The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[Anita18]

I feel like its more selfishness than fear at this point. Things have been getting better in many areas of my life, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I had someone to share some moments with. But at the same time, this is really the first time in my life that I've had some financial freedom and I kinda want to enjoy it for a bit and build on things for myself. knowing myself, I would probably end up blowing a lot of money on trying to make a girl happy, regardless of how materialistic she may or may not be.

I call it a "distraction" because I know myself and, for better or worse, it's something that would be on my mind a lot. It's no secret here that I overthink and put the cart before there's even a horse to put in front of it. It's something I knew would happen for a long time, and being in a relationship in both good times and bad has shown me that I need to do a better job at managing my thoughts.

That's when you need to learn to trust yourself, my friend. You have to believe that someone would like you for you, and not what you can buy for her.

It's a mutual thing, believe me. I was super self-conscious and jealous in my first relationship, but was the complete opposite for my second. It's because of how my now-husband treated me too.

 

[SpideyVille]

That's when you need to learn to trust yourself, my friend. You have to believe that someone would like you for you, and not what you can buy for her.

It's a mutual thing, believe me. I was super self-conscious and jealous in my first relationship, but was the complete opposite for my second. It's because of how my now-husband treated me too.

Honestly, aside from still living at home, I feel like the biggest turn off a girl might get from me is that I don't have a car and don't at least know how to drive. But I'm at a point where I have my reasons for not being in any rush to learn, and if a girl is really that hung up about it, then that's on her not me. I'm totally not going to buy a car to impress her.

But yeah, now that I'm more aware of my own issues, I have a better sense of what kind of person I'd like to be with. And I would hope that it leads to better decisions in how I act and think when they're not around. Like while I feared that my ex would cheat on me, and told her on numerous occasions that her behavior seemed to support those fears, I never truly expected her to, even though she ultimately did. So I would hope to be smart enough to get out if I felt that way again, but also recognize whether there's actually any substance to those thoughts.

 

[Dark Raven]

Honestly, aside from still living at home, I feel like the biggest turn off a girl might get from me is that I don't have a car and don't at least know how to drive. But I'm at a point where I have my reasons for not being in any rush to learn, and if a girl is really that hung up about it, then that's on her not me. I'm totally not going to buy a car to impress her.

But yeah, now that I'm more aware of my own issues, I have a better sense of what kind of person I'd like to be with. And I would hope that it leads to better decisions in how I act and think when they're not around. Like while I feared that my ex would cheat on me, and told her on numerous occasions that her behavior seemed to support those fears, I never truly expected her to, even though she ultimately did. So I would hope to be smart enough to get out if I felt that way again, but also recognize whether there's actually any substance to those thoughts.

I don't think that's a turn off at all. If you lived here in London, many people don't own a car and everyone takes public transport, and some don't even know how to drive, or if they did, no-one would know anyway.

I also found that once I learned to drive many moons ago, I suddenly found I had no-one to really take around in my car. So fat lot of good that did as a chick magnet. It's just a skill in itself but not something that particularly attracts or puts girls off or not. A job or living at home is a different matter though.

 

[Hellion]

So, Hellion's looking for wuv online...

...where to start?

 

[Dark Raven]

So, Hellion's looking for wuv online...

...where to start?

You can start here:

http://wuv.edu/

 

[Erzengel]

I just checked online and what was the "best" online sites and it's sites I'm not familiar with.

 

[Legendver2]

All my friends are using Coffee meets Bagel app.

 

[Anita18]

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish, but that was 8 years ago. JJ's Ulcer met his wife on Tinder, though!

 

[Hellion]

All my friends are using Coffee meets Bagel app.

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish, but that was 8 years ago. JJ's Ulcer met his wife on Tinder, though!

Thanks, I'll look into these.

Someone I know recommended craigslist and I said if I ever want to be a headline, maybe.

 

[Erzengel]

I know people who've had success on eharmony and match, but those are all pre tinder.

 

[Anita18]

Thanks, I'll look into these.

Someone I know recommended craigslist and I said if I ever want to be a headline, maybe.

