Let the fun. . . continue. . .
Little update, before I unload:
I took the advice given here, and advice given by friends - needless to say it appears I'm in a good spot.
After what I wrote a week ago, I decided to be a little more proactive and let the chips fall. It worked. I agree with Anita. I can not live in my head, assuming what she is thinking. I need to take her as she is, see where it goes, one day at a time. . .
After I spoke with you guys, I kept it cool and checked my expectations at the door. After a few days of light texts and seeing her at work, I began to over-analyze. SHOCKER!!
Finally a friend told me to calm down and realize I told her that we would take it slow - and THAT IS WAS VALENTINES week. He pointed out to cut out - completely - texting and just talk/call her. No more one-liners and wondering why she doesn't respond. Kinda what Anita was saying - she may not be that needy of a girl, take her for who she is or split. My choice.
This past Monday, I bluntly said - in person - "I want to do something special for you on V-day."
She responded with "ok. . but it'll be late." The latter part of her response didn't come off as an excuse of a bit of a "thanks, but no thanks." It came off as just that - "we work in the restaurant biz. . . it's gonna be bananas."
We highly text back and forth, and I saw her once more during the week. During which, on Wednesday, while texting, I asked if she need a break and would like to go to dinner. She responded "already ate, having a chill night. Raincheck?"
The "raincheck" made me burst into excited laughter. I said aloud "finally. . that's all I needed/wanted. You didn't just blow me off with a 'I'm busy/tired.' You gave me a logical response with reasonable reciprocation."
Paraphrased, of course. You get the idea.
So I let it chill. Th^t response gave me affirmation. We lightly text the next day, in which I was super busy. I text "I'll call you later." I got no response, but that's how she is. If she couldn't talk, or didn't want to, she would have said something. No response meant "I understand you're busy, talk soon."
I called and we stayed on the phone for 4 hours, starting from midnight.
I knew she had to be up early-isn, to be in court. Yet she kept the conversation going. She talked and talked. She even talked so much, that she mentioned a few times that she should let me talk - that she WANTED to listen to my day, may stories, etc.
Like one of my previous posts, she stated little things that gave me affirmation.
In no specific order:
Again, talking about friends: "You have met them YET."
Talking about texting: "I don't respond sometimes, because I'm busy and it's not pressing. I know I'll catch up with you soon."
The few times I reminded her about her early morning: "Don't tell me what to do," said playfully. "I'm having fun and I won't to talk to you."
On that similar topic, when finally saying goodnight, I mentioned how much easier it would have been had I been with her in person - she responded: "I would already be asleep, if you were in my bed."
Then the ZINGER. Don't remember the set-up, just want she said. No need to quote. She mentioned a few times that we were dating. Stating things like mentioning to her friends "the guy I'm talking to, seeing, dating," etc. She used those phrases a few times.
Friday, I was in her restaurant to do some paperwork. All was cool. She was happy to see me, etc. I glanced at the books for V-Day and said "wow. . that looks insane."
She responded "that's what I was saying." Again, not in a overly negative/serious way, like "I'm not trying to tell you 'NO,' pal." She was just stating the busy night and that it may be late. NOT that she doesn't want to see me at all.
Slight back story. She mentioned that she HAS NOT seen Capt. America 2 in previous conversation, days back.
As I was leaving, I told her that V-Day did look like a busy night. "What about you coming over, me cooking dinner, and we watch Cpt. America 2?" Her response was a yes or no.
I lingered a bit talking with other workers, then the GM asked if I would stay to help out, because her AGM was out of town.
So I stayed, gave me another chance to ask her again. The night went fine. We worked. No time to chat. But body language and things that were said indicated positivity.
The GM grabbed me around 8, it was slow, and said "thanks for being here. Guess I really didn't need you."
Seeing that is was slow, the GM just cut me loose, I asked her "so what's up with dinner and a movie?"
She hesitated a bit.
So I cut to the chase and said "or would you rather get some rest?"
She said she wanted to go home. But coupled the statement with a bit of justification: "I'm just trying to be honest. I'm tired."
I smiled, remained calm and said "no need to justify. I get it. No worries." Then I walked away.
I looked back, said "goodnight." Then said again, "it's cool. . . when you wanna see me. . . you'll see me."
The look she gave me was something between heartbreak and disappointment, in her self. It's almost like - and I know I'm assuming this - she said her her body language and eyes "I know you wanna hang out with me, as I with you. Sorry I'm beat."
Around 10ish that evening, I sent her a "sleep tight" text. She replied "I'm out with girlfriends, not home yet."
WHAT THE FLYING CRAP?!?! I guess you weren't that tired!!
Didn't say th^t - didn't even respond.
The next day I had to be back. Again, AGM was out of town, it's V-Day, the GM needed help.
