The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - - Part 29

[Anita18]

Yeah I care about other people its just I fell awkward around people and its hard for me to trust people because of stuff that has happened before with other people. I am an emotion person and I fell like that scaries people. I regret when I was in school I didn't talk to like any one. I didn't talk to any one because of being shy and because back then I didn't really care about hanging but now I do. I have gotten better at not being shy and felling akward but it is still hard. You said you have to be comfortable with your self and that is what I mean when people say you need to love your self but how it is hard because I fell like no one cares about me. I fell like the more stuff happens the more I care to.

When it comes to having a hard time trusting people I mean things like my real dad I haven't seen in years and its a long story but he wasn't a good dad and could have just went to consoling and be able to see me and my sister still but wouldn't do it and over the years when I have seen him he hasn't really changed. I had a old friend who used to be my best friend but now I really never here from him. One of my other old close friends I never here from after he got a lady so we are not really friends any more and other friend is like that to. So because of stuff like that and what happened last night I fell like people just find a way to disappoint me or they just move on and don't want to be friends at some point in time or something.

As long as you have good intentions and truly want to help, people respond to that and don't really care how "awkward" you are. Feeling awkward is you worrying about how you come off. It's focusing on yourself.

If you're truly interested in people, the awkwardness does go away. I was really shy and worried a lot about how I came off to people (thanks Asian parents!) but it went away when I realized that people love it when you're happy to see them and you're happy to help. Then I stopped worrying about how I came off and just focused on meeting people who inspired me, and who I could inspire in turn.

Be interested in people, don't worry about how long it's been since you've seen them. I went back to the east coast for the first time in more than a decade, and caught up with a HS friend I hadn't seen in probably 8 years, and a cousin who's been lost to our family for 15, and it was FANTASTIC.

Have you also thought about going back to school?

Doesn't have to be full-time school either, could be a class to further his vocation. It gives you something to focus on, gives you more skills, AND helps you meet more people, all winning combinations, IMO.

 

[Erzengel]

I mentioned vocational school in an earlier post.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I would wait on that girl until she has her feet more under her. Otherwise, just do what you want. Doesn't sound like you're really that interested in a relationship, so why should we change your mind? -shrug-

I am interested in a relationship I just refuse to settle if I am going to be in one. That being said I think this girl is out of my league and wouldn't try to make any moves on her until she has more time under her belt anyway. I just have really high standards for a woman if I'm going to be serious with them, but like I said earlier she is a decade younger than me so besides AA I'm not really sure what the hell we would even have in common

 

[Anita18]

I am interested in a relationship I just refuse to settle if I am going to be in one. That being said I think this girl is out of my league and wouldn't try to make any moves on her until she has more time under her belt anyway. I just have really high standards for a woman if I'm going to be serious with them, but like I said earlier she is a decade younger than me so besides AA I'm not really sure what the hell we would even have in common

Does that the mean the girl has to be a 10 (since you've mentioned your love of the beautiful ladies multiple times here, keeping in mind that the vast majority of beautiful ladies DO lose their beauty eventually...) or that you refuse to compromise if a woman wants something even a little bit different from you?

I dunno, it mostly sounded like you weren't interested in a serious long-term relationship, which I think is a fair way to live as well.

I'm sure if you asked my husband (before he met me) if he was interested in a long-term relationship despite not dating a single woman more than 3 months, he would have said something other than wanting to get a taste of lots of beautiful ladies first. I mean, we're in LA, I'm sure most women here at more attractive than me anyway.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Does that the mean the girl has to be a 10 (since you've mentioned your love of the beautiful ladies multiple times here, keeping in mind that the vast majority of beautiful ladies DO lose their beauty eventually...) or that you refuse to compromise if a woman wants something even a little bit different from you?

I dunno, it mostly sounded like you weren't interested in a serious long-term relationship, which I think is a fair way to live as well.

I'm sure if you asked my husband (before he met me) if he was interested in a long-term relationship despite not dating a single woman more than 3 months, he would have said something other than wanting to get a taste of lots of beautiful ladies first. I mean, we're in LA, I'm sure most women here at more attractive than me anyway.

