The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Erzengel]

When he was in college, I thought his trouble was he was in his late 20s trying to pick up girls almost 10 years younger. Not that there's anything wrong about that, but he seemed to really just want a gf.

I would say that maybe he was aiming too high. I know I've said that I've seen hot girl with average guys but it doesn't always happen. However, the fact he was dating FOB (Fresh off the Boat) that would go against that.

 

[Anita18]

When he was in college, I thought his trouble was he was in his late 20s trying to pick up girls almost 10 years younger. Not that there's anything wrong about that, but he seemed to really just want a gf.

I would say that maybe he was aiming too high. I know I've said that I've seen hot girl with average guys but it doesn't always happen. However, the fact he was dating FOB (Fresh off the Boat) that would go against that.

He was going for all kinds of girls. I think the real issue is yeah, he wants it too badly and so every rejection hurts.

 

[Mr.M]

Why are we still talking about Nell? Let him go. I need some advice from TLS as to how he is landing all these dates. He seems to blow them eventually, but I still need to know how he's landing them in the first place.

 

[Anita18]

Why are we still talking about Nell? Let him go. I need some advice from TLS as to how he is landing all these dates. He seems to blow them eventually, but I still need to know how he's landing them in the first place.

A lot of women seem to go for the aloof guys who don't seem to care. (Better than the crazy uber-controlling ones, I suppose!) TLS also isn't a bad lookin' dude.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'm glad you got an answer and that you're okay with it. Sometimes things just don't work out, but that's okay.

Thanks

Nope. He gave Eharmony an ultimatum and the last rejection was too much.

And when I point out that it took me 3 years to find my husband on POF, he pulls the "Well you still didn't have to wait until you were 31" card, which is a completely different argument...

Having bad taste in women doesn't explain why he takes every single rejection so personally. I've noticed a similarity with another friend of mine, who's female and never been in a relationship or even had really good friends into her mid-30s. Neither of them trust themselves. They listen to the detailed "advice" of others and get upset when it doesn't "work." I tell them both, you have to trust yourself, that what you're doing is right even though it might take time. I suppose that's advice too, but on a really general level.

At least my other friend is willing to listen. Nell is all like, "I've tried everything and nothing works!" completely ignoring the fact that what works for one person/woman may not work for another. Not to mention timing as well.

Also, he doesn't have what hopeful and I have, which is optimism. Just because you haven't met the right person yet, doesn't mean that you never will. That's why I stayed on POF for years even though I didn't get past a second date with anybody until I met my husband.

Honestly, I think Nell has overall social issues that just make it so much harder for him to connect to people.

I also still think he doesn't think of women as equals.

And I don't mean he thinks men are BETTER than women, but just that they are totally different. That there are rules for women and ways that women behave. Instead of just seeing everyone as human beings.

I mean, yeah, there are some things that are 'typical' of most or some women. But he is constantly talking about women as a whole, like it's not just other human beings, but the 'other side' of some kind of battle and he just can't figure out how to win.

 

[Anubis]

Basically he's a nutjob in need of at the very least, a decade of serious psycho therapy.

Which could be said for any number of people that have taken up page after page of this thread.

 

[Anita18]

Honestly, I think Nell has overall social issues that just make it so much harder for him to connect to people.

I also still think he doesn't think of women as equals.

And I don't mean he thinks men are BETTER than women, but just that they are totally different. That there are rules for women and ways that women behave. Instead of just seeing everyone as human beings.

I mean, yeah, there are some things that are 'typical' of most or some women. But he is constantly talking about women as a whole, like it's not just other human beings, but the 'other side' of some kind of battle and he just can't figure out how to win.

It all goes back to low self-esteem, essentially. He thinks he's more of a loser the longer he's single. The way that he sees himself depends on how another person treats him.

I mean, I'm sure it isn't an unusual problem to have. I've met people with more serious flavors of that issue in real life. It's just that not everyone goes on a forum to talk at length about it.

And in real life, he may not be that bad. It's just that his bitter singleness was all he talked about online here, and as we know, internet explanations make things to be 10000x worse than they probably are. But I still fear he'll get some sort of serious complex the longer he stays in that mindset. The more he complains about it, the more he describes himself as a loser....I fear the more he'll believe it. And that's the same for everyone - you write your own story.

But that's up to him, no matter how much I may try to pep talk him.

Basically he's a nutjob in need of at the very least, a decade of serious psycho therapy.

Which could be said for any number of people that have taken up page after page of this thread.

Where would this thread be without them, though?

