The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MissMarvelous]

I have no "actively" crushing anyone at the moment.
It's quite an emotional respite. Like a mind vacation. Highly recommended.

Indeed! But as long as they stay "short", it's ok.

But when those vacations get too long, like a permanent state, it can be sh!tty.

 

[MovieSlave]

Well, I second that motion! Mainly because it will keep you "out there" and this is how we meet people, rather than staying at home (like I'm doing right now but I'm cool with this by now). Just keep in mind that it didn't work with her the first time, due to your schedules... Don't fool yourself and hope it changes, or at least not immediately.

Oh I know. My mindset right now is just to get laid and not take things seriously right away and then see where her head is at with us two.

 

[GunBlade]

Looking for general advice.

Yes, she's aware of the cost. She reasons that birth is expensive, too.

Do you have a confidant irl who can counsel you on these issues? You’re better off with that than seeking marriage advice from net strangers who don’t really know you and your wife

 

[MissMarvelous]

Sometimes people really let go with strangers rather than with IRL friends.

 

[Mandon Knight]

Approaching 7 months together with my other half (1st Nov) and we are SO happy, part of reason why I've been on here far less. #soulmatefound.

 

[MrWayne]

Oh I know. My mindset right now is just to get laid and not take things seriously right away and then see where her head is at with us two.

Another approach could be to build a foundation of friendship first before getting all sexed out.
I tend to find things last longer this way. That's is only if you would want anything long term. If not.. Pipe away.

 

[MovieSlave]

Another approach could be to build a foundation of friendship first before getting all sexed out.
I tend to find things last longer this way. That's is only if you would want anything long term. If not.. Pipe away.

Definitely. That usually works best before jumping into a relationship, starting off as friends that is. We started fooling around third time we went out though so we're definitely at a point where we have sex each time we are together.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Another approach could be to build a foundation of friendship first before getting all sexed out.

Question out of curiosity, and for you too, @MovieSlave: what if you get "friendzoned"?

 

[MovieSlave]

Question out of curiosity, and for you too, @MovieSlave: what if you get "friendzoned"?

That can go a few different ways. If you really and I mean really like her, then it might be best to move on and save yourself some pain. If you can handle just being friends and start looking for someone else that's always a win/win...for the most part.

Starting off building a friendship first can be a good thing to really see if you are compatible but obviously can backfire for either person if the friendzone thing happens.

Luckily I've never really been in that situation in the past. My ex and I started off as friends. We were friends for about five years while she was dating someone else at the time. When she was single we started hanging out more, just the two of us and went from there.

This current woman I'm with, we don't hang out often due to work schedules but it's kind of nice to have our space here and there.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't believe in a friendzone. It's either they are attracted to you or they aren't.

The thing about starting off as friends, at least to me, entirely depends on what I'm looking for. If I was single, and I'm instantly connecting to someone, it'd be unfair to me and to her to go under the pretense of "friendship" when it's more apparent I'm biding my time.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I don't believe in a friendzone. It's either they are attracted to you or they aren't.

The thing about starting off as friends, at least to me, entirely depends on what I'm looking for. If I was single, and I'm instantly connecting to someone, it'd be unfair to me and to her to go under the pretense of "friendship" when it's more apparent I'm biding my time.

Exactly! And that's why I asked. Because you are basically lying to the other person.. and you have ulterior motives. If along the way you discover that you felt in love with the other person, awesome! It can happen.

But to call yourself her/his friend when all you want is do the nasty with love... that's not nice. It is! But no.

 

[MovieSlave]

I think you both took what I'm saying the wrong way just a tad. Even my ex says that everyone she's ever dated started off as friends. She says it's better that way so you can truly get to know them and not possibly waste time quickly jumping into a relationship with someone you barely know which could easily end in a breakup. Basically weeding out people you might not connect with. It's not a matter of biding your time or messing with the other person but simply not just jumping right into fooling around. Basically trying to get a feel for the person. It's not on a level of playing games with the person or not being honest.

As far as the friendzone existing or not, it does in fact exist but depends on the situation and the person.

Where a lot of guys get labeling something the friendzone wrong (the ones who complain about it of course) is usually because they don't have the courage to tell this or that girl they like them and it never goes anywhere. Then they get bitter if the girl they like starts dating someone else. Basically the friendzone exists but it's usually not the woman who puts the guy there but the guy who puts himself in that position if he doesn't open up to her.

The other situation or type is on the woman at times. I know some guys who were in the situation where the woman was in fact using them as the shoulder to cry on whenever she got ****ed over by this or that ***hole knowing the male friend liked her a lot. When it comes to selfishly using someone in that way, that to me is the type of friendzone guys can rightfully be angry about. With that said, they need to adult up and push her away if they know they are being used in a way.