All went well. I even brought her a rose.
We got around to chatting and I asked about her evening, in a non-threatenig way. I made sure to keep it light. Yes - I was probing, but prepared to NOT get upset.
She told me her girlfriends kidnapped her, etc.
Ok - no big deal. Whatever. I'm just the new guy. I understand what power friends have over a person. Hell - I've been in that type of scenario: "Sorry guys, I'm tired, I don't want to go to the ball game." In which case my friends responded with "don't be a sissy, get here or someone is hunting you down."
We've all been in th^t type of situation with friends, in one form or another.
Once the rush ended, the GM told me to split. It was around 9. I knew the place was still busy, but I helped her through the main rush and wanted needed. I told the gal "good night and happy valentines day." She responded in kind.
My head started to swim. She didn't try and say anything about hanging out. And - yes - I understand, I didn't speak of the previous conversation to her as well. Further, she didn't even thank me for the damn rose. Still haven't gotten a thank you.
The next morning, I got a text from the GM asking for further assistance. Sunday brunch was looking to be busy and she still had V-Day aftermath to deal with. So I went in.
Before I arrived, I text the gal "I'm coming in to help the GM out for a bit. Do you need a red bull or something?"
She responded with a smiley face and said "I've got one, thanks though."
I helped the GM, then she offered to buy me brunch. I hung out, etc.
After brunch, I went to the host stand and spoke with the gal. Things were cool. There was even a moment when she walked off, then came back, walking in front of me in one-dame-fine-amazing-dress, and I said "stop." She stopped and smiled at me, then replied with "what?"
I said "just stop. I want to take this in. You look amazing." She blushed. Stood there for a moment, then I said "thank you."
She blushed again and said "you're very welcome."
We got another chance to chat, before I decided to leave. One of the servers looked like hammer poop. We joked about peoples choices, and how we didn't feel sorry for her, because she decided to work a double-shift the day before, then decided to get hammered after, all to be back up for work at Sunday brunch.
Here's the second ZINGER: she willing divulged: "I know, right? I stayed out until 4AM and I'm fine."
I lost it in my head.
Then I just blurted out: "what in the hell?" Like the previous encounter of going out with her girlfriends, coupled with that look of "I know you've been asking me to hang out and I know I've been blowing you off."
She quickly responded to my statement "It was on the way home. My girlfriend asked me to hang out. I had a few drinks, then went home and couldn't shut down until 4AM."
Whatever. Again, I get it. Friends have a different persuasion that I do, at this point in time.
I was swimming in my head. All of this was happening over 120 seconds.
I blurted out again: "You're impossible. I'm never asking you out again."
She gave that look again, and then further justified "it was on the way home though. . . "
For the record, we dropped it, it didn't come off as th^t big a deal, at least I felt that way. Because I hung around another couple of minutes and we still lightly chatted.
She had to run off, to which I just left. No goodbye from me. Nothing negative. I just went back to my god-given-day-off.
Still no text. I thought maybe - JUST MAYBE - because of the 4 hour long conversation, all the things that has been said, all the positive body language and flirting. . . JUST MAYBE. . she would come around and realize that she willingly and KNOWINGLY blew me off and she KNOWS that I've tried to see/hang with her. . that she would reach out. . that she would try. . that she would text that night when she got off, that she was sorry for the bouncing around and wanted to hang out.
NOTHING. ZIP. ZERO.
I really feel like I'm being played for reasons unknown. Why give me the 4-hour-long affirmation conversation? Why say all of those things? Why?
All to continue to blow me off, and NOT FREAKING TRY.
Correct me, please. Call me a whiny, needy git. Tell me I'm reading way too much into it. Tell me it's cool. Tell me she's just being chill because I told her we could be chill, etc, etc, etc.
Because as of right now - this moment - I feel like she isn't as in to me, as I am her. That she doesn't, nor will want try to correct herself and reach out to me. It's like she's happy with me being in the wings. I'm to guy that's sweet to her. I'm to guy that will be there, if and when she decides to see me. I feel like I constructed the perfect friend zone for her to box me in to.
I'm not going balls-out negative, thinking I'm one of x amount of guys she's fooling with. During our long phone chat, she also stated how she's not that type of girl. She's loyal. She's honest. Etc. She told me "when I'm busy, I'm busy."
I feel like I'm at the point of telling her crap or get off the pot. I just want to make sure it's the right time and right thing to do. It's like I need to tell her how I feel, and if she doesn't feel the same way no worries. I just can't keep this up, wondering, etc.
Again - tell me something. Tell me to calm down. Call me names. I don't care.
Just needed to get it out.
I agree, Erz. I've stepped back all I can, just to let her be her. Now I've to step back and wait - watch.
