The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Feenix]

Sorry to hear that. I say you dodged a bullet. It sounded like she didn't really know what she wanted. She probably would have messed with your head and it would drive you crazy.

 

[the last son]

Why do you say that?

 

[Erzengel]

I don't see the harm of messaging her on vine. Just say hey, had to reboot my phone and lost a bunch of numbers. Here's my number again in case you want to chat/go out/etc.

 

[the last son]

If she wanted to hang she could have sent a message simply saying, "i guess you don't want to talk anymore" or simply say hello

 

[Erzengel]

Neither of you are mind readers.

If you don't like this girl, then do nothing.

If you do like this girl, at least make an attempt.

This whole, well she's not making an effort why should I excuse is .

 

[Fanticon]

this girl I was seeing a few months back in winter, has stayed in touch with me after I moved across country. we're not in a long distance relationship, but we were making plans to see eachother recently and she said she misses me and I do as well. over the summer she got screwed over by a guy she was falling for...he had a girlfriend and never told her and then it blew up in his face and he got caught. My friend was devastated and called me about what happened and we remained close ever since summer. I took up writing letters to her and they were going over very well...old fashioned and romantic. But my latest letter backfired...there was a portion where I mentioned that I was sorry about what happened to her with that guy over the summer and gave my 2cents about him and told her that I wish I had been there for her and wanted her to know that it truly upset me to know that he had hurt her and the reason I felt any of this is because I care for her still.

She texts me that she was angry that I brought it up, that it was none of my business and I dont need to keep reminding her of her mistakes by rubbing it in her face. We went back and.forth as I tried to defend myself and what I wrote, but she only saw it as me teying to make myself look better than that guy and trying to manipulate her into feeling more for me. She then ends this whole txt misunderstanding by saying we shouldn't talk for a while and that I don't send her anymore letters.

I wrote that letter with the best intentions, poured my heart out to tell her that I hated knowing that guy broke her heart and that I was sorry she had to go through that. I had zero alterior motives here because we are already very much into each other and close that I don't need to prove myself to her by making that guy look like the devil and me some kind of angel.

was I wrong to bring it up? I apologized and told her I understand andsoI guess now I give her space but this is not what I wanted out of any of this...I feel I ruined my chances with her for good. I don't know how to recover especially when this backfired so badly...this girl knows how I feel about her so she has to know this is hurting me.

 

[Anita18]

Neither of you are mind readers.

If you don't like this girl, then do nothing.

If you do like this girl, at least make an attempt.

This whole, well she's not making an effort why should I excuse is .

And that is THE biggest difference as to how some relationships work wonderfully and some don't. A relationship should be a give and take, it shouldn't be tit for tat.

this girl I was seeing a few months back in winter, has stayed in touch with me after I moved across country. we're not in a long distance relationship, but we were making plans to see eachother recently and she said she misses me and I do as well. over the summer she got screwed over by a guy she was falling for...he had a girlfriend and never told her and then it blew up in his face and he got caught. My friend was devastated and called me about what happened and we remained close ever since summer. I took up writing letters to her and they were going over very well...old fashioned and romantic. But my latest letter backfired...there was a portion where I mentioned that I was sorry about what happened to her with that guy over the summer and gave my 2cents about him and told her that I wish I had been there for her and wanted her to know that it truly upset me to know that he had hurt her and the reason I felt any of this is because I care for her still.

She texts me that she was angry that I brought it up, that it was none of my business and I dont need to keep reminding her of her mistakes by rubbing it in her face. We went back and.forth as I tried to defend myself and what I wrote, but she only saw it as me teying to make myself look better than that guy and trying to manipulate her into feeling more for me. She then ends this whole txt misunderstanding by saying we shouldn't talk for a while and that I don't send her anymore letters.

I wrote that letter with the best intentions, poured my heart out to tell her that I hated knowing that guy broke her heart and that I was sorry she had to go through that. I had zero alterior motives here because we are already very much into each other and close that I don't need to prove myself to her by making that guy look like the devil and me some kind of angel.

was I wrong to bring it up? I apologized and told her I understand andsoI guess now I give her space but this is not what I wanted out of any of this...I feel I ruined my chances with her for good. I don't know how to recover especially when this backfired so badly...this girl knows how I feel about her so she has to know this is hurting me.

