The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - - Part 29

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I don't want to hook up, Deej. I want a relationship. Plus I hear Tinder is pretty stupid.

Oh it's insanely stupid and very superficial. You def aren't going to find Misses Right on there but getting you some strange would probably help you get over this chick. If you want to find the one you probably need to sign up for a site that goes in depth, OKCupid is really in-depth and it's also free. If you have the cash I hear Eharmony is damn good. Myself I just plan on getting a car and then hitting the gym and go back to the random hook-ups like I used to. There are just too many beautiful ladies here in Clearwater for me to pick just one :woot:
 
Online dating has not been good for me as of late, I only seem to attract the big girls right now. I don't mind a chubby girl if she is cute but I can't swing the big girls. So once I get a car I'll get a personal trainer and slim down and then get the chicks I'm accustomed to haha
 
I haven't paid for any dating sites. I need to learn how to take better pics of myself if I'm going to do the online thing. I've never been much of a picture guy though. I don't know how to pose right and always end up looking weird haha
 
I'd rather focus on pro wrestling school. Then I can have a wish-fulfillment storyline where I use my finisher on a diva who gets involved in my match :hehe:
 
There is this amazingly gorgeous blonde that tends to hit a lot of the same AA meetings I do and I am infatuated with her. I think she is out of my league and have talked with her some but for the most part I just ignore her. Tonight at the meeting though I seemed to keep catching her looking at me but wasn't sure if it was a coincidence or what (it's also not the first time that's happened). Then after we all went out to dinner at Applebee's I was talking to another friend and she came up and asked me for a smoke so I gave her one but when I tried to talk to my buddy again she asked for a light but then she said she had one in her purse and I noticed she had a full pack of smokes in her purse. Last weekend we sat across from each other at the sushi restaurant and had a nice conversation and she asked me to bring her one of my mixes this week so I did.

My big thing is I can't even remember the last time I tried talking to a girl without a big bowl of liquid courage in my belly. Also she just turned 21 so that makes her an entire decade younger than me. She is also in her first 90 days of sobriety so it's kind of frowned upon to try and put the moves on newcomers and the last thing I would ever want to do is be the reason someone goes out and relapses. I guess I'm also scared that I will find a girl and fall in love and then things could end badly and I'm not sure how I would handle that. My daughter's mother was the only girl I really ever fell in love with and I drank my way through that aftermath and it messed me up for a long while. This cute blonde did accept my friend request on Bookface though. I guess for now I'll just leave it be until she gets more time under her belt if I ever do work up the courage to ask her out then it would be more appropriate.
 
I'd ask her out. It doesn't get much more obvious than the signs she's giving you. I've been to AA enough to know unless you put a drink in her hand why would she relapse due to you? You don't need liquid courage you're both at a place to stop, so you two can find plenty to do without alcohol. Plus, you have someone who understands how hard it is to quit. I'd ask her out for coffee.
 
I don't think it's necessarily the relapse but maybe she's in a very vulnerable state trying not to drink that they may turn to other types of "vices".
 
Nothing wrong with asking her for coffee. I agree she should be focused on quitting drinking, but coffee with a member should not hurt.
 
I'd ask her out. It doesn't get much more obvious than the signs she's giving you. I've been to AA enough to know unless you put a drink in her hand why would she relapse due to you? You don't need liquid courage you're both at a place to stop, so you two can find plenty to do without alcohol. Plus, you have someone who understands how hard it is to quit. I'd ask her out for coffee.

I don't think it's necessarily the relapse but maybe she's in a very vulnerable state trying not to drink that they may turn to other types of "vices".

We have a saying in AA that the 2 biggest things that cause relapses are finances and romances. Early sobriety is a very tricky thing, sometimes the smallest, weirdest things can set someone off and cause a relapse. That's why it's generally frowned upon to hit on the newbies. Most sponsors also tell people to wait until you have a year before starting any new romantic relationships, now if this is something hers told her or something she even feels like abiding by I have no idea. We alcoholics tend to be people of extremes and we can turn anything good into something bad for us and I am no exception. I'm also not sure if what I think are signs that maybe she is interested are all just in my head either. Last thing I would want is to get shot down and then I would feel awkward or uncomfortable at the meetings I like to go to that she attends as well. Also the blow to my already meager confidence would be a pretty big hit if I were to be shot down. I have never been good with the whole dating thing either, I'm used to drunken hook ups and never seeing them again. I also fear if we were to start dating it would be baby mama all over again, with her I played it cool for awhile but somewhere along the line I fell and love and got too clingy and it turned her off. Or what is more likely to happen like most of the women in my life is I'll just get bored with her and move on really quick. Dating and relationships as well as how to conduct myself within those 2 things have always been a mystery for me
 
The woman who's moving out of state next month, we still date until she moves, long story short, condom broke. She got real distant, so I went home. She's going to get the pill tomorrow. She was pretty scared and upset.
 
I've come to a hard decision.

