The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Erzengel]

There was some study done and Asian women have the greatest rate of response and black men have the lowest rate of response. So as frustrated as I get as a white dude on OkCupid, I imagine your road is even rougher.

I think I read that Black Women and Asian Men had the lowest responses based on some studies.

 

[PacificBoy]

All I know is that if you're a white dude, and can carry himself decently well, you're good to go here in the far east.

 

[Anita18]

Getting dates is not hard in regular life. I do wonder if picking out a date online would lead to good results though. If you are able to look for things in common through a site, would it setup someone you are more likely to get a long with long term? Hmm it does seem logical.

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish. It's possible. I saw his profile and immediately thought, "My dad's an engineer too, I can handle that!" and "Ooh, he's got a pretty face."

And it wasn't like I had my pick of guys either, despite what they say about Asian women having it made. I did get mostly 40-y-o's messaging me. The only 20-somethings who messaged me were guys who obviously didn't read my profile (probably copy-pasting the same message to dozens of women), and my husband. Apparently I'm an ugly Asian woman, or online dating really does suck in general.

I'm ugly by Asian standards (I guess I'm average in regular standards...), who's too smart for her own good, AND an introverted hermit. Getting dates is HARD for me. I've been on less than 10 first dates my entire life.

 

[Anita18]

All I know is that if you're a white dude, and can carry himself decently well, you're good to go here in the far east.

So claimed the two 40-y-o white guy creepers who sat in front of me on a LAX to Taipei flight. That's ALL they talked about - how awesome and attention-giving Asian women were. For 13 hours straight. Half of it drunk.

Of course they didn't even take a look at me, ogling the poor stewardesses instead. I was never more glad to be an ugly Asian woman.

 

[PacificBoy]

True on both counts: Plenty of attentive-only-to-whites Asian women and creepy older white men here. A few Charisma Man types too.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I think I read that Black Women and Asian Men had the lowest responses based on some studies.

Maybe that was it. That sounds familiar.

Asian women definitely had the highest rate of responses. I remember that part clearly.

 

[Erzengel]

Some people will always have it easier than others.

But if being with someone is important to you, you have to put the effort into it and honestly not wait for something to fall in your lap.

Nell is a good example of this. He's been looking for someone for at least as long as he was posting here so almost 9 years. Based on his stories, he suffered a lot of rejection. And now, Anita says he has a gf and is having the sex.

Some people may be able to find someone right off the bat, other's it can take longer. The trick is just patience and perseverance. I know that may sound hokey but it is true. If you want to be in a relationship, you have to put the effort into making it happen.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Well, too much "perseverance" is called stalking.

I think Nell's problem was a lack of confidence and belief in himself. And there could have been other factors, such as not understanding the needs of the opposite sex or being socially withdrawn. I don't think it's as simple as just putting in effort. You have to like yourself before you can expect others to like you. And you also have to be understanding of the needs of others. I'm glad he finally found someone, but he could have found a girlfriend years earlier if he listened to all the advice we were giving him and applied it .

 

[Erzengel]

I mean perseverance in terms of getting turned down, getting up and asking someone else. That type of effort of actually, talking to people and asking them out through whatever media.

And I understand that people have issues and usually have to work through them just to be somewhat of a viable dating candidate. I mean in a vacuum you should have all your ducks in a row before you date. That's not reality but then that's when you get into compatibility and what someone is willing to overlook or be interested in spite of it. But first things, is to just put yourself out there. Otherwise, you do have to work on yourself first.

 

[PyroChamber]

I think I read that Black Women and Asian Men had the lowest responses based on some studies.

I read a study saying that also, ironically enough I found it on OkCupid. It also said that of all women, black women were the ones who usually respond first when looking at profiles.

 

[Tech]

Online dating can be a valid option for people who are super-busy (which I think is rare if people are being honest) or have specific niche interest or ethnic requirement (recent immigrant want to connect with other recent immigrants, specific religious requirements). The problem I think is most American guys use that as really only option outside social circles and get frustrated. Ironically guys who are most successful on dating sites are ones who don't even need it...they're good at projecting positive self-image and tend to be people-person and capture woman's interest quickly. Reality is majority (not all, but vast majority) of women in the 20-30s range on those sites make decision to talk to guy based on pictures (physically fit, goes to lots of activities), hobbies that indicate very social person, high social status....and then some maybe based on money (but not as much as you might think, because women in America have money too so if you're same financial status its not as impressive)

American dating sites seem logical investment for most folks, but if you think about it, the business model is based on people not getting connected that quickly or being serial daters...otherwise they'd run out of customers. Guys need to start advancing their self-image publicly (get fit, dress nice) and not be afraid to reach out and talk to women in public (start speaking up more, tell good jokes, etc).

The ones that tend to be exception are websites steered towards wealthier guys (sugardaddy sites) or guys who are willing to travel, etc...those sites may favor guys...but otherwise most dating sites in America strongly favor women. It's similar to night clubs...women don't go to clubs to find dates...they want to be seen and have fun and dance. That's why bouncers sometimes let them in free, whereas guys have to pay just to talk to these girls.