I don't think you were "wrong" as in black and white "wrong," but clearly it was wrong for her. Right and wrong is relative when it comes to relationships.

If she doesn't trust you enough to give you the benefit of the doubt, then I think that shows you all you need to know. People in healthy relationships assign good intentions even to "wrong" actions.

The fact that she immediately assigned a bad intention to it, without telling you her feelings or letting you have your say, it's a HUGE red flag.

I know it's a disappointment now and it sucks now, but believe me, it's a huge red flag as to what a deeper relationship with her would be like. I have seen it way too many times, but at least you know now.

 

[Fanticon]

Thanks for the quick reply....you think there's a chance she'll at the very least apologize? and start making contact? Red flags aside I do like her still and am not 100% convinced that I nor my letter were the main reason for her being so angry and upset. This happened Saturday...so I wasn't expecting her to hit me up yet but...will she at all?

 

[Anita18]

Thanks for the quick reply....you think there's a chance she'll at the very least apologize? and start making contact? Red flags aside I do like her still and am not 100% convinced that I nor my letter were the main reason for her being so angry and upset. This happened Saturday...so I wasn't expecting her to hit me up yet but...will she at all?

I've had nasty falling out with friends who eventually come back, and you just have to wait until things cool off. It may take months. At least, two friends who cut me off, eventually came back after a heartfelt apology from me, and it still took them months.

There's the possibility she'll never apologize and might honestly believe you were in the wrong and she didn't misinterpret things. I don't recall if my friends apologized back, one of them definitely didn't, but at least there's no bad blood. As I said, relationships aren't tit for tat. I don't keep track of apologies for that reason.

Depends on how badly you want her to be in your life, and what you're willing to tolerate. It isn't fun, being in a relationship where your partner constantly assigns bad intentions to mistakes you do.

 

[Feenix]

Why do you say that?

Just what you were saying about her pulling away from you when you tried to kiss her. For women, we either feel it or we don't. If I'm not willing to kiss a guy after a couple dates, I won't ever be willing to kiss him.

 

[the last son]

this girl I was seeing a few months back in winter, has stayed in touch with me after I moved across country. we're not in a long distance relationship, but we were making plans to see eachother recently and she said she misses me and I do as well. over the summer she got screwed over by a guy she was falling for...he had a girlfriend and never told her and then it blew up in his face and he got caught. My friend was devastated and called me about what happened and we remained close ever since summer. I took up writing letters to her and they were going over very well...old fashioned and romantic. But my latest letter backfired...there was a portion where I mentioned that I was sorry about what happened to her with that guy over the summer and gave my 2cents about him and told her that I wish I had been there for her and wanted her to know that it truly upset me to know that he had hurt her and the reason I felt any of this is because I care for her still.

She texts me that she was angry that I brought it up, that it was none of my business and I dont need to keep reminding her of her mistakes by rubbing it in her face. We went back and.forth as I tried to defend myself and what I wrote, but she only saw it as me teying to make myself look better than that guy and trying to manipulate her into feeling more for me. She then ends this whole txt misunderstanding by saying we shouldn't talk for a while and that I don't send her anymore letters.

I wrote that letter with the best intentions, poured my heart out to tell her that I hated knowing that guy broke her heart and that I was sorry she had to go through that. I had zero alterior motives here because we are already very much into each other and close that I don't need to prove myself to her by making that guy look like the devil and me some kind of angel.

was I wrong to bring it up? I apologized and told her I understand andsoI guess now I give her space but this is not what I wanted out of any of this...I feel I ruined my chances with her for good. I don't know how to recover especially when this backfired so badly...this girl knows how I feel about her so she has to know this is hurting me.

You have to give her time. I'd bet money she eventually messages you back.

 

[Dark Raven]

So the last time I was in here, I talked about a girl I had met online who I went on a few dates with, but she was always a rather cold fish, and eventually told me that she didn't want to take things any further. So that was the end of that, and I was fine with that ultimately, and got over it pretty quickly.

