The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Anita18]

I don't know if she'd be unconscious during the whole thing but I know some women who wouldn't necessarily care as long as it was their SO.

As long as such a view was expressed beforehand when everyone is awake and sober, I ain't judging anyone's kinks.

But that's legally not kosher.

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe a double standard but if I woke up to a gf/wife, riding me, I wouldn't be upset.

 

[the last son]

Officially giving up. It wasn't meant to be. I've already moved on as far as working out like a mad man etc, but I'm now closing the door on it. If I was contacted I would not reciprocate the interest.

 

[the last son]

As you all said there really is no reason to even go back down that road again. It's a reason it failed the first time.

 

[Anita18]

Maybe a double standard but if I woke up to a gf/wife, riding me, I wouldn't be upset.

Don't think my husband would be either, but you should still make sure. Not hard.

Cause ya know, legally not kosher. And it would be just the day to get a surprise arrest when you spring surprise sex on someone.

 

[Erzengel]

We have safe words.

 

[the last son]

Never could I have sex with my passed out GF even if were married or something. If she's tipsy sure, but not past that.

 

[Anita18]

Officially giving up. It wasn't meant to be. I've already moved on as far as working out like a mad man etc, but I'm now closing the door on it. If I was contacted I would not reciprocate the interest.

As you all said there really is no reason to even go back down that road again. It's a reason it failed the first time.

I'm glad you've taken the time to consider the circumstances. It's a harsh life lesson, but we learn best when the lessons are hard.

 

[PacificBoy]

It's unreal the number of guys, even smart ones, who don't get this.

They don't get the difference between being nice to her (because he likes her) and being a really nice guy (i.e. he's nice to everyone).

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I still don't see a problem with being nice "because he likes her".

If I like a girl, she's NOT like everyone else to me, that's actually kind of the point, and as such, I want to reflect that in the way I treat her.

And if I like a girl, then typically, I would want to show that by being nice to her.

And while "being nice" doesn't entitle you to reciprocated feelings or attraction, I can't speak for everyone, but typically I like to associate myself with, and form relationships with - both romantically and platonically - people who are nice to me.

 

[PacificBoy]

It's not a problem. Perfectly normal to be nicer to the girl you like. The distinction is made for guys who see themselves as Nice Guys when in reality they're only being nice to the girl they like -- and not so nice to everyone else.

 

[Mr.M]

I agree. I am not a genuinely nice guy. I don't do **** for Mother's Day or Bdays or Xmas in terms of planning and gifts. I might kiss ass to come coworkers for networking reasons. But genuinely I don't go out of my way. I do the bare minimum, unless something can get me laid, or it's an old or disabled person and I have moral obligations.

But yeah, I embraced it. The cynical side of me. My black, existential humor. Women who give me the platform to express that respond to it, even if it is a fleeting attention. I'm gonna be that funny guy who will be honest and maybe hurt other people's feelings in the process to make a point, but I usually end up being funny and having others catch on to that. I have to make up for the lack of physical prowess with my wit, intelligence, and humor, and that means playing bad guy from time to time, and if people genuinely see where I am coming from, no ill will or resentment will ever develop. Hope I made that distinction clear.

 

[Anita18]

It's not a problem. Perfectly normal to be nicer to the girl you like. The distinction is made for guys who see themselves as Nice Guys when in reality they're only being nice to the girl they like -- and not so nice to everyone else.

The Nice Guy phenomenon isn't that though. It's when a guy think he is OWED something because he is nice to people, especially women.

Having that kind of entitlement makes you the opposite of nice.

My husband is a terrible actor, he can be impulsive, and he's cynical, so he can be almost nasty to people if you catch him at the wrong time. (Of course he's never been nasty to me.) But I also know that when he's kind and generous, that's honest too, and that he doesn't expect to get something in return for nice behavior.

 

[enterthemadness]

No offense....but I thought on this, went back and...


What is he, 50? Who uses 'Hot Diggity, still?


Nothing really new in my life...outside of that date tomorrow.



