The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - - Part 29

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I think it's good that you told her. Did you end up going with her Thursday?
Yeah, we met up to talk hours before. We spoke about what our future would be. She said for the first time she realized that she wasn't fighting to cherish me like she should. In the days since, she's even mentioned things here and there that imply that she still wants to be with me for years to come, which is something neither of us have addressed in months, so clearly my mentality was "let's just wait and see before we make plans."

She apologized for things like lying about talking to him and she seems open to the idea that she's to blame for a lot and needs to fix a lot of things herself. And I managed to convince her that I was not looking for money because it's been the opposite, where in the past month, since I started working, I've been taking her out and paying for so many things without asking for help from her.

After that, we had a pretty great day and the only hiccup was that she was up late and felt really stressed and was cranky when I was trying to help her fix something on her PS3, but other than that, I can tell she's making an effort to not overreact or get super pissed about things right off the bat, which is why last night was so hard because I felt she would react and accuse me of things, but she didn't. I saw her today and she didn't want to talk about things, and even though he's going to see her brother perform and will see her today, she said it's not the right time to bring it up, but she promises that she will soon because being managed by someone who has committed credit fraud and identity theft is a big deal. I just really hope she doesn't jump the gun and speak up in a time where he can sweet talk her into believing that's all the past.
 
Ok so I go to youth group every friday night.
I used to go with my best friend who I will call L, and there was a girl there who I will call A.
I started messaging A and we got along pretty well. After a bit we decided we loved each other but as friends (not in a relationship, just called each other bae and stuff like that)
Then due to me being clingy, she said she just wanted to be friends and not love each other anymore. I was fine with that. One day I was depressed because L who was my best friend was being really mean to me so I talked to A about it. A talked to L who knew about me loving her and he told her all bad things about me such as that one time I smoked and calling him a ****** as a joke even though he says it me all the time. So I asked L "would you go out with her?" and he said "if she wanted to then yes" completely going against the bro code. He then said stuff like "I know where you stuffed up, I won't fail" So I said to him "Dude don't fall for her trap. Shes, I don't know what word to use but kinda a sl*t" because I felt as though she used me and just played with my heart. He obviously told her what I said. Then after a few weeks, I left L, and after I left L, A said "you hurt him by leaving him and you hurt me by saying mean things, dont talk to me anymore" I said I was really sorry and I didn't mean it and I was stupid for saying it (referring to talking behind her back, I don't regret leaving L). We still see each other every friday night (L doesn't come anymore) but we don't talk because I'm fairly quiet in group situations.
 
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16, I know it sounds pretty immature and stuff but just think back to when you were a teenager.
Yeah I am. My advice, your friend is messed up for saying things back to her. I don't know what kind of relationship the three of you had, and if you were all close, but L sounds like a crappy friend if he were to do that.

As for the girl, I can relate, but dude you were totally friend zoned and if that's what you want to get back, then be my guest and fight for it. But in all honesty, it's not worth it. I just got my first girlfriend at 25 and that was after nearly 10 years+ of being friend zoned and led on by girls and as nice as those felt at the moment, I look back and know that I was really just grasping at some false sense of acceptance. You said what you said and there's no going back to erase it. Just move on and keep your head up, because your best friend didn't sound like a great one, and this girl, as much as you got along, can easily be replaced by someone who you may see yourself getting along with just as well.

And it's good that you recognize that you're clingy. That's still a big weakness of mine, so hopefully you can keep that on your mind next time and try not to push too hard.
 
Yeah, we met up to talk hours before. We spoke about what our future would be. She said for the first time she realized that she wasn't fighting to cherish me like she should. In the days since, she's even mentioned things here and there that imply that she still wants to be with me for years to come, which is something neither of us have addressed in months, so clearly my mentality was "let's just wait and see before we make plans."

She apologized for things like lying about talking to him and she seems open to the idea that she's to blame for a lot and needs to fix a lot of things herself. And I managed to convince her that I was not looking for money because it's been the opposite, where in the past month, since I started working, I've been taking her out and paying for so many things without asking for help from her.

