The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Anita18]

I'd really would just read someone's profile and just base questions on that. Oh you like traveling? What are some of your favorite places to visit or where did you just come back from?

What Erz said. The first message I sent my husband had to do with his profile name, because I recognized the cultural reference and was a fan.

 

[PacificBoy]

I think something like what Erzengel and Anita said, something that shows you paid attention to her profile, works better for the most part. But my opinion is, don't sweat the opening message. It's a numbers game.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Yeah, that's pretty much what I try to do. I never send something that is just "Hi, how you doing?"
But so far I have come up with this amount of replies: zero, zip, zilch, bupkis, nada, niente, Ничего, Τίποτα, rien, nichts.

I could go on, but you get my drift!

I don't take the non-interest personally, but from time to time I think that what I sent was quite funny/interesting/witty and I get a little disappointed when I get nothing at all back.

Such is life I guess...

EDIT
I agree with that PB, it is certainly a numbers game! The thing is if you don't get any response, you're not even getting the opportunity to put your foot in the door. So to speak.

EDIT, EDIT
Perhaps I have my sights set too high?

 

[PacificBoy]

Nothing wrong in setting one's sights high. I think it's simply the nature of online dating. Attractive women are gonna be bombarded with messages, so they're probably much more choosier. The gal in question may not respond to you, but she could also have already responded to another person, may be busy during this time, may have found your message and profile interesting but for one detail, may not be of the same wavelength to enjoy the wit etc. etc.

Attractive women are always gonna have more suitors, but the online dating scene is just that more hyper and skewed. I wouldn't take a non-response as any indictment of your wit and attractiveness.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Another thing to be worried about in terms of online is if the pictures the person you are talking to are real or their own. Two friends ( who are now married) tried online dating Eharmony and Match.com and both had at least one date where the girl didn't look like her profile pictures. Catfish is very real friends lol.

 

[Spitfire]

Another thing to be worried about in terms of online is if the pictures the person you are talking to are real or their own. Two friends ( who are now married) tried online dating Eharmony and Match.com and both had at least one date where the girl didn't look like her profile pictures. Catfish is very real friends lol.

That's part of the risk of online dating! You really don't know who you are talking to until you meet them. The most common lie is including a photo that is several years old and when you meet them they are much older than they claim to be.

But you shouldn't let any of this put you off. Most people have to kiss a few frogs before they find their prince/princess.

 

[Anita18]

When I did online dating, I only had pictures of myself that were years old - luckily I'm Asian and we don't age!

Another possibility is timing. Sure, hot women who love attention would be on there every day, chatting with hot guys. But after a while, for me, it just got really tedious and exhausting to do that. When I met my husband, I was checking POF every two weeks or so, and messages had slowed to a trickle because I wasn't as active/hot/whatever. But I just happened to find him and he happened to be available, so...yeah. Timing is a big part of it, just like meeting someone in real life. Online dating just casts your net wider.

 

[Erzengel]

People aren't on shelves.

Even on dating web sites, it's like Anita said, it's about timing. You have to be assertive on those sites and yeah, play both sides, you have to cast a wide net but also be particular in your e-mail.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I'm not an overly assertive/aggressive guy by nature, maybe that is where I am going wrong.

What do you mean by "Play both sides" Erz?

 

[Anita18]

I'm not an overly assertive/aggressive guy by nature, maybe that is where I am going wrong.

What do you mean by "Play both sides" Erz?

Assertive is not nearly the same as aggressive. "Assertive" just means you go and get what you want. It's attractive (IMO, for both men and women) because it means you won't spend as much time worrying about something when you just could go ask for it directly.

Worriers are hard people to be in relationships with. My MIL is a chronic worrier, so is my dad....hubs and I married non-worriers and life is so much more relaxed!

And I mean, I don't think being a non-worrier necessarily makes it easier for you to date online. (Whether it comes from being assertive or not caring about the result.) Just makes it easier to keep going.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm not an overly assertive/aggressive guy by nature, maybe that is where I am going wrong.

What do you mean by "Play both sides" Erz?

Most people don't like messages where it appears you're just a cutter and paster. Generic messages sent to multiple people and they're not special. Like I said, you have to personalize each message.

However, you also can't put all your eggs in one basket, so you have to essentially message multiple people but try and make each person you contact feel special.

 

[Anita18]

Most people don't like messages where it appears you're just a cutter and paster. Generic messages sent to multiple people and they're not special. Like I said, you have to personalize each message.

However, you also can't put all your eggs in one basket, so you have to essentially message multiple people but try and make each person you contact feel special.

It's like making friends too, if that makes it less complicated.

You wouldn't go to a party, walk up to everyone apropo of nothing and go, "Hi! I'm RetrogradeOrbit and I want to be friends with you!" t: No, you find something in common, then you start a conversation and hopefully keep in touch later. But it's not like each encounter has to result in a close friendship, you know?

It's kind of the same in dating. You want to make sure you have something in common (you thinking they're hot doesn't count ) so you can relate to each other, but there's no guarantee of anything down the line.

