The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Warhammer]

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[BarryAllen]

Question, how do I show a girl I am interested in her without it being creepy??

Tell her you post on a forum called superherohype. Instant pantie dropper.

 

[Arach Knight]

Question, how do I show a girl I am interested in her without it being creepy??

Being direct and honest. No pick up lines, no equivocation. Just tell her exactly how you feel and exactly what you want. This eliminates all sorts of foolishness and cat-and-mouse games. If she is interested, you know immediately. If she is not interested, you know immediately and can quickly move on.

 

[The Squirrel]

That sucks!! It's a thin line for us guys between being creepy and romantic.

The difference between being creepy and being romantic is how much the other person is into you.

 

[Grommers]

Question, how do I show a girl I am interested in her without it being creepy??

I hate to say it but you need to hit a before peaking friend zone to do this.

Either that or be incredibly suave on all the early dates. Confidence is key here, and if she does think your creepy - chances are you aren't her type, and you yourself are not actually creepy....just be simple.

unless you are.

than dont be creepy.

 

[Anita18]

Looks like I missed a lot today!

....

I really feel like I'm being played for reasons unknown. Why give me the 4-hour-long affirmation conversation? Why say all of those things? Why?

All to continue to blow me off, and NOT FREAKING TRY.

Correct me, please. Call me a whiny, needy git. Tell me I'm reading way too much into it. Tell me it's cool. Tell me she's just being chill because I told her we could be chill, etc, etc, etc.

Because as of right now - this moment - I feel like she isn't as in to me, as I am her. That she doesn't, nor will want try to correct herself and reach out to me. It's like she's happy with me being in the wings. I'm to guy that's sweet to her. I'm to guy that will be there, if and when she decides to see me. I feel like I constructed the perfect friend zone for her to box me in to.

I'm not going balls-out negative, thinking I'm one of x amount of guys she's fooling with. During our long phone chat, she also stated how she's not that type of girl. She's loyal. She's honest. Etc. She told me "when I'm busy, I'm busy."

I feel like I'm at the point of telling her crap or get off the pot. I just want to make sure it's the right time and right thing to do. It's like I need to tell her how I feel, and if she doesn't feel the same way no worries. I just can't keep this up, wondering, etc.

Again - tell me something. Tell me to calm down. Call me names. I don't care.

It mostly seems to me that you need different things than she does.

There are people whose friends will always be the default social group. Always. If they're bored, the first place they go is their circle of friends, not the person they're dating.

I've been married almost 2 years (been with my husband almost 7 years) and this has always been true. If I don't tell him to be home for something on X day at Y time, it's not guaranteed that he will be home. (That's why I don't plan surprises for him. ) He'll likely be out with his skateboarding buddies. If we didn't live together, I'd probably only see him on weekends while he saw his skateboarding buddies every day. He prefers going out with them than going out with me, because we don't have the same social interests. We both like chilling at home, but we don't have the same interests when we go out. That's just the way we are.

The thing is, I know that I'm important to him, even when we didn't see each other that often. I know he cares about me and supports me. You don't know if you're important to her, you don't know if she truly cares about you, and you're using "how much time she spends with me vs her friends" to determine that you're lower on the totem pole than her friends are.

And maybe it's too early to judge a relationship by "how important I am," but if you and she just have different needs, I don't think it's going to get easier as time goes by.

It's not that you're wrong full-stop or she's wrong full-stop. As long as there's only consenting adults involved, nothing's ever "wrong" in a relationship - there's only people wrong for each other.

JStorm...

This is coming from my own personal experiences.


The last woman I was with was so temperamental, difficult and manipulative, that I never felt settled in our relationship.
It always felt as if I had to second guess how I needed to react to what she said and did.
In the end, along with a lot of other things, it nearly drove me nuts.
Eventually, I realised that a relationship should never be so one sided and difficult to maintain.

Obviously relationships require some work and effort, but it should not feel like a full time job where you are having to do all of the giving and compromising all of the time.

It just isn't worth it... Trust me. I've never been happier with my life since I got out.

Exactly. This was why my sister finally broke up with her bf of 5 years. She was unhappy for 3 of those years, trying to mold the relationship into something she could be happy with...then realized she could not do it by herself.

Question, how do I show a girl I am interested in her without it being creepy??

YMMV with the woman, but from a slightly paranoid woman with a sensitive creep radar...I MUCH prefer that a guy start talking to me about my experiences/opinions/anything other than looks. Then once we start talking around my personality, then he can ask me out (signifying his romantic interest) and it won't be weird.

