Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[amazingfantasy15]

I think he replied that way because of the way you answered him. You come off as very condescending and malapert in your replies to people. He wasn't asking for advice, but rather thoughts.

Perhaps he will be in the thread in a few more months, but you needn't make that assumption.

I realize it may have been a little harsh, but it's probably a bad idea to move in with someone you have feelings for. Ferret definitely does have feelings for her too and they aren't friendship. Here's a question you need to ask yourself and be truthful with yourself in answering Ferrett. Say your roommate meets a guy and starts dating him and they are a great match, you'll be there for a large amount of that floating on cloud 9 stage. Will you be able to handle that? You can say you don't have feelings, but a couple of comments from your friends and you were already thinking about the potential for something more between you two. I don't know, sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

 

[SpideyVille]

What? Why can't you still take a shot at it?

I asked her about setting up a group thing, but she said she didn't have any money so I have to wait a week or two, but even then, if her friend was really interested, she would've said something. So I may still have a shot, but it doesn't look like it'll be with my friend's help, so unless I run into her at comic-con this weekend, I feel like I have to just move on instead of sticking around and waiting for something that isn't guaranteed. I just hate how everything seems to be setting up for some big disappointment and I didn't even get to screw it up on my own.

But on a side note, in an attempt to move on, I've realized that I'm quickly approaching that point where a lot of girl I meet have kids even though they don't look like they're a mother. It kinda sucks because its just one more obstacle to be weary off when trying to meet someone.

 

[Anita18]

Your bf's technique is persistence? Did you like that? Cause I've been advised to not be that way, hmm.

Well, slooooow persistence. And we're really weird. I was surprised every time he asked me out again on a date because I figured he would have forgotten about me. He is terrible at regular communication. It wasn't like he was texting me multiple times a day or anything. I don't even think we were even contacting each other every day.

He said a few months in (and we had only gone on a few dates...like I said, sloooow) that he wanted to take things more seriously and I didn't say yes BUT I also didn't say no. So he figured he still had a chance.

To be honest I figured I had no other prospects, so why not. Yeah, I'm feeling kind of like a loser today in general, but he's a great guy, very supportive and always there for me. If I can get a hold of him. But definitely not suited for a girl who needs a lot of attention.

I think Charlie and I were telling you on Fb: If a girl tells you no, THAT MEANS NO. Do not insist on being persistent in that situation. I didn't say no, I said maybe, so that was his in.

I realize it may have been a little harsh, but it's probably a bad idea to move in with someone you have feelings for. Ferret definitely does have feelings for her too and they aren't friendship. Here's a question you need to ask yourself and be truthful with yourself in answering Ferrett. Say your roommate meets a guy and starts dating him and they are a great match, you'll be there for a large amount of that floating on cloud 9 stage. Will you be able to handle that? You can say you don't have feelings, but a couple of comments from your friends and you were already thinking about the potential for something more between you two. I don't know, sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

Phew, I will tell you, being a third wheel is AWKWARD. And it was a female roommate and I'm straight. But having her and her bf being all lovey-dovey in the living room when all I wanted to do was make some dinner in the kitchen was seriously awkward.

 

[steintym]

Ferret - Just by bringing it up, it seems like there still might be some attraction there. Not a bad thing, just an observation.

 

[steintym]

So it looks like my friend isn't going to be helping me with her friend, at least not for a while. So it would seem as though I've come to the point where its time to move on. It just sucks because I didn't really feel like I had much of a chance.

Try and make it work on your own. Stop by the store again and see if you can make a connection.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but ... was your friend just humoring you the entire time? It doesn't sound like she really had your best interests in mind from the start (outside of showing you FaceBook pages).

Might be time to take a little initiative and go for it on your own.

 

[SpideyVille]

Try and make it work on your own. Stop by the store again and see if you can make a connection.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but ... was your friend just humoring you the entire time? It doesn't sound like she really had your best interests in mind from the start (outside of showing you FaceBook pages).

Might be time to take a little initiative and go for it on your own.