I tried Craigslist once, but I was inundated with guys who liked my writing but didn't like my face. After getting 1000 responses, not a single relationship out of it, although I did get a few dates.

But ya know, I didn't get killed or anything.

 

[SpideyVille]

I don't think that's a turn off at all. If you lived here in London, many people don't own a car and everyone takes public transport, and some don't even know how to drive, or if they did, no-one would know anyway.

I also found that once I learned to drive many moons ago, I suddenly found I had no-one to really take around in my car. So fat lot of good that did as a chick magnet. It's just a skill in itself but not something that particularly attracts or puts girls off or not. A job or living at home is a different matter though.

Yeah, I live in NYC and you can easily get around anywhere in the city through public transportation, or a cab if you really need it. But one of the things I've noticed in a lot of girl's profiles is that they all "love to travel," so I feel like a weekend trip out of the city is something they would want to do at the very least.

Of course, I could just find someone who is as much of a homebody as I am, or doesn't care about stuff like that. Ironically though, my ex stood with me and kinda helped support me for a bit when I had no job for over a year. It wasn't until I finally got a job that things really changed. But even then, that was mostly because she was immature, so I feel like someone who has a clear head on their shoulders wouldn't be as tolerant.

 

[Anita18]

LOL, everyone says they "love to travel" but few of even my peers with steady well-paying jobs have the time or money to really do it. (And those people I know who love to travel, would actually rather do it by themselves!)

The only big trips I take are with my family now, haha. Going with just my husband is too much of an expense, in terms of time off and money.

I wouldn't let it scare you. It's just something people say to make themselves sound more interesting.

 

[Hellion]

What are online profiles do's and don'ts...?

 

[DA_Champion]

With movies, it is supposedly better to show than to tell. I believe this anyway.

Might also be the case with online dating profiles. Saying that you love to travel is irrelevant. Travel photos though? Great.

 

[DA_Champion]

About to restart online dating after a break of a few months.

I'm not going to spam this forum with pictures of myself. But if someone is willing to do me a favour, I can PM you some photos of myself and you can suggest to me which combination is best. I just asked some friends to do this, but asking strangers might be better/complementary.

 

[Anita18]

What are online profiles do's and don'ts...?

Nowadays? Probably mostly good pictures. A witty profile that shows some individual personality obviously doesn't hurt.

But in the end, you don't really know what will be the clincher. I messaged my husband first. I remember seeing his pictures and thought he was pretty cute, saw his occupation was "engineer" and was like "hey my dad's an engineer, I can handle that!" and the rest is history.

I mean, I sure wasn't getting anywhere with the actor wannabes in LA. I'm not nearly pretty enough for those. But a fellow nerd isn't as picky!

 

[Anita18]

About to restart online dating after a break of a few months.

I'm not going to spam this forum with pictures of myself. But if someone is willing to do me a favour, I can PM you some photos of myself and you can suggest to me which combination is best. I just asked some friends to do this, but asking strangers might be better/complementary.

Sure you can PM me. Might be a good idea to gimme the entire profile just so I can see what you're doing as a whole.

 

[SpideyVille]

LOL, everyone says they "love to travel" but few of even my peers with steady well-paying jobs have the time or money to really do it. (And those people I know who love to travel, would actually rather do it by themselves!)

The only big trips I take are with my family now, haha. Going with just my husband is too much of an expense, in terms of time off and money.

I wouldn't let it scare you. It's just something people say to make themselves sound more interesting.

I just find it funny how on OKCupid, most girls say they spend a lot of time thinking about "my next trip." For me, that's a bit of a turn off because it makes me feel like I would hold them back from doing what they want or something. Not to mention, I've kinda realized that I'm also scared to fly, so if the girl has family that is not from here, and she visits them every holiday or something, I feel like it might be hard for me to cross that threshold.

Obviously I'm thinking too much and way too far ahead about it, but my mind is much more at peace knowing that I may not have to deal with any of this.

What are online profiles do's and don'ts...?

