The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[the last son]

Lol she just called me to confirm and again rude as hell. I agreed to it and will be leaving soon. Let you all know how it goes. I have a bad feeling though.

 

[the last son]

To hopefuldreamer. I say give it time. Or talk to him about your feelings

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Lol she just called me to confirm and again rude as hell. I agreed to it and will be leaving soon. Let you all know how it goes. I have a bad feeling though.

Good luck to you, but if she was as rude to me as you are implying, I probably would have cancelled on her.

Hopefully she's not really as rude as she seems.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Okay it's definitely definitely not FWB.

Came out to meet me with my friends last night, went to a club together, both got bored of the music and spent most of it outside talking and kissing. Went back to his, put the tv on and he gave me a foot rub. He could see I was tired, so he asked if we could just sleep

Of course, I made it up to him when we woke up, and we both 'suceeded' twice (still baffled as to why it's taken me so long to find a guy i'm turned on enough by that it's actually easy).

So it seems like it's going well right?

The problem is, i'm just not sure it's gonna go any further than this. I feel like it could just stay at this level for a long time, but I will quickly loose interest.

It's just the lack of enthusiasm between encounters I think...

I mean, the minute that we are around each other, we're drawn to each other. So even in public, we'll catch a kiss here and there, and all conversation is full of eye contact and big smiles and eye twinkles etc.

But I don't get a single text after the fact. The only contact is to arrange another encounter, and it doesn't come quickly.

I guess it's a combination of being european, being a stoner and being a kind of 'anti serious stuff' guy in general - but I feel like he is one of those guys who is either never going to get emotionally attached to you, or is never going to admit it.

And it is definitely making my emotions fade away quickly. I mean, it's hard to be enamoured with someone whose just a bit 'empty' in that department, you know?

Do you think i'm wasting my time? Or should I just keep enjoying it for what it is and give it a bit more time to develop?

I'm going on holiday to Malta for a week on Monday, so it'll be interesting to see whether he is keen to see me when I get back or not.

What do YOU want?

Do you want more?

I mean.... while I totally understand being concerned over the lack of enthusiasm between encounters, I kinda feel like this might be a situation where you need to step up if you want things to progress. You can try chatting with him. You can ask him out. Or, as last son suggested, talk to him about your feelings and where you want it to go.

 

[enterthemadness]

Lol she just called me to confirm and again rude as hell. I agreed to it and will be leaving soon. Let you all know how it goes. I have a bad feeling though.

Something tells me, we need the





Ready for the Hype, when you come back with your trainwreck of a story with Ms. Rudeness.



Anyway, what do you all think of my date and how it went? I don't plan on texting her back until Monday, cause she said she would text me and while it was a nice time, but awkward, I dunno...if anything will happen. I suggested movies next weekend, but she doesn't know her days off...


But,


She did ask me if I wanted a zip of her drink, and I said no, then I asked her if it had alcohol in it. She said no, it was Strawberry Lemonade, so i ended up taking a zip of it.

 

[the last son]

What's with the hostility?

 

[enterthemadness]

What's with the hostility?

Eh, I'm kinda being a ass and am in a good ish mood. And you said she was rude to you twice on the phone and you have a bad feeling about it, so I thought I joke about it.

 

[the last son]

OK. She's attractive enough to where I'll give her one chance. Maybe her voice just has energy which projects into rudeness. We'll see how it goes.

 

[Anita18]

I'm not talking about combative feminists or tearing into a guy who asks out a girl.

I'm just talking about this whole "nice guy" talk that we're having, and giving the perspective from someone who considers himself a nice guy, and why we do what we do.

I get that *****ebags are *****ebags, but I tire of hearing all the demonizing remarks in various parts of the internet towards guys who say they are nice guys.

IMO, if you're marketing yourself as a "nice guy" to women and that's ALL you have to offer, that's weaksauce. Being "nice" on a general level is like, the lowest bar possible.

