The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[ShadowBoxer]

Yea I am thinking it was an issue from a previous relationship. She was attractive but if she is gonna generalize every dude who likes comics and video games, it's her loss.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^

Truer words were never uttered my friend!

 

[Black Narcissus]

Some girl on match.com said she lost interest in me because I mentioned that I liked reading comic books/ graphic novels in my dating bio as one of my hobbies. She said it's too childish. I am sure there are other late 20 year olds that still read graphic novels/ comic books.WHAT THE HECK?

Ok, so here is what you do. You kidnap her and take her down to juarez and then you read to her all the volumes of Sandman. Then, she will be your bride. She will leave you 6 months later for a pokemon card collector and move to china. You can't travel out of the country cause that kidnapping thang is in yo profile, so you assume a brand new identify. You shave yo legs with gillette razor blades and call yo self Monique, its cute, right? It also comes with a purple dress and a blond wig. Anyway, You go to chinatown in Sf and ask for a guy named Jong, he is a mexican man..pay no attention to his name, aight. He will give you a brand new id and passport. For another five bucks, he will also help you track her down over there.

You are welcome.

You don't have to mention me in yo wedding toast. All comes from the heart.

This all comes from my heart and the survival scrolls, it probably isn't a bible,but the yellow pages tho.

 

[PacificBoy]

This is just me but I'd have taken a different tack and signed off amicably with her. Something along the lines of "I'm really not the sort of person you described but if you feel strongly about it, sure. I think you (and me) might be missing out on something here. All the best".

Show her you're comfortable in your own skin and that (mis)labels don't apply in your case. Accusing her of being a hypocrite with her interests in defense of yours is kinda proving her point a little IMO.

Because it doesn't need defending in the first place.

 

[Tech]

The thing is I list a lot about myself on my match.com profile. It shows that I am employeed, have a bachelors degree, I like taking hikes, photography, lifting weights, hanging out with friends and family, movies, traveling, and my sports teams etc. In the hobbies section I mention I like comic book, graphics novels, and video games. Now I don't have a room full of comics, graphic novels, action figures, or stacks of video games. My comic book, graphic novel collection isn't that big. My movie collection is bigger than my comic/ graphic novel and video game collection combined. But I looked on her profile again in more depth and it says she likes 50 shades of Gray, Twlight, Hunger Games, Divergent and freaking Frozen. But my likes and hobbies are childish? I am 27 and she is 25. I sent her a message basically saying she is a hypocrite. If she didn't find me attractive or whatever's and was trying to spare my feelings then maybe I understand. But honestly I have a thick skin, I rather she had been honest if that was the case, rather than using a lousy excuse like that.

sorry to hear that...

there's lot of serial daters on those sites...and they just glance at people profiles and find reasons not to give folks chance because they're looking for the 'coolest' guy or guy with highest social status. They look for quick superficial indicators to disqualify people as not 'on their level' social-wise....because they love attention and women on those dating sites get dozens if not hundreds of e-mails....it feeds their ego. Don't get too attached or bother responding to people who put you down on internet. In addition to match, I'd probably start talking to women in your vicinity, see at mall, grocery, etc.

 

[spiderman2]

sorry to hear that...

there's lot of serial daters on those sites...and they just glance at people profiles and find reasons not to give folks chance because they're looking for the 'coolest' guy or guy with highest social status. They look for quick superficial indicators to disqualify people as not 'on their level' social-wise....because they love attention and women on those dating sites get dozens if not hundreds of e-mails....it feeds their ego. Don't get too attached or bother responding to people who put you down on internet. In addition to match, I'd probably start talking to women in your vicinity, see at mall, grocery, etc.

and how do you go about trying to talk to women in places like a mall ect? I just find it akward to go up to someone you don't know and try to talk to them boy or girl so how?

 

[PyroChamber]

and how do you go about trying to talk to women in places like a mall ect? I just find it akward to go up to someone you don't know and try to talk to them boy or girl so how?

I think that's the part of dating I could never truly get, just going up to a complete stranger and convincing them to like you.

 

[Anita18]

This is just me but I'd have taken a different tack and signed off amicably with her. Something along the lines of "I'm really not the sort of person you described but if you feel strongly about it, sure. I think you (and me) might be missing out on something here. All the best".

Show her you're comfortable in your own skin and that (mis)labels don't apply in your case. Accusing her of being a hypocrite with her interests in defense of yours is kinda proving her point a little IMO.

