The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MovieSlave]

Isn’t this all like, relative though? I mean, granted, if a girl just wanted to handshake at the end of the date, that message would be loud and clear for me, but it’s not always as clear cut as it could be.

I often figure that a hug at the end of a date prompts further interest, but that hasn’t always been the case; sometimes I’ve been ghosted afterwards. Likewise, I have had follow up dates with people who haven’t even shook my hand.

My point; no two people are the same, and every person is going to wrap a date up different depending on their circumstances and the kinda’ person that they are.

I guess it’s more during the date that it should be obvious whether there’s a spark or not, as, looking back on all the dates I’ve been on, that’s mostly always been obvious from the initial dates as to whether a second date is going to follow.

No, it's the fact that she said "thanks for your time". Hahaha, anyone and I mean anyone who doesn't understand a response that is meant for something like a job interview used at the end of a date is a no go is incredibly clueless. The handshake alone is fine, it's that specific comment. Which is why she used it.

 

[MissMarvelous]

That and being told "you are not skilled enough for the position", would have been exactly the same, you say?

 

[MissMarvelous]

What's the most "extra" you've done to impress someone?

 

[Erzengel]

I had hey, my friend is calling me on a date, but I was new to dating and didn't think much of it. However, when she stopped answering my calls I took the hint.

 

[Erzengel]

What's the most "extra" you've done to impress someone?

I really liked one of my co-workers and she was big into Broadway and specifically a lesser known show. We hung out after work and I found out there was an out of print book that I was able to track down. I gave her the book thinking, this would be my "in". It was not.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I made one of those dolls you print in paper (specifically the one here below), you have to be super neat and careful about it.

It was a beautiful wolverine figure, took me HOURS, the mofo forgot it in the van we used to take every day. Luckily, he was able to track it down... But when he showed it to me, it was a piece of garbage. Someone put something heavy on top of it.

 

[I'm Venom]

So, I created a dating profile on Facebook, and a girl liked my profile. I liked her profile so that we could start messaging each other (that's how it works on Facebook).

Anyway, I plan on asking her to hang out soon, but I was wondering if I should use the word "date." I only ask because there seems to be two sides to this argument.

Either not using the word "date" might make it seem like I'm not interested in being more than friends or using the word "date" might put pressure on her that this is a formal thing.

My thing though is that not only are we both on the same dating app which means we're there for the same reason but she did like my profile first so there must be some interest on her part right? So would it be unnecessary to use the word "date" since it's obvious or do I still have to make it clear to avoid confusion?

 

[Flash525]

So, I created a dating profile on Facebook, and a girl liked my profile. I liked her profile so that we could start messaging each other (that's how it works on Facebook).

Anyway, I plan on asking her to hang out soon, but I was wondering if I should use the word "date." I only ask because there seems to be two sides to this argument.

Either not using the word "date" might make it seem like I'm not interested in being more than friends or using the word "date" might put pressure on her that this is a formal thing.

My thing though is that not only are we both on the same dating app which means we're there for the same reason but she did like my profile first so there must be some interest on her part right? So would it be unnecessary to use the word "date" since it's obvious or do I still have to make it clear to avoid confusion?

Since when did Facebook introduce dating profiles?

As for your situation, I think you're looking too much into it. I would ask if she'd be interested in meeting up, and when you've set a time and place, and all is agreed, just reply with "it's a date" - similarly to how you might say it in a jokey sense with friends once something has been organised.

She may react to that statement, she may not, but you haven't forced the label on the occasion.

 

[Dark Raven]

Since when did Facebook introduce dating profiles?

As for your situation, I think you're looking too much into it. I would ask if she'd be interested in meeting up, and when you've set a time and place, and all is agreed, just reply with "it's a date" - similarly to how you might say it in a jokey sense with friends once something has been organised.

She may react to that statement, she may not, but you haven't forced the label on the occasion.

This is exactly what I would've said, even with the "since when did Facebook introduce dating profiles?" bit.

 

[MissMarvelous]

My thing though is that not only are we both on the same dating app which means we're there for the same reason but she did like my profile first so there must be some interest on her part right? So would it be unnecessary to use the word "date" since it's obvious or do I still have to make it clear to avoid confusion?

If she's on a dating app and so are you, and the two of us are already exchanging messages, it means that she's as interested as you... If you think that the word "date", per se, is too big of a deal then avoid it.

Just ask her out or to dinner or drinks or coffee. Paraphrase it.

Anything that makes you feel more comfortable, which is the most important issue here.

 

[Dark Raven]

You can just say "would you like to meet?" That wouldn't be taken as meeting up as friends because if you've never met before, then at some point you'll have to meet in person. You're simply taking your interactions from online to offline. If you want to add "would you like to meet for coffee/ drinks etc" then that would work too. I don't think it requires too much thought or use/avoidance of the word "date" and wondering what it might mean.