What I mean when I say I refuse to settle is I'm not the type of guy that wants to hook up just to satisfy some urge. Even back in my womanizing days I wouldn't hook up with a girl unless I found her attractive. Since my schizophrenia hit and I gained a lot of weight with my meds it doesn't seem like I can get the same type of girls I used to get. I tried the online dating and the only girls I would get any responses from were big girls. There is nothing wrong with big girls (I'm pretty big myself these days) but it's just not what I'm attracted to. I wouldn't mind dating a chubby girl if she had a cute face and we got along really well. The big thing with me when it comes to relationships is my only experience with falling in love is with my daughter's mother and that ended very badly. For a very long time I wouldn't let myself feel anything for women because I was afraid of being hurt so instead I hurt a lot of women that did me no wrong out of spite for the love that rejected me. So these days still the thought of opening up and letting someone in like that is still scary for me. I drank till I couldn't feel damn near anything except anger for a really long time but through working the steps with my sponsor I'm slowly healing the wreckage of my past and learning how to be honest with myself.

When it comes to this girl in particular there is just something about her that I really like although right now I feel it is a superficial thing because I really don't know much about her except for the few conversations we have had and that she also is an AA. But don't most relationships start with a mutual attraction? As I said I feel like she is out of my league but the little things I described previously makes me think maybe she does like me (but then again it could be all in my head and me making something out of nothing). But then it feels like I'm in high school all over again since I never really learned how to flirt or do the whole dating thing. When I figured out I was actually pretty decent looking was at the end of high school and I was used to just acting like an a**hole and being funny and crazy then just telling girls we are going to hook up and it worked, so that is what I did for a long time. So this is all not necessarily new to me but I was never good at it back in the day to begin with so it may as well be

 

[spiderman2]

As long as you have good intentions and truly want to help, people respond to that and don't really care how "awkward" you are. Feeling awkward is you worrying about how you come off. It's focusing on yourself.

If you're truly interested in people, the awkwardness does go away. I was really shy and worried a lot about how I came off to people (thanks Asian parents!) but it went away when I realized that people love it when you're happy to see them and you're happy to help. Then I stopped worrying about how I came off and just focused on meeting people who inspired me, and who I could inspire in turn.

Be interested in people, don't worry about how long it's been since you've seen them. I went back to the east coast for the first time in more than a decade, and caught up with a HS friend I hadn't seen in probably 8 years, and a cousin who's been lost to our family for 15, and it was FANTASTIC.


Doesn't have to be full-time school either, could be a class to further his vocation. It gives you something to focus on, gives you more skills, AND helps you meet more people, all winning combinations, IMO.

While I fell like I have a lot of acquaintances but no real friends and I have a hard time with depression and I fell like people don't understand how hard that can be and how lonely I really fell. I just fell died in side, I just fell broken. Even when I get to felling less awkward around people I don't have a lot to say. Just kind of a quit person. When it comes to school I just don't really now what I would go to school for how I would us it or anything.

 

[Anita18]

What I mean when I say I refuse to settle is I'm not the type of guy that wants to hook up just to satisfy some urge. Even back in my womanizing days I wouldn't hook up with a girl unless I found her attractive. Since my schizophrenia hit and I gained a lot of weight with my meds it doesn't seem like I can get the same type of girls I used to get. I tried the online dating and the only girls I would get any responses from were big girls. There is nothing wrong with big girls (I'm pretty big myself these days) but it's just not what I'm attracted to. I wouldn't mind dating a chubby girl if she had a cute face and we got along really well. The big thing with me when it comes to relationships is my only experience with falling in love is with my daughter's mother and that ended very badly. For a very long time I wouldn't let myself feel anything for women because I was afraid of being hurt so instead I hurt a lot of women that did me no wrong out of spite for the love that rejected me. So these days still the thought of opening up and letting someone in like that is still scary for me. I drank till I couldn't feel damn near anything except anger for a really long time but through working the steps with my sponsor I'm slowly healing the wreckage of my past and learning how to be honest with myself.

Yeah I think you need to figure out what you really want, aside from a hot chick. Wanting a hot chick is all well and good, but if you don't know what you want in a partner past that, you're going to be going through A LOT more relationships like your daughter's mother and that's a lot of perhaps unnecessary suffering.

