The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[webhead9707]

Yeah but they weren't even "dating". And he was there with his friends as well. She was also pretty full of herself, was well traveled etc.

Ahh I get'cha.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Yeah but they weren't even "dating". And he was there with his friends as well. She was also pretty full of herself, was well traveled etc.

Which means...?

 

[Erzengel]

She had to keep reminded us where she traveled to.

 

[Hyde]

Webhead, I'd say be cautious about hanging around too much with your friend and her boyfriend. Storytime guys...

Okay so about this time last year (can't believe it's been that long) I met a girl in my Science class who I'd known about before but had never really been on my radar (different social groups etc) who I instantly hit it off with. I found out she was very similar to me too... Can you believe that? In secondary school (UK for high school) you find another nerdy person who likes comics and movies and stuff.

Anyway, we talked a lot over the next few weeks and hung out more and stuff and loads of people started noticing it saying that this previously "unpopular" girl was now hanging out with this "popular" guy and she started talking to this chavvy ("badman" or whatever you want to call it) guy I know and within like three weeks they were dating. Whenever we met up he would usually tag along (although there were other friends there too) and it was fine really because there wasn't any arguments or jealousy. I have to admit I liked her a bit because she was really really pretty, but it never led to anything.

Then around November/December time I noticed he stopped meeting up with us, and their arguments were getting more frequent. Soon she told me that he was getting jealous of me, wanted to punch me if I went near her and constantly flipped out. It was horrible. She stuck with me and said that he shouldn't be jealous etc. Anyway that carried on until New Years Day exactly when he dumped her.

So in the final stages of that relationship she got talking to a friend of his, a skater, who only hung around with a certain group of people and wasn't really mainstream or however you want to phrase it. It was surprising because they got close really quickly and I started to suspect she had feelings for him, and he confessed to me that he really liked her. Then I managed to get it out of her that she liked him too, so over the course of the next week I was (unknown to each other) helping each of them to ask the other out and eventually it happened. He was way nicer than the other guy and cooler about me and her hanging out so I was happy about that too. They had a few fights but yeah what couple doesn't?

Moving along, whenever they met up I wasn't there because she'd just go to his house, or vice versa, or whatever which was more couple-y and normal than her and the other guy. So by this time me and her were like real best friends - Web, I have no idea what your friendship is like with this girl but from what you've written it sounds pretty similar to what mine was like, just you've known her way longer.

Around the time of Iron Man 3's release she tweeted (she was a big Twitter/Tumblr girl) that she was feeling sad, or she was crying or something and I replied "What's up buttercup?" we said it to each other often so it was fine. Her boyfriend also followed her on Twitter and when he saw that, he snapped. I was messaging her and found out they'd had a big argument walking home and he was being a dick, and then I got a message from him saying, "Never speak to me again." I was like "What..?" understandably but after that short exchange, we never did speak again. I tried cheering her up that night and it worked, I said I hope tomorrow goes better and he apologises etc. Now it gets weird.

The next day she was with her friends on the field and me and some others walked up to see them, when they got up and moved away. I figured they just hadn't seen us so we went around to where they went (a big crowd of people) and as we did they went back to where they were previously sat. I was pissed off and then at lunch one of her friends came to me and asked how I was etc (we were friends too) and said that she didn't want to talk to me or her boyfriend. I figured that was understandable since she wouldn't want to make the situation worse by him seeing us talking after all that had happened. Anyway a day went by and she wasn't replying to my messages but after school they were together again.

To this day I have no ****ing idea what happened but me and her haven't been friends since. Based on some theories from me and some others (who were also friends with her) we figured the boyfriend had told her to stop talking to me and she did to stay with him. They're still together, and whenever he's not around, either at breaks or in lessons, she'll smile at me or maybe we might even talk a bit but she acts as if nothing ever happened, but he ignores me altogether. Understandably it took me about a month to get over it because she'd become such a huge part of my life and gave it up just because her boyfriend wanted to control her life.

