A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[Erzengel]

You: Actually, I was thinking of leaving.
Her: Oh really?
The sex.
2 weeks later.
You: Yeah, I changed my mind.

 

[Anita18]

Every day I come in here in hope that I'll see Ghostrider87 pop up in here once again, and every day I'm disappointed.

One day I'm sure I'll move on, but that day has not come yet...

Okay, I've gone through all the epic GR87 threads, and...I think he still has hope! I have a female friend from HS who reminds me of him - same writing style, same focus on really minor things that occurred yeeears prior, same inability to comprehend complicated social cues, same unabashed unrealistic optimism. And yes, takes her "knowledge" of relationships from chick flicks and romance novels. She's 28 and I'd be surprised if she's even gone out on a date. She certainly hasn't spoken about it, and she talks to me about very detailed happenings in her life, like where she's been with her family and when. It's been 10 years since we've graduated and she still talks about that time like it was yesterday. It's sad and no longer entertaining talking with her because it's like the last 10 years have been a total wash. That and she isn't focused on marrying cute waiters who were nice to her, but on thinking her dream career will just land in her lap.

I actually don't think she's strongly on the autism spectrum because she cares very much about what people think and wants to interact with people, but she's unable to read social cues. I have a cousin who I've always suspected has Asperger's - extremely and awkwardly book-intelligent but completely uninterested in people on any sort of relationship level, platonic or otherwise. I'm pretty convinced my HS friend has some kind of learning disability and perhaps mild autism to account for the inability to read social cues. Whatever it is, it reminds me greatly of GR87.

Unfortunately, her parents have channeled her naivety/mental shortcomings into devotion to religion and I suspect she'd highly disapprove of GR87 frequenting Hooters so often.

So this girl lives in New York, works out at our gym whenever she's in town. We've been friends on facebook since the first time she came in in like May. She's not exceptionally hot but bangin' body and the fact that she works out and cares about her health is sexy to me. Anyway, I've been talking to her for a few months, knowing that she was coming back, working on having sex with her. The other day, after class, she stayed late to coach and motivate me through a workout. Afterward I told her she should become a coach. That night, we were out for drinks and she told me that she was seriously thinking about moving back here and that she had her level 1 CrossFit certification. So the next day I talked to the other manager at the gym and, long story short, she's gonna start our training program as soon as she moves back in like 3 weeks.

So we had planned on both of us throwing a new years party at her house tonight. At the end, it was just the two of us and as I was leaving, we started making out. I was ****ing golden until she says, "Wait, we can't do this. Don't **** where you eat."

So basically, by me hooking her up with a job, I cockblocked myself. Dammit.

Sorry for your troubles, but your story made me . You win some, you lose some, right?

But hopefully you'll find an exceptionally hot lady WITH a banging body who goes to your gym too.

 

[Anita18]

You: Actually, I was thinking of leaving.
Her: Oh really?
The sex.
2 weeks later.
You: Yeah, I changed my mind.

Erz, I like the way you think.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So this girl lives in New York, works out at our gym whenever she's in town. We've been friends on facebook since the first time she came in in like May. She's not exceptionally hot but bangin' body and the fact that she works out and cares about her health is sexy to me. Anyway, I've been talking to her for a few months, knowing that she was coming back, working on having sex with her. The other day, after class, she stayed late to coach and motivate me through a workout. Afterward I told her she should become a coach. That night, we were out for drinks and she told me that she was seriously thinking about moving back here and that she had her level 1 CrossFit certification. So the next day I talked to the other manager at the gym and, long story short, she's gonna start our training program as soon as she moves back in like 3 weeks.

So we had planned on both of us throwing a new years party at her house tonight. At the end, it was just the two of us and as I was leaving, we started making out. I was ****ing golden until she says, "Wait, we can't do this. Don't **** where you eat."

So basically, by me hooking her up with a job, I cockblocked myself. Dammit.

Gutted!

Though I think it's only a temporary cock block that can be solved with copius amounts of alcohol and a time of emotional vulnerability

She obviously likes you, so you gotta find a way of making her think with her body instead of with her head.

 

[Hound55]

Don't tell me he has hope! I've been hoping he'd come back here just as before for entertainment value.