No, it's not harsh because I've sort of looked at it the same way. I mean part of me feels like maybe she did mention me to her friend but her friend didn't like me, and she's just trying not to hurt my feelings, but I've noticed that she hasn't really been pushing for this like I would like her too. Plus, now she keeps telling me that I'm getting desperate and that I'm only trying to force things, but I look at it more as frustration with the fact that everytime I was supposed to meet this girl, something came up that didn't allow me to, plus the fact that I sort of felt like I was in a rush to get things to work in time for comic-con.

But now, I don't care about the comic-con thing, and I'm more interested in talking to this girl in a place where I can get to know her, and not just interact with her. And I would totally, go back to her job, but I don't know her schedule and I'm not sure how cooperative my friend will be. I could always go back on Friday or Sunday, but seeing as how the con is this weekend and this girl has tickets for all three days, I think I'll have a better chance of running into her there, although I don't know if that would work since she doesn't really know me.

But like I've said before, there's just something about this entire situation that seems different than any other one I've been in. Probably because I know about this girl that I should get along really great with, whether it be as just friends or more, but don't have an opportunity to see often unless I go the extra mile to make it happen. And its like even though there are some things that would normally turn me off, like the smoking and the tattoos, I still feel like I still need to give this a shot.

 

[Polaris23]

Well, slooooow persistence. And we're really weird. I was surprised every time he asked me out again on a date because I figured he would have forgotten about me. He is terrible at regular communication. It wasn't like he was texting me multiple times a day or anything. I don't even think we were even contacting each other every day.

He said a few months in (and we had only gone on a few dates...like I said, sloooow) that he wanted to take things more seriously and I didn't say yes BUT I also didn't say no. So he figured he still had a chance.

To be honest I figured I had no other prospects, so why not. Yeah, I'm feeling kind of like a loser today in general, but he's a great guy, very supportive and always there for me. If I can get a hold of him. But definitely not suited for a girl who needs a lot of attention.

I think Charlie and I were telling you on Fb: If a girl tells you no, THAT MEANS NO. Do not insist on being persistent in that situation. I didn't say no, I said maybe, so that was his in.

o

Yeah definitely. Cause my sister was telling me how she first got her boyfriend, he kept asking her to be his girlfriend a few times and she would reject the option, but eventually she said yes. Years later they're not together anymore, but she said now that she looks back at it, she really liked that about him, that he never gave up and it showed her he really wanted her. So I don't know exactly when persistence is a NO.

I asked her about setting up a group thing, but she said she didn't have any money so I have to wait a week or two, but even then, if her friend was really interested, she would've said something. So I may still have a shot, but it doesn't look like it'll be with my friend's help, so unless I run into her at comic-con this weekend, I feel like I have to just move on instead of sticking around and waiting for something that isn't guaranteed. I just hate how everything seems to be setting up for some big disappointment and I didn't even get to screw it up on my own.

But on a side note, in an attempt to move on, I've realized that I'm quickly approaching that point where a lot of girl I meet have kids even though they don't look like they're a mother. It kinda sucks because its just one more obstacle to be weary off when trying to meet someone.

Eh, yes, too many young moms out. But yeah, definitely try to take a shot at this girl on your own. It's better to know you screwed up than others screwed it up for you.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah definitely. Cause my sister was telling me how she first got her boyfriend, he kept asking her to be his girlfriend a few times and she would reject the option, but eventually she said yes. Years later they're not together anymore, but she said now that she looks back at it, she really liked that about him, that he never gave up and it showed her he really wanted her. So I don't know exactly when persistence is a NO.

Yeah, I had these friends who got married and when they met, the guy really believed that he was going to marry her and he told her, but she never liked him. But he was persistent until she woke up one day and realized she had feelings for him too.

Eh, yes, too many young moms out. But yeah, definitely try to take a shot at this girl on your own. It's better to know you screwed up than others screwed it up for you.