 

[Erzengel]

I think you both took what I'm saying the wrong way just a tad. Even my ex says that everyone she's ever dated started off as friends. She says it's better that way so you can truly get to know them and not possibly waste time quickly jumping into a relationship with someone you barely know which could easily end in a breakup. Basically weeding out people you might not connect with. It's not a matter of biding your time or messing with the other person but simply not just jumping right into fooling around. Basically trying to get a feel for the person. It's not on a level of playing games with the person or not being honest.

I think "making friends" is easier when one is younger, in school or at a job that's not necessarily your career. It's a lot harder to make new friends once you're out of school, unless you work at a pretty big outfit or you're part of some sort of social club, etc.

Most of the avenues to meet people, especially online such as Tinder, Match, etc. is on the basis that you are looking for more than just friends.

As far as the friendzone existing or not, it does in fact exist but depends on the situation and the person.

Where a lot of guys get labeling something the friendzone wrong (the ones who complain about it of course) is usually because they don't have the courage to tell this or that girl they like them and it never goes anywhere. Then they get bitter if the girl they like starts dating someone else. Basically the friendzone exists but it's usually not the woman who puts the guy there but the guy who puts himself in that position if he doesn't open up to her.

The other situation or type is on the woman at times. I know some guys who were in the situation where the woman was in fact using them as the shoulder to cry on whenever she got ****ed over by this or that ***hole knowing the male friend liked her a lot. When it comes to selfishly using someone in that way, that to me is the type of friendzone guys can rightfully be angry about. With that said, they need to adult up and push her away if they know they are being used in a way.

Even the latter part, the guy can still be faulted. How many times is he going to let this girl cry on his shoulder when it's been made known that he likes her. Cut the cord and walk away. If he chooses to stay in that relationship, that's on him.

 

[MovieSlave]

I think "making friends" is easier when one is younger, in school or at a job that's not necessarily your career. It's a lot harder to make new friends once you're out of school, unless you work at a pretty big outfit or you're part of some sort of social club, etc.

Most of the avenues to meet people, especially online such as Tinder, Match, etc. is on the basis that you are looking for more than just friends.

Yeah, when it comes to dating apps it's definitely about being more than just friends to start off. I should have clarified that I meant when you meet someone in your social circle as it might expand.

Even the latter part, the guy can still be faulted. How many times is he going to let this girl cry on his shoulder when it's been made known that he likes her. Cut the cord and walk away. If he chooses to stay in that relationship, that's on him.

That's what I was saying at the very end of my post. He needs to adult up and as you put it, "cut the cord". Sadly some guys just keep pining after someone who isn't into them and they just get stuck being miserable.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Wait, then how the heck do your approach the other person? Or is it just that you withhold sex and demonstration of affection up to a point, and you call that a friendship?

 

[MovieSlave]

Wait, then how the heck do your approach the other person? Or is it just that you withhold sex and demonstration of affection up to a point, and you call that a friendship?

I had to correct myself in my response to Erzengel. I should have clarified in my original post that I meant when you're meeting someone in your circle of friends not on an app or somewhere a bit random out in public. Like a friend introduces you to another friend but in a casual way. Like at a get together or party where they aren't trying to play matchmaker but simply introducing you to someone.

Basically if it's someone you hang out with casually with other friends and start to like them more and more. My initial post was way too basic and not detailed about the scenario enough. That was my bad.

 

[MissMarvelous]

That was my bad.

Bad, MovieSlave, bad boy

It happens!

Notwithstanding, it could be that that kind of approach works for you as well for some others (women included!). There's not ONE way that works for every single sould out there.

 

[Erzengel]

Personally, that'll be hard for me still. I think the only way I can make friends with someone is if I kinda knew that we weren't compatible or if I was otherwise involved. If I was single, I'd still be measuring someone up if I was introduced to them, especially if I found them attractive. But that's me.

 

[MrWayne]

Question out of curiosity, and for you too, @MovieSlave: what if you get "friendzoned"?

I didn't mean to befriend and then work on building up to a romance/intimacy.

I mean.. Date, go out, maybe kiss and make out. But focus on time together, conversations, genuine interest in each others tastes, likes, dislikes, passions, wants and desires... Build.

Nature, chemistry and time will determine where things go naturally, and ultimately.
Basically, try not to think with the wrong head. If indeed you want something meaningful that is.

This is not always the case as we all know, and while times have changed much with regards to dating of course, I do think this approach can work better than getting laid first and then lets date.

It shows the other person you're interest in them goes beyond the physical and in the end you may stand out more as the guy who has values who can actually respect and appreciate a woman beyond her looks and your physical needs.

Long story short.. don't meet a woman and bang her the first night.