She did however send me a message some time over the summer just to say hi, which I ignored and didn't reply to, as I didn't really see that, in retrospect, we really had much to talk about anymore. I figured she got the message. However, recently she's just messaged me again after a few months, telling me about what she's been up to, and how she'd like to hear from me.

I feel like sending her this gif

because there's nothing more to be said. We don't have any friends in common, and we don't live near each other or hang out in the same social circles at all. I don't know why she wants to prolong this. She did seem slightly oblivious to certain social cues before and did certain things which people don't normally do when interacting, as it would give off the wrong message, but in her mind it was very clear what her own intentions were.

Should I ignore her again and hope she gets the message this time or should I send her a message to tell her to just take a hint and leave things there? Yes, she did say before she would still like to be friends, but many girls say that and don't mean it, and it's not really like we were such friends to begin with or that there's much more to talk about.

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

If you're willing/happy to stay friends with her, there's no reason not to reply back.

Perhaps she's just looking for someone to talk to and felt you were a genuinely nice guy (just not boyfriend material). She's reaching out to you, so perhaps she's not the ''cold fish'' you thought she was.

At least give her a chance.

 

[Dark Raven]

If you're willing/happy to stay friends with her, there's no reason not to reply back.

Perhaps she's just looking for someone to talk to and felt you were a genuinely nice guy (just not boyfriend material). She's reaching out to you, so perhaps she's not the ''cold fish'' you thought she was.

At least give her a chance.

Nah. She is a cold fish. This was what she would do before in that she would like to keep me at arms length but toss me a bone every now and then, but controlled the situation very much in terms of how much she would even like to be intimate (or not, as the case was). The conversations were also too intellectual and academic before, and not enough from the heart, or even light-hearted enough, which is not at all how I really like to relate when it comes down to it.

Even towards the end, things were drying up between us in terms of things to talk about, and this is just dragging things out longer than necessary. Even as friends, there doesn't really seem anywhere for it to go. Like I said, it does really feel like a case of

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

Well, I imagine the worst feeling in the world would be someone telling you they don't like you enough to even be your friend (casual or otherwise).

So yeah, if you truly feel this way... you might spare her feelings somewhat by ignoring the message.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah I would just block her number. No need to be unnecessarily rude, but there's also no need to receive her messages if you don't want to see them.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

 

[Dark Raven]

Ok, well I guess I will ignore her... again.

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

If he walks in with his mother?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

lol Well she's in another country so that's not going to happen

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

I would say approaching zero beyond the 8th decimal point... approximately!

If he walks in with his mother?

Obviously, this is an exception...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Nah. She is a cold fish. This was what she would do before in that she would like to keep me at arms length but toss me a bone every now and then, but controlled the situation very much in terms of how much she would even like to be intimate (or not, as the case was). The conversations were also too intellectual and academic before, and not enough from the heart, or even light-hearted enough, which is not at all how I really like to relate when it comes down to it.

Even towards the end, things were drying up between us in terms of things to talk about, and this is just dragging things out longer than necessary. Even as friends, there doesn't really seem anywhere for it to go. Like I said, it does really feel like a case of

Go with your instincts, if it doesn't feel right to respond. Don't respond.

 

[enterthemadness]

I would say approaching zero beyond the 8th decimal point... approximately!



Obviously, this is an exception...

Depends on my mood and what not. How was my day and stuff.

 

[the last son]

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

I would need to see pictures to accurately answer.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

Actually, I just thought...

Would you be wearing said underwear or would you literally have it laid out on the bed?
Because, speaking for myself of course, my reactions would be quite different depending upon which it was. t:

 

[enterthemadness]

So, quick update.


Still going to school in Jan. Deciding still on what classes, but I have my Pell Grant.

Have a interview/tour of facility at UPS in town Wed morning. It will last an hour to hour and a half. So, hopefully I get my foot in door there. Only a seasonal gig though.

Got fired at Buffalo Wild Wings last month.

Haunted House attraction gig ended, but will be back there for next season.