The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[Reek]

Dasily Riddle.. sister of Thomas Marvolo

 

[spiderman2]

The converse is true as well. An obese person who volounteers at the homeless shelter in her spare time probably won't be pursued romantically. Men won't care that she's kind. That's not enough.

I think of it this way. It's a crude toy model but I think it explains things well such that anybody can understand. Two things matter:

1) Getting first dates. This 90-100% about looks, where looks might include clothes, voice, smell, mannerisms, ethnicity, body language, age, geography, salary. The really external stuff.
2) Converting first dates to second, third, fourth dates. This is largely about personality.

You can also see it as a pipeline or a conveyor belt. On a conveyor belt, every aspect needs to work for the whole to work, you can't compensate one broken piece for an excellent piece elsewhere, if one piece is broken then the whole machine is broken. Similarly, an ugly person with a great personality will probably stay single, and a beautiful person with an ugly personality will get lots of sex, but probably no enriching relationships.

Yeah I hear you. With the first thing the better looking some one is the more dates and the easier it is going to be to get dates. I would say I am like average looking. I think there are people that are for sure better looking then me but I think there are people that are for sure worse looking then me lol. But yeah I would say better looking people have it easier and are going to have more options with less work.

2. Yeah with this after the first date it is more the kind of person you are that is going to get success or not. So if some one is good looking but not a nice person then most likely they are going to get a lot of first dates but have trouble with get into a good long succesfull relationships. But then on the other hand some one not has good looking but a nicer person is going to have a harder time getting the dates in the first place but is more likely when getting dates going to end up have a successful relationship out of it.

 

[spiderman2]

Dasily Riddle.. sister of Thomas Marvolo

Is it bad I had to google Thomas Marvolo to have any idea who you where talking about lol

 

[Reek]

That depends... are you a Deatheater?

 

[spiderman2]

Fair enough about the sports thing.

Not so much on looks alone but you give the impression of being slightly selective overall to me. What I'm suggesting is simply to try getting interested in girls whom you're not that physically into, widen your scope a little.

Because you'd also expect those girls you find cute looking to do the same for you, right? Give you a break on your looks, look past it and see your personality.

While like I said for something like a GF or BF you have to find them physically attractive doesn't mean I couldn't be friends if I don't though. Heck I could use some female friends. All I have is guy friends. Its nice to hang out with females even has friends but the only time I kind of do that is if I am hanging out with one of my friends and his GF or just female friend but then I fell like a 3erd wheel.

 

[spiderman2]

That depends... are you a Deatheater?

???

 

[Roose Bolton]

Dasily the Deatheater. Kin to Electro.

 

[dude stannis]

The Grammareater.

 

[spiderman2]

Dasily the Deatheater. Kin to Electro.

I am so confused right now lol

 

[PacificBoy]

Dasily sounds like a keeper, if you can disregard the extended relations.

 

[Tilapia]

Yes, it's about the whole package I think. Nobody's perfect, and most of us don't require perfection.

Daisy Ridley is a great example, also her transatlantic twin, Felicity Jones:

So for women there are clearly lots of ways to be attractive, lots of different routes. I'll assume it's the same the other way around.

Is she playing Daisy's grandma or something in Rogue One? Any rumors going around about that? I'm smelling a Peggy Carter situation now that you've brought it up.

 

[DA_Champion]

Is she playing Daisy's grandma or something in Rogue One? Any rumors going around about that? I'm smelling a Peggy Carter situation now that you've brought it up.

I hope not, making everybody related to everybody else makes the universe smaller.

Who's prettier in your opinion, Daisy Ridley or Felicity Jones?

 

[Erzengel]

I didn't say having a women that loves CBM is really important to me. Really the big thing for me is sports. I am a sports nut both watching and playing. I don't really now much out side of sports and I don't really care about much out side of sports. To me a women needs to be in sports or it is going to be a deal breaker as we would have nothing to do if they don't like sports.

Here's the thing though, the same thing can be said about sports. Even though you could probably find more more women into sports then say comics, can not being into sports be that big of a dealbreaker? It's like what some of us say here, finding someone that you connect with is more important than their interests. Who cares if she just tolerates it but at least can be supportive.

About the school kind of. I started school really because I fell like I have no choice. I have tried to find a better job for a long time and its the same crap over and over again we are not highering come back later. I fell lost and stuck to the point where I fell like I have no choice if I am ever going to get a new job. I hate my job and not only that but so many job are like minimum rage or like $1 above and that is just not enough at all. But I am trying to get a degree in accounting because I am good with math. Really I would like to have a job with sports but I don't now how I would do that but if any thing I just want like any new job and a job that pays more then minimum rage and I would also like to not have to have a job on my feet all the time.

