The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Avenging Angel]

It honestly kind of makes me paranoid there's something terribly unappealing about me when I just say "hi" and don't ever get even an acknowledgment back.

I mean, I'm not Chris Hemsworth, but I don't think I'm so awful-looking or anything.

I never understand people disregarding someone saying "hi." Although, I think timing matters if it's in a situation where we need to be somewhere. I will talk to strangers more than I did when I was in high school.

 

[Avenging Angel]

I read a study saying that also, ironically enough I found it on OkCupid. It also said that of all women, black women were the ones who usually respond first when looking at profiles.

I think if a woman of any race is interest she will show it in some way.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I felt like with every message I sent to a woman on a dating site, it was like I was sending a CV for a job interview!

Because in most profiles, they would say something like "Don't just say 'Hi, how are you?' because I won't respond." I get that ladies there get a lot of messages, but really?

So I already felt under stress to make the wittiest, funniest introduction in the history of Mankind... t:
But seriously, wouldn't your opener, be something along the lines of a "hello" type of introduction? Does your opener have to be "War and Peace" worthy?

 

[PyroChamber]

Apparently opening with hello or hi is too lame and not good enough.

 

[Tech]

Women gets dozens and hundreds of e-mails and 'hi s' from folks on these dating sites...they probably don't have time to respond to them all as that can be exhausting. So they ignore ones that don't interest them. Don't take that personally.

When many women gets so much interest, it encourages them over time to be more selective ..and to think social life favors them....

You just need to try different route or different approach. That is all. To be successful on that site, you have to then shape your image/approach to something that attracts lots of attention, but that can be lot of work and you can then be approaching temptation to basically mislead or be something you're not. OTher than that you have to be really patient...and perhaps willing to compromise initial expectations. That's why I suggest learning to get out there instead of relying on dating sites only.

 

[PacificBoy]

Yeah, it might not be the friendliest gesture but it's become a matter of expediency to screen the first messages.

 

[Eggyman]

First impressions. Be genuine, friendly (not overly so), and try to put something unique in there about yourself (truth, not that you have a third nipple that lactates vodka).

'Hello can I probe you' seldom works. Basically be decent and try to sell yourself, but not too much because desperate isn't sexy

 

[Anita18]

"Hi" doesn't mean you've read my profile. That's the biggest thing for me. You can say "hi" to dozens of women, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're interested in them as people. I mean, I mostly got messages from guys who clearly didn't read my profile (hello, substance-free introverted hermit doesn't relate to your partying and drinking!) so it was refreshing when I got something that meant someone had actually read my damn profile.

When someone says hi to me on the street, I always say hi back. But it doesn't mean I'm going to stop for a conversation with you. Saying hi in real life and then leaving takes no effort (nor pickiness...you can literally say hi to anyone and it's fine), but when you're online and having a conversation means taking the time to go to a website, click on your inbox, click on the reply box and type something out, a little more effort there would be nice.

 

[Anita18]

So how long did the two of you date before getting married?

About 4 years?

For most of the first year, I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep dating him, but he was kind and I figured I didn't have anything better to do. Now that we've been through a lot, I don't feel that way anymore. Fairy tales aren't what you hear they are, yo!

Isn't there some dating site that's specifically targeted towards geeks?

In my day, there was Just Coffee, but I dunno if that's a thing anymore.

 

[Anita18]

Well, too much "perseverance" is called stalking.

I think Nell's problem was a lack of confidence and belief in himself. And there could have been other factors, such as not understanding the needs of the opposite sex or being socially withdrawn. I don't think it's as simple as just putting in effort. You have to like yourself before you can expect others to like you. And you also have to be understanding of the needs of others. I'm glad he finally found someone, but he could have found a girlfriend years earlier if he listened to all the advice we were giving him and applied it .

I don't think it was necessarily those things. I've met him - he's friendly, not socially withdrawn. He's attentive. He was probably more shy around women he was romantically interested in, but I don't see him devolving to the level of "quiet creeper staring at women from the dark corner."

Sometimes people don't respond to you romantically for whatever reason. He's a big guy, but I know big guys who are dating or married. Maybe he was simply interested in women who weren't interested in him back. His gf isn't someone who piqued his radar at first, so I'm thinking it was mostly that.

I certainly know the feeling of people not responding to me romantically for whatever reason. I mean, what Asian woman needs 3 years on multiple online dating sites before finding one damn boyfriend, or even someone who wanted to go on more than 2 dates? But the biggest difference between me and him was that I didn't let it get me down. Romantic rejection wasn't a knock on my value as a person - we just weren't compatible. And I mostly thought of myself as unusual or odd, so of course not any guy would be compatible with me. And so I just kept trucking. Nell kept trucking too, despite his repeated claims he was never gonna try again. He's an optimist at heart.

 

[PacificBoy]

From some of his posts here, I honestly thought Nell was a bad date/relationship away from being a functioning misogynist.

 

[Erzengel]

I also thought he was in just in bad situations.

I mean he had trouble in high school finding dates. So did I. So did a lot of people.

Fast forward to him re-entering college in a college town. He stated most of the people his age were already in relationships. So he was a late 20 something year old trying to meet girls almost 10 years younger than him. Not that I don't think hook ups or even relationships are possible but it was for the most part 2 different stages of life. And outside that one tryst, he was looking for a relationship.

And he seemed to be manipulated by female friends that it seemed at times would fill his head with conflicting and sometimes incorrect things.