That's like asking me if a girl I just started seeing is really a man... extremely unlikely, but it slams the hell out of your dream because you start looking for an adam's apple and trouser bulges...

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Okay, my new years eve was a little eventful.

I've had a big crush on a guy, who is a regular in the pub I work in since about March. Been working on him for a while, and we have this incredibly natural chemistry.

He's cheeky as hell and knows how to tease and wind me up in a good way. We sit and talk with barely room for breath, argueing about whose richer Batman or Iron Man, or talking about our favourite movies or what uni was like etc etc.

We've gone from the pub and then on to up town for drinks before, but he always ends up running into some guys he knows and wimping out of it being 'just us'. Trouble is he's one of those guys who are cocky, act really confident... but when it comes down to it they are totally vulnerable/scardy cat (which if anyone remembers, is pretty much my ideal man ).

A couple of times he's 'almost' had the courage to ask me out. And I kept trying to make it really easy for him. Like when his brother came to vist, and everyone was joking with him saying that he was the 'fit' one in the family, they asked me which one I thought was fitter and I said I prefer the cheeky boy and flashed him a smile.

He even tried to get me to come home with him one night, but he was drunk, and I actually like him so I don't wanna just be a one nighter.

Anyway, I made the mistake of admitting to the other girl who works there that I like him.

He said he wasn't going to be there on New Years, but he showed up with his mate, hair all spiked up and wearing a shirt. And I could feel him watching me, and was getting really paranoid. I just tried to look cool, but we kept catching eye contact and smiling at each other.

Well it turns out, my bloody matchmaker of a colleague decided to tell him on boxing day!

So last night, plied with enough alcohol that he had the courage, he pulls me over and he says 'Little birdie told me you like me'.

Being the cool cucumber I am, I reply 'Oh, you know I like you. It's not exactly a secret. Your a cutie' and pinch his cheek playfully before going off to serve someone.

I come back over a little later and he says 'So do you want to come back to mine tonight?'

And I say 'Nope', to which he looks all confused, and I say 'You've gotta take me out on a date first, treat me like a lady!'

So he asks me what i'd want to do, to which I reply 'surprise me' and I give him my number. I follow with 'I tell you what, if you remember all this in the morning and actually do text me, I WILL be surprised and I laugh'.

Thing is, I really doubt whether he will text me.

But it was kind of cool anyway.

There is a part of me that doesn't want him to text me tho.

He's pretty much the only guy in my life would actually complicate my plans to move away in the next few months

 

[terry78]

Decisions, decisions, huh?

 

[WillardNation]

Gutted!

Though I think it's only a temporary cock block that can be solved with copius amounts of alcohol and a time of emotional vulnerability

She obviously likes you, so you gotta find a way of making her think with her body instead of with her head.

I'm pretty sure I could've made it work last night but I was too drunk to put forth real effort.

 

[DBryan]

It will be interesting to see if CM Punk puts over Ziggler promo wise and acknowledges that facing him is a pleasant change to facing Cena, Orton, Miz, or Del Rio.

 

[DBryan]

I don't expect Ziggler to win but I think he'll win the Royal Rumble.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm pretty sure I could've made it work last night but I was too drunk to put forth real effort.

Yeah, I been there!

Well if you like her enough, and you see her often enough in social situations, I'm sure It'll happen again

 

[bullets]

I don't expect Ziggler to win but I think he'll win the Royal Rumble.

That's some good relationship advice

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So she came to the party. And nothing happened. She really didn't seem like she was at the party -for that-. She honestly didn't even seem that into the party itself. She said that her and her friend decided to "check it out" but had another party they were ultimately on their way to. They didn't even want to dance there. I asked to take them to dance, but her friend was all like "I dont dance" and she wouldn't dance without her friend.

So I tried to get my buddy who's house the party was at to dance with her friend so I could dance with her (she did seem like she wanted to dance, just not without her friend) but they ended up leaving. I guess my friend did try to talk to them, and told me later he too didn't think they were really feeling the party.

She did end up grabbing me and kissing me at midnight - on the cheek

But I did say I was going to have fun with or without her. And that's exactly what I did. Probably a little too much fun to be honest, as I've had the worst hangover I've had in years today. I actually ended up throwing up outside at the party, I havent done that in -forever-. I totally took it back to my younger days last night.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I can't even TALK to women, and I'm 27.

