The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Feenix]

I informed her that I wasn't thinking clear last night and I'm not looking for a relationship. The least I could do is be honest.

Isn't this a direct contradiction of what you posted earlier?

After thinking about it, I'm going to date the woman I hooked up with yesterday. Not because I feel I owe her, but because we have a lot in common, she lives close to me and I want to see where this could go. I'm going to tell the other women that I'm involved with someone else.

 

[the last son]

She's pretty upset with me, asking why I don't want a relationship. I just apologized for last night and that's all I can really do.

 

[the last son]

Yes, but I really like the other girl and am not going to mislead one and play them both.

 

[Erzengel]

Well which girl did you tell you're not looking for a relationship? The 2 date one or the other one you've been dating?

 

[DeadPresident]

I agree. That was not smart and really stupid. First I have to get my drinking under control to make better decisions.

I hope you can do that man. I don't reply in this thread much, but there are a bunch of helpful users that do that have been trying to help you out. But if your responses keep sounding like a broken record it might discourage them from offering you serious and compassionate advice in the future. All the best dude.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

What did you suggest in regards to what I just posted?

You change you're mind too frequently for me to trust for a second that you'll stick to that, so what's the point in me commenting on it?

I'll say 'Oh that's good, glad you've decided not to mess her about'

Then a few minutes/hours/days later you'll be posting about how you're going on another date with her and think you might wanna give the relationship thing a go...

Then a little later, you'll go off her again, and then we'll be right back where we are now, with you having more unprotected sex and shirking all ownership of responsibility for the things that happen in your life.

My suggestion?

Start giving a crap.

Is there anything you care about? I'm genuinely curious, because the way you talk makes it seem like there is literally nothing in your life that matters... Which is why you just go a long with things, not really bothering one way or another.

And I'm sure it's all part of depression, and that it all goes hand and hand with drinking too.

I know cause I've been a drunk, and I've let guys use me for sex, and I've had plenty of unprotected sex and even a few times not bothered to take the morning after pill thinking I'd just get an abortion if the worst came to the worse... Which is utterly abhorrent to me now

I was depressed. And depression can make you incredibly selfish/self absorbed. It can make you self destructive, and you can end up taking other people down with you. And it makes it seem like you 'may as well' just do certain things. It creates apathy.

My real advice to you?

Stop dating, sort what's going on inside you out first.

Once you start giving a crap again, then date. And you'll find it's a lot more than this.

 

[the last son]

I told her I want the other woman more. She's not taking it well. I make all the wrong decisions it seems like

 

[Schlosser85]

Well, do you want the other woman more? Because just because she's not taking it well, doesn't mean it's the wrong decision.

If you really prefer the other woman, then be with that woman. Stick to your guns, even if this one is upset about it, because if you back down just to avoid conflict and keep stringing her along, and then repeat this conversation later, she'll only be more upset.

 

[the last son]

I told her I want the other girl more. She saying I lied about my relationship status. I said I'm not with her just a date between us. She says I used her to get sex and told her what she wanted to hear.

 

[Schlosser85]

She says I used her to get sex and told her what she wanted to hear.

Frankly, based on what you've told us in this thread, that is kind of what it sounds like.

But if you'd rather be with the other girl, then be with the other girl. What's done is done now.

 

[the last son]

You change you're mind too frequently for me to trust for a second that you'll stick to that, so what's the point in me commenting on it?

I'll say 'Oh that's good, glad you've decided not to mess her about'

Then a few minutes/hours/days later you'll be posting about how you're going on another date with her and think you might wanna give the relationship thing a go...

Then a little later, you'll go off her again, and then we'll be right back where we are now, with you having more unprotected sex and shirking all ownership of responsibility for the things that happen in your life.

My suggestion?

Start giving a crap.

Is there anything you care about? I'm genuinely curious, because the way you talk makes it seem like there is literally nothing in your life that matters... Which is why you just go a long with things, not really bothering one way or another.

And I'm sure it's all part of depression, and that it all goes hand and hand with drinking too.

I know cause I've been a drunk, and I've let guys use me for sex, and I've had plenty of unprotected sex and even a few times not bothered to take the morning after pill thinking I'd just get an abortion if the worst came to the worse... Which is utterly abhorrent to me now

I was depressed. And depression can make you incredibly selfish/self absorbed. It can make you self destructive, and you can end up taking other people down with you. And it makes it seem like you 'may as well' just do certain things. It creates apathy.

