whining and make it happen." He wasn't drunk - or being belligerent.
He over heard me talking to the boss and ascertained most of what we were saying. I'll lay some ground work/back story:
She and I had still been in light contact - texts, see her in passing, etc. Nothing changed, no negative feelings, no 'back off, sparky', etc. But I still was scratching my head on why she was being so aloof.
My boss - after his third gin and tonic - had a EUREKA. He grabbed my phone, read through the texts and said "you're not being pointed enough. You're texting statements, in which DO NOT require a response. If you guys texts, lightly, back and forth, throughout the day - or days, and those texts DO NOT require a response, don't get ******** about her not responding. You told her 'no strings attached; let's take it slow, etc."
At that point I got frustrated with him and her and said "I'll prove it to you." Keep in mind, this was right before the patron chimed in.
I text her "wrapping up with the boss, what's your night looking like?" It was pointed - I thought. My boss laughed and said "you're not asking the right question. You should have text, simply and directly, 'come over'."
This is where the patron chimed in. He leaned over and said "is this new, or are you two going at it?" I understood his point and said "yes, we've had sex."
"Then what's the problem?" he asked.
I replied, "I'm confused on why she is playing coy, why she doesn't respond, why the unnecessary radio silence."
"You're boss is correct," he returned. "You didn't ask for a date, for her to come over. You asked 'how's you're night going'. If anything, she has every right to reply with just an answer - not the response you're looking for. You're looking for her to say 'I'm at home chilling, come over'. Be pointed. Ask her to come over. Tell her you want to go over there. Don't leave any room for wiggle. If she plays coy, it's up to you to play back, keep it going, or let it go."
All of this is paraphrased, of course. And th^t statement is, essentially, what you all have been telling me.
She did respond, while I was still there with the boss and the patron.
"Just got home. Having dinner and wine with the pup. Well he's having a bone, but you get the picture."
I laughed and looked at my boss and said "see - this is childish bullcrap."
My boss paid the tab, shook his head and said "text her a direct question. If she blows you off - knowing she just admitted that she is free - you need to let this go."
So I text "Watch a movie? My place, or yours?" No response.
Fifteen minutes went by. I'd already made it half way home, when suddenly "sure. . but I'm not driving. You can come over here."
I was laughing at myself for being sooooo stupid. Called the boss, gave him the update, in which he laughed, then told me "go have fun."
We had a fun night. Nothing negative happened. We watched Iron Man 2, talked and stayed up until 2AM.
She even stated little things that made me feel better. All of this in no specific order, but you'll see my point:
Talking about one of her best friends: "You've haven't met her yet. But you will."
Talking about our pets: "Awh - Memphis likes me. At least she hasn't smacked me yet."
My allergies kicked in: "Did you bring medicine. What kind do you take. I don't want you weezing all night."
She drooled over clips of Thor and Captain America, then a commercial came on with a hot girl in a yoga outfit - I drooled. The popped me and said "that's ok. You haven't see me in my yoga outfit."
There is more of th^se the of interactions throughout the night. All of which made me feel more comfortable. It was like she was telling me, in so many words, that we are going in the right direction - the proper pace. It was like she was talking about the future - at least the close future - as if she already agreed with seeing me more, letting me in, etc.
The one that made me feel better was when we were talking about emotions. I don't remember the set-up, but she said "I've worn my heart on my sleeve, and I've been distant. Both didn't work. I'm trying to find middle ground."
It wasn't directed towards me - yet it was.
All of th^t to say that I'm confused AGAIN.
Saturday morning I left the evening feeling better about MY issues. I told myself those were MY problems and that she was taking it slow - like I told her to. She was willing to make time. Give her space and be direct. If she's busy - believe she's busy. Take each day for what it is, and let go the bullcrap that isn't needed or that I and misreading and projecting.
I had to be in her restaurant that afternoon for work. I bought two Red Bull's and left her one. I didn't leave a text or note, just left it behind the host stand. I've done this before - so she would know it was me.
Later that day, I got a text that said "I got frustrated because I realized I left my Red Bull at home. The a Red Bull appeared behind the host stand. My powers are finally manifesting."
She jokes about being Jean Grey - hence the "powers" comment.
A moment later, before I could respond, she text again "but really though thank you."
I replied, "don't thank me. You're mutant abilities are getting stronger. . . because I haven't been there today. . .
. But you're welcome.
"
No response ALL day. Now I understand that th^t doesn't require a response. I didn't worry. Whatever.
Fast forward to yesterday. Still no response. No asking how I was doing. Radio silence.
One of my clients was being a diva. Over the top bull crap. I text her what was going on. I didn't need a response - wanted one. But understood. Nothing all day. Nothing last night. Still nothing.
Both of the texts, after our good evening together, starting with the 'red bull' text to the 'diva text' don't really call for a response. I get that. But to have a great night and then just fall off the map. NOTHING. I really feel like I'm the only one trying here. I also realize I'm probably reading WAY TOO much into nothing.
The best advice I've been given are from my buddy and Momma Storm. My buddy tells me to lay off the text. "Let it go. Call her. Maybe she wants more and she's waiting for you to act. She want's to know if this is real. She could be just as in the dark thinking 'why does he text me cutesy one-liners and statements? Why doesn't he act and follow up? Why doesn't he directly pursue me?" He feels she's laid the ground work. Now it's time for me to act and see where the chips fall. If I act - directly act - and she plays coy. . he believes that is my answer.
Momma Storm thinks it's imply disrespect. Sure, she doesn't HAVE to response to each text. But if she's into me - she should. Mom agrees with my buddy. Act - directly act - and if nothing comes of it, let her go.
Sorry for the long post. Like I keep saying, I'm trying not to whine. I want to be able to look at myself and truly say "you tried. You didn't screw this up by being a drunkass. You gave it your best shot."
I want to be completely honest with myself and her.
It's worked for us for the past 6 years...
