The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - - Part 29

[Erzengel]

It's somewhat disrespectful, especially if the bed wasn't offered to you.

 

[Anita18]

In general, is having sex in someone else's bed considered in really poor taste? Not that I am planning that, but just wondered.

Uh, yeah? And if you really insist on doing it, wash the sheets at the VERY least. It's literally someone else's bed.

I mean, have at it on a guest bed. But if it's really someone else's bed, that's extremely disrespectful.

 

[Warhammer]

Whether it is a male or a female, is being a virgin typically viewed as commendable or a red flag? This was an interesting (and super random) discussion at my job today.

 

[Erzengel]

I can't speak for the 20 something year olds, but I was a little embarrassed being the last one of my friends even if it was just in college.

But there was always less of a stigma for women then it is for men.

 

[Anita18]

In both cases, according to the mainstream media, it either means you're saving yourself for marriage or you're so ugly that nobody wants to sleep with you. I'm a thin Asian woman not waiting for marriage who lost her virginity at 25, clearly I'm an ogre.

Only narrow-minded people actually think it shows something about your character. Although it's "unusual" so some questions might arise.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

In general, is having sex in someone else's bed considered in really poor taste? Not that I am planning that, but just wondered.

I'm curious... would you mind if someone had sex in your bed while you weren't there, without your permission?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Whether it is a male or a female, is being a virgin typically viewed as commendable or a red flag? This was an interesting (and super random) discussion at my job today.

I lost mine at 20 and my whole teens I thought it was a huge deal I hadn't lost it yet because I was the only one of my friends who hadn't.

But honestly, I don't think anyone gave two hoots... it was me who had it in my head people judged me for it.

I think people's judgement may start to actually exist the older you get, but I still think every situation is judged based on the person and their reasons.

I mean, if you're a virgin for religious reasons, it'd be a red flag for me... but not BECAUSE your a virgin... just because you're highly religious and that's a turn off for me.

Or if you're a virgin because you simply aren't confident enough socially to have ever succeeded in that department, it'd be a red flag... but not BECAUSE your a virgin... just because you're not socially confident, and that's a turn off for me.

But if a guy who hit all the right buttons for me revealed he was a virgin, and it was simply a case of him valuing sex and never quite having felt that connection with someone was strong enough for him... it wouldn't matter at all. In fact for some girls, i'd say that would be a turn on.

Though honestly, the pessimist in me would probably think it was a move

In both cases, according to the mainstream media, it either means you're saving yourself for marriage or you're so ugly that nobody wants to sleep with you. I'm a thin Asian woman not waiting for marriage who lost her virginity at 25, clearly I'm an ogre.

Only narrow-minded people actually think it shows something about your character. Although it's "unusual" so some questions might arise.

Or you're frigid/a prude, don't forget about that lovely classification!

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Whether it is a male or a female, is being a virgin typically viewed as commendable or a red flag? This was an interesting (and super random) discussion at my job today.

We live in a society that pretty much glorifies and promotes sex and hooking up with any and everybody with a pulse. Being a virgin is rare these days and is either celebrated or mocked depending on your personal opinions, views, lifestyle. But I do get mad about people that cry and moan about being **** shamed. If you don't want people calling you names, don't sleep with a whole football team, simple as that.

 

[moviedoors]

We live in a society that pretty much glorifies and promotes sex and hooking up with any and everybody with a pulse. Being a virgin is rare these days and is either celebrated or mocked depending on your personal opinions, views, lifestyle. But I do get mad about people that cry and moan about being **** shamed. If you don't want people calling you names, don't sleep with a whole football team, simple as that.

Wow. So **** shaming is okay. Just ****ing wow.

 

[Anita18]

Like I said, who you sleep with and how many people you've slept with have NO bearing on your character. Sigh.

 

[moviedoors]

In both cases, according to the mainstream media, it either means you're saving yourself for marriage or you're so ugly that nobody wants to sleep with you. I'm a thin Asian woman not waiting for marriage who lost her virginity at 25, clearly I'm an ogre.

Only narrow-minded people actually think it shows something about your character. Although it's "unusual" so some questions might arise.

A fellow member of the 25 club!

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Like I said, who you sleep with and how many people you've slept with have NO bearing on your character. Sigh.

I kinda get what your saying but come on now. I think you said you are married. If you husband had slept with like 60 girls before marrying you, wouldn't be thinking he is a man ****e?

 

[Anita18]

I kinda get what your saying but come on now. I think you said you are married. If you husband had slept with like 60 girls before marrying you, wouldn't be thinking he is a man ****e?

I actually have no idea how many women he's slept with. He used protection every time and he chose me. What difference does it make?

 

[moviedoors]

I kinda get what your saying but come on now. I think you said you are married. If you husband had slept with like 60 girls before marrying you, wouldn't be thinking he is a man ****e?