To me, if a guy opens his interactions with me by saying how attractive I am, that just sends all my creep alarms off. I do not want to be a trophy gf. I do not want to be treated like an object. I want to be respected for my intelligence, so a guy needs to engage with that first.

But I'm a super-nerdy slightly-paranoid tomboy, so YMMV. Depends on the woman.

The difference between being creepy and being romantic is how much the other person is into you.

Ehh, kinda. Even if a hot guy opened up with how attractive he thinks I am, my immediate reaction is to think he's playing me on a dare from his friends.

 

[PacificBoy]

Thanks for the reply. I'm not sure how easy that would have been as she was literally sitting next to me. She would have had to have her head turned toward me the same time I was to her.

Ah I missed the part where she's sitting next to you, sorry. Yeah it'd have made my suggestion a tad hard to accomplish t:. I don't have experience chatting up women on public transport but I'd imagine it's much harder than say chatting someone up in a book store. Public transport is a less social space and we're more guarded in general there. If the encounter doesn't go to plan we can't simply walk away from it, changing seats isn't quite the same.

If I were in your shoes, I'd have tried this exit strategy: Ask for her contact info, just as I'm about to disembark.

YMMV with the woman, but from a slightly paranoid woman with a sensitive creep radar...I MUCH prefer that a guy start talking to me about my experiences/opinions/anything other than looks. Then once we start talking around my personality, then he can ask me out (signifying his romantic interest) and it won't be weird.

To me, if a guy opens his interactions with me by saying how attractive I am, that just sends all my creep alarms off. I do not want to be a trophy gf. I do not want to be treated like an object. I want to be respected for my intelligence, so a guy needs to engage with that first.

But I'm a super-nerdy slightly-paranoid tomboy, so YMMV. Depends on the woman.

Ehh, kinda. Even if a hot guy opened up with how attractive he thinks I am, my immediate reaction is to think he's playing me on a dare from his friends.

Some women like being flattered and told they're attractive as a gambit but I'd advise against it because (1) if the woman is attractive, she's used to men praising her beauty all the time; a guy would stand out, conversely, by not doing it. Keeping them spare, like complimenting how stunning she looks in that dress on a dinner date, is at least a bit more sincere sounding. (2) It sounds gad damn tacky most of the time. Men come across either awkward or creepy or too smooth. These compliments are better served in a relationship anyway.

In ShadowBoxer's case where the girl is an acquaintance, your suggestion is probably the best approach (I feel it's the best approach in all cases actually), keeping it conversational, light, before asking her out and signaling your intentions. It might be unexciting but it's non-threatening. And making the girl feel comfortable and at ease around you is something attractive in itself.

I don't think your creep radar is sensitive, Anita. Seems to be the norm for women, attractive women in particular. Women are more cagey these days, from my experience.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I just wanted to pop in to say - it finally happened.

I got feelings. I'm happy... really happy. Calmy happy.

It's been a long road, and I spent a lot of it in here talking to you guys, so thanks to everyone

It happened gradually. I started to wonder if I might. Then I started to think I probably did...

And then recently, things keep happening that make me sure I am.

For example, a week ago I woke up from a terrifying nightmare followed by a bit of sleep paralysis. And he was there, awake, big concerned eyes looking down at me. He got me to sit up, held my hands and made me breath in deep through my nose, out through my mouth. Then we talking for a bit, he told me a funny story about nightmares of pink dinosaurs he used to have as a kid, and then he just held me till I fell asleep.

It's moments like that, when I feel the words 'I love you' just bursting to come out... but something holds me back. I guess i'm afraid of ruining how well things are going.

I mean, I feel he's committed to this relationship.

We've made plans for him to come home with me next month and meet my mum. We've made plans for me to come to Portugal and meet his parents. We've bought tickets to festivals in July and August, and we've agreed that we are going to look for a 1 bedroom flat together after all the summer expenses.

So i'm sure he's happy in the relationship. I mean, I know that anyway because we have fun and we're very affectionate, make time for each other and very rarely argue (even when I want to sometimes ) so it's a comfortable relationship to be in.

But I guess... I'm afraid to say I love you because he's told me before that he's never loved anyone but his mum and sister before.

So I am worried he won't say it back... and how that will make him feel, and how that will make me feel.

But then, I don't know if he will EVER be the one to say it first. Cause he's just so bad at that stuff. And i'm also worried that if I try and hold it in, it'll end up coming out explosively in a drunken stupor and be a totally unattractive decloration.

Does anyone have any advice on how you tell someone you love them?