That's the reason why my husband never dated anyone longer than 3 months before he met me. I'm sure he could easily get a girl hotter than me, but he has relatively weird standards for physical appearance IMO (that man thinks my buglike eyes are beautiful, bless his heart ), and extremely specific wants in personality/demeanor. He didn't get close to anyone unless she had the right personality, and I seem to be the only woman who fit the bill. He did worry for a while if he was "incapable" of being in a relationship, but all it really took was the right person. Like I keep telling y'alls.

While I fell like I have a lot of acquaintances but no real friends and I have a hard time with depression and I fell like people don't understand how hard that can be and how lonely I really fell. I just fell died in side, I just fell broken. Even when I get to felling less awkward around people I don't have a lot to say. Just kind of a quit person. When it comes to school I just don't really now what I would go to school for how I would us it or anything.

Depression is a hard thing to understand, but people simply may not know how to help if you don't know what you need, besides someone being there for you.

What do you do now, and what is your goal? Figuring out your salary needs for the lifestyle you want is someplace to start.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Yeah I think you need to figure out what you really want, aside from a hot chick. Wanting a hot chick is all well and good, but if you don't know what you want in a partner past that, you're going to be going through A LOT more relationships like your daughter's mother and that's a lot of perhaps unnecessary suffering.

That's the reason why my husband never dated anyone longer than 3 months before he met me. I'm sure he could easily get a girl hotter than me, but he has relatively weird standards for physical appearance IMO (that man thinks my buglike eyes are beautiful, bless his heart ), and extremely specific wants in personality/demeanor. He didn't get close to anyone unless she had the right personality, and I seem to be the only woman who fit the bill. He did worry for a while if he was "incapable" of being in a relationship, but all it really took was the right person. Like I keep telling y'alls.

Well I love latina women but they tend to be crazy haha. My daughter's mother is Puerto Rican and Panamanian. This girl I like from AA is short blonde white chick, def not my normal type. I do know I like short girls since I am a short guy myself. I would prefer someone who is sober or not much of a party person now. I would like it if we shared similar interest like Marvel movies or Star Wars or something. I guess I'm not really sure what other characteristics I would like since I have so little experience with sustained relationships so I'm not sure what annoys me or what I think is awesome. It's been a very long time since I had an infatuation with a girl, this chick from AA seems to be a sweetheart and kind of an airhead which I think is cute. Other than that though I don't know her all that well except the few conversations we have had. Even then I just felt awkward. I feel like attractive girls know they're hot and like all the attention they get so I try to ignore them as much as possible so they won't get it since I don't think they would like me. But she has been friendly every time we see each other. I was talking with my best bud about how at the last meeting I caught her looking at me several times and this isn't the first time that has happened and his advice was for me to just give her a big smile. He says I have a really great smile but smiling doesn't come natural to me when it comes to girls since I just feel awkward. Plus I'm not sure if she is really looking at me as much as I think or if it's all in my head and maybe she was just looking at something or someone near me and I misunderstood it haha. I see very attractive women all the time here in Clearwater beach but none of them stick with me like this chick has

 

[spiderman2]

Yeah I think you need to figure out what you really want, aside from a hot chick. Wanting a hot chick is all well and good, but if you don't know what you want in a partner past that, you're going to be going through A LOT more relationships like your daughter's mother and that's a lot of perhaps unnecessary suffering.

That's the reason why my husband never dated anyone longer than 3 months before he met me. I'm sure he could easily get a girl hotter than me, but he has relatively weird standards for physical appearance IMO (that man thinks my buglike eyes are beautiful, bless his heart ), and extremely specific wants in personality/demeanor. He didn't get close to anyone unless she had the right personality, and I seem to be the only woman who fit the bill. He did worry for a while if he was "incapable" of being in a relationship, but all it really took was the right person. Like I keep telling y'alls.


Depression is a hard thing to understand, but people simply may not know how to help if you don't know what you need, besides someone being there for you.

What do you do now, and what is your goal? Figuring out your salary needs for the lifestyle you want is someplace to start.

So question when some one quotes 2 people like you did how do you then quote that person and not get 2 peoples quotes and only get one persons quote someone like with this? I have tried to figure this out but have not be able to do it. While I just fell like people don't now what it is like to fell really lonely and lost like I do. So I fell like people cant just relate to me because of that. Been texting the 2 friends who I had that thing happened with last night that I was talking about earlier today just kind of letting off steam. They say I just need to forgive and forget but there has been a few other things in the past that has happened to with them and I just fell like I don't know if I can trust them any more to not hurt me like that.