Sure, I have kissing experience and a bunch of sexual experience.

But I actually think my ability to talk to the opposite sex and gain their interest is decreasing with age.

I've had sex with 2 women, and the last woman was, oh, maybe 3 years ago now.

I don't think I've been on a decent date in years.

Do you have much of a sex drive?

Do you actually desire to either:

a) have a woman in your life in a sexual relationship, as well as companionship partner etc...?

b) Or multiple women in your life that you do have sex with as well as spend time with, but are not deeply involved. Sort of a series of shorter flings, and lots of options?

I had a friend rent my basement out for over a year, not once did he ever bring home a girl, ever. I had gone through 12 different FWB's and then one long term girl for the last 6 months of that time (still with her now). I asked my friend if there was any issues I could help him with, talking to girls, dates, getting laid, getting in shape etc... nope, nadda, he was just fine going to work, going home, playing video games and eating junk food etc...

That I hope is the reason for your 3 year dry spell, than that is the only acceptable reason. You only live once, and if you want a girl, or to have experiences with multiple women, I say go for it.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

So this girl lives in New York, works out at our gym whenever she's in town. We've been friends on facebook since the first time she came in in like May. She's not exceptionally hot but bangin' body and the fact that she works out and cares about her health is sexy to me. Anyway, I've been talking to her for a few months, knowing that she was coming back, working on having sex with her. The other day, after class, she stayed late to coach and motivate me through a workout. Afterward I told her she should become a coach. That night, we were out for drinks and she told me that she was seriously thinking about moving back here and that she had her level 1 CrossFit certification. So the next day I talked to the other manager at the gym and, long story short, she's gonna start our training program as soon as she moves back in like 3 weeks.

So we had planned on both of us throwing a new years party at her house tonight. At the end, it was just the two of us and as I was leaving, we started making out. I was ****ing golden until she says, "Wait, we can't do this. Don't **** where you eat."

So basically, by me hooking her up with a job, I cockblocked myself. Dammit.

Gutted!

Though I think it's only a temporary cock block that can be solved with copius amounts of alcohol and a time of emotional vulnerability

She obviously likes you, so you gotta find a way of making her think with her body instead of with her head.

Yep, what he ran into was temporary resistance, and she was looking for persistence. Excuse the rhyme but it is true. It may also be a sign of false resistance because she is concerned about how you perceive her, and by showing a small bit of resistance she feels you will not think she is a ****.

It does not take alcohol either, you don't ever need to resorted to alcohol to get a girl into bed.

WillardNation should have pushed on through the "wait we cannot do this, we’re frieeeeends" crap. She was already making out with you. Its friggin New Years! When she says that, then you need to follow up with something smooth, does not matter exactly what you say, so long as you are:

1. being persistent
2. Confident
3. Calm

You don’t want to get angry or act ********, or startled and apologetic. You don’t just want to give up. She WANTS you to take control!

Possible response should be "we’re both adults here" or "uh oh, we’re in trouble now". In close so she can feel the words, you’re hand should be around her back keeping her close.

Even better you could also just say nothing, but lean your head back just a bit, pause and raise an eyebrow, which can be taken a great number of ways, its an indirect answer, and makes it seem as if you are writing off her "not ****ing where we eat" statement as silly. Strong no-verbal communication can be very seductive. Then immediately slowly and confidently resume the make out, take your lips to her neck. This is a good time to display physical power, turn her and push her back against the wall as you continue to make out. Its about escalation. After pushing her back into the wall and continuing to make out with her, you could pause a second to say the "uh oh, you’re in trouble now". – just a bit of teasing in your voice.

That environment sounds like it was conducive to seduction as well, was just a party there, you two are alone. There is a tension that has already been built.

The only way I would stop, is when she very sternly says "stop! I want you to leave/I’m going home" in that adamant way, shrill sounding. In that situation she is not playing around, especially the "I need to leave".

Don’t ever cross the line and actually rape a girl, but you don’t have to stop at the first sign of resistance either.

Often that first sign it is a subconscious test of persistence, which for many women is a major turn on.