It's been three weeks, almost a month since I've seen this girl, she barely texts and I have to practically fight to get her to reply to me...I'm exhausted. I understand that she works a lot but to go this long without another date is just ridiculous. I sent her a text today and left her a voicemail, but I'm leaving it at that until my next day off. Zero contact. If I don't hear from her by Wednesday, I'm just going to break things off with her. It breaks my heart to do that because she's absolutely perfect, but between her working SO. DAMN. MUCH. and me being essentially left to my own devices, that's not a healthy relationship in my opinion. So I have the text written down, and it's just a copy and paste away.

And she still has my damn Dean Ambrose hoodie at her apartment. I need that **** back. :mad:
 
Have you actually talked with her regarding this lack of response?
 
I have. She's (her words) apathetic towards her phone; she recognizes that she has difficulty responding and that's why she doesn't usually get serious with anyone.

I just feel that if I'm as special to her as she's led me to believe up to this point, she'd make an effort to improve that. She sent me a couple "thinking of you" pics/texts (nothing distasteful) when she went away for her birthday, but since she's gotten back I have to send her at least three texts before I get a response, and I'm trying desperately not to overwhelm her. I'm basically stuck and don't know what to do.
 
Does she respond any better if you actually telephone her?

I'd have to guess that her attitude toward responding to messages is probably an indication of something else that has happened in her life.
The only thing is can suggest is if you really like this girl, then give her time and be understanding of her needs. If she can see that you are someone she can rely on despite her lack of communication, she may open up to you and be less "apathetic".

But that could take a lot of time and may, ultimately, never happen.
I suppose the question you have to ask yourself, is if she is worth the time and your emotional investment?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
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Man life is tuff not only have I never had a GF but I fell like I really don't even have any true friends. Last night was hanging with a few people I have known for years that I thought where my friends only to have both of them after a movie levee with out me by walking some where that I don't know how to get to because I was in a area I don't really now. I call them and they say the wanted more me and couldn't find me even though they really didn't. Its like you just get up and levee me? I guess they don't really care about me that showed there true colors. I have a hard time with social axinty and have only a few people that I thought where my friend and now this happens.

People say you should love your self but it is really hard to when you fell like the only people that care about you are family. If I died right now out side of family now one would even care. It is so lonely to have like no true friends. I don't even no why I am alive. I just fell like a waste of a life with no purpose at all and like I should just kill my self. There is no reason for me to be alive and nothing ever changes. All that happens in my life is people disappoint me and I just suffer pain and disappointment. Hope some time I real just die in my sleep so that I don't have to have pain and suffering any more. Been trying to find a new job but cant find any thing and hate my job and don't make enough money to live on and still at home at 26 so again nothing changing. I am going to be like 50 have no true friends be single and still at home. No one cares about me at all and that hurts so much.
 
I have. She's (her words) apathetic towards her phone; she recognizes that she has difficulty responding and that's why she doesn't usually get serious with anyone.

I just feel that if I'm as special to her as she's led me to believe up to this point, she'd make an effort to improve that. She sent me a couple "thinking of you" pics/texts (nothing distasteful) when she went away for her birthday, but since she's gotten back I have to send her at least three texts before I get a response, and I'm trying desperately not to overwhelm her. I'm basically stuck and don't know what to do.
This part is true. If she wants to be with you, she has to make an effort to change. Even if she's apathetic toward her phone, there's still email, at least. If one thing doesn't work, she has to be open to trying other things. It can't be just "I have a problem with responding, period" because that indicates there's no solution unless you're magically "special enough" for her and maybe she doesn't even know what that looks like.

Both my husband and I are normally apathetic toward our phones, but now that I work outside the house, we've both discovered the magic of texting emojis. :awesome:

Man life is tuff not only have I never had a GF but I fell like I really don't even have any true friends. Last night was hanging with a few people I have known for years that I thought where my friends only to have both of them after a movie levee with out me by walking some where that I don't know how to get to because I was in a area I don't really now. I call them and they say the wanted more me and couldn't find me even though they really didn't. Its like you just get up and levee me? I guess they don't really care about me that showed there true colors. I have a hard time with social axinty and have only a few people that I thought where my friend and now this happens.

People say you should love your self but it is really hard to when you fell like the only people that care about you are family. If I died right now out side of family now one would even care. It is so lonely to have like no true friends. I don't even no why I am alive. I just fell like a waste of a life with no purpose at all and like I should just kill my self. There is no reason for me to be alive and nothing ever changes. All that happens in my life is people disappoint me and I just suffer pain and disappointment. Hope some time I real just die in my sleep so that I don't have to have pain and suffering any more. Been trying to find a new job but cant find any thing and hate my job and don't make enough money to live on and still at home at 26 so again nothing changing. I am going to be like 50 have no true friends be single and still at home. No one cares about me at all and that hurts so much.
It's really hard to gauge what someone is experiencing by what they write online, because we only get your side of the story, and only one tiny sliver of it. So this is an honest question: Do you care about other people?

