The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[Erzengel]

Now, I'm surprised that Erzette didn't know something was up after all that fancy schmancy overnight trip stuff. If the hubs had pulled even a fancy dinner on me, I'd know exactly what was his plan was. But perhaps you two go to more fancy shindigs than we do, so it isn't as unusual. Also, I knew he had the ring and approximately when he'd ask. But randomness was the name of his game!

Even when she was with me looking at diamonds in the Caribbean, she didn't think anything was up.

And it's not unusual for us to eat somewhere nice. We've eaten there 3-4 times in the span of our relationship. I did have a story that my boss had a gift card there that he didn't want.

I came up with that story because it seems every time we did go into the city she wanted to eat in the same Irish place.

I was totally Batman planning for every contingency.

 

[Anita18]

In terms of hilariously awkward first-words-after-the-proposal, I think my college friend still takes the cake. She married her first serious boyfriend, and they'd been dating I think a year. We had a mutual friend, Julia, who was still waiting on a ring from her high school sweetheart, so....8 years or so.

When he got down on his knee and asked her to marry him, my friend's first words were, "Julia is going to kill me!"

Julia's bf finally popped the question not long after, and both sets of friends got married the same year. So it's all good now, but man, that was hilarious.

 

[Anita18]

Even when she was with me looking at diamonds in the Caribbean, she didn't think anything was up.

And it's not unusual for us to eat somewhere nice. We've eaten there 3-4 times in the span of our relationship. I did have a story that my boss had a gift card there that he didn't want.

I came up with that story because it seems every time we did go into the city she wanted to eat in the same Irish place.

I was totally Batman planning for every contingency.

 

[moviedoors]

The now-hubs talked about living together a few months into the relationship, a year before it actually happened. So there's time, you can wait.

Besides, you're already having sex so there really isn't anything that should be changing when you get married. It isn't like you need marriage to get anything out of the relationship you aren't already getting. I was living with the hubs, no immediate plans to buy a house, got married 4 months ago and the relationship still feels the same as before. I just feel an inner "squee!" when I see my ring and I see him wearing his.

There's time. Enjoy the present, don't worry about the future for now. I know some people are traditional and wait until they're married to live together, but Erz and I were already living with our respective partners by the time we were considering actually making it official.

Oh, believe me, I'm not gonna do it. It's way too early for that. I would be an idiot on so many levels to do it now. I think it's still too early to even move in together. It's just that I realized I've been daydreaming about it recently, which is something I've never really done.

I imagine I'll certainly be moving in with her long before any kind of proposal. I'm not sure it's gonna be that long before that happens. I spend so much time at her place as it is that I'm gonna feel guilty if I don't start helping with the rent.

Regarding a need for marriage: I get that too. Nothing would really change and I'm not religious, so that aspect of it isn't important to me. However, like I said, the last one wasn't exactly traditional. After we'd been living together for a couple of years and our roommate was going to move out, we got each other titanium wedding bands for Christmas and we started calling ourselves husband and wife, and that was basically it. This past May, my little sister got married too. The idea of a more traditional marriage is actually appealing to me for the first time. I like the idea of proposals, bringing families together, ceremonies, vows, anniversaries. I don't want to do it like I did last time.

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I love the stories guys! All the meticulous planning and sneaking around. It's awesome. Was there also the traditional asking-the-potential-bride's-parents-for-permission going on? Do people still do that?

 

[Erzengel]

Erzette and I are marrying for strictly financial reasons. Our taxes will be better and we can consolidate our earnings into a larger interest account.

 

[Anita18]

I love the stories guys! All the meticulous planning and sneaking around. It's awesome. Was there also the traditional asking-the-potential-bride's-parents-for-permission going on? Do people still do that?

The hubs went to see my parents, but probably just to give them a heads up. Not exactly for "permission." My mom promised to grill him, but she failed to.

Erzette and I are marrying for strictly financial reasons. Our taxes will be better and we can consolidate our earnings into a larger interest account.

I did joke when the hubs quit his job about 3 years ago, we could get married and he could go on my health insurance. He thought that was unromantic.

I think the taxes are only much better if one partner makes more than $10K/year than the other. My father-in-law is a CPA so he'll probably be doing it for us, anyway. We still have our money in separate accounts right now. I'm the investor of the two of us, and I'm not much of an investor to begin with. But he has higher immediate earning potential. We're not hankering to buy a house anytime soon, anyway. We'll sit down and go through the finances with a fine-toothed comb when we decide to drastically change something, like move out of the city.

 

[webhead9707]

I bought a limited edition Star Wars necklace this year to potentially use to propose to my wife one day.. Even though I don't even have a girlfriend. If not, it'll make a great gift either way.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I bought a limited edition Star Wars necklace this year to potentially use to propose to my wife one day.. Even though I don't even have a girlfriend. If not, it'll make a great gift either way.

Wow, talk about early planning.

 

[Erzengel]

I bought a limited edition Star Wars necklace this year to potentially use to propose to my wife one day.. Even though I don't even have a girlfriend. If not, it'll make a great gift either way.

Good luck. If you are able to find a girl that that'll work on, bless you.

However, I don't want to start an argument on social convention or buckling to social pressure, but more women would want a ring.

 

[Anita18]

Good luck. If you are able to find a girl that that'll work on, bless you.