Well good luck with getting your accounting degree.

 

[Reek]

I hope numbers come better than words, cause damn.

 

[Tilapia]

I hope not, making everybody related to everybody else makes the universe smaller.

Who's prettier in your opinion, Daisy Ridley or Felicity Jones?

Well ones got almost ten years on the other so not really fair to compare. Felicity prettier, Daisy hotter. It's all about money, power, and body type after all. Daisy is in the more marquee role and really got in shape as the heroine.

 

[Anita18]

The converse is true as well. An obese person who volounteers at the homeless shelter in her spare time probably won't be pursued romantically. Men won't care that she's kind. That's not enough.

I think of it this way. It's a crude toy model but I think it explains things well such that anybody can understand. Two things matter:

1) Getting first dates. This 90-100% about looks, where looks might include clothes, voice, smell, mannerisms, ethnicity, body language, age, geography, salary. The really external stuff.
2) Converting first dates to second, third, fourth dates. This is largely about personality.

You can also see it as a pipeline or a conveyor belt. On a conveyor belt, every aspect needs to work for the whole to work, you can't compensate one broken piece for an excellent piece elsewhere, if one piece is broken then the whole machine is broken. Similarly, an ugly person with a great personality will probably stay single, and a beautiful person with an ugly personality will get lots of sex, but probably no enriching relationships.

I haven't seen that. I've had some overweight/obese friends get way more dates than me, and I'm nearly model-thin. But they get those dates in real life, not online dating. Those friends are social and fun and un-intimidating, which is attractive to men. I took classes with a bona fide model, she was gorgeous but also had a very regal aura, which I could see as intimidating to men. I also suspect I give off a mix of "little sister" and "I don't need you" and "I'm probably smarter than you" vibes, all of which don't get guys to ask me out.

But yeah, the sheer physical attributes of someone is probably way more important when all you have is a picture to go on, as it is with online dating. In person, it's much less important. I've seen some definitely not-physically-beautiful people get with kind, gorgeous people, because of the power of personality. It DOES happen. But yeah, if you're going by trends and numbers, you'll have an easier time online dating if you are physically attractive and un-intimidating. Doesn't mean being physically attractive and un-intimidating is going to solve all your relationship problems, though.

 

[Anita18]

About the school kind of. I started school really because I fell like I have no choice. I have tried to find a better job for a long time and its the same crap over and over again we are not highering come back later. I fell lost and stuck to the point where I fell like I have no choice if I am ever going to get a new job. I hate my job and not only that but so many job are like minimum rage or like $1 above and that is just not enough at all. But I am trying to get a degree in accounting because I am good with math. Really I would like to have a job with sports but I don't now how I would do that but if any thing I just want like any new job and a job that pays more then minimum rage and I would also like to not have to have a job on my feet all the time.

Accounting is a steady career, for sure. My father-in-law is a CPA and he never hurts for work!

 

[DA_Champion]

I haven't seen that. I've had some overweight/obese friends get way more dates than me, and I'm nearly model-thin. But they get those dates in real life, not online dating. Those friends are social and fun and un-intimidating, which is attractive to men. I took classes with a bona fide model, she was gorgeous but also had a very regal aura, which I could see as intimidating to men. I also suspect I give off a mix of "little sister" and "I don't need you" and "I'm probably smarter than you" vibes, all of which don't get guys to ask me out.

But yeah, the sheer physical attributes of someone is probably way more important when all you have is a picture to go on, as it is with online dating. In person, it's much less important. I've seen some definitely not-physically-beautiful people get with kind, gorgeous people, because of the power of personality. It DOES happen. But yeah, if you're going by trends and numbers, you'll have an easier time online dating if you are physically attractive and un-intimidating. Doesn't mean being physically attractive and un-intimidating is going to solve all your relationship problems, though.

Bear in mind that the definition of attractiveness varies from person to person.

These people you're dismissing as "obese" may have attributes going for them. Further, the sexual stigma against obesity is socially constructed, it's not in the genetic code, and that's why some men have no problem with obese women, and likewise some women with obese men. It's not as universal, for example, as the preference for youth in women, or a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio, or facial symmetry.

Shyness/personality can also have an impact but I think it's pedantic to point it out. The most beautiful woman I know didn't get her first genuine boyfriend until age 21 or so, that's very late. That's because she was a very shy girl and didn't go out as much. She became more outgoing and confident over the years, met more people, got more comfortable in her skin, and subsequently had a few really strong relationships and now has a kid.

I'm not advocating anybody focus only on looks. There's more to life than getting women. I travel regularly, I read on various topics, I take cooking classes and practice at home, I'm philanthropically active, I discuss film/TV with you guys, all the while keeping up with advanced developments in my field (astrophysics) ... but none of that has anything to do with women, and it will never help me get women. That stuff I do for me. And that's important.