Because it doesn't need defending in the first place.

I wouldn't have responded at all. Because honestly, if she could feel she could be THAT picky, she's probably getting 10 responses a day and would have probably forgotten about you the day after she sent that message.

Or even if she isn't getting that many responses, she's obviously moved on so why even bother trying to educate her? Like she's gonna listen to you. When guys respond to a message that's meant to be "sorry, not interested", some women paint them as creepers. Just FYI.

sorry to hear that...

there's lot of serial daters on those sites...and they just glance at people profiles and find reasons not to give folks chance because they're looking for the 'coolest' guy or guy with highest social status. They look for quick superficial indicators to disqualify people as not 'on their level' social-wise....because they love attention and women on those dating sites get dozens if not hundreds of e-mails....it feeds their ego. Don't get too attached or bother responding to people who put you down on internet. In addition to match, I'd probably start talking to women in your vicinity, see at mall, grocery, etc.

If they're being that picky, they're actually likely not dating that many people.

But I agree that due to the high number of messages "hot" women get, of course they can be picky and start weeding out guys for superficial reasons. In fact, it's the only way to handle it. my Craiglist experiment, I received 1000 emails in the span of one week, and being very picky was seriously the only way I could get a handle on it. And nothing worked out, so maybe my "being picky" was a detriment, but seriously...there's no way a normal person could have ongoing conversations with 1000 people in a week.

and how do you go about trying to talk to women in places like a mall ect? I just find it akward to go up to someone you don't know and try to talk to them boy or girl so how?

That only works if you're model-gorgeous. And you'd probably already know if you were, since women would be going up to you randomly.

For normal-looking people, it's much easier if you have something already in common, like a class or activity or SOMEthing.

 

[PyroChamber]

I think online dating is more difficult for men than women.

I mean yeah a woman will have to deal with getting so many messages for different men, but what about the guy who might find women he has a lot in common with and doesn't get a message back? It's like you have to say the right thing, or have the right photo, or have the right interests, after a while it gets to a point where you might as well just give up and say "**** it".

Not to say that men aren't picky too, because half of the time the woman who finally does reply may just be someone you're not attracted to.

 

[Tech]

and how do you go about trying to talk to women in places like a mall ect? I just find it akward to go up to someone you don't know and try to talk to them boy or girl so how?

Ultimately, you need to get to place where you view yourself as confident and know who you are and what you can offer before you can really approach others.

1. Start working out. Eat healthy. Make sure you're in shape.
2. Dress and groom self well.
3. Learn to converse with people socially, usually by telling great jokes or stories. You should be able to speak to others not for purpose of finding date, but for expressing yourself in general.

Once you feel confident in above, then you can go out and talk to girls wherever. Yes, you will get rejected sometimes, but once you conquer fear of rejection (fear that opinion of some random woman on street is that important), it will get easier and you will feel adapt to it and it won't seem like a big deal.

Learning how to tell great jokes or give compliments or entertain people in quick short amount of time helps. If she's entertained quickly, she's more likely to give digits. You have to tell her something that peaks her interest or excites her, though.

 

[Tech]

In addition to advice I gave above, I agree its probably better to ask out woman you know in some social setting (like a club) than one where you see her randomly....but even talking to woman you know little about can still be opportunity. You don't have to be model gorgeous...but say if you're talking to a woman at cashier, or waitress, or woman standing outside, you could quickly make conversation about something going on nearby and ask her if she'd be interested in joining you.

You have to really get to a point where you are confident in your bones such that you realy don't care what the woman you're talking to thinks about you. You don't care if she rejects you. It doesn't matter, because you know you have something to offer and if she doesn't see it, you know some other woman will or at least be intrigued to find out more. If you're type of person who takes rejection seriously (which means you're putting this stranger's opinion of you above yourself) it will show and women won't find that attractive. Women find confident men with some mystery and action exciting.

 

[Tech]

That only works if you're model-gorgeous. And you'd probably already know if you were, since women would be going up to you randomly.

I don't agree with this part, I'm not model gorgeous and I've gotten digits or woman to express interest. Being attractive helps, but men still have to be proactive, ...looks can go so far. Attractive men will get woman to smile and maybe wave at them or give eye contact...but that's not going to get a date. I don't believe woman will run up to attractive guys if they don't think he's famous person. Being proactive, assertive, funny, confident, and give off presence that others respect you will garner respect and will increase chances.

 

[Tech]

I think online dating is more difficult for men than women.