 

[Erzengel]

My wife sort of blurted it out and I didn't respond in kind. She got all nervous and said she was joking but I knew she meant it. I did probably a month later and it just came out.

Listen, no one should be obliged to say it back. Yes it's great when it does but people shouldn't say it just cause the other person did.

There's nothing wrong with saying it first even if the other person doesn't say it. It all comes down with you being okay if he doesn't reply back in kind. Of course, the fact that he's never been in love before, he may not necessarily be in tune with how he's really feeling.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I am not expert on dating, but if you been seeing someone for a reasonable amount of time and say " I love You" it shouldn't be weird. It's only weird if you say I love you on like the on the first, second, or third date lol.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

My wife sort of blurted it out and I didn't respond in kind. She got all nervous and said she was joking but I knew she meant it. I did probably a month later and it just came out.

Listen, no one should be obliged to say it back. Yes it's great when it does but people shouldn't say it just cause the other person did.

There's nothing wrong with saying it first even if the other person doesn't say it. It all comes down with you being okay if he doesn't reply back in kind. Of course, the fact that he's never been in love before, he may not necessarily be in tune with how he's really feeling.

Well that's the thing. I want to say 'I love you' just because I want him to know. And I don't WANT to care whether he says it back or not.

But I don't know whether I can be that logical and rational once i've opened up like that. I'd like to think I can... but it's an unknown quantity.

And I also don't want him over thinking it and backing off a bit either. Or even taking me for granted because he feels i'm more invested than he is.

I just feel like it's a minefield.

Maybe i'll wait a while longer. Maybe just settle into how i'm feeling at this stage first and then tell him when i'm more comfortable with it.

This is all totally new to me. I've never been with someone this long. I've never loved someone where I didn't feel it was unrequited. I've never had actualy future plans and lived with someone.

Maybe verbalising it right now isn't the way to go.

I am not expert on dating, but if you been seeing someone for a reasonable amount of time and say " I love You" it shouldn't be weird. It's only weird if you say I love you on like the on the first, second, or third date lol.

lol Yeah I would never do that!

I guess everyone is different though.

My friend told her boyfriend she loved him while they were drunk in a fried chicken place after about a month of dating... and she said she didnt even really mean it at the time.

I don't mind waiting for the right moment

 

[Erzengel]

I wanted to wait but it was like with you and it just bursted out when I didn't mean it to. But of course I knew she already felt the same way.

If you want to hold on, that's fine but sometimes it has a way of coming out.

However, your feelings aren't wrong, you shouldn't be afraid to say how you are feeling. If he handles it badly, that's a reflection on him not you.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I wanted to wait but it was like with you and it just bursted out when I didn't mean it to. But of course I knew she already felt the same way.

If you want to hold on, that's fine but sometimes it has a way of coming out.

However, your feelings aren't wrong, you shouldn't be afraid to say how you are feeling. If he handles it badly, that's a reflection on him not you.

Yeah I think your right.

I think I have a tendancy to avoid allowing situations to come up in which someone even CAN dissapoint me, so that they never do.

When realistically I should just face the fact that this is pure ignorance. That i'm trying to preserve an illusion.

Either it's real and he'll take it well. Or it's not and he will take it badly and it'll be over... but at least i'll know the truth.

Hmmm... I still feel like I might give it a few months. Might feel more secure in it after we've met each others rentals and stuff.

Well, when I do it, i'll let you know

 

[Anita18]

Listen, no one should be obliged to say it back. Yes it's great when it does but people shouldn't say it just cause the other person did.

There's nothing wrong with saying it first even if the other person doesn't say it. It all comes down with you being okay if he doesn't reply back in kind. Of course, the fact that he's never been in love before, he may not necessarily be in tune with how he's really feeling.

All true things.

I don't remember who said I love you first. I want to say it was my husband, because saying it was never that important to me in the first place haha. We still don't say it that often, but we've never had to. Like with hopeful's experience with the nightmare, we show each other we care, which we feel is more important. But it depends on your preferences.

I know I was my husband's first serious gf, his first love, and he was 27 when he met me. So just because he's never loved before doesn't mean he's incapable of it. He just doesn't dole it out very readily.

 

[nogolf33]

My friend told her boyfriend she loved him while they were drunk in a fried chicken place after about a month of dating... and she said she didnt even really mean it at the time.

I don't mind waiting for the right moment

Love (meaning laughing at) this story. If I ever get to 300 posts, I may put it in my signature.