And yes, there is a point to this story Web if I were you I might try and sit out on some of their dates or meet-ups or whatever, because he might finally say enough is enough and do the same thing as this boyfriend did, or if you upset her he'll want to protect her etc. I know it sucks but this same thing happens all the time in the world and while next time something like this happens I'll know what to do and what not to do it's important others do too.

 

[webhead9707]

Webhead, I'd say be cautious about hanging around too much with your friend and her boyfriend. Storytime guys...

Okay so about this time last year (can't believe it's been that long) I met a girl in my Science class who I'd known about before but had never really been on my radar (different social groups etc) who I instantly hit it off with. I found out she was very similar to me too... Can you believe that? In secondary school (UK for high school) you find another nerdy person who likes comics and movies and stuff.

Anyway, we talked a lot over the next few weeks and hung out more and stuff and loads of people started noticing it saying that this previously "unpopular" girl was now hanging out with this "popular" guy and she started talking to this chavvy ("badman" or whatever you want to call it) guy I know and within like three weeks they were dating. Whenever we met up he would usually tag along (although there were other friends there too) and it was fine really because there wasn't any arguments or jealousy. I have to admit I liked her a bit because she was really really pretty, but it never led to anything.

Then around November/December time I noticed he stopped meeting up with us, and their arguments were getting more frequent. Soon she told me that he was getting jealous of me, wanted to punch me if I went near her and constantly flipped out. It was horrible. She stuck with me and said that he shouldn't be jealous etc. Anyway that carried on until New Years Day exactly when he dumped her.

So in the final stages of that relationship she got talking to a friend of his, a skater, who only hung around with a certain group of people and wasn't really mainstream or however you want to phrase it. It was surprising because they got close really quickly and I started to suspect she had feelings for him, and he confessed to me that he really liked her. Then I managed to get it out of her that she liked him too, so over the course of the next week I was (unknown to each other) helping each of them to ask the other out and eventually it happened. He was way nicer than the other guy and cooler about me and her hanging out so I was happy about that too. They had a few fights but yeah what couple doesn't?

Moving along, whenever they met up I wasn't there because she'd just go to his house, or vice versa, or whatever which was more couple-y and normal than her and the other guy. So by this time me and her were like real best friends - Web, I have no idea what your friendship is like with this girl but from what you've written it sounds pretty similar to what mine was like, just you've known her way longer.

Around the time of Iron Man 3's release she tweeted (she was a big Twitter/Tumblr girl) that she was feeling sad, or she was crying or something and I replied "What's up buttercup?" we said it to each other often so it was fine. Her boyfriend also followed her on Twitter and when he saw that, he snapped. I was messaging her and found out they'd had a big argument walking home and he was being a dick, and then I got a message from him saying, "Never speak to me again." I was like "What..?" understandably but after that short exchange, we never did speak again. I tried cheering her up that night and it worked, I said I hope tomorrow goes better and he apologises etc. Now it gets weird.

The next day she was with her friends on the field and me and some others walked up to see them, when they got up and moved away. I figured they just hadn't seen us so we went around to where they went (a big crowd of people) and as we did they went back to where they were previously sat. I was pissed off and then at lunch one of her friends came to me and asked how I was etc (we were friends too) and said that she didn't want to talk to me or her boyfriend. I figured that was understandable since she wouldn't want to make the situation worse by him seeing us talking after all that had happened. Anyway a day went by and she wasn't replying to my messages but after school they were together again.

To this day I have no ****ing idea what happened but me and her haven't been friends since. Based on some theories from me and some others (who were also friends with her) we figured the boyfriend had told her to stop talking to me and she did to stay with him. They're still together, and whenever he's not around, either at breaks or in lessons, she'll smile at me or maybe we might even talk a bit but she acts as if nothing ever happened, but he ignores me altogether. Understandably it took me about a month to get over it because she'd become such a huge part of my life and gave it up just because her boyfriend wanted to control her life.