I work at a grocery store and I make 9.6 an hour and most apartments cost all but like 300 of what I make a month. Its not like I can pay for food, gas, car insurances, phone all on just 300 a month. Really to even squeeze by I need to make like 300 more a month and I am going to have to start paying for more things because I am now 26 so I cant be on my parents heath insurances any more and the one at work is not as good has my mom's. So that is just other little thing to worry about all the time.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Also I don't need a "hot" chick necessarily. I just have to be attracted to her. I'm willing to look past certain things for a girl I can connect with but there has to be some type of attraction but not necessarily all in the looks department. I've been with many beautiful women over the years and if all they bring to the table is looks I will lose interest pretty damn fast

 

[spiderman2]

Also I don't need a "hot" chick necessarily. I just have to be attracted to her. I'm willing to look past certain things for a girl I can connect with but there has to be some type of attraction but not necessarily all in the looks department. I've been with many beautiful women over the years and if all they bring to the table is looks I will lose interest pretty damn fast

Yeah I think you need some of both. If some one says looks don't matter they are lying. No matter how much you have income with some one you have to at least find them some what good looking or you are only going to think of them as a friend. At the same time some one can be good looking but be a jerk and looks don't last forever. Heck I think most people by like 40 don't even look like the same person as they did when they where like 25.

 

[Erzengel]

So question when some one quotes 2 people like you did how do you then quote that person and not get 2 peoples quotes and only get one persons quote someone like with this? I have tried to figure this out but have not be able to do it. While I just fell like people don't now what it is like to fell really lonely and lost like I do. So I fell like people cant just relate to me because of that. Been texting the 2 friends who I had that thing happened with last night that I was talking about earlier today just kind of letting off steam. They say I just need to forgive and forget but there has been a few other things in the past that has happened to with them and I just fell like I don't know if I can trust them any more to not hurt me like that.

I work at a grocery store and I make 9.6 an hour and most apartments cost all but like 300 of what I make a month. Its not like I can pay for food, gas, car insurances, phone all on just 300 a month. Really to even squeeze by I need to make like 300 more a month and I am going to have to start paying for more things because I am now 26 so I cant be on my parents heath insurances any more and the one at work is not as good has my mom's. So that is just other little thing to worry about all the time.

You can work up the ranks of the grocery chain, maybe up to a manager and you will probably have a decent salary.

You can find another place to work and again, try and work up the ladder.

You can go back to school, college/university or vocational.

You can enter the military and then go back to school.

What are you interested in? What do you think you can do well at?

 

[Erzengel]

Well I love latina women but they tend to be crazy haha. My daughter's mother is Puerto Rican and Panamanian. This girl I like from AA is short blonde white chick, def not my normal type. I do know I like short girls since I am a short guy myself. I would prefer someone who is sober or not much of a party person now. I would like it if we shared similar interest like Marvel movies or Star Wars or something. I guess I'm not really sure what other characteristics I would like since I have so little experience with sustained relationships so I'm not sure what annoys me or what I think is awesome. It's been a very long time since I had an infatuation with a girl, this chick from AA seems to be a sweetheart and kind of an airhead which I think is cute. Other than that though I don't know her all that well except the few conversations we have had. Even then I just felt awkward. I feel like attractive girls know they're hot and like all the attention they get so I try to ignore them as much as possible so they won't get it since I don't think they would like me. But she has been friendly every time we see each other. I was talking with my best bud about how at the last meeting I caught her looking at me several times and this isn't the first time that has happened and his advice was for me to just give her a big smile. He says I have a really great smile but smiling doesn't come natural to me when it comes to girls since I just feel awkward. Plus I'm not sure if she is really looking at me as much as I think or if it's all in my head and maybe she was just looking at something or someone near me and I misunderstood it haha. I see very attractive women all the time here in Clearwater beach but none of them stick with me like this chick has

I think we've talk about compatibility here before and like you admit, you tend to really focus on looks/attractiveness when it comes to people. But if you want more, that's when you get into more of the personality.