Yeah, I realized that I screwed up by not asking her about herself when I first saw her, but now that I got meeting her over with, I really want another chance to at least try to make a move. I just need to figure out how because like I said before, I don't want to spend comic-con looking for her because I know I'll just fill myself with disappointment.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah definitely. Cause my sister was telling me how she first got her boyfriend, he kept asking her to be his girlfriend a few times and she would reject the option, but eventually she said yes. Years later they're not together anymore, but she said now that she looks back at it, she really liked that about him, that he never gave up and it showed her he really wanted her. So I don't know exactly when persistence is a NO.

Well if a girl tells you outright that she just wants to be friends, I'd take that as a no, just to be safe. You've already heard from the Fb chats what it's like when you take it too far...

I've rejected someone I met online, when I knew there wasn't really anything going. (Yeah, even less than what was going on the first few dates with my bf. ) I liked that he respected that and didn't bother me about it again.

 

[Polaris23]

Yeah, I had these friends who got married and when they met, the guy really believed that he was going to marry her and he told her, but she never liked him. But he was persistent until she woke up one day and realized she had feelings for him too.

Yeah, I realized that I screwed up by not asking her about herself when I first saw her, but now that I got meeting her over with, I really want another chance to at least try to make a move. I just need to figure out how because like I said before, I don't want to spend comic-con looking for her because I know I'll just fill myself with disappointment.

Exactly, so it's really hard to say what's good persistent or what's bad, so it can also depend on the girl. But it's also a PAIN to be waiting in-the-hopes of, so might as well get it over with.

Yeah and Comic Con is something you just gotta enjoy man, don't waste the opportunity on looking for a girl who you might not even find. Let Comic Con be Comic Con, but chase this girl a different way.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Soon!

I sure hope you're right!

There are a crap ton of girls I'm interested in now, and I'm in a really weird paradox - in some ways, I'm acting way more confident than I ever have, "getting myself out there" like never before, and just overall displaying a confidence about myself around women, but in other ways, I'm probably way more reserved and "afraid" to make a move than ever.

And females are just as confusing as ever, just the past week alone has given me a bunch of "WTF???" moments, and not even just "does she like me or doesn't she?" type moments, just overall confusion in general.

 

[SpideyVille]

Exactly, so it's really hard to say what's good persistent or what's bad, so it can also depend on the girl. But it's also a PAIN to be waiting in-the-hopes of, so might as well get it over with.

Yeah and Comic Con is something you just gotta enjoy man, don't waste the opportunity on looking for a girl who you might not even find. Let Comic Con be Comic Con, but chase this girl a different way.

Yeah, there's definitely a thin line between persistent and creepy, and it really depends on the girl and how sweet she thinks the guy is.

And yeah, the big thing I'm scared of is falling for this girl so bad that I don't keep my options open in the event that I never see her again. I don't want to feel like I wasted time chasing something that could've been, especially since I've really got nothing to go on aside from my friend.

 

[SpideyVille]

I sure hope you're right!

There are a crap ton of girls I'm interested in now, and I'm in a really weird paradox - in some ways, I'm acting way more confident than I ever have, "getting myself out there" like never before, and just overall displaying a confidence about myself around women, but in other ways, I'm probably way more reserved and "afraid" to make a move than ever.

And females are just as confusing as ever, just the past week alone has given me a bunch of "WTF???" moments, and not even just "does she like me or doesn't she?" type moments, just overall confusion in general.

My friend keeps telling me that my problem is that I think too much and don't just act, but like you say, women can be confusing and I fear that if I don't put some thought in what I am about to do, then I'm either not going to notice when a girl is interested in me, or I'm not going to know what to do when one is.

 

[Hound55]

When the court order comes in... That's when it becomes a no.

 

[Anubis]

My friend keeps telling me that my problem is that I think too much and don't just act, but like you say, women can be confusing and I fear that if I don't put some thought in what I am about to do, then I'm either not going to notice when a girl is interested in me, or I'm not going to know what to do when one is.

Women aren't confusing, you're just oblivious.

 

[WillardNation]

Wait so...for you guys it's commendable when you DON'T schtup on the first date? You guys are strange.

I don't even think my bf has that kind of game. I think he's jealous of guys that do. But his technique is persistence, and he wouldn't have gotten me otherwise since I'm totally not that kind of girl.