And yes, there is a point to this story Web if I were you I might try and sit out on some of their dates or meet-ups or whatever, because he might finally say enough is enough and do the same thing as this boyfriend did, or if you upset her he'll want to protect her etc. I know it sucks but this same thing happens all the time in the world and while next time something like this happens I'll know what to do and what not to do it's important others do too.

Thank you for sharing! That must have been hard for you. I've only hung out with the both of them once, and I don't plan on making a habit of it cause, it's not particularly pleasant for me or him, but I'm man enough to not allow it to upset me and I act pretty cool and chill when I'm around them. But, as you said, you two hadn't been friends quite as long. She's told me before that if her boyfriend get's jealous, he just has to deal with it or leave. So that makes me a bit less paranoid about something like your situation happening. The other good thing is I'm not really friends with her boyfriend thankfully, so I don't have to worry about potentially losing a bro or anything with the situation.

 

[Anubis]

Is it wrong that I immediately think of that scene at the club from Beverly Hills Cop when I read this?

[YT]_ORtwWVbqhs[/YT]

 

[Hyde]

Thank you for sharing! That must have been hard for you. I've only hung out with the both of them once, and I don't plan on making a habit of it cause, it's not particularly pleasant for me or him, but I'm man enough to not allow it to upset me and I act pretty cool and chill when I'm around them. But, as you said, you two hadn't been friends quite as long. She's told me before that if her boyfriend get's jealous, he just has to deal with it or leave. So that makes me a bit less paranoid about something like your situation happening. The other good thing is I'm not really friends with her boyfriend thankfully, so I don't have to worry about potentially losing a bro or anything with the situation.

That's good, sounds better than what I got lol. If the girl is loyal enough to say something like that then that's great.

 

[webhead9707]

That's good, sounds better than what I got lol. If the girl is loyal enough to say something like that then that's great.

Yeah she's pretty fantastic.

Just making sure everyone knows I said that in The Doctor's voice..

But yeah I'm really sorry about how it turned out for you. Maybe one day she'll realize she can run her own life without a guy telling her what to do.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Thank you for sharing! That must have been hard for you. I've only hung out with the both of them once, and I don't plan on making a habit of it cause, it's not particularly pleasant for me or him, but I'm man enough to not allow it to upset me and I act pretty cool and chill when I'm around them. But, as you said, you two hadn't been friends quite as long. She's told me before that if her boyfriend get's jealous, he just has to deal with it or leave. So that makes me a bit less paranoid about something like your situation happening. The other good thing is I'm not really friends with her boyfriend thankfully, so I don't have to worry about potentially losing a bro or anything with the situation.

Does he know you're in love with her?

 

[webhead9707]

Does he know you're in love with her?

He knows I used to have feelings for her. And I was technically kinda sorta barely over her for a short time, so he just doesn't know I got feelings for her *again. We both agreed that, since I'm a good enough guy that I wouldn't do anything, and he struggles with jealousy, it's probably best if he doesn't know. For their relationship. And it's not lying, if he asked we would tell him. But, he hasn't questioned or anything as far as I know, so it's just better of for their relationship if he doesn't know because then he would get all jealous and freak out like he does.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

He knows I used to have feelings for her. And I was technically kinda sorta barely over her for a short time, so he just doesn't know I got feelings for her *again. We both agreed that, since I'm a good enough guy that I wouldn't do anything, and he struggles with jealousy, it's probably best if he doesn't know. For their relationship. And it's not lying, if he asked we would tell him. But, he hasn't questioned or anything as far as I know, so it's just better of for their relationship if he doesn't know because then he would get all jealous and freak out like he does.

Do you know if he loves her too?

 

[webhead9707]

Do you know if he loves her too?