Woman at work actually came up to me three times and talked to me...about work stuff, yeah, let's just say I have applications to do and a decision to make over my next two days off, but I told her I am pretty much giving notice Monday. And she once again said she isn't shocked.



Seriously....I cried in the bath room today at work. Hell, I went on my 15 min break over 30 minutes early and she came outside looking for me and we talked about work. I'm afraid of giving notice with no job lined up, but I just can't be bothered anymore. I just don't give a **** anymore...


Like I said in the lounge yesterday (Thursday), I had that one on one meeting (coached) and afterwards, I am just done there. That manager is the iceberg and I am the Titanic. my desire to be there is sinking.


horrible joke, but it makes me smile.

 

[PacificBoy]

The Nice Guy phenomenon isn't that though. It's when a guy think he is OWED something because he is nice to people, especially women.

Having that kind of entitlement makes you the opposite of nice.

My husband is a terrible actor, he can be impulsive, and he's cynical, so he can be almost nasty to people if you catch him at the wrong time. (Of course he's never been nasty to me.) But I also know that when he's kind and generous, that's honest too, and that he doesn't expect to get something in return for nice behavior.

Yeah, it's the entitlement which makes someone a Nice Guy™. But I have found guys who advertise their niceness as an attractive quality to girls are susceptible to this kind of thinking. That when a girl accepts his friendship because he's 'nice' he thinks he's already on his way to a romantic relationship.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah, it's the entitlement which makes someone a Nice Guy™. But I have found guys who advertise their niceness as an attractive quality to girls are susceptible to this kind of thinking. That when a girl accepts his friendship because he's 'nice' he thinks he's already on his way to a romantic relationship.

Here's the thing - entitlement on any level is a ****** attitude to have, in regards to relationships or otherwise. And I've been "victimized" by women who vilified me because I didn't go after their preferred female that they wanted me to date, and called me shallow because of the woman that I did choose to date. So I'm the perfect guy to understand what a woman goes through when a *****ebag gets an entitlement complex about a woman's affections.

But - and perhaps I'm really comprehending the context wrong (wouldn't be a first) - I do have a problem when a guy who becomes a girl's friend is vilified for becoming her friend with romantic intentions.

Because more often than not, I feel that line of pursuit is less malicious in nature, and more due to a shy nature. If a guy becomes a girl's friend, he feels like he can show her his personality, show her that he's a nice guy, and try to treat her with respect and hope that she will appreciate him on that level.

That was my angle for the longest time. Wasn't the least bit malicious. If anything, it was my way of trying to treat the woman with respect - not treating her like a sex object, actually trying to get to know her as a person, for what she has to offer as a human being, and ask her out when I felt a sense of comfort with her, and felt she had a sense of comfort and familiarity with me.

Is that a misguided angle? Perhaps. That's the quickest way into the friend zone.

But it's not malicious. If anything, it's doing exactly what women say they want - it's being approached as a human being, and someone getting to know them beyond only their sexual appeal.

Because honestly? For me that seems a lot more natural to me, getting to know someone, building a sense of familiarity with them, and they me, and then asking them out on a date to pursue a romantic relationship, than just meeting a girl one day and saying "Hey I want to take you out, are you free on Saturday night for dinner?"

There's not an ounce of malicious thought behind it. Misguided and naive, perhaps, but not malicious.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, it's the entitlement which makes someone a Nice Guy™. But I have found guys who advertise their niceness as an attractive quality to girls are susceptible to this kind of thinking. That when a girl accepts his friendship because he's 'nice' he thinks he's already on his way to a romantic relationship.

Well, "nice" should be the absolute lowest bar of humanity, IMO. So advertising their niceness is like, not all that attractive since you SHOULD be kind by default.

I can't say I know many men who have that kind of entitlement that you describe. But then again, I mostly know guys who are comfortable around women in general, and treat a female acquaintance as they would a male acquaintance.

It wouldn't surprise me if most of the guys with that kind of entitlement are those who have been corralled away from women for most of their life, for some reason or another. So women become an "other" subconsciously, and those men start expecting different things from women than from men.