My real advice to you?

Stop dating, sort what's going on inside you out first.

Once you start giving a crap again, then date. And you'll find it's a lot more than this.

First of all thank you for the advice. I actually do value everyone's. I can't say I care too much about anything. I have a huge ego and want to be remembered when my bones become dust. I want to inspire others. I'm depressed. I take medication for it. I'm also, a severe alcoholic. I understand your advice, but honestly it just gets so lonely for me. I admit I'm very selfish and will put myself over others. I want to change. I think. Sometimes I'm not sure. As you see I can be a real jerk sometimes. I have a ice cold heart sometimes, but there is some good in me. A part of me that feels bad when I hurt others feelings. If I didn't care I would've just banged that chick and not asked for opinions. I can't help the way I am. I'm just selfish. I have bad judgement and let my primal instincts of getting some cloud the right decision.

 

[Anita18]

You really don't seem to have learned from your past mistakes.

Nope. And sorry TLS, if you don't learn, that's on you. If you get another pregnancy scare and she wants to keep the baby, you're SOL for the next 18 years.

My suggestion?

Start giving a crap.

Is there anything you care about? I'm genuinely curious, because the way you talk makes it seem like there is literally nothing in your life that matters... Which is why you just go a long with things, not really bothering one way or another.

And I'm sure it's all part of depression, and that it all goes hand and hand with drinking too.

I know cause I've been a drunk, and I've let guys use me for sex, and I've had plenty of unprotected sex and even a few times not bothered to take the morning after pill thinking I'd just get an abortion if the worst came to the worse... Which is utterly abhorrent to me now

I was depressed. And depression can make you incredibly selfish/self absorbed. It can make you self destructive, and you can end up taking other people down with you. And it makes it seem like you 'may as well' just do certain things. It creates apathy.

My real advice to you?

Stop dating, sort what's going on inside you out first.

Once you start giving a crap again, then date. And you'll find it's a lot more than this.

TRUTH ALL UP IN HERE!!!!

First of all thank you for the advice. I actually do value everyone's. I can't say I care too much about anything. I have a huge ego and want to be remembered when my bones become dust. I want to inspire others. I'm depressed. I take medication for it. I'm also, a severe alcoholic. I understand your advice, but honestly it just gets so lonely for me. I admit I'm very selfish and will put myself over others. I want to change. I think. Sometimes I'm not sure. As you see I can be a real jerk sometimes. I have a ice cold heart sometimes, but there is some good in me. A part of me that feels bad when I hurt others feelings. If I didn't care I would've just banged that chick and not asked for opinions. I can't help the way I am. I'm just selfish. I have bad judgement and let my primal instincts of getting some cloud the right decision.

If you want to inspire others, you have to take care of yourself first. To inspire others, you have to be a rock. Right now you're the water moving in between rocks, just going along with where gravity says you should go. That is the very antithesis of a rock.

How badly do you want to inspire others? You say things but how much do you actually mean it?

Your selfishness is not permanent. You have selfish tendencies because you are depressed and you have issues you need to work on. Hopeful is right - when you are depressed, you focus on YOUR problems, not other people's problems. And you can't inspire people when you're focused on your own problems. That's something I've noticed with people who use me as a sounding board or an impromptu therapist. They're all focused on themselves. And it's not because they're narcissistic, it's quite the opposite. They overthink their own lives because they don't trust themselves. They second guess themselves on everything. They allow the outside world to dictate how they feel and act. And it doesn't have to be that way. But it's up to you to choose that path.

If you knew what you really wanted and trusted in it, you'd just go for it. But you don't. You just go along with whatever's convenient to you right at this moment. You need to start trusting yourself, and giving a crap.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

First of all thank you for the advice. I actually do value everyone's. I can't say I care too much about anything. I have a huge ego and want to be remembered when my bones become dust. I want to inspire others. I'm depressed. I take medication for it. I'm also, a severe alcoholic. I understand your advice, but honestly it just gets so lonely for me. I admit I'm very selfish and will put myself over others. I want to change. I think. Sometimes I'm not sure. As you see I can be a real jerk sometimes. I have a ice cold heart sometimes, but there is some good in me. A part of me that feels bad when I hurt others feelings. If I didn't care I would've just banged that chick and not asked for opinions. I can't help the way I am. I'm just selfish. I have bad judgement and let my primal instincts of getting some cloud the right decision.

