The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - - Part 29

[Erzengel]

Well speaking as one who completely sucks in the relationship department, I'll take any relationship over waiting for a "one" that will never come.

My meaning is mostly, being in love with love than actually falling in love with a specific person not necessarily the one.

You shouldn't be settling and I completely empathize with what you went to. I wouldn't care if a girl looked like Anna Kendrick, but if the communication wasn't there in the beginning, I'd bounce.

Meet girl, date, compatibility check then girlfriend. You should be in a relationship because of the girl NOT because everyone else is in a relationship.

Practically everyone I've known has it so easy when it comes to women. I'm the only one who struggles. It's a weight on my shoulders that I can't shrug off no matter how much I try.

I was the last one out of my friends to have a girlfriend. They were dating since high school.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

The fact is Deej that I'm out of time to get into a steady relationship. Everyone knows you're supposed to be married by 30 and if you aren't then you never will. So I have no choice but to accept my lot in life because that's what the universe has chosen for me. It's a fruitless, futile endeavor.

Haha that's such a crock of s*** DS. I'll be 32 this November and I'm not worried. My sponsor is 41 and just got married a few months ago and they just had their 2nd kid. I don't know where you got this arbitrary number from but get that out of your head. I know how you feel man, I used to be that guy. The best advice I can give you is stop caring and just live and enjoy life homie. I can gurantee you that as soon as you do that things will fall into place. It may not happen immediately but just know it will happen. There is an old proverb about trying to hold onto sand or water by tightening your grip which inevitably just causes you to lose the thing you want. Just flow with life and good things will happen man, I promise

 

[DarkSentinel]

Well she texted me back. And it was not what I expected at all.

 

[Anita18]

My mom was pretty surprised to find out that most of her friends have kids who are still single, and said "kids" are in their mid-30s. Even though some of them are religious/more conservative.

I think it's a cultural thing. Even my mom got married and had kids early for her peer group, and she married at 23 and had me at 26. (I'm 31 now.) If your peer group is career-focused or went to grad school, it seems that it's much more common to wait.

I had a Hispanic roommate about 4 years younger than me who said most of his HS classmates were married with 3 kids by the time they were 21. But it's not like they went to college or anything like that...

 

[DarkSentinel]

She actually apologized to me. Because of what she does for a living this month is an insane time for her, as she has certification exams to study for and whatnot. She promised we'd have some time together soon and she said she feels terrible about putting me through all of this.

As I said, not what I was expecting at all.

 

[Dr Tactics]

As strange as it sounds, you usually find love when you actually stop looking.. When you focus on yourself/career/etc (Not finding love) it just happens and the stars align.. But you can't fake not looking for love. You really have to stop looking for love.. I'll find you and you'll know what to do when it does...

 

[Erzengel]

She actually apologized to me. Because of what she does for a living this month is an insane time for her, as she has certification exams to study for and whatnot. She promised we'd have some time together soon and she said she feels terrible about putting me through all of this.

As I said, not what I was expecting at all.

I'm glad she had a more positive reaction to your text. Let's just see how she meets you halfway. Also, how much are you willing to. Maybe she won't message you every day but every other day. Would that be okay with you?

As strange as it sounds, you usually find love when you actually stop looking.. When you focus on yourself/career/etc (Not finding love) it just happens and the stars align.. But you can't fake not looking for love. You really have to stop looking for love.. I'll find you and you'll know what to do when it does...

It's a nice sentiment BUT we live in the age of multiple online dating services, and some of them you have to put effort into meeting people. It's not like you spend 5 minutes set up a profile, come back in a week and expect dozens of responses. It doesn't work that way.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

It's not like you spend 5 minutes set up a profile, come back in a week and expect dozens of responses. It doesn't work that way.

Well it does if your a female haha. I was surprised to learn from a lot of my female friends that it's not uncommon for a random guy to just send them dick pics on there like they think she will drop everything and run over to hop in bed with them

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I don't think you should be with anyone if your reason for being with them is that you don't want to be the only one who is alone and you'll 'take what your given'.

I had a boyfriend once who admitted that's why he went out with me... felt really really horrible. Though it explained why the relationship felt so fake.

You've got to be really into it or it won't work anyway. You can't just force yourself to like someone.