Not uncommon in Asian circles, unfortunately, although a lot of the barriers are broken down in college. I know for a fact that my cousin didn't have female friends in high school, but was in a mixed social group in college where he met his wife.

 

[Anita18]

Here's the thing - entitlement on any level is a ****** attitude to have, in regards to relationships or otherwise. And I've been "victimized" by women who vilified me because I didn't go after their preferred female that they wanted me to date, and called me shallow because of the woman that I did choose to date. So I'm the perfect guy to understand what a woman goes through when a *****ebag gets an entitlement complex about a woman's affections.

But - and perhaps I'm really comprehending the context wrong (wouldn't be a first) - I do have a problem when a guy who becomes a girl's friend is vilified for becoming her friend with romantic intentions.

Because more often than not, I feel that line of pursuit is less malicious in nature, and more due to a shy nature. If a guy becomes a girl's friend, he feels like he can show her his personality, show her that he's a nice guy, and try to treat her with respect and hope that she will appreciate him on that level.

That was my angle for the longest time. Wasn't the least bit malicious. If anything, it was my way of trying to treat the woman with respect - not treating her like a sex object, actually trying to get to know her as a person, for what she has to offer as a human being, and ask her out when I felt a sense of comfort with her, and felt she had a sense of comfort and familiarity with me.

Is that a misguided angle? Perhaps. That's the quickest way into the friend zone.

But it's not malicious. If anything, it's doing exactly what women say they want - it's being approached as a human being, and someone getting to know them beyond only their sexual appeal.

Because honestly? For me that seems a lot more natural to me, getting to know someone, building a sense of familiarity with them, and they me, and then asking them out on a date to pursue a romantic relationship, than just meeting a girl one day and saying "Hey I want to take you out, are you free on Saturday night for dinner?"

There's not an ounce of malicious thought behind it. Misguided and naive, perhaps, but not malicious.

I can't say I know any women who would tear into a guy friend when he tries to ask them out. It's awkward, but yeah, as you said, not malicious. Unless the guy's been creeping on the woman the whole time and being really obvious about his intentions with the friendship. But I don't see you doing that.

And again, I really don't know how you only hang out with people who are that combatively "feminist."

I think most women are referring to times when a guy gets all pissy when they refuse to give him their phone number after the guys do something "nice" for them. I've experienced it myself. I mean, hey sorry dude, I really WAS leaving and just paying my tab, don't get pissy about trying to make conversation with me.

 

[Erzengel]

Never could I have sex with my passed out GF even if were married or something. If she's tipsy sure, but not past that.

Sleeping with someone intoxicated who's passed out, I don't agree with that. I don't know that many people who are that sound of sleepers who wouldn't wake up during the foreplay.

It's not like wake up, roll over, sex. I'll leave the logistics of foreplay out of it.

On the nice guy angle. Here's my take.

S' or get off the pot. If you are friends with a girl and you like her, ask her out. BUT, don't cancel plans, rearrange your schedule, drop everything because she asks.

I'm not saying don't be a girl's friend. But be her friend, don't do things because it will garner favor. When you're single and you're interested in someone do something about it. Don't hover. If she's not interested don't be a dick, but I don't understand hanging around. And if the excuse is well, I'm her friend, it doesn't make sense because if you're investing time and energy in this friend you are just making yourself more invested especially if there isn't any other girl around.

Lastly don't be a girl's doormat.

 

[the last son]

Lmao so I have a date off internet and I call to confirm and she's like the rudest person ever. I ask for her and she's like "of course it's me it's my phone" in a really nasty tone. It didn't get too much better during conversation. I'm wondering if I should even show up or give her pass.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I can't say I know any women who would tear into a guy friend when he tries to ask them out. It's awkward, but yeah, as you said, not malicious. Unless the guy's been creeping on the woman the whole time and being really obvious about his intentions with the friendship. But I don't see you doing that.

And again, I really don't know how you only hang out with people who are that combatively "feminist."

I think most women are referring to times when a guy gets all pissy when they refuse to give him their phone number after the guys do something "nice" for them. I've experienced it myself. I mean, hey sorry dude, I really WAS leaving and just paying my tab, don't get pissy about trying to make conversation with me.