 

[I'm Venom]

Thanks for the advice yall! She told me about a concert she went to last night and said that it was awful so I was wondering, what would be a good way to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear that, maybe we can meet and you'd have a better time (or more fun)."

As yall could probably tell I don't have a clue.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Thanks for the advice yall! She told me about a concert she went to last night and said that it was awful so I was wondering, what would be a good way to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear that, maybe we can meet and you'd have a better time (or more fun)."

As yall could probably tell I don't have a clue.

The sexual connotation would sky rocket with that phrase, I believe.

 

[Dark Raven]

Thanks for the advice yall! She told me about a concert she went to last night and said that it was awful so I was wondering, what would be a good way to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear that, maybe we can meet and you'd have a better time (or more fun)."

As yall could probably tell I don't have a clue.

Don't say that. Just say you'd like to meet and not as an alternative to that concert but independent of it. No mention of having more fun etc.

 

[I'm Venom]

So glad y'all are here. The last thing I want to do is imply a sexual encounter. Okay so then no segue way, right? I'm just having a difficult time trying to decide exactly what I should tell her when I ask because I'm definitely going to, I just want to make sure that my intentions are clear.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Just keep it simple and casual, don't add too much pressure to the situation. Meeting face to face can be an stressful situation for some people (I know it is for me!).

 

[Dark Raven]

Just keep it simple and casual, don't add too much pressure to the situation. Meeting face to face can be an stressful situation for some people (I know it is for me!).

If meeting face to face is stressful, just stand with your back to the person, or stand behind them and look at the back of their head.

 

[MissMarvelous]

If meeting face to face is stressful, just stand with your back to the person, or stand behind them and look at the back of their head.

Absolutely, and that won't be awkward at all!

 

[Flash525]

Thanks for the advice yall! She told me about a concert she went to last night and said that it was awful so I was wondering, what would be a good way to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear that, maybe we can meet and you'd have a better time (or more fun)."

You can say that if you maybe don't want to hear from her again.

I'd just echo what's already been said here. Keep it casual. "That's a shame about the concert, what didn't you like about it? Maybe you could tell me over a coffee sometime if you're up for that?"

The worst she's going to do is decline - at least at the moment. Some people want to talk a little first, other people want to jump straight into a meetup. Don't overthink it though, if she doesn't want to meet up (yet or ever) don't ask why or anything, just keep the conversation flowing.

Obviously if she says she never wants to meet up and she's serious about it, maybe you'll need to rethink your effort with her, but don't act clingy - if she passes up on the meet, just act casual "that's cool, maybe another time?" then jump straight back in with a related question "do you usually enjoy concerts; are they your scene?"

 

[MissMarvelous]

That's a shame about the concert, what didn't you like about it? Maybe you could tell me over a coffee sometime if you're up for that?"

I'm sorry if my friend over here is smoother than your cream cheese... But, he is. Smooth. Suave.

 

[I'm Venom]

Thanks again for the advice! I just asked her, "I was wondering if you'd like to meet sometime we could grab dinner or something"

Here's hoping she says yes...

 

[MrWayne]

I'm rooting for ya! Depending on the vibe and how much I have established already via conversations etc. I almost never lead with dinner. That may be too intimate. For both parties actually haha

As a first time meet up with someone offline, a simple meet and greet or maybe a cup of a beverage of your choice somewhere is my preference. With this there's no pressure, and no hesitation on any one to just bail if they are not "feeling" it.

Ive had my share of meet ups where it was obvious after some time I wasn't their cup of tea or they weren't mine and it was done and over and on with our lives. Ce la vie!

But if she does say yes to dinner, brother that says a lot.

 

[I'm Venom]

I asked her to dinner on Sunday, and she said, "I'm definitely down." I also asked if she'd like to meet somewhere that's in between us, but didn't hear back from her again at all that night.

I waited all day yesterday, but still didn't hear back from her. I wasn't going to ask her, but I had other plans present themself, so I finally messaged her again just to see if we were on or not. No reply so I went out and had dinner, and 3 hours after the last message I sent her, she finally messaged back and claimed to be so sick that she had to leave school early so I just said, "I'm sorry to hear that maybe we can do something if you're better in a few days" to which she replied, "Yes sounds good." So, I'm confused.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I asked her to dinner on Sunday, and she said, "I'm definitely down." I also asked if she'd like to meet somewhere that's in between us, but didn't hear back from her again at all that night.

I waited all day yesterday, but still didn't hear back from her. I wasn't going to ask her, but I had other plans present themself, so I finally messaged her again just to see if we were on or not. No reply so I went out and had dinner, and 3 hours after the last message I sent her, she finally messaged back and claimed to be so sick that she had to leave school early so I just said, "I'm sorry to hear that maybe we can do something if you're better in a few days" to which she replied, "Yes sounds good." So, I'm confused.

May I ask about your age and hers?

 

[I'm Venom]

May I ask about your age and hers?

I'm 31, and she's 23.