The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[Grievous]

If you don't want to come off as mean then say you would rather go on a date then just hook up cause you don't feel right getting with someone you barely know.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well she also said "hot and nice" wasn't good enough, if that's the case you shouldn't be agreeing to have sex with someone you don't even know. Because I feel if all the two of you are after is sex then do other traits about someone even matter besides being nice or attractive? But since she isn't comfortable with just being told he is nice sounds to me like she isn't alright with the idea period. Like I said if you like to know someone before just jumping in the bed then you sound better off agreeing to go on an date, not go to the bedroom.

That's why I corrected my statement.

If she isn't comfortable with a sexual hook up, then no, "nice" isn't enough to justify it. But I misread the part about is specifically being a sexual hookup and thought her friends were trying to get her to go on a date with the guy.

In which case, I believe that "nice" is a pretty good starting ground to give the guy a chance with a date.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

If you don't want to come off as mean then say you would rather go on a date then just hook up cause you don't feel right getting with someone you barely know.

I did but that hasn't stopped them.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Time to get some new friends then?

 

[Ms. Marvel]

^^^
Time to get some new friends then?

I wouldn't really call them friends because I just met them last week.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Ok, here's one for you guys.

My current boyfriend and I have been together for one year and almost a month. Before that, we'd been close friends for years. He helped me through a rough time when the *****ebag I was dating before, the one I mainly came here for in late 2011 and early 2012, left me. Anyway, he and I are pretty happy together. We fight sometimes, but we always work it out in the end. Well, now I'm in a situation with him that I don't know how to handle. We were talking on Tuesday and he brought up some random science stuff (he's really smart when it comes to chemistry), and the topic turned to the fact that he's considering making a certain leafy green substance that's legal in a few states, but not in all of them, and making it more pure and clean through science, ala Breaking Bad (only with a different substance, obviously) and giving it to his friends, and also using it himself in low doses. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea, and all he did was justify it by saying he wouldn't sell it on the street, that there's no money in it, and it'll probably be legal soon anyway. I don't like this at all. It's also very hypocritical of him, because when he told me he was uncomfortable with me having a few sips of booze on very rare occasions, I stopped to make him happy. I really love this guy, but this whole situation bothers me. It's not that I'm hugely against this particular substance, I'd just rather not have the person I'm in a relationship with be involved with that.

 

[Erzengel]

I'd bring up the hypocrisy but this is obvious an issue that bothers you and you should probably discuss it more with him.

Is this a deal breaker for you?

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I'd bring up the hypocrisy but this is obvious an issue that bothers you and you should probably discuss it more with him.

Is this a deal breaker for you?

I don't know if it's a deal breaker. I've been wrestling with that very question for going on two days now.

 

[Erzengel]

We all make concerted efforts to make our respective significant others happy. We also make concessions for them as well.

In the end, if it begins to effect your happiness that's what half important.

 

[moviedoors]

Ok, here's one for you guys.

My current boyfriend and I have been together for one year and almost a month. Before that, we'd been close friends for years. He helped me through a rough time when the *****ebag I was dating before, the one I mainly came here for in late 2011 and early 2012, left me. Anyway, he and I are pretty happy together. We fight sometimes, but we always work it out in the end. Well, now I'm in a situation with him that I don't know how to handle. We were talking on Tuesday and he brought up some random science stuff (he's really smart when it comes to chemistry), and the topic turned to the fact that he's considering making a certain leafy green substance that's legal in a few states, but not in all of them, and making it more pure and clean through science, ala Breaking Bad (only with a different substance, obviously) and giving it to his friends, and also using it himself in low doses. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea, and all he did was justify it by saying he wouldn't sell it on the street, that there's no money in it, and it'll probably be legal soon anyway. I don't like this at all. It's also very hypocritical of him, because when he told me he was uncomfortable with me having a few sips of booze on very rare occasions, I stopped to make him happy. I really love this guy, but this whole situation bothers me. It's not that I'm hugely against this particular substance, I'd just rather not have the person I'm in a relationship with be involved with that.

A) Has he already been using said green substance, that you're aware of?