I'm not talking about combative feminists or tearing into a guy who asks out a girl.

I'm just talking about this whole "nice guy" talk that we're having, and giving the perspective from someone who considers himself a nice guy, and why we do what we do.

I get that *****ebags are *****ebags, but I tire of hearing all the demonizing remarks in various parts of the internet towards guys who say they are nice guys.

Lmao so I have a date off internet and I call to confirm and she's like the rudest person ever. I ask for her and she's like "of course it's me it's my phone" in a really nasty tone. It didn't get too much better during conversation. I'm wondering if I should even show up or give her pass.

Honestly, if she was that rude, that might be reason to pass.

I mean, the whole incident I had with the Chinese girl and my car was reason enough for me to stop asking her out. Granted, there HAS been very small minimal contact since last I talked about it, but we haven't made plans to go out and I haven't asked.

 

[enterthemadness]

Soooo...had, what I think, is a decent first date.


Had lunch at Olive Garden...it was nice, but awkward. She said she's a awkward person, and I was nervous. But we made conversation and laughed...then walked...all the way over to the stores nearby. Walked into West Marine, Bed Bath Beyond, Micheal's Arts and Craft, and Ross, and looked around and just talked and laughed a bit. Got to know each other more. Um...she's cute, would probably love the Hype. She's a nerd, into video games, comics, Doctor Who...which, outside of Comic book movies and some games on me phone, I'm not into that stuff lol.

But, it seemed decent...she didn't allow me to walk her back to her car, but we did meet outside the restaurant at her car, after I put my food in the car I drive. Err...didn't hug, but she said she would text me...who knows, we are into...some of the same stuff.

In the very least, I find Olive Garden to have better food than Ruby Tuesday, so that is a plus. Time wise...she got there maye at like 2:10 ish...and after we got back from the stores, it was going on 4 or was just past 4. So about 2 hour date.


Kinda a break up song, but hey, celebration, I'm in a good ish mood.


[YT]fjBO5hV6CUc[/YT]



Nell...+1 over you.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Nell...+1 over you.

Well technically I haven't been revealing everything in my dating life on this thread of late

I'll let you figure out just what all that entails

 

[enterthemadness]

Well technically I haven't been revealing everything in my dating life on this thread of late

I'll let you figure out just what all that entails

you took a date to see your fav movie, X-Men: DOFP and told her about all the cool parts as they were coming up in the movie?


Nell: this part coming up, is just bad-ass, Wolverine goes craaaaaaazy.

Date: ...okay, awesome.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Okay it's definitely definitely not FWB.

Came out to meet me with my friends last night, went to a club together, both got bored of the music and spent most of it outside talking and kissing. Went back to his, put the tv on and he gave me a foot rub. He could see I was tired, so he asked if we could just sleep

Of course, I made it up to him when we woke up, and we both 'suceeded' twice (still baffled as to why it's taken me so long to find a guy i'm turned on enough by that it's actually easy).

So it seems like it's going well right?

The problem is, i'm just not sure it's gonna go any further than this. I feel like it could just stay at this level for a long time, but I will quickly loose interest.

It's just the lack of enthusiasm between encounters I think...

I mean, the minute that we are around each other, we're drawn to each other. So even in public, we'll catch a kiss here and there, and all conversation is full of eye contact and big smiles and eye twinkles etc.

But I don't get a single text after the fact. The only contact is to arrange another encounter, and it doesn't come quickly.

I guess it's a combination of being european, being a stoner and being a kind of 'anti serious stuff' guy in general - but I feel like he is one of those guys who is either never going to get emotionally attached to you, or is never going to admit it.

And it is definitely making my emotions fade away quickly. I mean, it's hard to be enamoured with someone whose just a bit 'empty' in that department, you know?

Do you think i'm wasting my time? Or should I just keep enjoying it for what it is and give it a bit more time to develop?

I'm going on holiday to Malta for a week on Monday, so it'll be interesting to see whether he is keen to see me when I get back or not.