People don't offer friendship to people who just take take take, who just need to be with anyone who will take them in. I've become fast friends with people whom I've offered help. (I tend to overhelp, actually!) And those people are very generous with me back.

But it's hard to give when you have anxiety (or depression, for that matter). A hallmark of that is being focused on your own problems. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're a selfish person, but that's a selfish kind of behavior. If you're always focused on your own problems and what other people can do for you, it's hard for those other people to picture how you fit into their lives in a way that's good for them and not just you.

You have to be comfortable with yourself first, before you get fight off the anxiety/depression enough to truly connect with others. But there are still ways you can start feeling connected and help get outside your own head, such as volunteering.

It can take a long time, and it will be something you have to work on continuously, but I've found that people who are anxious and focused on their own problems, tend to become very animated and come alive when they help others. It's very empowering.
 
Also, consider maybe going back to school or even some sort of vocational school if you're unhappy at your current place of employment. Unless, you plan on moving up the ladder of retail into management, you might be just spinning your wheels right now.

In terms of friendship, look for social groups around your area. Community centers, or churches, etc.

I know it sounds like you're pretty unhappy right now, but some people just get cut better breaks and have more to work with. Others have to work a lot harder for things.

Be thankful you have an understanding family. There are others out there who don't even have that. Maybe talk to them, that I want to better my situation but are not sure how. Maybe they can help.
 
Anita what are your thoughts on what I posted earlier? I would love some advice fro the reigning relationship thread champion :D
 
Anita what are your thoughts on what I posted earlier? I would love some advice fro the reigning relationship thread champion :D
I would wait on that girl until she has her feet more under her. Otherwise, just do what you want. Doesn't sound like you're really that interested in a relationship, so why should we change your mind? -shrug-
 
This part is true. If she wants to be with you, she has to make an effort to change. Even if she's apathetic toward her phone, there's still email, at least. If one thing doesn't work, she has to be open to trying other things. It can't be just "I have a problem with responding, period" because that indicates there's no solution unless you're magically "special enough" for her and maybe she doesn't even know what that looks like.

Both my husband and I are normally apathetic toward our phones, but now that I work outside the house, we've both discovered the magic of texting emojis. :awesome:


It's really hard to gauge what someone is experiencing by what they write online, because we only get your side of the story, and only one tiny sliver of it. So this is an honest question: Do you care about other people?

People don't offer friendship to people who just take take take, who just need to be with anyone who will take them in. I've become fast friends with people whom I've offered help. (I tend to overhelp, actually!) And those people are very generous with me back.

But it's hard to give when you have anxiety (or depression, for that matter). A hallmark of that is being focused on your own problems. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're a selfish person, but that's a selfish kind of behavior. If you're always focused on your own problems and what other people can do for you, it's hard for those other people to picture how you fit into their lives in a way that's good for them and not just you.

You have to be comfortable with yourself first, before you get fight off the anxiety/depression enough to truly connect with others. But there are still ways you can start feeling connected and help get outside your own head, such as volunteering.

It can take a long time, and it will be something you have to work on continuously, but I've found that people who are anxious and focused on their own problems, tend to become very animated and come alive when they help others. It's very empowering.

Yeah I care about other people its just I fell awkward around people and its hard for me to trust people because of stuff that has happened before with other people. I am an emotion person and I fell like that scaries people. I regret when I was in school I didn't talk to like any one. I didn't talk to any one because of being shy and because back then I didn't really care about hanging but now I do. I have gotten better at not being shy and felling akward but it is still hard. You said you have to be comfortable with your self and that is what I mean when people say you need to love your self but how it is hard because I fell like no one cares about me. I fell like the more stuff happens the more I care to.

When it comes to having a hard time trusting people I mean things like my real dad I haven't seen in years and its a long story but he wasn't a good dad and could have just went to consoling and be able to see me and my sister still but wouldn't do it and over the years when I have seen him he hasn't really changed. I had a old friend who used to be my best friend but now I really never here from him. One of my other old close friends I never here from after he got a lady so we are not really friends any more and other friend is like that to. So because of stuff like that and what happened last night I fell like people just find a way to disappoint me or they just move on and don't want to be friends at some point in time or something.
 
Also, consider maybe going back to school or even some sort of vocational school if you're unhappy at your current place of employment. Unless, you plan on moving up the ladder of retail into management, you might be just spinning your wheels right now.

In terms of friendship, look for social groups around your area. Community centers, or churches, etc.

I know it sounds like you're pretty unhappy right now, but some people just get cut better breaks and have more to work with. Others have to work a lot harder for things.

Be thankful you have an understanding family. There are others out there who don't even have that. Maybe talk to them, that I want to better my situation but are not sure how. Maybe they can help.

While I did start going to a church group a while back and the people are nice and all but I never really hang out with them out side of that so it fells like we are more like acquaintances then really friends and I fell like that with a lot of people I work with to.
 
Have you also thought about going back to school?
 
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