Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Erzengel]

I know a few girls. One in her 20s, one in her 30s and one who in her 40s.

Very attractive girls. All of them. Guys fawn over all of them. Yet, all of them are single right now and constantly dating someone new and then breaking up with them.

After a while, you kind of have to stop blaming the guys they date and maybe look inward.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Never mind. Too many possible reasons. Actually, you know what? It sounds as if they are ****.

 

[Erzengel]

*gasp* You mean, it's possibly that they themselves are the issue and NOT the gender?

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah, I think there are these vague generalizations that people often make about the opposite sex being the reason they are unhappy in the relationships that they get in, or lack of relationships. But the truth is, the problem is either in who they attract and pursue, or a problem within themselves that they haven't discovered or acknowledged.

Sometimes you have bad experiences because you made a bad choice. You picked someone who wasn't worth you time or someone who just didn't click with you. But that doesn't mean that everyone will turn out the same, unless there's something that you yourself are doing to bring out these sides of people.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Yeah, I think there are these vague generalizations that people often make about the opposite sex being the reason they are unhappy in the relationships that they get in, or lack of relationships. But the truth is, the problem is either in who they attract and pursue, or a problem within themselves that they haven't discovered or acknowledged.

Sometimes you have bad experiences because you made a bad choice. You picked someone who wasn't worth you time or someone who just didn't click with you. But that doesn't mean that everyone will turn out the same, unless there's something that you yourself are doing to bring out these sides of people.

Or it could be the work of that screwed up higher being that many around the world worship. Punishing the innocent and rewarding the guilty.

 

[Erzengel]

Quick question, are these girls who are playing hard to get the ones you work with? Girls you are meeting online? Acquaintances? Friends of friends?

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Quick question, are these girls who are playing hard to get the ones you work with? Girls you are meeting online? Acquaintances? Friends of friends?

Although I haven't pursued any, I guess you could say that.

 

[Erzengel]

I guess my point, are there that many girls close to your age working at the theater?

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I guess my point, are there that many girls close to your age working at the theater?

Nope, not even a few. There are always the customers however.

 

[Cuyan]

Guy, I've been around for close to 28 years!!!

You don't act like it. Your last handful of posts have been nothing but self pity and finger pointing. What woman would want any part of that?

As for making someone like you, I disagree which is because of the fact that one sex goes after the other by using up their time talking to them about miscellaneous things.

You don't make a person like you. "Using up their time talking to them" is called conversing and it's pretty integral in the forming of a relationship. Conversing with someone is how you find out if you have common interests or chemistry. That fact that you phrase it in such a way furthers the point that perhaps you aren't quite ready for a relationship.

You and I both know that women like playing hard to get.

A woefully untrue generality.

They can somehow and easily convince a dude or dudes that they are more special than they are by waiting for the dude or dudes to make a move on them.

This statement shows your inexperience with women. Not all females are devious imps. If you assume they are, you are defeating yourself.

If getting girls is so easy then why are there guys who struggle? The types of guys who have never had a gf before, the type of guys who have never gotten a piece of the pie.

Self pity is incredibly unbecoming and it comes through loud and clear when you interact with someone. This particular example also shows animosity, another thing you don't want when trying to find someone to spend time with.

Oh and try telling that to the type of guys who girls won't go for at all. I hate this notion that if one guy can easily get girls then that all the other guys can easily get girls, in my mind that is what you are seemingly assuming, well something like that.

I don't think anyone here is speaking in absolutes except you. No one is saying it is easy to meet someone. The general consensus seems to be that if you bring this attitude into your quest, you probably wont get far.

Proof:

Being myself doesn't work. Being respectful doesn't work...

Both of these are false.

I'm not going to put up with that sexist and offensive crap.

This is what most women are thinking when you bring this attitude into a first meeting.

Guy, I've been around for close to 28 years!

You need to say this to yourself when the self pity starts to take hold. Be an adult.

Never mind. Too many possible reasons. Actually, you know what? It sounds as if they are ****.

On some level, you know what you are saying is either one-sided or simply false or else you wouldn't have edited so many of your posts.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

You don't act like it. Your last handful of posts have been nothing but self pity and finger pointing. What woman would want any part of that?


You don't make a person like you. "Using up their time talking to them" is called conversing and it's pretty integral in the forming of a relationship. Conversing with someone is how you find out if you have common interests or chemistry. That fact that you phrase it in such a way furthers the point that perhaps you aren't quite ready for a relationship.


A woefully untrue generality.


This statement shows your inexperience with women. Not all females are devious imps. If you assume they are, you are defeating yourself.


Self pity is incredibly unbecoming and it comes through loud and clear when you interact with someone. This particular example also shows animosity, another thing you don't want when trying to find someone to spend time with.


I don't think anyone here is speaking in absolutes except you. No one is saying it is easy to meet someone. The general consensus seems to be that if you bring this attitude into your quest, you probably wont get far.