I know he says he does but, based on what I see and the little experience I have, it seems like clingy love. The "You notice me, and no one else does. I'm a teenager and I get lonely." Kind of love. Does that make sense at all?
Edit:
If he does love her with real, unconditional, perfect love, then I'm happy for her. It just doesn't seem like it to me. I want her to have that REAL love. The "I carved your stories onto the inside of my teeth so only I know why I'm smiling. I chiseled out a spot on my shoulder for you to rest your head" kind of love. That's what I want for her.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I know he says he does but, based on what I see and the little experience I have, it seems like clingy love. The "You notice me, and no one else does. I'm a teenager and I get lonely." Kind of love. Does that make sense at all?

Do you believe she genuinely loves him?

I get the feeling that you don't take their relationship seriously. No offence.

 

[webhead9707]

Do you believe she genuinely loves him?

I get the feeling that you don't take their relationship seriously. No offence.

Honestly? I have no clue. She could, yes. However I think she might just be in love with finally dating a guy who isn't a butthole more than she's in love with him in particular. If that makes sense?

 

[moviedoors]

So I've been seeing a girl for about 3 and 1/2 months now and we're pretty damn serious. Met the families, "I love you," constantly spending the nite, lots of cuddling, non-stop amazing sex, the works. Now this is clearly too fresh a relationship for this to happen anytime soon, but I'm getting a proposal bug. Eek. That's scary. I have an ex-wife, but there were never any proposals (it was rather nontraditional).

I'm not going to do it, but it's significant that I see a future with this girl. I'm not even really looking for advice. But hey married people! Give me proposal stories!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well he did say that he wasn't planning to split them up, so I doubt he's waiting for the right moment to steal her away from her bf. I just think he meant that he's becoming more confident so if she happened to break up with her bf, he may have a chance. I'm not saying I agree, but I don't think he's homewrecking or anything.

Yea, homewrecking is my department!

So I've been seeing a girl for about 3 and 1/2 months now and we're pretty damn serious. Met the families, "I love you," constantly spending the nite, lots of cuddling, non-stop amazing sex, the works. Now this is clearly too fresh a relationship for this to happen anytime soon, but I'm getting a proposal bug. Eek. That's scary. I have an ex-wife, but there were never any proposals (it was rather nontraditional).

I'm not going to do it, but it's significant that I see a future with this girl. I'm not even really looking for advice. But hey married people! Give me proposal stories!

Sounds like honeymoon phase to me. Chillax to the max for a little bit and pump those breaks. It's great that everything is going well, and even great that you see a future with her, but 3 1/2 months is way too early to be getting the proposal bug.

But I do hope that things keep going the way they are for you!

 

[Anubis]

This one time, I was messing with this chick a couple of months, and I thought I was in love, and started considering asking her to marry me, then I thought, thats f**kin' stupid, don't do that! Then, 3 moths later, she blew her ex at a party so it was over. I straight up Matrixed that s**t.

 

[Erzengel]

I was looking for an engagement ring for months. She admired a ring from Tiffany's. Now I thought the best way to get her that ring was to have it made, because at Tiffany's, you are paying for the name.

So I looked in the Caribbean, and a local Jewelry store and was about to look into Diamond dealers in NYC until I started looking online. Eventually, I remembered the girl I use to like, married a Gemologist. So he helped me find a ring, and did the setting for me at pretty much under cost.

They also convinced me to make a night of it and not just go into NYC propose and come back home. So the night before I went into NYC after work with an overnight bag for the both of us. I went and picked up the ring.

The next day we went into NYC to watch her favorite Opera (Turandot) (I did that way before I had the ring).. I still wasn't sure how I was going to do it. I was wearing the ring around my neck on a necklace because I was paranoid that she'd see the ring box in my pocket or it'd fall out.

I took her to one of our favorite restaurants. This was the first nice place we ever ate at. As you can see, it's a nice view of NYC.

At dinner, I brought up the topic of necklaces and she asked me what necklace I had on (she and my sister both got me a cross), she reached into my collar and pulled out the necklace, ring attached. I couldn't even imagine she'd do that.

Her first reaction, "You have got to be kidding me." Which from later on, I found out some women's first response are not always the most romantic.