And really, my husband doesn't go around bragging about how nice he is. That goes with my first point. He realizes he can be an a-hole sometimes, which is why he doesn't claim to be "a nice guy." But he's incredibly kind to me, always has been, shown by his actions and his words to me.

I think most of the demonizing is in response to the entitlement that most self-proclaimed "nice guys" have. Nobody has any beef with anyone who is truly kind and generous and expects nothing in return.

Okay it's definitely definitely not FWB.

Came out to meet me with my friends last night, went to a club together, both got bored of the music and spent most of it outside talking and kissing. Went back to his, put the tv on and he gave me a foot rub. He could see I was tired, so he asked if we could just sleep

Of course, I made it up to him when we woke up, and we both 'suceeded' twice (still baffled as to why it's taken me so long to find a guy i'm turned on enough by that it's actually easy).

So it seems like it's going well right?

The problem is, i'm just not sure it's gonna go any further than this. I feel like it could just stay at this level for a long time, but I will quickly loose interest.

It's just the lack of enthusiasm between encounters I think...

I mean, the minute that we are around each other, we're drawn to each other. So even in public, we'll catch a kiss here and there, and all conversation is full of eye contact and big smiles and eye twinkles etc.

But I don't get a single text after the fact. The only contact is to arrange another encounter, and it doesn't come quickly.

I guess it's a combination of being european, being a stoner and being a kind of 'anti serious stuff' guy in general - but I feel like he is one of those guys who is either never going to get emotionally attached to you, or is never going to admit it.

And it is definitely making my emotions fade away quickly. I mean, it's hard to be enamoured with someone whose just a bit 'empty' in that department, you know?

Do you think i'm wasting my time? Or should I just keep enjoying it for what it is and give it a bit more time to develop?

I'm going on holiday to Malta for a week on Monday, so it'll be interesting to see whether he is keen to see me when I get back or not.

When I was first dating my husband, I only heard from him like, once a week. The only reason why I knew he was still interested was because he DID keep asking me out, and he told me a bit later on that he wanted to be in a relationship. Otherwise there was no enthusiasm from him whatsoever. And yeah, he's a skateboarder (read: stoner) type, who doesn't exactly show lovey dovey emotions anyway. Never has, to anyone. Which is why I still squee when he leans his head against mine, or squeezes my hand, or smiles when I'm acting cute around him, etc. Because all that means a lot coming from him.

He will NEVER be the kind of guy who puts his arm around me when we're out in public or calls me daily when we're apart, but he shows he cares in his own way. And I accept that. Not everyone shows affection the same way.


As Nell said, if you want more, you should go and get it. And then at least you'd have an answer, instead of just waiting around for something that may be a simple miscommunication. He may not know you want more. He may not be the kind of person who texts or calls every day, but he might still care for you. You don't know yet.

Lol she just called me to confirm and again rude as hell. I agreed to it and will be leaving soon. Let you all know how it goes. I have a bad feeling though.

Dude, if she's rude, just call it off.

Well, may be too late now, but keep in mind. If she's rude when she should be on her best behavior, how bad is she gonna get when her walls are down?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

This is the extremely gray area for me. If all we're going on is how the girl felt and there's no physical proof of a struggle or intoxication, it would be pretty much impossible to prosecute.

I mean, her experience shouldn't be discounted, but I can easily see how someone could see a situation as non-consent (ie "rape") and the other person sees it differently. Miscommunication is likely how most of these things happen nowadays, not "violent fight" rapes or purposely "drugged into a coma" rapes. And I do think a lot of the debates occur because "rape" is thought of as such a horrible thing, and most guys don't want to believe they are rapists when they perhaps talk a girl a little too forcefully into sex. Many girls feel coerced into doing things they perhaps don't want to do, and that's not necessarily one side's fault.

This is exactly the reason why consent should be open and honest, and why people need to communicate with each other about what they want and what they're okay with. And why we need to teach each other to have the self-confidence to say no when it's not what you want, instead of being pressured into it.