 

[NYR94]

On-line dating is great for hook-ups and knocking some of the rust off. Nothing more. If you want something that will last, you'll have to get out of mom's basement and do things the old fashioned way: TALK TO WOMEN. Not to say there aren't relationships that have come from on-line, it has just been my experience that they're merely flings and nothing deeper. Again, that's just my opinion.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

You heard it here first from NYR94... We're all living in our mom's basement.

My friend who's marrying a girl he met on match.com will be really surprised it's a sham wedding, since apparently online dating is only good for hook-ups. That statement is so inaccurate it's laughable. I think it's something like 20 or 30% of young married couples met their spouses online now.

 

[Black Narcissus]

Ok, so here is what you do. You kidnap her and take her down to juarez and then you read to her all the volumes of Sandman. Then, she will be your bride. She will leave you 6 months later for a pokemon card collector and move to china. You can't travel out of the country cause that kidnapping thang is in yo profile, so you assume a brand new identify. You shave yo legs with gillette razor blades and call yo self Monique, its cute, right? It also comes with a purple dress and a blond wig. Anyway, You go to chinatown in Sf and ask for a guy named Jong, he is a mexican man..pay no attention to his name, aight. He will give you a brand new id and passport. For another five bucks, he will also help you track her down over there.

You are welcome.

You don't have to mention me in yo wedding toast. All comes from the heart.

This all comes from my heart and the survival scrolls, it probably isn't a bible,but the yellow pages tho.

Update- Shadowboxer did not take this advice.

This segment is brought to you by Cheaters and Popeye's Chicken.

If you must cheat..Make it in a popeye's parking-lot!

 

[Schlosser85]

It honestly kind of makes me paranoid there's something terribly unappealing about me when I just say "hi" and don't ever get even an acknowledgment back.

I mean, I'm not Chris Hemsworth, but I don't think I'm so awful-looking or anything.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

It honestly kind of makes me paranoid there's something terribly unappealing about me when I just say "hi" and don't ever get even an acknowledgment back.

I mean, I'm not Chris Hemsworth, but I don't think I'm so awful-looking or anything.

Unless you look like Chris Hemsworth, that happens to pretty much everyone. I'm sure it's even happened to Chris Hemsworth. If I contact six people, I might get one reply. And even then, it's 50-50 whether I get a second reply.

 

[BatmanVSuperman]

It honestly kind of makes me paranoid there's something terribly unappealing about me when I just say "hi" and don't ever get even an acknowledgment back.

I mean, I'm not Chris Hemsworth, but I don't think I'm so awful-looking or anything.

Hang in there bro. Look at it this way, the longer you are out of a relationship, the more money you have to spend on yourself

 

[Schlosser85]

Hang in there bro. Look at it this way, the longer you are out of a relationship, the more money you have to spend on yourself

By that logic, I should be rolling in dough by now.

 

[NYR94]

You heard it here first from NYR94... We're all living in our mom's basement.

My friend who's marrying a girl he met on match.com will be really surprised it's a sham wedding, since apparently online dating is only good for hook-ups. That statement is so inaccurate it's laughable. I think it's something like 20 or 30% of young married couples met their spouses online now.

Again...MY opinion. Sarcasm, bro. I don't really think you all live in your mom's basements...

 

[amazingfantasy15]

On-line dating is great for hook-ups and knocking some of the rust off. Nothing more. If you want something that will last, you'll have to get out of mom's basement and do things the old fashioned way: TALK TO WOMEN. Not to say there aren't relationships that have come from on-line, it has just been my experience that they're merely flings and nothing deeper. Again, that's just my opinion.

Just because you're using online dating as a hook up site doesn't mean everyone is. I think about 8-10 of my friends, including me, have met their wives or husbands online. When you're out of college and your social circle starts to shrink it's a little tougher to meet people. I know I wouldn't have met my wife without online dating because even though we had many similar interests we just probably would have never been in the same place at the same time.

 

[Avenging Angel]

Try living in LA, being single isn't something to be shameful about. In here, they make you feel like it is. Most people are dating online these days. I hope they're safe and screen people before meeting them.

 

[PyroChamber]

Isn't there some dating site that's specifically targeted towards geeks?

 

[moviedoors]

On-line dating is great for hook-ups and knocking some of the rust off. Nothing more. If you want something that will last, you'll have to get out of mom's basement and do things the old fashioned way: TALK TO WOMEN. Not to say there aren't relationships that have come from on-line, it has just been my experience that they're merely flings and nothing deeper. Again, that's just my opinion.

My daughter turns one in a week. I met her momma on match.com.

 

[PyroChamber]

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish. It's possible. I saw his profile and immediately thought, "My dad's an engineer too, I can handle that!" and "Ooh, he's got a pretty face."

And it wasn't like I had my pick of guys either, despite what they say about Asian women having it made. I did get mostly 40-y-o's messaging me. The only 20-somethings who messaged me were guys who obviously didn't read my profile (probably copy-pasting the same message to dozens of women), and my husband. Apparently I'm an ugly Asian woman, or online dating really does suck in general.

I'm ugly by Asian standards (I guess I'm average in regular standards...), who's too smart for her own good, AND an introverted hermit. Getting dates is HARD for me. I've been on less than 10 first dates my entire life.

So how long did the two of you date before getting married?

 

[Avenging Angel]

Isn't there some dating site that's specifically targeted towards geeks?

Wouldn't be Tinder.