Proof:

Both of these are false.


This is what most women are thinking when you bring this attitude into a first meeting.


You need to say this to yourself when the self pity starts to take hold. Be an adult.


On some level, you know what you are saying is either one-sided or simply false or else you wouldn't have edited so many of your posts.

I wasn't pitying myself, that's b.s. Yes you do make a person like you, if one didn't have to get another to like them (via the playing hard to get game) then there would be no need for one having to deal with the playing hard to get game. If you don't do that (deal with the hard to get game) then you're just a worthless p.o.s. to them (some girl). On some level that is, if not all levels.

 

[Cuyan]

If you aren't willing to change your perspective, I don't see how you can find someone. Best of luck.

 

[SpideyVille]

I can speak from experience and many years of trying to make someone like me that that doesn't work. You may impress them, but you can't force them to like you. And if they do like you, its because of who you're trying to be and not with the real you.

S.A.A.D., I just think you've had a lot of bad experiences whether it be bad timing, meeting the wrong people, or just your own personal beliefs and mentalities. But I think all that has caused you to be a bit defensive and bitter to the point where you're not really looking at things objectively. You're at that point where your life hasn't turned out the way you want and now you're looking for something to blame. The truth is there is nothing and no one to blame. Sometimes thing just don't work out, and when you start blaming things instead of working on improving yourself and being genuine, then things won't change. Instead, they are turning out the way you want to be, in a negative way.

 

[Cuyan]

Forcing an emotion from a person it a futile effort. It will always end in disappointment.

You don't often hear:

"How did you two meet?"

"Well, I wasn't really interested. But he eventually made me like him."

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I can speak from experience and many years of trying to make someone like me that that doesn't work. You may impress them, but you can't force them to like you. And if they do like you, its because of who you're trying to be and not with the real you.

S.A.A.D., I just think you've had a lot of bad experiences whether it be bad timing, meeting the wrong people, or just your own personal beliefs and mentalities. But I think all that has caused you to be a bit defensive and bitter to the point where you're not really looking at things objectively. You're at that point where your life hasn't turned out the way you want and now you're looking for something to blame. The truth is there is nothing and no one to blame. Sometimes thing just don't work out, and when you start blaming things instead of working on improving yourself and being genuine, then things won't change. Instead, they are turning out the way you want to be, in a negative way.

So, this anger and disappointment that I have felt for most of my life because of my lack of love life, is something that I wanted? That's what it sounds like. Even though I have been pissed for a long time, on the other hand I mostly remained calm and optimistic in general. Extremely calm and optimistic that is.

 

[Cuyan]

So, this anger and disappointment that I have felt for most of my life because of my lack of love life, is something that I wanted? That's what it sounds like.

What a ridiculous summation of what was said. He said your own negativity is impeding you happiness. Pretty plain, simple, and logical.

Your knee-jerk reactions, jabs, close-mindedness, snide remarks, and "eye-rolling" define a person who does not to improve their situation but rather sustain it.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

What a ridiculous summation of what was said. He said your own negativity is impeding you happiness. Pretty plain, simple, and logical.

Your knee-jerk reactions, jabs, close-mindedness, snide remarks, and "eye-rolling" define a person who does not to improve their situation but rather sustain it.

Get back to me when you have been in my shoes as me, I have been **** blocked twice by two girls who approached me that liked me for some time. Keep in mind that this is being said by a guy who doesn't chase women. The twist is that the both of them wanted me to chase them.

 

[Cuyan]

Get back to me when you have been in my shoes as me, I have been **** blocked twice by two girls who approached me that liked me for some time.

Are you implying that no one else has had as many negative experiences, with women, as you?

Keep in mind that this is being said by a guy who doesn't chase women. The twist is that the both of them wanted me to chase them.

Read this part of your statement over and over until it sinks in.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I wasn't pitying myself, that's b.s. Yes you do make a person like you, if one didn't have to get another to like them (via the playing hard to get game) then there would be no need for one having to deal with the playing hard to get game. If you don't do that (deal with the hard to get game) then you're just a worthless p.o.s. to them (some girl). On some level that is, if not all levels.

Well, you're just meeting immature girls if they're playing games. Someone worth your while won't play those types of games.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Oh here is another tale I forgot, this one chick was dead set on coming to visit me and she never did. She even went as far as making a shout out sign, this girl was really screwed up and kinky sounding and was the real thing when it came to her true form, some chick from Vampire Freaks. Like she wanted severe beatings.
After the trip that never materialized, I still talked to her until I got so pissed off that I deleted her. She even sent me a nude pic of her and made a video.

 

[Anita18]

Forcing an emotion from a person it a futile effort. It will always end in disappointment.

You don't often hear:

"How did you two meet?"

"Well, I wasn't really interested. But he eventually made me like him."