Statistically, experiments and research has shown it to be more difficult for men than women in America.

Which is why I don't recommend it. The free sites like OkCupid and Plentyoffish, you really have nothing to lose, I suppose (besides dignity), but sites like Match.com and EHarmony and ChristianMingles and Chemistry with paid subscriptions you could be losing couple hundred bucks after trying it for a year..so you got to be careful.

I mean yeah a woman will have to deal with getting so many messages for different men, but what about the guy who might find women he has a lot in common with and doesn't get a message back? It's like you have to say the right thing, or have the right photo, or have the right interests, after a while it gets to a point where you might as well just give up and say "**** it".

Not to say that men aren't picky too, because half of the time the woman who finally does reply may just be someone you're not attracted to.

Online dating sites are pretty much games with filters and secret 'knowledge' type stuff which is why I don't recommend it. The reality is most women on the site are not really looking for a man 'just like them', regardless of what their profile says. They're looking for man who appears high social status and confidence and appears to be easily able to attract other women. Women want to date men that would make other women jealous. The fact that you both like Star Wars or comic books or like to read some author or visit homeless shelters doesn't increase her fancy even if she put that in her profile. She has to view you as someone other women like her will flock to, even though she wants you for you.

Stuff that increases fancy is show you have lots of friends, go to lots of parties, dress nice, attract other girls easily, know how to dance and entertain or get access to excellent entertainment.

The reality is lots of women on those dating sites are using them like Facebook profiles and just looking for most exciting time. It's too much games.

Sure you can find woman of dreams on those sites,....but it can take time and you really have to decide how picky you want to be because reality all attractive girls are getting hundreds of e-mails from guys. May you want to date girl who is not as attractive or maybe has a kid but shares some hobbies....but after paying hundreds of dollars to Match.com, is this really where you want to be?

 

[PyroChamber]

It almost sounds like in order for someone to want to be with you, you can't just "be yourself" and have to change certain things.

It's like Chris Rock said; when you meet someone for the first time you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.

 

[Anita18]

I don't agree with this part, I'm not model gorgeous and I've gotten digits or woman to express interest. Being attractive helps, but men still have to be proactive, ...looks can go so far. Attractive men will get woman to smile and maybe wave at them or give eye contact...but that's not going to get a date. I don't believe woman will run up to attractive guys if they don't think he's famous person. Being proactive, assertive, funny, confident, and give off presence that others respect you will garner respect and will increase chances.

Yeah that was mostly my point. I mean, if you've read what spiderman2 has posted before, he doesn't seem really "with it" socially. Some people just aren't, and it isn't always something you can learn, so one needs to have another approach.

I was shy, but I wasn't antisocial and I like learning about people. It's mostly been a journey of being comfortable in my own skin, and not feeling like I have to impress someone when I meet them. But even then, I can't flirt worth a damn so it wasn't like I was gonna be attracting men the "normal" way.

My husband, OTOH, couldn't care less about people at all. He's antisocial and often moody, and the main reason he had any romantic experience with women is because he's got a model-worthy face. It can help A LOT, for both men and women.

But at the end of the day, it's about compatibility. Which goes with my next point....

Stuff that increases fancy is show you have lots of friends, go to lots of parties, dress nice, attract other girls easily, know how to dance and entertain or get access to excellent entertainment.

The reality is lots of women on those dating sites are using them like Facebook profiles and just looking for most exciting time. It's too much games.

Sure you can find woman of dreams on those sites,....but it can take time and you really have to decide how picky you want to be because reality all attractive girls are getting hundreds of e-mails from guys. May you want to date girl who is not as attractive or maybe has a kid but shares some hobbies....but after paying hundreds of dollars to Match.com, is this really where you want to be?

It almost sounds like in order for someone to want to be with you, you can't just "be yourself" and have to change certain things.

It's like Chris Rock said; when you meet someone for the first time you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.

An extremely social guy would actually turn me off, because I'm an introverted homebody and wouldn't be able to keep up with his lifestyle. And someone who dresses nicer and has better grooming than I do = not my thing. And they didn't want me either, because from what I've determined using ratio of face pics sent out to replies gotten back, I'm one of those "not as attractive" butterface women that guys don't want to date. Woe is me, I'm society's second helpings.

God knows what my husband saw in me. He could certainly have his pick. I guess the answer is, not everyone is going for exactly the same people. So you might as well be yourself, because it isn't what your date is on paper, but how they treat you and how you are together.