 

[Anita18]

Bear in mind that the definition of attractiveness varies from person to person.

These people you're dismissing as "obese" may have attributes going for them. Further, the sexual stigma against obesity is socially constructed, it's not in the genetic code, and that's why some men have no problem with obese women, and likewise some women with obese men. It's not as universal, for example, as the preference for youth in women, or a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio, or facial symmetry.

Shyness/personality can also have an impact but I think it's pedantic to point it out. The most beautiful woman I know didn't get her first genuine boyfriend until age 21 or so, that's very late. That's because she was a very shy girl and didn't go out as much. She became more outgoing and confident over the years, met more people, got more comfortable in her skin, and subsequently had a few really strong relationships and now has a kid.

I'm not advocating anybody focus only on looks. There's more to life than getting women. I travel regularly, I read on various topics, I take cooking classes and practice at home, I'm philanthropically active, I discuss film/TV with you guys, all the while keeping up with advanced developments in my field (astrophysics) ... but none of that has anything to do with women, and it will never help me get women. That stuff I do for me. And that's important.

I find it interesting that you say that, yet you're acting with the assumption that everyone finds the same things attractive, like whiter teeth, more athletic build, being fashionable, etc. And that you said earlier, "An obese person who volounteers at the homeless shelter in her spare time probably won't be pursued romantically. Men won't care that she's kind. That's not enough."

So which is it?

 

[spiderman2]

Here's the thing though, the same thing can be said about sports. Even though you could probably find more more women into sports then say comics, can not being into sports be that big of a dealbreaker? It's like what some of us say here, finding someone that you connect with is more important than their interests. Who cares if she just tolerates it but at least can be supportive.



Well good luck with getting your accounting degree.

Well I don't really see how you can connect much with someone if you don't have some similer interest. Like I said what are you going to do stare at each other? What are you going to do for fun and talk about if you don't have similer interest. If a women dosnt like sports we are going to have like nothing to talk about.

Accounting is a steady career, for sure. My father-in-law is a CPA and he never hurts for work!

Yeah and I figured that even if I don't get a accounting degree it may help me at least get a bank job or a job in a office or something. I am also going to take a statistics class at some point to even if its not a degree in statistics still going to take it on the side.

 

[spiderman2]

Bear in mind that the definition of attractiveness varies from person to person.

These people you're dismissing as "obese" may have attributes going for them. Further, the sexual stigma against obesity is socially constructed, it's not in the genetic code, and that's why some men have no problem with obese women, and likewise some women with obese men. It's not as universal, for example, as the preference for youth in women, or a 0.7 waist-to-hip ratio, or facial symmetry.

Shyness/personality can also have an impact but I think it's pedantic to point it out. The most beautiful woman I know didn't get her first genuine boyfriend until age 21 or so, that's very late. That's because she was a very shy girl and didn't go out as much. She became more outgoing and confident over the years, met more people, got more comfortable in her skin, and subsequently had a few really strong relationships and now has a kid.

I'm not advocating anybody focus only on looks. There's more to life than getting women. I travel regularly, I read on various topics, I take cooking classes and practice at home, I'm philanthropically active, I discuss film/TV with you guys, all the while keeping up with advanced developments in my field (astrophysics) ... but none of that has anything to do with women, and it will never help me get women. That stuff I do for me. And that's important.

That is true not ever one thinks the same way when it comes to attractiveness. when it comes to looks. A women that is a say 6/10 when it comes to looks to one guy may be a 8/10 or a 4/10 to another guy. Some times I see guys with women where I think how can that guy be attractive to that lol. Or I see a women with a guy and I think man that women is so much better looking then that guy how can she find him attractive? Or like my friend is an example of this. He tends to like women with short hair, piercing and odd hair colors a lot of times like blue or purple. Me I think short hair on women just doesn't look right in less a women is like 70 years old. It makes them look to much like a guy. Out side of weight hair length is like the biggest thing that women can do to look better. Piercing I don't really like another then maybe on the ears. Odd hair color while just looks odd lol. In fact I think most women look there best with there national hair color. Like if a women has brown hair and then dies it blonde they tend to look worse.

When it comes to obese and body I don't think I could ever find a women attractive looks wise if she is like 300 lbs but if she is just a little over weight I don't think it is a big deal. At the same time there are some girls with curves that are good looking and some that are more skinning that are good looking to. I am about 20lbs over what I should be and I think I would look better if I was less but I am also sure if I weighed like 100 lbs more then I do that women would find me less attractive. Really I don't think I have a ceratiant kind of look that I am attractive to. I mean there are some brown heads I think are cute or hot and same thing with black or blonde. There are also some with all those hair colors I find to be ugly. There are some flat cheasted women I think are ugly and there are some I think are hot or cute. I just don't think there is really a standard look. I do think there are not a lot of good looking women that are red heads but I think a lot of that is just that there are not a lot of red heads in general out there.