Having someone interested in Star Wars or Marvel, may just mean she likes the movies. She might not be a comic book reader, or watch the cartoons, tv series, buy collectibles. Kinda like people who may go to games but aren't necessarily die hard fans. I still think it's rare to find someone who's into the genre as much as most people on here. If you find someone who's supportive, that's pretty good.

My wife and I have different interests. Music and she's more of a reader. I like video games. But, we have some similar ones, like traveling, we do like sports and some of the same movies.

But I think as long as somebody gets you, and your personalities not necessarily are alike but are compatible that's usually better than both liking Iron Man.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I think we've talk about compatibility here before and like you admit, you tend to really focus on looks/attractiveness when it comes to people. But if you want more, that's when you get into more of the personality.

Having someone interested in Star Wars or Marvel, may just mean she likes the movies. She might not be a comic book reader, or watch the cartoons, tv series, buy collectibles. Kinda like people who may go to games but aren't necessarily die hard fans. I still think it's rare to find someone who's into the genre as much as most people on here. If you find someone who's supportive, that's pretty good.

My wife and I have different interests. Music and she's more of a reader. I like video games. But, we have some similar ones, like traveling, we do like sports and some of the same movies.

But I think as long as somebody gets you, and your personalities not necessarily are alike but are compatible that's usually better than both liking Iron Man.

Looks are not the most important thing for me though. As long as a women is cute it's all good. I can't say I would never date a girl I'm not physically attracted to but I feel there has to be some attraction there on some level. I doubt I'd ever get lucky enough to find a chick that's as nerdy and geeky as I am but that would be cool if I did. I like a strong assertive woman that knows what she wants. I'm pretty easy going and laid back, so I need a girl to tell me what to do and what she likes. That's the problem with my last long term gf is she always wanted to do what I wanted and I just got bored with that.

 

[the last son]

Do you all think I should end this relationship now? She moves away in 3 weeks. I really like her, and each day I see her the harder it feels knowing it won't last. We got into it this weekend because the condom broke and she's giving me hell for it. I bought her plan b the next day. I don't have the strength to talk about the subject because what does it matter she's leaving. Should I just end it now like pulling off a band aid?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I guess it depends how much you enjoy spending time with her in the moment.

I'd say it's always worth spending time with someone if that time makes you happy in the short term, even if it has a expiry date. You're still making memories of fun times.

But if you're arguing and not really enjoying each others company anyway, then yeah maybe end it now.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Having some kind of plan isn't a bad idea - I'm at the age where we have to seriously start thinking about how we're going to have a family because female fertility goes down a ton after 35. And I don't think we'll have the money for IVF.

But first things first, such as a job that will lead to something better. Doesn't have to be a career-making move, but something that you can feel good in investing in.

The fact that she isn't willing to meet you halfway is a SERIOUS red flag. My cousin is in med school in Atlanta for the next 3-4 years and his wife lives/works in San Francisco. Not everyone is willing to be that extreme, but that's an example of partners supporting each other, and not holding each other back.

My husband has been making noises about moving out of LA but since I have a job here, he's willing to stay. But if he found a great job in another city, or heck, another state or country, I wouldn't use the "we need to be together!" line to hold him back. I would ask about how this would get us closer to where we want to be aka the family thing, but that's a different question.

I've never had a plan really. I mean, when your in school your always thinking about university and then a job, but since then i've just been kind of winging it.

I just think... life's this beautiful journey, and if you have this map with set destinations and never stray from that path, you'll never stumble upon those hidden treasures.

Or maybe I just don't like disappointing myself

I don't want to hook up, Deej. I want a relationship. Plus I hear Tinder is pretty stupid.

You go from a hook up into a relationship. No one start's off in one.

As someone who went from snogging the guy at parties, to hooking up, to friends with benefits, to boyfriend girlfriend status, to moving in... I can attest to that!

What I mean when I say I refuse to settle is I'm not the type of guy that wants to hook up just to satisfy some urge. Even back in my womanizing days I wouldn't hook up with a girl unless I found her attractive. Since my schizophrenia hit and I gained a lot of weight with my meds it doesn't seem like I can get the same type of girls I used to get. I tried the online dating and the only girls I would get any responses from were big girls. There is nothing wrong with big girls (I'm pretty big myself these days) but it's just not what I'm attracted to. I wouldn't mind dating a chubby girl if she had a cute face and we got along really well.