However, I don't want to start an argument on social convention or buckling to social pressure, but more women would want a ring.

Yup. An engagement bauble is something most women would want to wear all the time (I only take mine off in the shower and the gym), and frankly, any kind of necklace doesn't fit the bill anyway.

 

[webhead9707]

Wow, talk about early planning.

Good luck. If you are able to find a girl that that'll work on, bless you.

However, I don't want to start an argument on social convention or buckling to social pressure, but more women would want a ring.

Yup. An engagement bauble is something most women would want to wear all the time (I only take mine off in the shower and the gym), and frankly, any kind of necklace doesn't fit the bill anyway.

I make a point of always being prepared.

And she would still get an engagement ring afterwards. But for the actual proposal I would use the necklace, that way she gets the perfect ring she wants. And this is all highly hypothetical and apt to change, but even so.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

I make a point of always being prepared.

And she would still get an engagement ring afterwards. But for the actual proposal I would use the necklace, that way she gets the perfect ring she wants. And this is all highly hypothetical and apt to change, but even so.

What if your future wife hates Star Wars?

 

[Anita18]

I make a point of always being prepared.

And she would still get an engagement ring afterwards. But for the actual proposal I would use the necklace, that way she gets the perfect ring she wants. And this is all highly hypothetical and apt to change, but even so.

Yes, highly hypothetical. Because either you do what Erz did and get her ring without her knowing, or you do what I did and shop for the ring together. If you're going to give her a non-ring alternative, an engagement is very likely something you're going to have discussed beforehand. My friend and her now-husband joked about getting her an engagement puppy, but she ended up with a giant diamond honker after his parents got involved. They finally got a puppy after 2 years of marriage...

Proposing with a Star Wars necklace, even if you intend on getting her a real ring afterwards, would very likely result in an unromantic (and very confused) initial reaction. Unless you intend to say, ""Will you marry me? Don't worry, we can get a real ring later!"

What if your future wife hates Star Wars?

To be fair, IME very few people hate Star Wars. It's far more likely he'd end up with someone who just kinda likes it, but not enough to warrant receiving a Star Wars anything as an engagement bauble.

 

[Erzengel]

What if your future wife hates Star Wars?

Then she must like punches in the mouth.

 

[webhead9707]

What if your future wife hates Star Wars?

If she hates Star Wars, she won't be my wife.t:

Yes, highly hypothetical. Because either you do what Erz did and get her ring without her knowing, or you do what I did and shop for the ring together. If you're going to give her a non-ring alternative, an engagement is very likely something you're going to have discussed beforehand. My friend and her now-husband joked about getting her an engagement puppy, but she ended up with a giant diamond honker after his parents got involved. They finally got a puppy after 2 years of marriage...

Proposing with a Star Wars necklace, even if you intend on getting her a real ring afterwards, would very likely result in an unromantic (and very confused) initial reaction. Unless you intend to say, ""Will you marry me? Don't worry, we can get a real ring later!"


To be fair, IME very few people hate Star Wars. It's far more likely he'd end up with someone who just kinda likes it, but not enough to warrant receiving a Star Wars anything as an engagement bauble.

It would probably just be a gift at some point once we're married, but you have to admit it would be kinda funny to propose with..Not as romantic as I would like though.

Then she must like punches in the mouth.

Hahaha exactly!

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah, sometimes planning ahead like that when you're younger you have not necessarily unrealistic expectations but a lot of things would have to happen to make sure that would transpire.

I think most guys would want to propose on a cliff with a view of an ocean during sunset, but you make due with what you get.

And I've said it, those who are looking for that "geek" gf, while it's possible, you're more likely to have a girl who tolerates or is ambivalent towards most of your interests.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Yeah, sometimes planning ahead like that when you're younger you have not necessarily unrealistic expectations but a lot of things would have to happen to make sure that would transpire.

I think most guys would want to propose on a cliff with a view of an ocean during sunset, but you make due with what you get.

And I've said it, those who are looking for that "geek" gf, while it's possible, you're more likely to have a girl who tolerates or is ambivalent towards most of your interests.

They do?

What if they get rejected and the heartbreak is too much for them to handle and they throw themselves off the cliff?

 

[Erzengel]

If given the option?

 

[Anita18]

And if they're not afraid of heights?

 

[Ms. Marvel]

It's a worst case scenario.

 

[Erzengel]

And you'd hold them over the cliff until they say yes. Win, win.

 

[webhead9707]

And you'd hold them over the cliff until they say yes. Win, win.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

And you'd hold them over the cliff until they say yes. Win, win.

Great idea.

 

[Erzengel]

Now, I'm surprised that Erzette didn't know something was up after all that fancy schmancy overnight trip stuff. If the hubs had pulled even a fancy dinner on me, I'd know exactly what was his plan was. But perhaps you two go to more fancy shindigs than we do, so it isn't as unusual. Also, I knew he had the ring and approximately when he'd ask. But randomness was the name of his game!

I should have been clearer.

The night before I proposed, I took a train into a city with an overnight bag for both of us. She didn't know I did. Came back, picked up the ring, and went home. The next day after I proposed, I told her we were staying in the hotel.

Like I said, Batman.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What if your future wife hates Star Wars?

Then she must like punches in the mouth.

Erz beat me to it.

And was that "getting married strictly for financial reasons" a joke? I hope? Cuz if not... that's disappointing