As far as pictures go, try not to include too many in groups of people where it might be hard to figure out which one is you. No one really likes to play the guessing game in figuring that out. Also, what I personally hate is seeing 10 pictures that all look like selfies that don't show anything more than just the girl's face. You don't want people to feel deceived if they think you look one way and you end up looking completely different in person. With that said, use some flattering photos, unlike you want to go the humor route and use some wacky photos/poses.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah, I live in NYC and you can easily get around anywhere in the city through public transportation, or a cab if you really need it. But one of the things I've noticed in a lot of girl's profiles is that they all "love to travel," so I feel like a weekend trip out of the city is something they would want to do at the very least.

Of course, I could just find someone who is as much of a homebody as I am, or doesn't care about stuff like that. Ironically though, my ex stood with me and kinda helped support me for a bit when I had no job for over a year. It wasn't until I finally got a job that things really changed. But even then, that was mostly because she was immature, so I feel like someone who has a clear head on their shoulders wouldn't be as tolerant.

Love to travel can mean outside the tri state area. Europe, Asia, other parts of the US. And before you say, well that's not what I'm into, have you ever tried it?

And I would at least learn how to drive because it might be easier to learn now then time passing by and you're older and having difficulties. I know enough people who never learned or couldn't learn to drive and now they live in areas where they are dependent on others.

 

[Hellion]

Nowadays? Probably mostly good pictures. A witty profile that shows some individual personality obviously doesn't hurt.

But in the end, you don't really know what will be the clincher. I messaged my husband first. I remember seeing his pictures and thought he was pretty cute, saw his occupation was "engineer" and was like "hey my dad's an engineer, I can handle that!" and the rest is history.

I mean, I sure wasn't getting anywhere with the actor wannabes in LA. I'm not nearly pretty enough for those. But a fellow nerd isn't as picky!

As far as pictures go, try not to include too many in groups of people where it might be hard to figure out which one is you. No one really likes to play the guessing game in figuring that out. Also, what I personally hate is seeing 10 pictures that all look like selfies that don't show anything more than just the girl's face. You don't want people to feel deceived if they think you look one way and you end up looking completely different in person. With that said, use some flattering photos, unlike you want to go the humor route and use some wacky photos/poses.

Thanks for the help and undertaking this mission. Some of you may die trying as you assist me, but your contributions will be remembered and noted.

 

[Dark Raven]

I would say be true to yourself on your profile. You can say you are willing to try different things, but if you're not into travelling or being outdoors (or whatever it might be) then don't try to fake it on your profile. There are some people who are really into that, and once you begin talking with them they'll see you don't actually share the same passion as them if your idea of being outdoors is actually just going out on your balcony or back garden. You won't truly enjoy it either if they're really into something and it's simply not your cup of tea.

 

[Anita18]

I just find it funny how on OKCupid, most girls say they spend a lot of time thinking about "my next trip." For me, that's a bit of a turn off because it makes me feel like I would hold them back from doing what they want or something. Not to mention, I've kinda realized that I'm also scared to fly, so if the girl has family that is not from here, and she visits them every holiday or something, I feel like it might be hard for me to cross that threshold.

Um, not only that, but someone who honestly spends a lot of time "thinking about their next trip" is probably pretty spoiled and has their heads in the clouds. Typically, people spend a lot of time working or enjoying their other hobbies, not dreaming about their upcoming trip(s). The only person I know who actively does that is my shopaholic aunt, and nothing is ever good enough for her.

My sister travels A TON, for work and for leisure. She just came back from a 2-week trip to Thailand with friends and then jetted off again to Detroit a few days later for a work thing. And she doesn't spend every free minute dreaming about her next trip. She's too busy living in the real world for that.

To me, someone who spends most of their time dreaming about what's coming up, isn't someone I want as a life partner solving problems with me.

 

[DA_Champion]

I just checked online and what was the "best" online sites and it's sites I'm not familiar with.

What did you find?

 

[Erzengel]

Well tinder was one. Spark is one which is essentially (Christian Mingle, JDate, Black Singles etc.), Meetme.