We don't become disappointed or angry at people who don't become close friends after we meet them (unless one is very awkward socially or extremely insecure), so I think it's just the extreme heightened expectations we have about relationships. No, there's no guarantee that you'll ever meet "The One," (note: I wouldn't call my husband "The One" like in those epic romances because it just never felt that way - we built what we have) you're just making connections and letting the chips fall where they may.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Thanks for the advice people, I am trying to do what you both said just now. But I guess I need to try harder...

However, I definitely want my next girlfriend to be able to do this
t:

 

[Anita18]

Thanks for the advice people, I am trying to do what you both said just now. But I guess I need to try harder...

However, I definitely want my next girlfriend to be able to do this
t:

IIRC, she's the only woman to finish the course, so you might need to fight her coach/bf for her.

She used to be a gymnast, so maybe start hanging out in training gyms? Although all seriously competitive gymnasts are underage so that would probably be a bad idea...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
You're probably right!

I've heard about a parkour type gym not that far from where I live and I have so wanted to try that stuff out!

 

[ShadowBoxer]

That's part of the risk of online dating! You really don't know who you are talking to until you meet them. The most common lie is including a photo that is several years old and when you meet them they are much older than they claim to be.

But you shouldn't let any of this put you off. Most people have to kiss a few frogs before they find their prince/princess.

Yea that true LOL. I got catfished a while ago back when myspace was popular ha.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I guess you only know for sure how truthful someone has been in their dating profile is when you meet them...

 

[Spitfire]

Yea that true LOL. I got catfished a while ago back when myspace was popular ha.

I assume they used a photo of someone more attractive? It's weird that some people are so uncomfortable in their own skin that they have to do this? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and more people than you imagine will think you are lovely.

My friend had a date with someone who used a photo that was about 15 years old! He must have been in his mid-40s when he claimed to be 30. A lie of this nature is something you can't accept no matter how nice the person is.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Agreed. For better or worse, all the photos on my dating profile are less than one year old.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I assume they used a photo of someone more attractive? It's weird that some people are so uncomfortable in their own skin that they have to do this? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and more people than you imagine will think you are lovely.

My friend had a date with someone who used a photo that was about 15 years old! He must have been in his mid-40s when he claimed to be 30. A lie of this nature is something you can't accept no matter how nice the person is.

Well I was talking to this girl on MySpace back in 2007, my freshman year of college so I was around 18 going on 19. We really hit it off and chatted ALOT on MySpace ( again this was before Facebook really took off). We had a lot in common. She did have pictures and she was indeed a really attractive girl. Problem was, she lived in Seattle Washington and I live in Virginia . So we lived on opposite ends of the United States. We still chatted on MySpace daily and even got to the point where we shared phone numbers and started texting each other.

Then she said she had family in Virgina and was coming near my area the summer of 2007. But she soon stopped responding to all messages and texts. A year later in 2008, I heard from her again. We talked then she stopped responding again. She sent an email in 2009 and that was the last time I ever heard from her.

Now I am 27 and seen Catfish and I now wonder if I was really talking to the smoking hot girl in the pics or was it someone else or worse a DUDE. I mean, she did post pics often and she seemed very real from our messages. Like one time she said she was going for a jog and sent me a pic in her work out gear. But I can't say for sure it was her. Also, I wouldn't say I am the ugliest guy in the world, but it's hard that a girl THAT hot would be interested in me. So that was another warning sign.

Another sign is that when she gave me her cell phone number, she never wanted to chat with voices only text. She also never wanted to webcam chat ( claiming her webcam was broken). So those things were HUGE warning signs that it was indeed a catfish. I did send a message again on MySpace back in 2012 but got nothing. The profile is still up to this day on MySpace and I could post a link if anyone is interested in seeing it. But yea, that's my crazy catfish story. Sorry for the long post.

 

[Grabes30]

Well, apparently two more that aren't going to respond to messages on my end. I love it when they're like, "Well, trying this again, haven't had much luck." and then you message them and they won't reply, if they even open the message at all. Like, who the **** do you think you are?

I'm sorry...that makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out. So rude. Just venting some, no need for advice

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

@ ShadowBoxer

I must be naïve or something, but I just can't see what somebody would get out of doing what was done to you.
It seems like a huge amount of energy and time to put into, getting what? Stringing along someones emotions and building up false hopes for them?

I don't understand Humans...

 

[ShadowBoxer]

@ ShadowBoxer

I must be naïve or something, but I just can't see what somebody would get out of doing what was done to you.
It seems like a huge amount of energy and time to put into, getting what? Stringing along someones emotions and building up false hopes for them?

I don't understand Humans...

Probably just for the laughs or to get people riled up, AKA troll tactics.

 

[Spitfire]

@ ShadowBoxer

I must be naïve or something, but I just can't see what somebody would get out of doing what was done to you.
It seems like a huge amount of energy and time to put into, getting what? Stringing along someones emotions and building up false hopes for them?

I don't understand Humans...

I agree. I am frequently dismayed about the cruel things that people do to others. It's easier to do online and gives idiots more opportunities to do stuff like this without any consequences for them.

 

[terry78]

For lack of a better term, when chicks on these sites say they can't find anyone but still get responses, they mean they can't find anyone that meets their personal criteria. Even the somewhat "average" looking ones become quite picky due to it being a buyer's market on there.