Also I don't need a "hot" chick necessarily. I just have to be attracted to her. I'm willing to look past certain things for a girl I can connect with but there has to be some type of attraction but not necessarily all in the looks department. I've been with many beautiful women over the years and if all they bring to the table is looks I will lose interest pretty damn fast

I don't think you sound picky at all. I think everyone has standards... unless they are so desperate not to be alone that they will accept anything.

I mean, I don't feel like I have a looks 'type'. I have dated people of all sizes... and my weight fluctuates between average and 'chubby' myself so i'm glad there are other people in the world who don't only fancy skinny girls or i'd be screwed

I will say one thing though... Loosing weight DOES open up your dating prospects. Which I think is about 1 part boosting your own self confidence and 2 parts the harsh fact that the majority of people do value societies view of attractiveness in their partner. I don't like it, but it's true.

My boyfriend and I are both chubby. I like his chub. He has a fairly big beer belly and I don't find it off putting at all because I fancy him. I've found big beer bellys really unattractive on a lot of other men... it's just funny that way I guess! If you like someone's face and their personality, the rest just becomes meaningless... or even endearing

Looks are not the most important thing for me though. As long as a women is cute it's all good. I can't say I would never date a girl I'm not physically attracted to but I feel there has to be some attraction there on some level. I doubt I'd ever get lucky enough to find a chick that's as nerdy and geeky as I am but that would be cool if I did. I like a strong assertive woman that knows what she wants. I'm pretty easy going and laid back, so I need a girl to tell me what to do and what she likes. That's the problem with my last long term gf is she always wanted to do what I wanted and I just got bored with that.

Yeah I think it's really important to maintain some independance.

I see a lot of people start relationships and then get absorbed into 'coupleness' where they just do everything together and sort of stop having lives outside of themselves.

I've had a really coupley few weeks, went to Portugal to stay with his family for a week and did loads of coupley holiday activities. But next week i'm going to malta with some friends without him, and i'm glad I have that aspect of my life because I think it helps for me to miss him and for him to miss me for a while.

My aim is to maintain that even when i'm older. I will do things on my own. I think it makes me more attractive, and I think if I spent ALL my time with him I would get bored.

 

[Erzengel]

thelastson, why don't you talk to her? You always seem to want to take the easy way or the lazy way out.

"Talk about the condom breaking. Say you're going to miss her. Say you wish things were different."

Talk.

 

[the last son]

You're right. My mother says I have a problem with control. Not being able to adjust to things not being on my terms. Since I Can't control her leaving I want it to end on my terms. I have to change and Ill start now. Thanks for advice.

 

[Anita18]

I don't think you sound picky at all. I think everyone has standards... unless they are so desperate not to be alone that they will accept anything.

On this page, DJ has been writing more reasonable things. In past pages, he mostly talked getting all these hot chicks (and not being able to get chicks as hot now that he's overweight due to meds) to the point where I thought he mostly wanted the hottest chick he could get, and THEN he'd find a reason to settle down.

But DJ has also struck me as the kind of person who puffs his peacock feathers out at first too.

But yeah, I don't dole out relationship advice to people just looking for the hottest person. (I don't think Erz does either.) What's the point? You already know what you want - just go out and get it. If you wanna talk compatibility or communication, now there's something we can get into here advice-wise.

 

[DarkSentinel]

So she texted me yesterday. Which means I didn't have to send the breakup text. That's a start I guess.

 

[Fallen Angel]

That don't solve the issues you got with her though. You're papering over the crack's.

 

[DarkSentinel]

Doesn't matter. My luck is **** anyway so I'll take what I can get at this point.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Eh you're the one who said you're looking for something legit. If this was anyone else I'd say to them "blow them off" and hit a strip joint.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I've never had a plan really. I mean, when your in school your always thinking about university and then a job, but since then i've just been kind of winging it.

I just think... life's this beautiful journey, and if you have this map with set destinations and never stray from that path, you'll never stumble upon those hidden treasures.

Or maybe I just don't like disappointing myself





As someone who went from snogging the guy at parties, to hooking up, to friends with benefits, to boyfriend girlfriend status, to moving in... I can attest to that!





I don't think you sound picky at all. I think everyone has standards... unless they are so desperate not to be alone that they will accept anything.