I'm glad he's found someone and hope he has built up his confidence in the case it doesn't work out. I do laugh that he's into Asians and wonder if it's because more because of looks or he thinks they are more demure.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

From some of his posts here, I honestly thought Nell was a bad date/relationship away from being a functioning misogynist.

I'm not sure what the difference is between a functioning and non-functioning misogynist is. Does the latter hate women so much they can't get out of bed in the morning?

 

[moviedoors]

Nell was a misogynist. He was however still one bad date away from going full Adam Baldwin.

 

[PyroChamber]

How often does anyone try to set you up on a blind date? It's happened to me three times and they were all disasters.

 

[Erzengel]

I've been set up twice. Once in high school with a girl who wasn't really a fit. Really pretty though. Next time, we lasted a few months.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

How often does anyone try to set you up on a blind date? It's happened to me three times and they were all disasters.

I set myself on blind dates a few times, if you count stuff like Tinder and OkCupid. Sure, they have photos online, but it still feels like a blind date.

Well, I guess there was one true blind date. This isn't a story I like to admit to, because it doesn't cast me in the best light. I had recently broken up with my first serious girlfriend in college. I asked for help from a friend, who decided to set me up with her ugliest friend. I know that sounds a bit, well, awful. A better person would see beauty as only skin deep, but while I'm not completely superficial I'm also not a perfect person and I need to be physically attracted to someone as well as emotionally attracted. To be fair my friend in college had misled me when I asked what she looked like ("she's really nice" I think was the vague reply). I felt bad for her friend, but I had to extract myself from the situation once I saw who I was matched with. Before we could order food at the restaurant, I made some excuse about not feeling well and asked if we could meet again another time. She was kind of taken aback and hurt, but she agreed and I dropped her off at her home. Then the next day I came clean and apologized, but said I didn't think it would work. She was understandably pissed and texted me that I was a bad person. That was a bit messy and kind of put a rift between me and my friend who had set us up; she thought I was cold for not giving her friend a chance, and I was kind of offended that she thought that was the best I could do (like I said, not the best story; I was a bit of a jerk in college).

 

[PacificBoy]

I'm set up I'd say fairly often? Especially once I hit my 30s, usually by friends, colleagues and associates who want to pair me up with another 30-something busy professional. I guess it's an Asian thing. Dates are normally coffeeshop meetings or a double date.

I'm not sure what the difference is between a functioning and non-functioning misogynist is. Does the latter hate women so much they can't get out of bed in the morning?

Close enough. t: He used to go off on some pretty wild rants.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Dammit. Things were going well with this girl I was chatting with on Tinder this morning for like an hour. Now radio silence when I send a message. I need to remember to get digits, WhatsApp or Line info quicker.

 

[Avenging Angel]

Dammit. Things were going well with this girl I was chatting with on Tinder this morning for like an hour. Now radio silence when I send a message. I need to remember to get digits, WhatsApp or Line info quicker.

Met somebody else/busy. Try again, if she doesn't answer then move on.

 

[Avenging Angel]

What I want to know about guys and phone calls is why they say they're going to call and then never call? Not everyone is waiting by the phone but I swear every guy out there has said this to girls and seldom call them back. Nobody wants to tell each other they aren't into them. What bothers me is the leading on, stringing a person along to make it seem like you're interested then one day, disappear.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

What I want to know about guys and phone calls is why they say they're going to call and then never call? Not everyone is waiting by the phone but I swear every guy out there has said this to girls and seldom call them back. Nobody wants to tell each other they aren't into them. What bothers me is the leading on, stringing a person along to make it seem like you're interested then one day, disappear.

Girls do that too. Except instead of promising to call, they just go silent for no apparent reason. And then you wrack your head all day wondering what you did wrong.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Oh the girl on Tinder got back to me.

 

[PyroChamber]

I set myself on blind dates a few times, if you count stuff like Tinder and OkCupid. Sure, they have photos online, but it still feels like a blind date.

Well, I guess there was one true blind date. This isn't a story I like to admit to, because it doesn't cast me in the best light. I had recently broken up with my first serious girlfriend in college. I asked for help from a friend, who decided to set me up with her ugliest friend. I know that sounds a bit, well, awful. A better person would see beauty as only skin deep, but while I'm not completely superficial I'm also not a perfect person and I need to be physically attracted to someone as well as emotionally attracted. To be fair my friend in college had misled me when I asked what she looked like ("she's really nice" I think was the vague reply). I felt bad for her friend, but I had to extract myself from the situation once I saw who I was matched with. Before we could order food at the restaurant, I made some excuse about not feeling well and asked if we could meet again another time. She was kind of taken aback and hurt, but she agreed and I dropped her off at her home. Then the next day I came clean and apologized, but said I didn't think it would work. She was understandably pissed and texted me that I was a bad person. That was a bit messy and kind of put a rift between me and my friend who had set us up; she thought I was cold for not giving her friend a chance, and I was kind of offended that she thought that was the best I could do (like I said, not the best story; I was a bit of a jerk in college).

This is pretty much how all of my blind dates were, only I was more of a jerk because the third time I turned around and left the place I was meeting the girl at when I saw her. I can admit this probably one of most ******* things I've ever done.

 

[Avenging Angel]

Girls do that too. Except instead of promising to call, they just go silent for no apparent reason. And then you wrack your head all day wondering what you did wrong.

Sounds like everyone's afraid of the reaction so they avoid it altogether.

Oh the girl on Tinder got back to me.

Isn't that place sort of a hookup site? Still that's good.