I got on one knee and proposed and she said yes. We then spent the night there where they upgraded us to a suite. (I lucked out because the room was very spacious.) Everything pretty much worked out for me that day.

Fast forward and we will be getting married next year.

 

[webhead9707]

I was looking for an engagement ring for months. She admired a ring from Tiffany's. Now I thought the best way to get her that ring was to have it made, because at Tiffany's, you are paying for the name.

So I looked in the Caribbean, and a local Jewelry store and was about to look into Diamond dealers in NYC until I started looking online. Eventually, I remembered the girl I use to like, married a Gemologist. So he helped me find a ring, and did the setting for me at pretty much under cost.

They also convinced me to make a night of it and not just go into NYC propose and come back home. So the night before I went into NYC after work with an overnight bag for the both of us. I went and picked up the ring.

The next day we went into NYC to watch her favorite Opera (Turandot) (I did that way before I had the ring).. I still wasn't sure how I was going to do it. I was wearing the ring around my neck on a necklace because I was paranoid that she'd see the ring box in my pocket or it'd fall out.

I took her to one of our favorite restaurants. This was the first nice place we ever ate at. As you can see, it's a nice view of NYC.

At dinner, I brought up the topic of necklaces and she asked me what necklace I had on (she and my sister both got me a cross), she reached into my collar and pulled out the necklace, ring attached.

Her first reaction, "You have got to be kidding me." Which from later on, I found out some women's first response are not always the most romantic.

I got on one knee and proposed and she said yes. We then spent the night there where they upgraded us to a suite. (I lucked out because the room was very spacious.) Everything pretty much worked out for me that day.

Fast forward and we will be getting married next year.

In all seriousness, that is great. Seriously after all the effort you've put in trying to help me out, it makes me extremely happy to know you've got someone in your life like that.

 

[Hyde]

So I've been seeing a girl for about 3 and 1/2 months now and we're pretty damn serious. Met the families, "I love you," constantly spending the nite, lots of cuddling, non-stop amazing sex, the works. Now this is clearly too fresh a relationship for this to happen anytime soon, but I'm getting a proposal bug. Eek. That's scary. I have an ex-wife, but there were never any proposals (it was rather nontraditional).

I'm not going to do it, but it's significant that I see a future with this girl. I'm not even really looking for advice. But hey married people! Give me proposal stories!

Nerds aren't allowed to have sex, or converse with girls at all for that matter

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Nerds aren't allowed to have sex, or converse with girls at all for that matter

What if the nerds are girls? Why wouldn't they converse with other girls?

 

[Hyde]

What if the nerds are girls? Why wouldn't they converse with other girls?

If the nerds are girls then they're not allowed to converse with boys

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What if the nerds are girls? Why wouldn't they converse with other girls?

Girls can't be nerds, I thought this was common knowledge?

 

[Erzengel]

In all seriousness, that is great. Seriously after all the effort you've put in trying to help me out, it makes me extremely happy to know you've got someone in your life like that.

To be completely honest, a lot of things broke my way.

Thank you though.

 

[Anita18]

So I've been seeing a girl for about 3 and 1/2 months now and we're pretty damn serious. Met the families, "I love you," constantly spending the nite, lots of cuddling, non-stop amazing sex, the works. Now this is clearly too fresh a relationship for this to happen anytime soon, but I'm getting a proposal bug. Eek. That's scary. I have an ex-wife, but there were never any proposals (it was rather nontraditional).

I'm not going to do it, but it's significant that I see a future with this girl. I'm not even really looking for advice. But hey married people! Give me proposal stories!

The now-hubs talked about living together a few months into the relationship, a year before it actually happened. So there's time, you can wait.

Besides, you're already having sex so there really isn't anything that should be changing when you get married. It isn't like you need marriage to get anything out of the relationship you aren't already getting. I was living with the hubs, no immediate plans to buy a house, got married 4 months ago and the relationship still feels the same as before. I just feel an inner "squee!" when I see my ring and I see him wearing his.