 

[Lily Adler]

So I thought it would be cute to send The Gardener a valentine for Valentine's Day. It was a card attached to his favorite candy and I put it in his mailbox with my name signed on the card. The card basically asked if he would like to go out sometime. He never responded, so before I get all weepy and paranoid. I'm going to wait and see if I can casually catch him at work (really casual not the fake kind), and mention it nonchalantly. I'm beginning to wonder if he's really moved on, or he has a girlfriend and didn't mention it and I made a huge boo-boo.

 

[EnderWiggin]

Sooo went out to the movies with a girl I like and been seriously talking to for a month now .. We text each other all the time , hang out causally a lot . There were times when we've been hanging out and are lips get 2 inches close to each other and I don't go for the kiss Cuz I get really nervous about that stuff and am afraid of the awkward moment of it does get rejected lol , but I'm pretty sure she's into me , and I'm into her .. Took her out for v-day , hang out a lot , this and that lol anyways during the movie were holding hands so after the movie I'm hugging her in the way out and then space is created so we're face to face , and after not going for it 2-3 times before I finally go for the kiss and ....
I kiss her ....
On her nose ....
Because she put her head down when I went for it -_-
Slightly embarrassed lol
She says something along the lines of "kiss on the nose huh"
And I'm like "yup "
And nothing gets brought up about it after , we play some air hockey and go out to eat .. On the way out to the car she grabs on to my arm .. And we hug and say goodbye when I drop her off ....
Soooooooooo is her putting her head down as bad as I think it was she not ready for a kiss ? Or does she not feel the way about me as I think she does ?
She's a pretty shy girl so idk ...
Someone tell me I'm not getting friendzoned! Lol we flirt a lot so I don't think so but who knows lol

Post is prob all over the place but had to get my thoughts off my chest since I don't really speak to friends about this kind of stuff :P

 

[Scarecrow_King]

Anybody here use Tinder? I've been on it for a few weeks, and it's not going so great. I've seen lots of people from work, which makes passing them in the stairs kinda awkward. Especially since they don't swipe right.

I've also seen my friends' sister. Kinda weird.

 

[Erzengel]

Sooo went out to the movies with a girl I like and been seriously talking to for a month now .. We text each other all the time , hang out causally a lot . There were times when we've been hanging out and are lips get 2 inches close to each other and I don't go for the kiss Cuz I get really nervous about that stuff and am afraid of the awkward moment of it does get rejected lol , but I'm pretty sure she's into me , and I'm into her .. Took her out for v-day , hang out a lot , this and that lol anyways during the movie were holding hands so after the movie I'm hugging her in the way out and then space is created so we're face to face , and after not going for it 2-3 times before I finally go for the kiss and ....
I kiss her ....
On her nose ....
Because she put her head down when I went for it -_-
Slightly embarrassed lol
She says something along the lines of "kiss on the nose huh"
And I'm like "yup "
And nothing gets brought up about it after , we play some air hockey and go out to eat .. On the way out to the car she grabs on to my arm .. And we hug and say goodbye when I drop her off ....
Soooooooooo is her putting her head down as bad as I think it was she not ready for a kiss ? Or does she not feel the way about me as I think she does ?
She's a pretty shy girl so idk ...
Someone tell me I'm not getting friendzoned! Lol we flirt a lot so I don't think so but who knows lol

Post is prob all over the place but had to get my thoughts off my chest since I don't really speak to friends about this kind of stuff :P

Fortune favors the bold.

I'd rather have rejection then regret.

Next time just go for it.

 

[EnderWiggin]

I did finally go for it and she put her head down essentially "rejecting" it ...
Now idk if the chance comes up again do I go for it again?
Will she put her head down again? Lol

 

[Erzengel]

Do it again.

If she does it again, then maybe move on.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Agreed...

 

[EnderWiggin]

Hmmm I'll try , it wasn't super rejection , she giggled about it and what not so I didn't feel to bad :/ .. But Ill try , don't know how soon but I'll try again I do like her and feel like she likes me too lol

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Give it one more try, if you get the same sort of reaction, then, at least you know.

I am coming to the conclusion that I may well be somewhat too "unusual" to be considered dateable material.
At least I have my health!

 

[Anita18]

^^^
Give it one more try, if you get the same sort of reaction, then, at least you know.

I am coming to the conclusion that I may well be somewhat too "unusual" to be considered dateable material.
At least I have my health!

My husband and I are terrible dating material. We just got lucky.

I could actually say the same for most of my nerd friends. Not many of them regularly dated, even if they're married now. It's all about meeting the right person, which means putting yourself out there anyway.