The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[SpideyVille]

Love to travel can mean outside the tri state area. Europe, Asia, other parts of the US. And before you say, well that's not what I'm into, have you ever tried it?

And I would at least learn how to drive because it might be easier to learn now then time passing by and you're older and having difficulties. I know enough people who never learned or couldn't learn to drive and now they live in areas where they are dependent on others.

To be honest, I kinda would like to travel and visit some historical places. I'd love to spend a month in Italy. But the big issue with that is my anxiety. Even traveling to some place in Manhattan, where I'll most likely spend less than an hour at, is enough to trigger it. It's definitely easier if I have someone to talk to and travel with, but my anxiety is always triggered, and the main way it manifests is through stomach issues. Add in my picky eating habits, which is another mental issue there, it becomes really difficult for me to adjust to a new place. It was a big reason why I freaked out when I was originally supposed to go to Stony Brook for college, and I was only there for one night.

So I try to be realistic. I know that there comes a point where I need to just deal with it, like I have at my job, but even then, any little change, like when we moved to a new floor, is enough to set me off for a bit. So I'd much rather avoid that as much as possible in any situation. It's also why I try to let people know that I do have these issues, because I want them to understand why I am this way and how I'm not trying to be a difficult person, but can't help certain things. I saw first hand how it can affect a relationship and I'm trying not to make the same mistake in any relationship, whether it be romantic or friendly.

Um, not only that, but someone who honestly spends a lot of time "thinking about their next trip" is probably pretty spoiled and has their heads in the clouds. Typically, people spend a lot of time working or enjoying their other hobbies, not dreaming about their upcoming trip(s). The only person I know who actively does that is my shopaholic aunt, and nothing is ever good enough for her.

My sister travels A TON, for work and for leisure. She just came back from a 2-week trip to Thailand with friends and then jetted off again to Detroit a few days later for a work thing. And she doesn't spend every free minute dreaming about her next trip. She's too busy living in the real world for that.

To me, someone who spends most of their time dreaming about what's coming up, isn't someone I want as a life partner solving problems with me.

Yeah, I look at it as either they have way too much time on their hands, or they're just trying to sound exciting. To be fair, some actually have photos of themselves at some of these places. But I just don't want to feel like I'm holding them back or disappointing them if I choose not to take a trip.

It's funny though because my brother has been with his wife for nearly 20 years, and at his job for that same amount of time, and it wasn't until last year that he finally took a plane to DR with her for some cousin's wedding. Other than that, he's never gone on any kind of vacation or trip with her or their kids. He's only outgoing because of her, but if she weren't around, I doubt he'd want to leave the house too when he has free time. But maybe it's the fact that, aside from my sister, who lives in California, no one in my family has even gone on a plane or traveled to some exciting place, that I don't feel the need or desire to travel.

 

[Dark Raven]

Yeah, I live in NYC and you can easily get around anywhere in the city through public transportation, or a cab if you really need it. But one of the things I've noticed in a lot of girl's profiles is that they all "love to travel," so I feel like a weekend trip out of the city is something they would want to do at the very least.

Of course, I could just find someone who is as much of a homebody as I am, or doesn't care about stuff like that. Ironically though, my ex stood with me and kinda helped support me for a bit when I had no job for over a year. It wasn't until I finally got a job that things really changed. But even then, that was mostly because she was immature, so I feel like someone who has a clear head on their shoulders wouldn't be as tolerant.

I think a weekend trip out of the city is something a bit down the line. It wouldn't be a first or second date certainly. And you wouldn't want to suggest something like that too early. The point is though that I can't imagine girls wanting to get in someone's car that they've just met too early on because they don't know what this person could be like. Their date could be charming and seemingly safe all evening, but then could turn out to be a rapist or killer, and getting in a stranger's car might seem like an unsafe thing to do.

But by the time you even get to the stage where you could potentially go away with that person for the weekend and that they trust you enough to get in your car, well the "relationship" may not have even lasted that long. It could have ended before then, or you might find you don't even want to go away somewhere with this person. So it's not something that should be seen as a hindrance whether you can drive or not, because you may not even need to use that skill.

But you should learn to drive just as a skill in itself for your own sake, and not in the hope to take a girl somewhere. It comes in useful, for example, where you might want to stay longer at a place but would otherwise be restricted if you have to get home before public transport ceases for the night or you don't want to have to call a cab. As for making me more attractive for driving a car, I don't think that has done anything in itself.

 

[Hellion]

Going back to online profiles? What if I'm like...boring?

Career? Freelance Writer/Aspiring Author who just released first book...but it doesn't pay the bills...
School? Pursuing a degree...
Hobbies/Interests? Comic Book Nerd...well, I'm on the Hype duh!