Unfortunately, I don't think any of these gray-area rapes can or should be punished for. It's not one side's fault if there was miscommunication. The only thing to do is to learn from it, move on, and hopefully teach others not to do the same.

Sounds like you are on the same page as me.

I guess i'm just confused how I feel about some situations.

For instance, she was saying that a friend of hers had a horrible experience where the guy just kept persisting and so she gave in and let him go for it even though she didn't want to have sex...

I mean, it's not rape to me... But then when I think about it, what kind of guy just carries on when the girl is obviously not into it? It is kind of ******.

To hopefuldreamer. I say give it time. Or talk to him about your feelings

What do YOU want?

Do you want more?

I mean.... while I totally understand being concerned over the lack of enthusiasm between encounters, I kinda feel like this might be a situation where you need to step up if you want things to progress. You can try chatting with him. You can ask him out. Or, as last son suggested, talk to him about your feelings and where you want it to go.

Thing is, the things that I want aren't exactly things you can ASK for.

You can't say to a guy 'I want you to text me more'. You can't tell a guy he needs to 'make more effort' for you... or if you can, it's certainly not something I would do, or that I think would lead to an actual improvement.

He's either enough into you that he wants to do those things, or he isn't.

I dunno... I feel like i'm stuck now. The thing is, if I lose interest because of his laid back 'take or leave it' attitude, i'll naturally start not bothering myself... and then he might actually have to chase me again... and the circle begins

 

[Anita18]

Sounds like you are on the same page as me.

I guess i'm just confused how I feel about some situations.

For instance, she was saying that a friend of hers had a horrible experience where the guy just kept persisting and so she gave in and let him go for it even though she didn't want to have sex...

I mean, it's not rape to me... But then when I think about it, what kind of guy just carries on when the girl is obviously not into it? It is kind of ******.

Yeah that's legally not rape, but it's a seriously *****ey thing to do and I will side-eye him for all eternity.

I've heard it said as, "Go for the YES!! instead of listening for the no." Not getting a "no" is like, the absolute lowest bar for consent. And would anyone REALLY want to have sex with someone who was just like, "Meh, I guess..." That's not a good time, folks.

Thing is, the things that I want aren't exactly things you can ASK for.

You can't say to a guy 'I want you to text me more'. You can't tell a guy he needs to 'make more effort' for you... or if you can, it's certainly not something I would do, or that I think would lead to an actual improvement.

He's either enough into you that he wants to do those things, or he isn't.

I dunno... I feel like i'm stuck now. The thing is, if I lose interest because of his laid back 'take or leave it' attitude, i'll naturally start not bothering myself... and then he might actually have to chase me again... and the circle begins

You may not have gotten to my post on the matter yet, but my husband will NEVER be the kind of guy who "texts more" to someone he likes. He will never be that kind of guy for anyone, not even me. Doesn't mean that our relationship is moot or he deserves to be alone forever. He just shows his affection in other ways.

Not everyone shows affection the same way. That's why you have to be compatible in love languages. Some people really want gifts or physical affection from their loved one. Lucky for my husband, what really gets me going are acts of service, and he's the master at that. And gifts do nothing for me, which is also good because he is crap at giving them.

And yeah, you can ask for more contact, . But you have to frame it as something you would appreciate because you feel a certain way without it, instead of him "having" to do it to be a good person. You make compromises for the relationship, not for your person.

And that still doesn't mean he'll be able to do it for you.

God knows I wish my husband would turn his phone on more (especially when we're apart), but that's a lost cause by now.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

When I was first dating my husband, I only heard from him like, once a week. The only reason why I knew he was still interested was because he DID keep asking me out, and he told me a bit later on that he wanted to be in a relationship. Otherwise there was no enthusiasm from him whatsoever. And yeah, he's a skateboarder (read: stoner) type, who doesn't exactly show lovey dovey emotions anyway. Never has, to anyone. Which is why I still squee when he leans his head against mine, or squeezes my hand, or smiles when I'm acting cute around him, etc. Because all that means a lot coming from him.