I mean, I don't feel like I have a looks 'type'. I have dated people of all sizes... and my weight fluctuates between average and 'chubby' myself so i'm glad there are other people in the world who don't only fancy skinny girls or i'd be screwed

I will say one thing though... Loosing weight DOES open up your dating prospects. Which I think is about 1 part boosting your own self confidence and 2 parts the harsh fact that the majority of people do value societies view of attractiveness in their partner. I don't like it, but it's true.

My boyfriend and I are both chubby. I like his chub. He has a fairly big beer belly and I don't find it off putting at all because I fancy him. I've found big beer bellys really unattractive on a lot of other men... it's just funny that way I guess! If you like someone's face and their personality, the rest just becomes meaningless... or even endearing



Yeah I think it's really important to maintain some independance.

I see a lot of people start relationships and then get absorbed into 'coupleness' where they just do everything together and sort of stop having lives outside of themselves.

I've had a really coupley few weeks, went to Portugal to stay with his family for a week and did loads of coupley holiday activities. But next week i'm going to malta with some friends without him, and i'm glad I have that aspect of my life because I think it helps for me to miss him and for him to miss me for a while.

My aim is to maintain that even when i'm older. I will do things on my own. I think it makes me more attractive, and I think if I spent ALL my time with him I would get bored.

I would love to lose some weight because that has been a big blow to my confidence as of late, I just don't feel I'm all that attractive right now. I'm in sales and I know confidence is everything. I don't have any problem rebutalling people and pulling cards or closing deals and when I was skinny I really didn't have that much better confidence but I was good at faking it and knew that my looks would carry me the rest of the way most of the time (also being drunk all the time really does wonders for your self esteem). I haven't even really thought about trying to date anyone or even really cared in these last almost 11 months of sobriety but this girl I met has me intrigued. I feel like I did in high school but back then I would get shot down all the time so I never learned any of those dating skills. I went straight from awkward dorky guy in high school to drunk party guy that would go proposition women and actually close the deal haha. As an alcoholic I am a person of extremes, it's been that way as long as I can remember. I will take any good thing and make it bad for me someway if I'm not careful. I talked about how easily I get bored but that's because I kind of did that with the mother of my daughter and she was all about me in the beginning but somewhere down the line I fell in love and I was way too attached to her and smothered her and that's what drove her away and caused problems. Really the only reason we lasted as long as we did was because she never had anyone as good as me in the bedroom. So after that I swore never to make that mistake again and just closed myself off from feeling things for girls just so I wouldn't be hurt. This girl in AA is the first woman to peak my interest in a long time so not really knowing how to approach it due to my past life experiences is kind of where I'm at now

On this page, DJ has been writing more reasonable things. In past pages, he mostly talked getting all these hot chicks (and not being able to get chicks as hot now that he's overweight due to meds) to the point where I thought he mostly wanted the hottest chick he could get, and THEN he'd find a reason to settle down.

But DJ has also struck me as the kind of person who puffs his peacock feathers out at first too.

But yeah, I don't dole out relationship advice to people just looking for the hottest person. (I don't think Erz does either.) What's the point? You already know what you want - just go out and get it. If you wanna talk compatibility or communication, now there's something we can get into here advice-wise.

You read people very well Anita, when I joined the Hype I was still an active alcoholic and made some bombastic claims. But now through working the steps I have come to be a lot more honest with myself and those around me. And yes a year ago your assessment of what I wanted was very accurate. I didn't want a relationship I just wanted to run through as many hotties as I could. I even posted recently how I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep trying to do that or start a family. That was all I had been used to for years and now that it no longer happened I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I've come to realize pretty recently that I would like to try and let someone get close to me and become intimate with a woman on more levels than just on a physical level. I'm not actively pursuing anyone but I would like to be armed with the correct way to present myself and do things should the opportunity arise. That's what's throwing me for a loop with this girl because I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into the signals or misreading them altogether or what. As it stand right now I plan on just being cordial when I see her and trying to smile if we make I contact (which for some reason is nerve racking even though I spend almost all of my day smiling) and trying to just get to know her as person instead of the object of my attention. After high school I never really had too many girls that were friends without an ulterior motive so I think it would be best to just try and be cool and let whatever happens happen