Yeah when it comes to personality that is going to make things easier or harder. If some one is really outgoing it makes it easier to talk to them where if some one is shy it is harder. Me I am shy but if some one is outgoing it makes it easier for me to try to talk to them. Also if someone is shy they most likely are going to have less friends which means less people to meat people though. Where if some one is really out going they are most likely going to have a lot of friends so a lot more people to meat people though. If some one gives off a kind of full of them selfs attitude it is going to make it harder for another people to go up and talk to them.

 

[DA_Champion]

I find it interesting that you say that, yet you're acting with the assumption that everyone finds the same things attractive, like whiter teeth, more athletic build, being fashionable, etc. And that you said earlier, "An obese person who volounteers at the homeless shelter in her spare time probably won't be pursued romantically. Men won't care that she's kind. That's not enough."

So which is it?

I can probably do a better job of inserting the qualifier "probably" when necessary. For example the preference for fashionable is one that I would expect would vary the most from one person to the next out of the three examples you chose above We can easily see very wide dispersions in fashion preferences, but I don't know of anybody who prefers yellow crooked teeth.

All of these rules have exceptions, but in general you improve your odds very well by respecting some of them.

NB: Variations in looks preferences is not the same thing as looks not being very important.

 

[DA_Champion]

That is true not ever one thinks the same way when it comes to attractiveness. when it comes to looks. A women that is a say 6/10 when it comes to looks to one guy may be a 8/10 or a 4/10 to another guy. Some times I see guys with women where I think how can that guy be attractive to that lol. Or I see a women with a guy and I think man that women is so much better looking then that guy how can she find him attractive? Or like my friend is an example of this. He tends to like women with short hair, piercing and odd hair colors a lot of times like blue or purple. Me I think short hair on women just doesn't look right in less a women is like 70 years old. It makes them look to much like a guy. Out side of weight hair length is like the biggest thing that women can do to look better. Piercing I don't really like another then maybe on the ears. Odd hair color while just looks odd lol. In fact I think most women look there best with there national hair color. Like if a women has brown hair and then dies it blonde they tend to look worse.

When it comes to obese and body I don't think I could ever find a women attractive looks wise if she is like 300 lbs but if she is just a little over weight I don't think it is a big deal. At the same time there are some girls with curves that are good looking and some that are more skinning that are good looking to. I am about 20lbs over what I should be and I think I would look better if I was less but I am also sure if I weighed like 100 lbs more then I do that women would find me less attractive. Really I don't think I have a ceratiant kind of look that I am attractive to. I mean there are some brown heads I think are cute or hot and same thing with black or blonde. There are also some with all those hair colors I find to be ugly. There are some flat cheasted women I think are ugly and there are some I think are hot or cute. I just don't think there is really a standard look. I do think there are not a lot of good looking women that are red heads but I think a lot of that is just that there are not a lot of red heads in general out there.

Yeah when it comes to personality that is going to make things easier or harder. If some one is really outgoing it makes it easier to talk to them where if some one is shy it is harder. Me I am shy but if some one is outgoing it makes it easier for me to try to talk to them. Also if someone is shy they most likely are going to have less friends which means less people to meat people though. Where if some one is really out going they are most likely going to have a lot of friends so a lot more people to meat people though. If some one gives off a kind of full of them selfs attitude it is going to make it harder for another people to go up and talk to them.

You are somewhat picky when it comes to women but not more so than other men.

As a good rule of thumb, assume that the converse holds, that women are as picky as you are.

Given that, put some effort into your appearance. I realize that this will be difficult to do: most of the advice out there is really poor, and if there's anything wrong with you that you can fix easily it won't be trivial to find out. What are the right clothes for you? That's going to be hard to figure out. How should you get in better shape? That will be hard to figure out. Most friends will just tell you that you look great and that you should focus on being confident, that women like confidence and that this is all you need.

You will never be attractive to everybody. But with some intelligent effort you can improve your odds.

By the way, as far as I know, there are very few men who actually care about blondes vs brunettes vs redheads. I can only think of this professor at Harvard who says he prefers blondes, but even in that case he might have just said that because his wife is blonde.

 

[Six]

Every time this one girl asks me if I wanna hang out and I say "I'm busy/not feeling well/whatever excuse I come up with", it only makes her ask me out more, but the girl that I want to hang out with knows I want to hang out with her so she keeps flaking. Why does life have to be so cruel.

 

[the last son]

Is this the right time to use the word irony?