He will NEVER be the kind of guy who puts his arm around me when we're out in public or calls me daily when we're apart, but he shows he cares in his own way. And I accept that. Not everyone shows affection the same way.

As Nell said, if you want more, you should go and get it. And then at least you'd have an answer, instead of just waiting around for something that may be a simple miscommunication. He may not know you want more. He may not be the kind of person who texts or calls every day, but he might still care for you. You don't know yet.

How exactly do you 'go and get it'?

I mean seriously, what exactly does that mean?

I know he likes me a fair amount. I don't know if he cares about me yet.

Honestly, that foot rub last night was pretty close to showing me that he does though. It was really really sweet. My feet were all hard and stuff from walking around all day in sandals, and he just did it off his own back in a 'I want to make you happy' way

I guess I just find it hard to understand how anyone can like someone that much but not want to even hear from them more than once a week.

Leaving it that long with no contact, for me, makes it feel like every time we're starting from the beginning rather than continuing up the relationship scale.

But hey... I don't have anything else on the cards, and until seeing him is no longer enjoyable, I think i'm just gonna go with the flow.

 

[Anita18]

How exactly do you 'go and get it'?

I mean seriously, what exactly does that mean?

I know he likes me a fair amount. I don't know if he cares about me yet.

Honestly, that foot rub last night was pretty close to showing me that he does though. It was really really sweet. My feet were all hard and stuff from walking around all day in sandals, and he just did it off his own back in a 'I want to make you happy' way

I guess I just find it hard to understand how anyone can like someone that much but not want to even hear from them more than once a week.

Leaving it that long with no contact, for me, makes it feel like every time we're starting from the beginning rather than continuing up the relationship scale.

But hey... I don't have anything else on the cards, and until seeing him is no longer enjoyable, I think i'm just gonna go with the flow.

As long as something is progressing, I think that's enough. My husband didn't contact me often at all, but he started to stay over on weekends, we started to take day trips, I met his parents, etc. That's all relationship progress, even if he never upped his contact frequency. Even now when we're apart for a week, he might call once.

If you're getting together and doing the exact same things all the time, then that's a sign things have stalled. But if you're progressing in your dates, I don't think that's the case.


There are several ways of "going and getting it." You could have a serious talk about it, but that's all it could be - just talk. Or maybe you could up the ante with your next date. Take a day trip together, stay the weekend, something more "couple-y" than just a date for a few hours.

 

[the last son]

Date went OK. she showed up a little bit heavier then she projected herself.she said next time that we hang out I can't come to her place if I want.I don't know we'll see I'm just taking it slow.

 

[enterthemadness]

Date went OK. she showed up a little bit heavier then she projected herself.she said next time that we hang out I can't come to her place if I want.I don't know we'll see I'm just taking it slow.

Cool, so did you guys go out to eat or what?


The lady I went out with, she's...plus size and shorter than me ( I'm 5'5 ) but I found her to be cute.

 

[the last son]

Yea we went out for food. Talked for about an hour and I said it's time to go home. I was pretty tired. I cant sit talking all day. She was OK and her rudeness is more of a tough personality. I didn't mind it. Would I see her again. Maybe. I'm glad I'm going on these dates. I'm getting more comfortable making conversation.

 

[the last son]

I could tell she liked me. Lots of hair flicking and when I would make jokes about my appearance, to lighten the mood she would defuse my comments, by saying it's not true etc.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Thing is, the things that I want aren't exactly things you can ASK for.

You can't say to a guy 'I want you to text me more'. You can't tell a guy he needs to 'make more effort' for you... or if you can, it's certainly not something I would do, or that I think would lead to an actual improvement.

He's either enough into you that he wants to do those things, or he isn't.

I dunno... I feel like i'm stuck now. The thing is, if I lose interest because of his laid back 'take or leave it' attitude, i'll naturally start not bothering myself... and then he might actually have to chase me again... and the circle begins

Why not? Why can't you ask for those things?