B) I'm a little skeptical that he won't be selling it. Just sounds fishy.

C) You absolutely should call him on his double standard.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

A) Has he already been using said green substance, that you're aware of?

B) I'm a little skeptical that he won't be selling it. Just sounds fishy.

C) You absolutely should call him on his double standard.

A. Other than a contact high a few months back, no.

B. I agree.

 

[moviedoors]

A. Other than a contact high a few months back, no.

B. I agree.

Mmm. Then you've gotta do something that sucks: sit down, have the talk, and go over it point by point.

I'm extremely skeptical about his usage if he's making the leap to growing.

 

[Anita18]

The hubs doesn't like me even sipping alcohol, but I let him have a beer if he wants to. It's a bit but I think he overworries and doesn't want anyone taking advantage of me. (I'm usually at work-related happy hours without him, and I hate the taste of alcohol anyway - it's more the idea of him having the double standard.)

Growing without selling raises eyebrows for me too. It's VERY difficult to just grow the stuff. It takes quite a bit of financial and time investment, and he'll likely want to recoup his efforts. Also, it MAY become legal soon, but it isn't now, and he'll get into heaps of trouble if he's caught. My sister sublet a room in a house with some growers, and they had to be very wary of who they brought there.

It just doesn't seem like he's thought this through entirely. The hubs will partake in a little of it very rarely, but growing it in our apartment? Oh HELLS NO.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

All of what you're saying is what I've been telling him. He's not listening to a word I say, and yet supposedly I'm the "ignorant" one.

 

[webhead9707]

I think Erzengel made a good point. Main thing you need to do is decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

 

[Anita18]

I think Erzengel made a good point. Main thing you need to do is decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

I agree. You probably won't be able to change his mind - this is a big decision he's had to make and he seems pretty set on it. So it's up to you to decide whether it's a deal breaker.

I think the main issue here is that you don't feel like you're being heard. You listened to him when he didn't want you to drink, but he's not listening to you at all and even calling you "ignorant." That is just not cool.

I've brought up the double standard about alcohol with the hubs, and he listens. Me drinking alcohol just bothers him, but at least he's aware that it's unfair. It's not a dealbreaker since I don't drink much anyway, but it would be a big deal if he wanted me to change something that I'm big on.

 

[Erzengel]

Girls not drinking alcohol?

How else can they wake up and wonder why their bottoms hurt?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Chloroform, Erz. Step your game up.

 

[webhead9707]

Chloroform, Erz. Step your game up.

 

[Erzengel]

Chloroform, Erz. Step your game up.

I don't know how this would work.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Well, apparently it was all a test, to see how I'd react. It was actually something he had considered doing, but most likely wasn't going to do. He just wanted to test me, and I failed. So now he needs to think about things. Guess we'll see what happens.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Wait... so... let me get this straight...

He comes up with this scenario of growing weed, but it's all made up to TEST you, and the fact that you confronted him about your concerns regarding the situation means you FAILED the test??

Something about this situation is not sitting well with me. At all.

I really hope I'm missing something.

Because, if you expressing concerns about a pretty serious scenario is "failing"... then I really think you're better off.

 

[Anubis]

It's a classic s**t test.

Problem is that's usually what *****ey women do. Tell him to quit acting like a b***h.

 

[Anita18]

Well, apparently it was all a test, to see how I'd react. It was actually something he had considered doing, but most likely wasn't going to do. He just wanted to test me, and I failed. So now he needs to think about things. Guess we'll see what happens.

Test the eff what? See how you'd react if he called you ignorant and stupid? Ohhh no, that's not gonna fly with me. I'd kick HIM to the curb. Love doesn't mean you disrespect yourself to be a slave to him.

If my husband was going to do something totally stupid, he'd expect me to call him out on his s***. That's what good wives are supposed to do.

 

[Grievous]

I think anytime someone in a relationship ''test'' the other it shows distrust, doubt, and kinda comes off as controlling. You shouldn't fake situations to observe the person you are dating. If you want to know something about their character I feel just asking about it is a lot better then testing behind their back.