Not saying you cant have a great and committed relationship with someone in that scenario. But statistically speaking, men tend to lose interest rather fast once they get laid without any effort.

Consciously or subconsciously you may think and wonder if it was that easy for you.. Do you really want that as a quality in your GF or potential wife?

These are just my thoughts on the matter. Opinions..

 

[MissMarvelous]

Consciously or subconsciously you may think and wonder if it was that easy for you.. Do you really want that as a quality in your GF or potential wife?

I'm not much of a feminazi, but I truly hate this part in particular : "Do you really want that as a quality in your GF or potential wife?", what? Women are not supposed to enjoy sex as well? I get that the question is out there and most people think the same as you do but it doesn't make it less... "hurtful" or ****ty.

Men can do it, but women can't.

 

[Flash525]

Another approach could be to build a foundation of friendship first before getting all sexed out. I tend to find things last longer this way.

Definitely. That usually works best before jumping into a relationship, starting off as friends that is.

I’m not sure building a friendship is the right term here, cause surely that implies you want sexy time with them at a later date? To befriend someone would imply a platonic relationship.

It’s one thing to start off as friends with a natural development, it’s another thing entirely to befriend someone with the long (or short) term goal of jumping into bed with them.

I haven’t had an excessive number of dates to compare here, but of those I have had, it’s difficult to imagine a true friendship forming from one.

People go on dates with a goal (usually), that being something at the end of the night, or something that develops. People don’t go on dates to make friends. In my experience the whole friendship card is just a nicer way for them to turn you down.

I don't believe in a friendzone. It's either they are attracted to you or they aren't.

Pretty much this.

I think "making friends" is easier when one is younger, in school or at a job that's not necessarily your career. It's a lot harder to make new friends once you're out of school, unless you work at a pretty big outfit or you're part of some sort of social club, etc.

On this I’d also agree and expand upon that by saying that, as adults, that’s where you’re going to lose touch with a lot of your friends. Jobs, Relationships, Kids, Relocation; there’s a whole heap of obstacles.

Yeah, when it comes to dating apps it's definitely about being more than just friends to start off. I should have clarified that I meant when you meet someone in your social circle as it might expand.

I think you need to clarify what you’re clarifying.

Befriending (and then later dating) someone from a social circle is very different from going on a date through Tinder or Match (etc). Ones initial intentions are completely different and guided for a start!

Basically if it's someone you hang out with casually with other friends and start to like them more and more. My initial post was way too basic and not detailed about the scenario enough. That was my bad.

I see @MissMarvelous87 has already told you off about that! I’ll refrain from doing so too..

Personally, that'll be hard for me still. I think the only way I can make friends with someone is if I kinda knew that we weren't compatible or if I was otherwise involved. If I was single, I'd still be measuring someone up if I was introduced to them, especially if I found them attractive. But that's me.

I think most people do this subconsciously anyway don’t we?

I mean (assuming you’re heterosexual) if you were introduced to a scruffy guy with a wonky eye and a few missing teeth, your first reaction would most likely be along the lines of not wanting much, if anything to do with him, yet he could be a real good guy and a potentially great friend.

But statistically speaking, men tend to lose interest rather fast once they get laid without any effort.

I think that’s cultural. Monogamy isn’t what it once was.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Monogamy

Yeah, let's talk about monogamy later! It may rise some interesting POVs.

 

[Erzengel]

Not saying you cant have a great and committed relationship with someone in that scenario. But statistically speaking, men tend to lose interest rather fast once they get laid without any effort.

Then that's the man's fault for being like that.

Consciously or subconsciously you may think and wonder if it was that easy for you.. Do you really want that as a quality in your GF or potential wife?

These are just my thoughts on the matter. Opinions..

Does a woman really want a guy who tries and initiate sex on the first date?

I just don't put a intricate time line, step by step process in dating. If sex happens on the 1st date or 10th date, it happens when it happens.

 

[Flash525]

Yeah, let's talk about monogamy later! It may rise some interesting POVs.

Sure thing. Tag me when ready.

Then that's the man's fault for being like that.

What if the woman is just real boring?

Does a woman really want a guy who tries and initiate sex on the first date?

I’m pretty sure some do. Men are (usually) the ones perceived as being the ones to care more about that, yet one night stands and first date sex wouldn’t happen without the other party. It’s more that women just don’t brag about it, and why should they? Why should men? I propose to you that it’s insecurities within themselves, otherwise they’d be content with the knowledge that it happened.

 

[MrWayne]

Then that's the man's fault for being like that.


Does a woman really want a guy who tries and initiate sex on the first date?

I just don't put a intricate time line, step by step process in dating. If sex happens on the 1st date or 10th date, it happens when it happens.

Again, just my thoughts... and with a million of us on here... We are all going to have varying degrees of opinions.