When I was with my ex-girlfriend, I told her that I would appreciate talking to her and seeing her more than once every week or 2. Because even while we were in an established relationship, she did the same thing. Things would be fine when we were together, but when we weren't together, I'd never hear from her. She wouldn't call. She wouldn't text. She was bad about returning my calls or texts. I brought it up to her. She... tried for a bit. Then the routine went back to the same thing. And obviously we ended up breaking up.

That's my sob story, but I don't say it to scare you. I say it, because you CAN ask for those things. Hell, maybe you don't even have to ask for it. Try calling him. See how it goes. Or texting him. See how it goes.

Or maybe you could flat out have "the talk" and see where you both are at.

There's lots of ways you can do it. But sitting around in limbo, not knowing where anything is going, is not going to be productive for anyone involved.

There's a difference between "going with the flow" and "stagnating" and becoming complacent.

 

[enterthemadness]

Yea we went out for food. Talked for about an hour and I said it's time to go home. I was pretty tired. I cant sit talking all day. She was OK and her rudeness is more of a tough personality. I didn't mind it. Would I see her again. Maybe. I'm glad I'm going on these dates. I'm getting more comfortable making conversation.

I could tell she liked me. Lots of hair flicking and when I would make jokes about my appearance, to lighten the mood she would defuse my comments, by saying it's not true etc.

How...many dates have you been on with different women since the break-up?

 

[the last son]

Four

 

[enterthemadness]

Four

So, guess you got game...

 

[hopefuldreamer]

As long as something is progressing, I think that's enough. My husband didn't contact me often at all, but he started to stay over on weekends, we started to take day trips, I met his parents, etc. That's all relationship progress, even if he never upped his contact frequency. Even now when we're apart for a week, he might call once.

If you're getting together and doing the exact same things all the time, then that's a sign things have stalled. But if you're progressing in your dates, I don't think that's the case.

There are several ways of "going and getting it." You could have a serious talk about it, but that's all it could be - just talk. Or maybe you could up the ante with your next date. Take a day trip together, stay the weekend, something more "couple-y" than just a date for a few hours.

I don't want to have a serious talk... i'm not good at them, and I don't think he'd be good at them either... and like you said, words are just words anyway.

I've been upping the anti myself anyway. I mean, I think if it was just left in his court, it'd still be just me coming over to his once a week. I'm the one who keeps having plans and then telling him he can come a long - and twice now he actually has, even if he comes a bit later than i'd hope.

The trouble with trying to up the anti more than that date wise though, is that he's genuinely just a bit of a lazy stoner. So I think it'd be hard to get him to do much!

There are a couple of things that I wanna try. I mean he keeps talking about wanting to go dancing so we could try and arrange a night out at a club - and we've also talked about going to a metal club in town that no one else ever wants to (cause most of our friends aren't into that kind of music) - but it's just so difficult trying to find a time to fit those things in.

I mean, i'm off to Malta, and when I get back I am working 10 days in a row

Why not? Why can't you ask for those things?

When I was with my ex-girlfriend, I told her that I would appreciate talking to her and seeing her more than once every week or 2. Because even while we were in an established relationship, she did the same thing. Things would be fine when we were together, but when we weren't together, I'd never hear from her. She wouldn't call. She wouldn't text. She was bad about returning my calls or texts. I brought it up to her. She... tried for a bit. Then the routine went back to the same thing. And obviously we ended up breaking up.

That's my sob story, but I don't say it to scare you. I say it, because you CAN ask for those things. Hell, maybe you don't even have to ask for it. Try calling him. See how it goes. Or texting him. See how it goes.

Or maybe you could flat out have "the talk" and see where you both are at.

There's lots of ways you can do it. But sitting around in limbo, not knowing where anything is going, is not going to be productive for anyone involved.

There's a difference between "going with the flow" and "stagnating" and becoming complacent.

Well that's the thing though isn't it... you can ask for those things, but it doesn't lead to how they actual feel changing. Like you said, he might try for a bit and then go back to old habits, cause the truth is he's just not that fussed.