 

[Anita18]

Going back to online profiles? What if I'm like...boring?

Career? Freelance Writer/Aspiring Author who just released first book...but it doesn't pay the bills...
School? Pursuing a degree...
Hobbies/Interests? Comic Book Nerd...well, I'm on the Hype duh!

Only the naive or super-picky actively want "exciting" people. Everyone wants an "exciting" person, until they find out said person is a workaholic and doesn't have the space in their lives for wooing someone like in the movies.

My sister did ask me once, how to make one of her suitors "more interesting" and I was like, "You don't?" She eventually broke up with him, but IMO it wasn't because he was "boring," but because he was a pushover. He doesn't do anything unless he's been pressured into it. Apparently he only asked her out because his friends told him to. Totally didn't impress her when she found out, because she is a go-getter to the max.

So um, don't be that guy.

What makes you interesting is how passionate you feel about your "boring" interests.

 

[DA_Champion]

Only the naive or super-picky actively want "exciting" people. Everyone wants an "exciting" person, until they find out said person is a workaholic and doesn't have the space in their lives for wooing someone like in the movies.

My sister did ask me once, how to make one of her suitors "more interesting" and I was like, "You don't?" She eventually broke up with him, but IMO it wasn't because he was "boring," but because he was a pushover. He doesn't do anything unless he's been pressured into it. Apparently he only asked her out because his friends told him to. Totally didn't impress her when she found out, because she is a go-getter to the max.

So um, don't be that guy.

What makes you interesting is how passionate you feel about your "boring" interests.

IMO, you can't make a partner more interesting, he's interesting or he's not.

 

[Dark Raven]

Going back to online profiles? What if I'm like...boring?

Career? Freelance Writer/Aspiring Author who just released first book...but it doesn't pay the bills...
School? Pursuing a degree...
Hobbies/Interests? Comic Book Nerd...well, I'm on the Hype duh!

Don't you have any other interests or hobbies though? I have dozens which don't involve comics at all. I even found that trying to date someone who was also a fellow comic book reader wasn't all it cracked up to be. We didn't even really spend that much time talking about that in practice, and when we did I found that I didn't really want to talk about that with her that much anyway because I wanted to know her and not what happened in a comic book. And when she introduced me to friends of hers that were also comic book/ gaming nerds they all seemed too nerdy for me and I felt out of place. I think the Hype is good for talking about this kind of stuff online so that you don't have to spend too much time talking about that in real life.

It's good to have other interests outside of comics too.

 

[Anita18]

IMO, you can't make a partner more interesting, he's interesting or he's not.

And "interesting" is totally subjective too. What I find interesting might be super-boring to someone else. My husband and I once had a totally serious conversation about the ramifications of Apple requiring HTTPS for mobile apps. It would make most people's eyes glaze over.

But I mean, "interest" still only works if you have an actual opinion about something.

 

[Dark Raven]

And "interesting" is totally subjective too. What I find interesting might be super-boring to someone else. My husband and I once had a totally serious conversation about the ramifications of Apple requiring HTTPS for mobile apps. It would make most people's eyes glaze over.

But I mean, "interest" still only works if you have an actual opinion about something.

I was starting to fall asleep before I got to the end of that sentence.

 

[Erzengel]

My wife and I had a 15 minute discussion on whether or not Obi-Wan told Owen and Beru everything about Luke's parentage.

 

[Hellion]

My wife and I had a 15 minute discussion on whether or not Obi-Wan told Owen and Beru everything about Luke's parentage.

This is what I want, lol. The important things in life.

 

[Hellion]

Don't you have any other interests or hobbies though? I have dozens which don't involve comics at all. I even found that trying to date someone who was also a fellow comic book reader wasn't all it cracked up to be. We didn't even really spend that much time talking about that in practice, and when we did I found that I didn't really want to talk about that with her that much anyway because I wanted to know her and not what happened in a comic book. And when she introduced me to friends of hers that were also comic book/ gaming nerds they all seemed too nerdy for me and I felt out of place. I think the Hype is good for talking about this kind of stuff online so that you don't have to spend too much time talking about that in real life.

It's good to have other interests outside of comics too.

Comic books VERSUS investing and collecting precious metals and coins.

One is fun, one guarantees I'll be robbed after mentioning it.

I'm mostly my writing.

 

[Dark Raven]

*Sigh*. My music tutor creates all kinds of feelings in me. I've never been in this kind of situation before with a music teacher, because I only ever had private lessons before as a child and not as an adult so this sort of thing never came up, and I didn't relate to previous teachers before in the same sort of way. I didn't fancy any previous teachers anyway.