Exactly. Well, there doesn't have to be full-blown fireworks when you first meet someone, but you do at least have to find them attractive. I wasn't crazy for my bf (nor was my friend to her fiance who she's marrying in a few weeks) at first, but we at least liked them enough to keep on going out with them.

Get back to me when you have been in my shoes as me, I have been **** blocked twice by two girls who approached me that liked me for some time. Keep in mind that this is being said by a guy who doesn't chase women. The twist is that the both of them wanted me to chase them.

I've been rejected more times than THAT and I don't chase guys and I've dated probably 10 guys in my entire life, which includes first dates where I never heard from the guy again. And I'm just about as old as you are.

And for a woman, if you're rejected by a guy it probably means they think you're unattractive, and society tells us that a woman can only attract a man physically. So I've had to convince myself that I wasn't an ogre and that someone would find me attractive and like my intelligence. And with enough patience, it eventually happened.

 

[SpideyVille]

What a ridiculous summation of what was said. He said your own negativity is impeding you happiness. Pretty plain, simple, and logical.

Your knee-jerk reactions, jabs, close-mindedness, snide remarks, and "eye-rolling" define a person who does not to improve their situation but rather sustain it.

Yes, this. Keep in mind, I've been at this point where I complain to people about my lack of a love life and how I want to finally find a great girl but can't for whatever reason, either because the girls I'm around are too shallow or only want buff hot guys or whatever. It wasn't until I finally realized that I was part of the problem. Granted, yes there are girls who are superficial and want things like this, but to assume every girl is like that is wrong. I've realized that there are things that I do, or don't do, that hinder myself from ever succeeding with a girl. It's easy to blame other people and say they have to change, but sometimes you have to look in the mirror and understand that you also have to change. And I say change not in the way to make other people happy, but rather change so that you don't become a hindrance to others.

Some girl said I was the most dramatic guy she's ever met and that she expected better from me, and I took that so personally that I stopped talking to people in general because I felt like I was this messed up person. And I spent a year trying to "fix" myself because of what this one girl said. But until recently, I realized I have flaws that need to be worked on, but that doesn't mean I need to shut everyone else out, because by doing that, I was only making myself even more unhappy. I pushed a lot of people away because deep down I was still angry and sad inside from the last two girls that I liked. But you gotta get over it and find peace with it. Things happen for a reason, mostly to shape you into a better person. But if you allow the negative stuff to control you, you're just going to be a negative person that no one wants to be around, even though it feels easier to be angry and blame others.

 

[Cuyan]

Oh here is another tale I forgot, this one chick was dead set on coming to visit me and she never did. She even went as far as making a shout out sign, this girl was really screwed up and kinky sounding and was the real thing when it came to her true form, some chick from Vampire Freaks. Like she wanted severe beatings.
After the trip that never materialized, I still talked to her until I got so pissed off that I deleted her. She even sent me a nude pic of her and made a video.

If you truly are the age you claim to be, you have a long road ahead of you.

 

[SpideyVille]

Well, you're just meeting immature girls if they're playing games. Someone worth your while won't play those types of games.

This. People don't always realize it at the moment because they let their emotions get in the way, especially when you've been single and alone for so long, but just because there's a girl there and you convince yourself to like her, that doesn't mean she's right for you or even worth your time. I just realized that with some girl I used to like who was always back and forth with me until I finally cut her off and let her know how I didn't like what she was doing. And this was the same girl who called me dramatic. For so long I tried to keep her around until I realized it wasn't worth it.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Yes, this. Keep in mind, I've been at this point where I complain to people about my lack of a love life and how I want to finally find a great girl but can't for whatever reason, either because the girls I'm around are too shallow or only want buff hot guys or whatever. It wasn't until I finally realized that I was part of the problem. Granted, yes there are girls who are superficial and want things like this, but to assume every girl is like that is wrong. I've realized that there are things that I do, or don't do, that hinder myself from ever succeeding with a girl. It's easy to blame other people and say they have to change, but sometimes you have to look in the mirror and understand that you also have to change. And I say change not in the way to make other people happy, but rather change so that you don't become a hindrance to others.

Some girl said I was the most dramatic guy she's ever met and that she expected better from me, and I took that so personally that I stopped talking to people in general because I felt like I was this messed up person. And I spent a year trying to "fix" myself because of what this one girl said. But until recently, I realized I have flaws that need to be worked on, but that doesn't mean I need to shut everyone else out, because by doing that, I was only making myself even more unhappy. I pushed a lot of people away because deep down I was still angry and sad inside from the last two girls that I liked. But you gotta get over it and find peace with it. Things happen for a reason, mostly to shape you into a better person. But if you allow the negative stuff to control you, you're just going to be a negative person that no one wants to be around, even though it feels easier to be angry and blame others.

The truth is that I'm not always about the rage. I'm pretty much a keeping it to myself kind of guy in general.