There's time. Enjoy the present, don't worry about the future for now. I know some people are traditional and wait until they're married to live together, but Erz and I were already living with our respective partners by the time we were considering actually making it official.

This one time, I was messing with this chick a couple of months, and I thought I was in love, and started considering asking her to marry me, then I thought, thats f**kin' stupid, don't do that! Then, 3 moths later, she blew her ex at a party so it was over. I straight up Matrixed that s**t.

Good dodge!

I was looking for an engagement ring for months. She admired a ring from Tiffany's. Now I thought the best way to get her that ring was to have it made, because at Tiffany's, you are paying for the name.

So I looked in the Caribbean, and a local Jewelry store and was about to look into Diamond dealers in NYC until I started looking online. Eventually, I remembered the girl I use to like, married a Gemologist. So he helped me find a ring, and did the setting for me at pretty much under cost.

They also convinced me to make a night of it and not just go into NYC propose and come back home. So the night before I went into NYC after work with an overnight bag for the both of us. I went and picked up the ring.

The next day we went into NYC to watch her favorite Opera (Turandot) (I did that way before I had the ring).. I still wasn't sure how I was going to do it. I was wearing the ring around my neck on a necklace because I was paranoid that she'd see the ring box in my pocket or it'd fall out.

I took her to one of our favorite restaurants. This was the first nice place we ever ate at.

At dinner, I brought up the topic of necklaces and she asked me what necklace I had on (she and my sister both got me a cross), she reached into my collar and pulled out the necklace, ring attached. I couldn't even imagine she'd do that.

Her first reaction, "You have got to be kidding me." Which from later on, I found out some women's first response are not always the most romantic.

I got on one knee and proposed and she said yes. We then spent the night there where they upgraded us to a suite. (I lucked out because the room was very spacious.) Everything pretty much worked out for me that day.

Fast forward and we will be getting married next year.

Yup. The story is as follows....

We shopped for the ring together. Surprising me with a gift I like is not one of his strong suits. Besides, I had no other rings and even I had no idea of my ring size. It was a good idea, because my fingers are friggin' tiny and a typical 1-carat, which I believe is the "default" size, would be way too big. I had a lot of fun online shopping for styles I liked, but of course he couldn't be bothered with any of that, took me to a local jewelry store that had great Yelp reviews, which I found - clearly I'm the researcher in this marriage. We picked out a ring setting and diamond they already had. Money was exchanged, and he arranged to pick it up the next time he was visiting me. (At the time, he was working upstate and living with his parents, and flew down to see me every 2 weeks.) Took 10 minutes. I'm easy to shop for.

So I knew approximately when the proposal would be happening. He would fly down for a weekend two weeks from when we got the ring, and I didn't picture him waiting around with this ring for months just to surprise me, when he had it in his possession.

I had a photography class on Saturday until the afternoon, and I also had a project where I was planning to photograph him skateboarding, and we arranged to go to the beach in Santa Monica after class. We go to Santa Monica pretty regularly, and we always stop by the community gardens just to see what people are growing.

While we were in the gardens, by chance, I walk ahead of him. He calls, "Hey Anita, check this out!" I walk back to him, and on the rock border of some random garden, there is an open ring box with the ring in it.

Erz, my first thought was, "Someone left their ring box here!" Despite knowing he'd ask sometime that weekend, he still managed to surprise me.

I think I was still in a state of shock when he got down on his knee and proposed. I still didn't think it really hit me that we were doing it for real (despite ring shopping and all that) until days later.

We went back down to the beach and I photographed him as planned. The photo series came out pretty nice, and bonus is that I remember what day he asked me, because I have the date written on the back of the project.

Now, I'm surprised that Erzette didn't know something was up after all that fancy schmancy overnight trip stuff. If the hubs had pulled even a fancy dinner on me, I'd know exactly what was his plan was. But perhaps you two go to more fancy shindigs than we do, so it isn't as unusual. Also, I knew he had the ring and approximately when he'd ask. But randomness was the name of his game!