If I sleep with a girl on the first outing, I know I'm not going to date her. The ones who make me work a long time for it are the ones I wanna keep around in the daylight hours.

 

[Anubis]

You see, now I"m the opposite.

I've never much cared for the chase.

 

[Charlie Boy]

Me neither... Not after I realized I could easily find a girl who would put out immediately, given the right circumstances.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I have the worst relationship luck ever! I might get a lot of flack for this, but I've prepared myself for it because I'm just going all balls to the wall honest here since I don't feel bottling up my feelings is going to benefit me at all. Anyways, it always seems like I discover that one guy that I really like and I'm really into, but then after I develop an attraction to them I find out they are unavailable, as in married. As I've detailed I am not one who enjoys illicit affairs with married men so cheating is not an option, no matter how stale the marriage has or is becoming. Well, it's the old rinse and repeat, but this time it's different than all those other previous times. This time it just hurts a lot more than all the other unavailable guys I've fallen for and I can feel it deeply in my soul. I just can't explain why I'm reacting like this because all the others I'd feel a bit blue for awhile and then I'd get over it and move on. I just don't know what to do right now. It's all too confusing for me. I've never hurt this bad before. Maybe I wasn't as in love as I thought I was with those guys, hence why I could get over them so quickly?

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe feelings are feelings because we feel them?

Seriously, we can't help how we feel. Just cause this cat was married and as against being with a married man as you are, that doesn't prevent you from developing strong feelings for him.

 

[terry78]

Just take the James Bond route.

[YT]zQohVFg0omY[/YT]

 

[LOBO3315a]

Your bf's technique is persistence? Did you like that? Cause I've been advised to not be that way, hmm.

Don't be that way. Unless she likes you it comes off as stalkerish.

And I need to find some of this roll everyone seems to be on.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Maybe feelings are feelings because we feel them?

Seriously, we can't help how we feel. Just cause this cat was married and as against being with a married man as you are, that doesn't prevent you from developing strong feelings for him.

Yes, you're right in that respect. I was thinking about that too, this whole "feelings" thing. The truth in that statement is that I have feelings which nobody can change, and right now I would rather be alone for the next 40 years of my life than have a few wankers manipulating me like a Sim trying to get me to feel anything differently than what I do for this man. They aren't the ones that have to go through what I'm going through. They obviously don't understand the level of hurt I'm feeling.

I think what bothers me the most is knowing whether or not there's a mutual thing going on. Maybe I just don't want to know this at all because it would make things worse.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

My friend keeps telling me that my problem is that I think too much and don't just act, but like you say, women can be confusing and I fear that if I don't put some thought in what I am about to do, then I'm either not going to notice when a girl is interested in me, or I'm not going to know what to do when one is.

That's what my problem boils down to I think.

In terms of how I act around women, I feel extremely more confident than I ever have been, in terms of how I talk and interact with them.

But I'm also on a college campus, full of 18, 19, and 20 year old girls. I've learned to take the flirting as just that - flirting - with no meaning behind it. So it makes me hesitant to make a move because it's the whole "she's just young, that's how 19 year old girls act, she's not doing it cuz she's interested in me or wants to sex me up, young girls want to party and have fun, not be tied down 'dating' someone and being in a relationship" thing.

And I've never really known how to just take advantage of the "young, wants to be wild and party" mentality of young girls to just get laid. Plus, "just getting laid" isn't really my objective, sooo... yea. (Not that I wouldn't have a one night stand with an attractive girl, I totally would, but that's not really my strong point - not that I have one when it comes to women, lol)

 

[WillardNation]

You see, now I"m the opposite.

I've never much cared for the chase.

Me neither... Not after I realized I could easily find a girl who would put out immediately, given the right circumstances.

I was actually just talking about this with a friend earlier. For me, personally, I think it has to do with first impressions. If I sleep with you the first time we ever hang out, my entire impression of you is sex and that's all my mind thinks of when I think of/see you. But if spend a good amount of time hanging out with and getting to know you as a person, then my mind associates you with spending time together. That's my theory, anyway.