As for the married at 30 thing... you don't have to get married AT ALL, let alone by a specific age. There are no rules, and the only expectations are had by you and the few very small judgemental people in the world who think their way is best.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Interesting night for me, went to my usual AA meeting tonight that I usually see the girl I have the crush on but she didn't show up for the meeting. But there were 2 ladies that I saw last week that were back and bother are attractive. One of them kept checking me out and after the meeting I was talking with both of them. I was chatting up the lady who was checking me out and she made our meeting her home group. I got her number and invited her to a pool party my buddy is doing this Saturday. I think she is a bit older than me but she does have some time under belt as well so that's a plus. Funny thing though is the girl I have a crush on showed up after the meeting and saw me talking to this other girl. I caught her looking at me and then she waved at me. I said hi to her before I left and she wanted to know if I was staying for the 9:30 meeting and I told her I had to work so she made a playful noise insinuating I should stay. I'll probably see her at the Friday young people's meeting I hit on Fridays though

 

[enterthemadness]

So, some good news.


I've been working at a Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins for 3 months now. I like making coffee and like it overall outside of busy morning shifts and the low pay. But def like it more than Buffalo Wild Wings and TJ Maxx. I get a decent number of hours as well since around last month or so, has been around 26-36 hours a week ish and I usually stay late due to it being busy or no one has shown up to relive me. I'd like to be a shift leader one day, well, maybe. But I have more to learn before that. Like...I kinda think ahead of, would I like being a shift leader or manager at this place...and I'm kinda on the fence. Ya know?

I'm buying my own car in September, maybe a bit earlier, since I want it for my birthday. I finally have some savings, but will still go get a car loan and I'd like to find a used Camry for under 10K (I drive my mom's Camry and love it--Camry.) but finding one for that price and under 100K miles doesn't seem likely, but I won't really look to mid August. I want to save at least a bit more since I know I need money for tags, inspection, plates, etc. And quite frankly, it's time I have my own car and why the hell not buy myself one for my 28th birthday.

But, the real reason I came back for now..or just a bit, is well...so, I reconnected with a woman I went to high school with on POF, and I'm not going into details, but after a few days of talking on there and texting, we went out this past Saturday night and

[YT]X024NEsDyC8[/YT]


Yes, I kissed a woman. Shocking I know. It was just a peck on the lips, but yeah, I did it. And we are going out on a second date tonight. Seeing Ted 2 and I'm picking her up.


So, things are looking a *bit* better for me. First kiss and a decent job that I like and I am considering if I want to try to advance myself there, but even then, all of the shift leaders or managers either a) have two jobs, b) are going to school, or c )are looking for a second job. So, I know the pay for a shift leader and manager still isn't that good.

Oh and Erz, you were right, it's better if I'm not on this place all the time. And also, I'm tired when I get off work and would rather watch tv or sleep.

 

[Erzengel]

Good for you ETM. I'm glad things are working out for you.

 

[enterthemadness]

Good for you ETM. I'm glad things are working out for you.

It's not 100%, but it's a step towards working out for me. A lot more to do.

 

[Anita18]

for sure!

 

[Six]

I can't believe how much of an impression a girl has left on me. I even worked up enough confidence to talk to her. If you knew me in real life you'd be surprised. I very rarely make the effort to do more than what is considered socially acceptable in social situations, but when I see her my brain just can't stop thinking of things I want to share with her and things I want to know about her. And while I still fear being rejected, even the worst rejection possible couldn't make me regret anything. Before her I could barely motivate myself to get up in the morning, but now that I know that I can feel this way about someone, I am a lot more content.

 

[the last son]

We had such a lovely evening last night. Her moving is going to kill me. I wish I could just appreciate meeting her and our fun times, instead of thinking of the loneliness which is to come.

 

[the last son]

We went to see fireworks earlier today. She leaves in 2 weeks. Can it do any harm letting her know how much I wish she'd stay to be with me? It seems selfish.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

It's always selfish when you tell someone how you feel. Doesn't mean it's wrong. Is there no chance the relationship could continue at a distance?

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe nothing can be done no matter what you say.

But sometimes, it's best just to be honest with your feelings.

 

[Anita18]

I think it's ok to be honest about your feelings. It's not healthy to blackmail her, but it's certainly ok to tell her you'll miss her.

Neither of you is planning on doing an LDR then?

 

[Canadian Rider]

I've been married for 21 years.
Soon I will have been married longer than I was single.
It's a good thing.

 

[the last son]

I told her last night how much I didn't want her to leave and she replied how sorry she was. Today I sent her a text explaining how it might he better for us to break now. I wished her happiness and health and told her goodbye.

 

[Erzengel]

Probably something best done in person.

 

[the last son]

I was thinking that, but already sent it. She hasn't replied. Knowing her she might not. Just sucks a girl I finally really like, the relationship has to end.

 

[the last son]

Man that was weak me sending the text. I hope she eventually text me back, so I can end it as a man, not a immature child.