I text him more than other friends of mine would approve of... especially with how often he just doesn't reply, or replies hours later.

I might say something about wanting to see him more often. But hey, it's gonna be a while since we see each other again now anyway.

I think if he doesn't contact me when I get back from holiday, it's a clear sign there is nothing there. If you don't miss someone when they are away for over a week... then you don't really like them that much, or you're soooooo laid back that honestly you're just not the right guy for me. Cause I want to be with someone who is going to miss me and want to see me on my return.

 

[Anita18]

I've been upping the anti myself anyway. I mean, I think if it was just left in his court, it'd still be just me coming over to his once a week. I'm the one who keeps having plans and then telling him he can come a long - and twice now he actually has, even if he comes a bit later than i'd hope.

The trouble with trying to up the anti more than that date wise though, is that he's genuinely just a bit of a lazy stoner. So I think it'd be hard to get him to do much!

There are a couple of things that I wanna try. I mean he keeps talking about wanting to go dancing so we could try and arrange a night out at a club - and we've also talked about going to a metal club in town that no one else ever wants to (cause most of our friends aren't into that kind of music) - but it's just so difficult trying to find a time to fit those things in.

I mean, i'm off to Malta, and when I get back I am working 10 days in a row

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have to be super-often or even consistent, but if you're making moves toward doing more couple-y things, that's really enough, IMO.

Making plans and then telling him he "can come along" isn't what couples do. That's more like flirty friends hanging out.

And talk about lazy, you should see us. We mostly stay home and cuddle because it takes too much effort to go out. Staying over weekends was kind of a no-brainer after a while, so we could be lazy together.

I think if he doesn't contact me when I get back from holiday, it's a clear sign there is nothing there. If you don't miss someone when they are away for over a week... then you don't really like them that much, or you're soooooo laid back that honestly you're just not the right guy for me. Cause I want to be with someone who is going to miss me and want to see me on my return.

Yeah if he doesn't contact you after you've gone on an awesome vacation, it's a sign he's not interested.

Even my then-still-just-dating-bf-now-husband asked me how were things going when I was unavailable for a week because I was volunteering at the World Figure Skating Championships. He isn't interested at all in figure skating, but he wanted to know if I was having fun.

I'm not sure if he missed me, but at least he cared enough to see if I was having fun.

I mean, it's one thing to be flirty and have chemistry when you're together, but it's another thing to actually care and be considerate about your partner in consistent, little ways. This was the biggest difference that my family saw between my husband and my sister's ex. My sister's ex was just too self-centered, even though he was flirtier in person to my sister than my husband is to me.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah that's legally not rape, but it's a seriously *****ey thing to do and I will side-eye him for all eternity.

I've heard it said as, "Go for the YES!! instead of listening for the no." Not getting a "no" is like, the absolute lowest bar for consent. And would anyone REALLY want to have sex with someone who was just like, "Meh, I guess..." That's not a good time, folks.

Yeah it's definitely not great... I guess it's just happened to me so often when alcohol is involved that I don't see it is a guy being evil... I just kind of see it as fairly normal. Not that the norm is a good thing, cause it's not... the more I think about it, the more depressing it is

You may not have gotten to my post on the matter yet, but my husband will NEVER be the kind of guy who "texts more" to someone he likes. He will never be that kind of guy for anyone, not even me. Doesn't mean that our relationship is moot or he deserves to be alone forever. He just shows his affection in other ways.

Not everyone shows affection the same way. That's why you have to be compatible in love languages. Some people really want gifts or physical affection from their loved one. Lucky for my husband, what really gets me going are acts of service, and he's the master at that. And gifts do nothing for me, which is also good because he is crap at giving them.

Well here is my scores:

8 Acts of Service
8 Receiving Gifts
7 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
2 Quality Time

For me, acts of service show you care about someone enough to do things you don't neccesarily want to do in order to help them/make them happy. Gifts show that you think about someone when they are not around (and I don't mean flashy or expensive gifts... I just mean little things, random things. I have a friend who absolutely loves little gifts, so I often show up at her house with an ice lolly or a magazine or a nail varnish or something... just makes her happy).