I don't want to stop lessons with her because I searched long and hard for a good teacher whom I would get on with well and would be good at teaching. And she would also be sad if I suddenly stopped too and would wonder what she did wrong. I couldn't tell her the real reason I would stop if I did decide to do that, because that would be a no-no. But I can't really become distant or start acting differently either, otherwise she would suspect something is up. It almost feels like I've just got to grit my teeth and bear it for the moment until these feelings for her pass.

 

[Victarion]

"We should get a drink sometime."

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

So I need to know if this is FUBAR'd or what. Basically, I've been friends with this girl for over a year, always thought she was attractive but she was always dating other guys so I never pursued anything. We've become pretty close friends, she knows things about me I wouldn't normally volunteer to someone I wanted to date. We talk/text on a fairly regular basis, she is finishing her bachelor's and is busy with that all the time but still makes time for me. We send each other memes and she was the one that started with the sexual ones too.

This past Fri we were supposed to hangout since I had to give her some money I owed her for helping with her car (accidentally broke part of her dash on a road-trip a few months ago and told her I'd pay for it). I thought I was gonna be balling on this check but stuff came up and that was not the case, she had a ton of homework due on Sunday anyway but still offered to scoop me and give me a ride home (over an hour round trip for her). We grabbed some coffee and had a good talk on the way and also listened to good music. She laughed at my stupid jokes and gave me kind of knowing smile when I made a sexual innuendo. I tried to see if she wanted to hit the new years party with me but she said we'd be really late and we'd talk about it when it got closer.

Then she saw a billboard for Halloween Horror nights and said we should do that so I told her let's do it. Fast forward to Sunday and I called her to ask if she'd give me an opinion on a mix and when she wanted to go to Halloween Horror nights but she didn't give me a definitive answer. We were texting later that night and I asked again but didn't hear back from her.

So at this point I was kind of feeling like didn't want to go and was gonna let it rest for a bit. Next day though I had to talk to her about money for our group so I figured I'd ask again. She was in class but was talking to me about the money and after we figured out that I asked if her avoiding the question was a no on Halloween Horror nights. So she wanted to know what date was I looking at and I told her it didn't matter, whatever worked for her.

Here is were the f*** up happens, I'm also a dork and still think it's hilarious, but I didn't hear back from her for like 10-15 mins even though we had been texting so I asked her if "Does any day you want not work for you? *laugh emoji*) She hit me back with she was in class and to chill. I told her I was just busting her balls.

After that, I decided I was being too pushy (still think it was funny as hell) so I haven't hit her up.

So again, is this FUBAR'd?

 

[Dark Raven]

I have no idea what you mean by that word. It's like someone did a find and replace on your text.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I have no idea what you mean by that word. It's like someone did a find and replace on your text.

FUBAR is military slang for F***ed Up Beyond All Repair haha.

 

[Lily Adler]

And "interesting" is totally subjective too. What I find interesting might be super-boring to someone else. My husband and I once had a totally serious conversation about the ramifications of Apple requiring HTTPS for mobile apps. It would make most people's eyes glaze over.

But I mean, "interest" still only works if you have an actual opinion about something.

Go ooooon. Probably one of the most interesting things I've read today.

 

[Erzengel]

*Sigh*. My music tutor creates all kinds of feelings in me. I've never been in this kind of situation before with a music teacher, because I only ever had private lessons before as a child and not as an adult so this sort of thing never came up, and I didn't relate to previous teachers before in the same sort of way. I didn't fancy any previous teachers anyway.

I don't want to stop lessons with her because I searched long and hard for a good teacher whom I would get on with well and would be good at teaching. And she would also be sad if I suddenly stopped too and would wonder what she did wrong. I couldn't tell her the real reason I would stop if I did decide to do that, because that would be a no-no. But I can't really become distant or start acting differently either, otherwise she would suspect something is up. It almost feels like I've just got to grit my teeth and bear it for the moment until these feelings for her pass.

As long as you can practice self control, this is essentially all on you. Either find someone new because you can't handle developing feelings you have which honestly, is a couple of hours once a week or deal with it?

You should really put some effort meeting other people because you may be pigeon holding yourself if this is the only member of the opposite sex that's giving you some type of attention.

 

[AlluAllu]

I even found that trying to date someone who was also a fellow comic book reader wasn't all it cracked up to be.

I've been in a relationship with another comic book nerd since summer. She is amazing and I really appreciate that we have common interests, but that also means that we can potentially disagree on more things. For example, she thinks Superman is lame-ish and for some reason really dislikes the Nolan Bat-trilogy. But I can live with that if it eventually means living with her.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Alright then, guess I'll go f*** myself. Good talk guys

 

[Erzengel]

I'm sure classes are important, but if going to that Halloween thing was also important to her she will bring it up or text you. If not, then it obviously wasn't.

As of right now, leave it alone until she messages you even though you owe her money. You made an effort, you don't need to chase her about it.