My fiance has had way more partners than I've had. She is NOT A ****E.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Like if I meet a girl and she tells me she had sex with like fifty guys, I seriously doubt I will purse a romantic relationship with her. Friendship would be the only thing that I would offer her.

 

[Anita18]

Like if I mean a girl and she tells me she had sex with like fifty guys I seriously doubt I will purse a romantic relationship with her. Friendship would be the only thing that I would offer her.

Then that's on you, man.

What exactly does sleeping with a lot of people say about someone's character? What does it say about how kind they are, how generous, how hard-working they are? Those are the things that matter to me in a relationship.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Just because a woman slept with a lot of people, doesn't give you the right to try and make her feel bad about that.

I'm not saying sleeping with loads of people is a good or bad thing to do, it's just not an open invitation to be insulted. And it's certainly not a reason to think that the person should just take those insults because they 'deserve it'.

 

[SallyPeriwinkle]

The trick to having sex in someone else's bed is having them not know about but telling them later. It's like two tiers of satisfaction.

 

[moviedoors]

Like if I mean a girl and she tells me she had sex with like fifty guys I seriously doubt I will purse a romantic relationship with her. Friendship would be the only thing that I would offer her.

That's fine if that's what you want, but that doesn't make it okay for you to **** shame someone for having their own sexual agency and making their own decisions.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I actually have no idea how many women he's slept with. He used protection every time and he chose me. What difference does it make?

I mean it's cool for some but for me having the knowledge that my significant other did all sorts of sexual acts with God knows how many other dudes walking about, just kinda kills the romance for me. Because if we do eventually get intimate it's not special (at least not to me). But that is my personal opinion . In regards to **** shaming, I don't think people should be bullied to the point of harm themselves, but if you are going to brag about sleeping with X amount on people then be prepared for the consequences.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Just because a woman slept with a lot of people, doesn't give you the right to try and make her feel bad about that.

I'm not saying sleeping with loads of people is a good or bad thing to do, it's just not an open invitation to be insulted. And it's certainly not a reason to think that the person should just take those insults because they 'deserve it'.

I am not saying they deserve it, but if you can going to make that decision to sleep with that many people, then be prepared for criticism. Not everyone is going to celebrate your life decisions. It is what it is.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I mean it's cool for some but for me having the knowledge that my significant other did all sorts of sexual acts with God knows how many other dudes walking about, just kinda kills the romance for me. Because if we do eventually get intimate it's not special (at least not to me). But that is my personal opinion . In regards to **** shaming, I don't think people should be bullied to the point of harm themselves, but if you are going to brag about sleeping with X amount on people then be prepared for the consequences.

I think that's why a lot of the time having a really low number can freak people out too. Cause it's just a sign of a big difference in how you treat physical intimacy.

But then that's why I just don't think it's something that needs to be discussed.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I have no idea how many people he slept with before me, and he has no idea what my magic number is either.

I have a feeling mine is higher... but it's not something that needs defining. What possible benefit could there be to knowing?

I am not saying they deserve it, but if you can going to make that decision to sleep with that many people, then be prepared for criticism. Not everyone is going to celebrate your life decisions. It is what it is.

I'm sorry, I just think that's a ridiculous argument.

It's like saying someone who practices Islam when they know a lot of people think Muslims are terrorists should accept that people are going to call them names.

Or that someone who eats meat should accept being called a murderer and having blood thrown at them by people who are vegetarian.

 

[terry78]

I think that's why a lot of the time having a really low number can freak people out too. Cause it's just a sign of a big difference in how you treat physical intimacy.

But then that's why I just don't think it's something that needs to be discussed.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I have no idea how many people he slept with before me, and he has no idea what my magic number is either.

I have a feeling mine is higher... but it's not something that needs defining. What possible benefit could there be to knowing?



I'm sorry, I just think that's a ridiculous argument.

It's like saying someone who practices Islam when they know a lot of people think Muslims are terrorists should accept that people are going to call them names.

So you can keep score.

 

[Erzengel]

Like if I meet a girl and she tells me she had sex with like fifty guys, I seriously doubt I will purse a romantic relationship with her. Friendship would be the only thing that I would offer her.

I'm not going to criticize your standards because they are important to you, however I'm sure you are aware that your high standards and expectations have narrowed your dating pool.

But, not everything is that exaggerated. Yes there are people who have slept with 50 people. But I have the feeling that 10 would also be too high but think about this.

Someone who's been dating since they were 16 and are now 30 and have had multiple monogamous relationships, are they really that much of a strumpet? Even saying they dated 1 person a year, that's already 15 people. Are they really morally bankrupt?

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Then that's on you, man.

What exactly does sleeping with a lot of people say about someone's character? What does it say about how kind they are, how generous, how hard-working they are? Those are the things that matter to me in a relationship.

I am just saying that people that sleep around typically are comparing one sexual partner to the next. What happens when they just decide they are bored with the person they are in a relationship with? Can they even be faithful in a relationship? The could also have other issues such as being selfish or something. You never know what their sexual needs may tell you about them personally.