 

[Anita18]

I can't even TALK to women, and I'm 27.

Sure, I have kissing experience and a bunch of sexual experience.

But I actually think my ability to talk to the opposite sex and gain their interest is decreasing with age.

I've had sex with 2 women, and the last woman was, oh, maybe 3 years ago now.

I don't think I've been on a decent date in years.

My bf can't talk to people in general - men, women, whoever. He's 29. The only time he gets animated at all is when he's talking about something he's working on, and I'm probably in the only girl in a 100-mile radius who's in any way interested in that stuff.

That's why online dating was invented. We didn't fall in love talking or actively "gaining each other's interests", at any rate. It has to be a deeper connection than that.

We were at a coffee shop recently and overheard some college girls complaining about their relationships. One girl was saying how she loved her bf, but he didn't have the same artistic tastes as she did and wanted to break up with him over that. My bf and I looked at each other and went .

So she came to the party. And nothing happened. She really didn't seem like she was at the party -for that-. She honestly didn't even seem that into the party itself. She said that her and her friend decided to "check it out" but had another party they were ultimately on their way to. They didn't even want to dance there. I asked to take them to dance, but her friend was all like "I dont dance" and she wouldn't dance without her friend.

So I tried to get my buddy who's house the party was at to dance with her friend so I could dance with her (she did seem like she wanted to dance, just not without her friend) but they ended up leaving. I guess my friend did try to talk to them, and told me later he too didn't think they were really feeling the party.

She did end up grabbing me and kissing me at midnight - on the cheek

But I did say I was going to have fun with or without her. And that's exactly what I did. Probably a little too much fun to be honest, as I've had the worst hangover I've had in years today. I actually ended up throwing up outside at the party, I havent done that in -forever-. I totally took it back to my younger days last night.

Ah wells, doesn't seem to be your fault at all. Well besides the hangover. Maybe next time, more on you terms instead of "seeing how the party is?"

 

[bullets]

But I did say I was going to have fun with or without her. And that's exactly what I did. Probably a little too much fun to be honest, as I've had the worst hangover I've had in years today. I actually ended up throwing up outside at the party, I haven't done that in -forever-. I totally took it back to my younger days last night.

That's usually how it goes for me. If nothings going to happen, I just party hard until I pass out.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

SHE RESPONDED! SHE RESPONDED SHE RESPONDED!!!!

:\ a day after i decided that i'll never hold any romantic notions towards her again.

and nearly a week after spiritually and psychologically dissecting myself both in waking and dreaming hours.

forgive me for saying this but i just lost a good amount of respect for the opposite sex now. response or no.

(she apologised for disappearing tho, and wants to go out whenever im free to 'make up for it' :S )

 

[Erzengel]

:\ a day after i decided that i'll never hold any romantic notions towards her again.

Good luck with that.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Why would you lose respect for an entire gender because of the actions of one girl?

 

[SpideyVille]

Because that's what most women do?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

He lost respect for an entire gender because a girl, who didn't share his romantic feelings, distanced herself when she became aware of his?

Losing respect for an entire gender off the actions of this one women is no better than the immature girls who whine and cry that all men are *******s when these same women will never give a nice guy a chance because hes not edgy enough.

I really dont understand why this guy needs to take such an extreme stance because of this situation.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yup, that's pretty much it.

But yeah, based on what he's told us, I can understand why he's upset, because sometimes you meet that person who you feel is above everyone else and then they end up disappointing you and you end up feeling a little hopeless and discouraged in regards to finding someone else because if someone great disappoints you, what will stop the next girl. With that said though, yeah its a bit extreme and mostly just his emotions speaking, which is why it is important to let her go and move on or else he's digging a bigger hole for himself if things don't go the way he wants.

 

[Anita18]

Because that's what most women do?

Not most women on the planet. Most stupid, immature women, sure.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I can understand why hes upset, sure, but to judge an entire gender cuz of her actions is extreme.

And yea sometimes I need to take my own advice - my history with women has been so bad that I always assume the girl won't want anything to do with me before I even start.

But I got the best advice from someone one time. She told me - paraphrasing - those girls are in the past, you cant judge the intentions of every girl you ever meet from the handful you've dealt with in your past.