 

[Dark Raven]

As long as you can practice self control, this is essentially all on you. Either find someone new because you can't handle developing feelings you have which honestly, is a couple of hours once a week or deal with it?

You should really put some effort meeting other people because you may be pigeon holding yourself if this is the only member of the opposite sex that's giving you some type of attention.

Oh she isn't the only member of the opposite sex I interact with or who gives me any type of attention at all. She just happened to be someone I like because I get on with her and she's very pretty. It's not like I am so starved for any kind of attention that any bone someone throws me - even the type she's giving me during a lesson - is something I will lap up, because otherwise that would mean anyone else (and there are other people) who give me some kind of attention I would automatically develop feelings for, but that is not the case. It just happens there is a particular personality mix here with this girl that means I like talking to her. But she could equally have been someone doing the exact same role of teaching me something and I might not have gotten on with her or felt something for her.

 

[Anita18]

Here is were the f*** up happens, I'm also a dork and still think it's hilarious, but I didn't hear back from her for like 10-15 mins even though we had been texting so I asked her if "Does any day you want not work for you? *laugh emoji*) She hit me back with she was in class and to chill. I told her I was just busting her balls.

After that, I decided I was being too pushy (still think it was funny as hell) so I haven't hit her up.

So again, is this FUBAR'd?

Um, it doesn't sound that FUBAR'd? Just some timing issues.

Go ooooon. Probably one of the most interesting things I've read today.

I forgot exactly what the terms were, but basically, buying a secure connection for your website or app isn't free. A good one costs about $100 a year, so for Apple to require that of all of its independent app developers was kind of lame. At the same time, it gives Apple another bump up from the Google Play store, because IIRC anyone can have an app in the Google Play store, which means you can get malware pretty easily. The Apple review process is a notorious PITA, but at least you can be assured that any app you download from the App Store isn't malware, and will have a secure connection.

Has your brain leaked out of your ears yet?

This weekend, there was another consideration he brought up - Apple is cleaning shop and removing apps that don't support the iPhone 6, including old apps that still work but aren't sized for it. It involves him because he's considering whether to let his first game get removed from the App Store, or to spend the time updating it even if it doesn't bring him that much revenue. It looked good on his resume when he was just starting out because he doesn't have a computer science degree, but now that he's worked on bigger and better things (on a team), maybe that simple first game isn't needed anymore.

Yes, those are the kinds of discussions we have.

I've been in a relationship with another comic book nerd since summer. She is amazing and I really appreciate that we have common interests, but that also means that we can potentially disagree on more things. For example, she thinks Superman is lame-ish and for some reason really dislikes the Nolan Bat-trilogy. But I can live with that if it eventually means living with her.

That actually might be a deal breaker with me.

My hubs isn't nearly the nerd I am, but he thinks TDK was pretty awesome.

 

[AlluAllu]

That actually might be a deal breaker with me.

My hubs isn't nearly the nerd I am, but he thinks TDK was pretty awesome.

Well, she introduced Welcome to Nightvale to me, so I can overlook that.

 

[Lily Adler]

Um, it doesn't sound that FUBAR'd? Just some timing issues.


I forgot exactly what the terms were, but basically, buying a secure connection for your website or app isn't free. A good one costs about $100 a year, so for Apple to require that of all of its independent app developers was kind of lame. At the same time, it gives Apple another bump up from the Google Play store, because IIRC anyone can have an app in the Google Play store, which means you can get malware pretty easily. The Apple review process is a notorious PITA, but at least you can be assured that any app you download from the App Store isn't malware, and will have a secure connection.

Has your brain leaked out of your ears yet?

This weekend, there was another consideration he brought up - Apple is cleaning shop and removing apps that don't support the iPhone 6, including old apps that still work but aren't sized for it. It involves him because he's considering whether to let his first game get removed from the App Store, or to spend the time updating it even if it doesn't bring him that much revenue. It looked good on his resume when he was just starting out because he doesn't have a computer science degree, but now that he's worked on bigger and better things (on a team), maybe that simple first game isn't needed anymore.

Yes, those are the kinds of discussions we have.


That actually might be a deal breaker with me.

My hubs isn't nearly the nerd I am, but he thinks TDK was pretty awesome.

I haven't dealt with the Play Store process for uploading apps, but yes I heard that they were notorious for more lenient practices which has resulted in some questionable apps getting in. Apple and apparently Microsoft purging the contents of their dead apps in their stores is a smart move, but also shows they actually care about quality over quantity. I actually think your husband shouldn't worry about the game. If he only needed it to show off his "excellent compuper skills" in place of a computer science degree, but has done some more impressive projects since then; then I don't see the need to update it. Is he an App Store developer exclusively or did he play with other platforms? Or was it just a one time thing?