The texting thing... I guess it's just another way of showing someone your thinking of them when they aren't around.

I don't need to be around someone all the time, I really wouldn't want that. And I don't need constant compliments or verbal affirmations of feelings (hence why I don't neccesarily want to talk about it).

I just need to know that you think about me and that you miss me... and that you're looking forward to seeing me again.

And yeah, you can ask for more contact, . But you have to frame it as something you would appreciate because you feel a certain way without it, instead of him "having" to do it to be a good person. You make compromises for the relationship, not for your person.

And that still doesn't mean he'll be able to do it for you.

God knows I wish my husband would turn his phone on more (especially when we're apart), but that's a lost cause by now.

I guess i'm just not as accepting of that as you. I think i'd have trouble sustaining interest in the long run, if I don't get any sense of excitement to see me from a person.

Yeah, I mean, it doesn't have to be super-often or even consistent, but if you're making moves toward doing more couple-y things, that's really enough, IMO.

Making plans and then telling him he "can come along" isn't what couples do. That's more like flirty friends hanging out.

And talk about lazy, you should see us. We mostly stay home and cuddle because it takes too much effort to go out. Staying over weekends was kind of a no-brainer after a while, so we could be lazy together.

Yeah maybe you're right, maybe we should do some outside the house stuff alone together.

Of course, once again, all of that would be so much easier if he wasn't working when I was free.

I'd love to just be able to invite him for a drink after work. But even when he has a day off, it seems to be difficult to get him up and out of his door before 8 or 9... if at all

I almost gave up this friday.

Last time i'd seen him he'd said he had friday off, so i'd said i'd see him friday night. He says 'why night?' and I told him I had work till 4 so could do something anytime after that.

So I ASSUME that he'll be up for coming out at that time. I message him when i'm on my way to the park to enjoy some of the sunshine we're having at the moment. Nothing. Nothing until 2 and a half hours later when he says he just woke up. I tell him i'll probably there for a while as some of our friends are here. He says he needs at least an hour to sort stuff out. 2 hours after that, he messages me again asking where I am. By this point, i'm feeling irritated with waiting around. I'm feeling generally like going home. I've been awake since 5am and he's been sleeping all day and yet i've still gotta stay up late because he can't be arsed to make the effort to fit MY schedule for once?

It annoyed me. But I brushed it off cause I don't wanna be crazy Becky yet

Eventually, we left the park and went to a friends house and he comes over - completely high. Which is fine, whatever. We still had a nice night, it still ended with him giving me a foot rub and giving me a snuggly sleep rather than trying to sleep with me when i'm tired (so he's not TOTALLY selfish).

But really, if it was me and I had a day off... if I liked the guy, the minute he finished work and asked me to come meet him, i'd be out the door.

Yeah if he doesn't contact you after you've gone on an awesome vacation, it's a sign he's not interested.

Even my then-still-just-dating-bf-now-husband asked me how were things going when I was unavailable for a week because I was volunteering at the World Figure Skating Championships. He isn't interested at all in figure skating, but he wanted to know if I was having fun.

I'm not sure if he missed me, but at least he cared enough to see if I was having fun.

I mean, it's one thing to be flirty and have chemistry when you're together, but it's another thing to actually care and be considerate about your partner in consistent, little ways. This was the biggest difference that my family saw between my husband and my sister's ex. My sister's ex was just too self-centered, even though he was flirtier in person to my sister than my husband was to me.

Yeah definitely, i'm gonna judge it by that

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Okay, funny timing - he just messaged me asking what time I fly out tomorrow

EDIT - and now he's saying he's doing an earlier shift today, finishing at 9pm... and is gonna try and finish earlier than that

EDIT - and he's asking if I want him to come to mine (was wondering if I should ask that sometime soon, as so far it's always been at his and my ex was so funny about hanging at mine... it's nice to know he has no problem with it )