Yes, you can

Medication can be a huge help when dealing with depression in a neurological sense, but personally I don't think it really resolves much in terms of psychological/emotional problems.

Do you/have you done much in the way of seeing councillors? (or do you guys call it shrinks?)

There are a lot of techniques and therapies that can be much more effective in bringing about actual change in the way you handle situations, treat people and see yourself and what your capable of.

We all get lonely, and yeah it's incredibly difficult sometimes to not be yearning for someone to take comfort in, even for a while, and even if you don't like them that much.

But honestly, the happier you are in yourself, the more likely you are to find a relationship that ACTUALLY fills that hole of loneliness.

You obviously have good qualities or you wouldn't be attracting anyone to you... but I've known a lot of people that hide behind the excuse of 'this is just who I am, i'm an ******* and that's never going to change' because it's easier to dismiss it as an unchangeable aspect of yourself than it is to think about actually changing and accepting that the ****** things you have done were a choice. It's almost like you're shrugging off the guilt by treating it like being that way is out of your hands.

But you gotta think... how are you ever going to keep a girl happy long term if that's all your offering her. What do you bring to the table if you don't care about anything?

You definitely can change your habits. You just have to work at it... and ask for help wherever you can get it.

 

[the last son]

Great advice. I'm like a train off the tracks. I got wasted last night. One woman came over had sex and then we argued I told her it was over and she said she doesn't care if I see other women, just be with her. I text my ex, she didn't respond and I was drunk and ruined it with another woman. Really depressed. Don't understand life.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Great advice. I'm like a train off the tracks. I got wasted last night. One woman came over had sex and then we argued I told her it was over and she said she doesn't care if I see other women, just be with her. I text my ex, she didn't respond and I was drunk and ruined it with another woman. Really depressed. Don't understand life.

Have you been to AA?

 

[the last son]

I have been. But the longest I've ever went sober for year was when I just did it naturally.can I ask you a question? Would you date me?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I have been. But the longest I've ever went sober for year was when I just did it naturally.

How did you find it when you did go?

And what was different when you did it naturally? You say you have no control, but obviously you did if you lasted a year... it is in your control if you want it to be, and if you make a big enough effort.

can I ask you a question? Would you date me?

You can't judge that from posts on a forum. I have no idea what you look like or how you come across in person. There is so much to take into account when it comes to dating chemistry.

 

[the last son]

I've posted pics of myself on here. I've seen you on here you're fine girl

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Are you drunk right now or something?

 

[DeadPresident]

I thought yesterday was as south as this would go...

 

[the last son]

My ex text me back saying she was happy and wished me luck. I told her the same.

 

[the last son]

I'm not drunk Dreamer. A little hungover. I just thought I'd pay you a compliment.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm not drunk Dreamer. A little hungover. I just thought I'd pay you a compliment.

A compliment would be 'You look nice in your pictures'.

'You're fine girl' is more like hitting on someone, which is why I thought it sounded like something you'd say inebriated

 

[Erzengel]

First of all thank you for the advice. I actually do value everyone's. I can't say I care too much about anything. I have a huge ego and want to be remembered when my bones become dust. I want to inspire others. I'm depressed. I take medication for it. I'm also, a severe alcoholic. I understand your advice, but honestly it just gets so lonely for me. I admit I'm very selfish and will put myself over others. I want to change. I think. Sometimes I'm not sure. As you see I can be a real jerk sometimes. I have a ice cold heart sometimes, but there is some good in me. A part of me that feels bad when I hurt others feelings. If I didn't care I would've just banged that chick and not asked for opinions. I can't help the way I am. I'm just selfish. I have bad judgement and let my primal instincts of getting some cloud the right decision.

Great advice. I'm like a train off the tracks. I got wasted last night. One woman came over had sex and then we argued I told her it was over and she said she doesn't care if I see other women, just be with her. I text my ex, she didn't respond and I was drunk and ruined it with another woman. Really depressed. Don't understand life.

You're one up on a lot of posters that you go on dates with women. A lot of posters here would love that opportunity. Unfortunately, for someone who's slept with women and been on dates and been in relationships albeit brief, you do a LOT of self sabotage.

I know you have a drinking problem, I know you don't like a lot of things in your life that you aren't happy about. I think you need to make steps to improve your life. Go to school or maybe pick up a trade then get a better job, move out of your parents house and get your own place.

Maybe it's not the best thing to introduce a woman into your world until you clear some of these things up.

 

[Schlosser85]

Did you use protection this last time?