Which is what Nell finally internalized. And now he has to admit that I was right all along.

 

[Spock]

Getting dates is not hard in regular life. I do wonder if picking out a date online would lead to good results though. If you are able to look for things in common through a site, would it setup someone you are more likely to get a long with long term? Hmm it does seem logical.

 

[PyroChamber]

I can honestly say I've never really had a relationship. Mainly because I didn't think it was something I really needed; would I like one? yeah absolutely, but do I need one? no not really.

Whenever I was interested in a woman and we actually had contact with each other, I became "that guy"; the one who worried why the girl wasn't answering his texts or calls and kept going back and forth about whether she really liked him or if she was just using him, I hated being that guy.

So now it's a "if it happens, it happens" situation. Plus I like being by myself and doing whatever I want to do; and it doesn't help that there really aren't any women I'm attracted to right now, mentally at least.

 

[Erzengel]

Getting dates is not hard in regular life. I do wonder if picking out a date online would lead to good results though. If you are able to look for things in common through a site, would it setup someone you are more likely to get a long with long term? Hmm it does seem logical.

If you're working 40 hours a week and in the car 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours a day, unless you have a very active social circle you may not have a lot of time to meet people on your own. Online can provide an alternative

I can honestly say I've never really had a relationship. Mainly because I didn't think it was something I really needed; would I like one? yeah absolutely, but do I need one? no not really.

Whenever I was interested in a woman and we actually had contact with each other, I became "that guy"; the one who worried why the girl wasn't answering his texts or calls and kept going back and forth about whether she really liked him or if she was just using him, I hated being that guy.

So now it's a "if it happens, it happens" situation. Plus I like being by myself and doing whatever I want to do; and it doesn't help that there really aren't any women I'm attracted to right now, mentally at least.

Dating is not important to some people. I know a few people that just have other things going on career or taking care of family.

However, I hope you do realize that waiting for something to fall on your lap vs. actively searching. I mean you do seem interested but if you are not making the effort, it's either not that important to you or have some intrepidation.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Yea online dating is worse for guys than it is for women. If your black or another minority in predominantly white dating sites like Match.com then you have a better shot of being bit by a radioactive spider and becoming spider man than actually getting a response or an actual date with a girl from the site. It's seems like it's more white women looking for white men than anything else on those sites, no offense to anyone. Even some of the minority girls have their preferences set to white men. I don't know if it's the default setting or what . Everyone has their preferences but I am open to any race of female and I am black. I been on match.com since the beginning of 2012 and this recent girl was the first time I EVER got an email from a girl up there but sadly she thinks my hobbies are to childish. I tried uploading better pics, changing my profile around, updating my info and hobbies, nothing works. I know I am not the best looking guy around, but in real life I have had more women seemlying show interest in me rather than the women online. So I am thinking unless I sign up for a minority centric dating site or an interracial dating site, my shots at finding love will have to done offline ha ha.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

There was some study done and Asian women have the greatest rate of response and black men have the lowest rate of response. So as frustrated as I get as a white dude on OkCupid, I imagine your road is even rougher.

 

[Schlosser85]

Well, in my experience it's the same for gay guys in Grindr or Hornet.

If I get a message, it's some skeevy old guy. Meanwhile if I actually say hi to someone, they never reply.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I hate on Tinder or Cupid, when you match, you say "hi" and you don't get a response. Well, why the hell did you match me in the first place? And the messages aren't weird, they're completely normal, so that's not it.

 

[PacificBoy]

I'd imagine, what with the bombardment of messages they get on a daily basis, attractive women are way more selective online than off.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

There was some study done and Asian women have the greatest rate of response and black men have the lowest rate of response. So as frustrated as I get as a white dude on OkCupid, I imagine your road is even rougher.

As Terry or Blackman told me here dating sites weren't designed for brotha's unless it's a minority centric site(blackpeoplemeet.com) or interracial dating site But even on those sites it's still a hit or miss for us. For me I definitely seen girls in real life who seemed like they were interested in me, as opposed to the women online who ignore me ha. But I have gotten some responses on Craigslist but most were way older women or I got responses from spam accounts or hookers.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I hate on Tinder or Cupid, when you match, you say "hi" and you don't get a response. Well, why the hell did you match me in the first place? And the messages aren't weird, they're completely normal, so that's not it.

I don't even get on Tinder anymore. Most of the "girls" I get matched with are fake spam accounts. And if I say hi to any real woman, I get no response or get blocked.