 

[the last son]

thanks for the compliment Anita lol.as I said the other day, my second date with the girl I really like went well.I'm going to do my best not to mess this up.she has a really good job and knows that I don't make that much.honestly I just get dates because some women find me attractive. As long as some find you attractive they'll go on dates with you.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I think you all are right about Neil. To be honest, I too struggle with low self esteem. Back in my teenage years/ high school years I was a reject with hardly any friends and girls thought I was ugly or a loser. So even to this day I have never really had a real girlfriend. As I got older into my college years / my 20's I started to get better self esteem, better social life, and whatnot.I still FEAR rejection and rarely pursue women because of those old hurts and pains I endured in my life. So I can sorta be socially awkward around girls still but in some cases some of those girls thought it was kinda cute.

Sometimes my fear of rejection has made me miss out on some really awesome girls who did indeed like me, but moved on because I never made a move.I am 26 now and still searching and trying to date. I put myself out there on a few match.com stir events and got to met a few woman. Neil needs to understand that HE has to make a change and that not every method to approach woman works for everyone. He needs to be comfortable with himself first and not take rejection so personally. Yes, reject does suck and can hurt yourself esstem but you have to brush it off and keep trying, there is someone out there for everyone!

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Also love has no age limit. My uncle is in his 40's and just got married to a really nice woman in her mid 30's a few weeks ago. Neil is only 31 that's really not that old. He could definitely change things around if he first became comfortable with himself and stopped taking rejection so personal.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Last son how are you nailing all these dates with hot women? Ha ha

 

[the last son]

I wouldn't call them hot lol. I would say their average to good looking.the one thing I have at my advantage is I have no kids, and the older women get the more desperate they get.I happen to be a decent looking guy and women like that.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I wouldn't call them hot lol. I would say their average to good looking.the one thing I have at my advantage is I have no kids, and the older women get the more desperate they get.I happen to be a decent looking guy and women like that.

I see ha. Well I been reading the previous posts and like many have said I would really try to get a handle on the heavy drinking and unprotected sex. I am sure you know that could lead to you getting some serious STD's like HIV/ Aids. Just be careful going forward!

 

[PacificBoy]

I started seeing my hairdresser. Not sure if it's such a good idea lol.

 

[Erzengel]

I started seeing my hairdresser. Not sure if it's such a good idea lol.

Why?

Worst thing that could happen is you have to find a new hairdresser.

 

[Erzengel]

I wouldn't call them hot lol. I would say their average to good looking.the one thing I have at my advantage is I have no kids, and the older women get the more desperate they get.I happen to be a decent looking guy and women like that.

In my experience, women get less particular about looks and more particular about security as they get older.

 

[the last son]

I disagree. Most since they're single have focused on their career, don't need a man for financial security.

 

[PacificBoy]

Why?

Worst thing that could happen is you have to find a new hairdresser.

Well yeah. Just that I like the place, has been my go-to for the past few years and is conveniently in my neighbourhood.

She also happens to stay in the same neighbourhood and wields a pair of scissors handily, so...

 

[PacificBoy]

I disagree. Most since they're single have focused on their career, don't need a man for financial security.

Hmm in my experience it tends to be the other way round. It's not so much financial security but security of mind -- career-minded women look for men who show similar ambition in their lives.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I really don't know whether to just go back to being friends and or whether to carry on as we were.

I just got a message from him asking if I wanna meet up with him tomorrow cause he's gonna finish earlier so it's easier... But I just can't shake this feeling he's getting it too easy.

 

[Erzengel]

I disagree. Most since they're single have focused on their career, don't need a man for financial security.

I know a lot of nurses. So I guess it depends on your level of financial security and their life style.

If you want a decent house around here, even if you date a nurse, you would need a good job.

 

[PacificBoy]

I really don't know whether to just go back to being friends and or whether to carry on as we were.

I just got a message from him asking if I wanna meet up with him tomorrow cause he's gonna finish earlier so it's easier... But I just can't shake this feeling he's getting it too easy.

I'd say go ahead, wind him up hehe. Not a mind game to choose not to sleep with him IMO.

 

[the last son]

Girl I'm dating is a teacher and knows how little I make.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I'd say go ahead, wind him up hehe. Not a mind game to choose not to sleep with him IMO.

That will make no sense to anyone now cause I edited my post, but yeah...

The least I can do is make HIM make the effort. Make HIM do the initiating.

TBH, the sex will probably be better for me because of it.

And if he doesn't wanna do that, he can just have me over as a friend.

 

[Erzengel]

I know enough teachers too. Like I said, depends on what they are accustomed to.