After that, we had a pretty great day and the only hiccup was that she was up late and felt really stressed and was cranky when I was trying to help her fix something on her PS3, but other than that, I can tell she's making an effort to not overreact or get super pissed about things right off the bat, which is why last night was so hard because I felt she would react and accuse me of things, but she didn't. I saw her today and she didn't want to talk about things, and even though he's going to see her brother perform and will see her today, she said it's not the right time to bring it up, but she promises that she will soon because being managed by someone who has committed credit fraud and identity theft is a big deal. I just really hope she doesn't jump the gun and speak up in a time where he can sweet talk her into believing that's all the past.
I have a feeling how she is going to handle this proverbial hand grenade you threw into her life.

She has the right to know, obviously. But how she's actually going to deal with it and how you are going to deal with her decision making capabilities will decide if this will work out or not.

Just want to know if everything she told you she actually believes or again she's just telling you things you want to hear.
 
Yeah I am. My advice, your friend is messed up for saying things back to her. I don't know what kind of relationship the three of you had, and if you were all close, but L sounds like a crappy friend if he were to do that.

As for the girl, I can relate, but dude you were totally friend zoned and if that's what you want to get back, then be my guest and fight for it. But in all honesty, it's not worth it. I just got my first girlfriend at 25 and that was after nearly 10 years+ of being friend zoned and led on by girls and as nice as those felt at the moment, I look back and know that I was really just grasping at some false sense of acceptance. You said what you said and there's no going back to erase it. Just move on and keep your head up, because your best friend didn't sound like a great one, and this girl, as much as you got along, can easily be replaced by someone who you may see yourself getting along with just as well.

And it's good that you recognize that you're clingy. That's still a big weakness of mine, so hopefully you can keep that on your mind next time and try not to push too hard.

Us 3 never hung out together it was more She was friends with me and him separately. And it's not a matter of friendzone, she was just a good friend in general because we both like marvel and stuff.
 
I don't understand how anyone could have the mindset of a player. It's like finding an attractive place of employment, getting an interview, making a good first impression, working a day and then going out and searching for a new job the next day for no reason other than the fact that there are other attractive jobs out there as well. Why would anyone want to be in that endless cycle? I'm sick of it, I just want a steady job, a steady relationship, all this searching and trying to impress is getting really really really old. I just got dumped by my last job, one that I enjoyed, because they're so unorganized that they're so far behind schedule that there are just no permanent positions still. I'm sick of everything being out of my hands.
And all Tinder has done has made me realize how far removed from the rest of the world I am. I'm really trying to keep an open mind, but none of these girls have caught my attention at all. I'm still trying to get someone out of my head, but I almost feel like it's impossible. Should I settle for the next attractive girl that smiles at me on the bus? Should I date as many supermodels as I can until one stands out? Should I devote my life to work, become as successful as I possibly can in hopes that I'll find someone along the way? Or should I just say **** it and try to take what it is I want no matter how disastrous it could go... I really don't know. All I know is that now I need a job...

I had a breakup that went sour that gave me the attitude that I just want to go out and had fun. And it was a lot of fun. Really hurt the wallet. But, yeah while it lasted?

I outgrew it. Now I'm married. Some people aren't meant for marriage though.

And I can empathize with your situation. I was single, living at home, no job and got into a car accident. I know it's tough, but you have to deal with things as they come. First focus on getting a job. That's something more important. Then try and meet people. But be in a relationship because you like someone not because you feel you need to have a gf.
 
I have a feeling how she is going to handle this proverbial hand grenade you threw into her life.

She has the right to know, obviously. But how she's actually going to deal with it and how you are going to deal with her decision making capabilities will decide if this will work out or not.

Just want to know if everything she told you she actually believes or again she's just telling you things you want to hear.
I feel like she's trying. She told me how she was fighting her mom recently because she wants to dye her hair purple, but her mom keeps trying to shut her down and she finally put her foot down. She also told me how she's considering spending time with her dad, who was her best friend growing up and then left the family for another woman who he tried to force into her life. She was never honest with her mother about how much she loved him more as a parent, so she pushed him away in an effort to be on better terms with her mother, but now she's not doing that anymore.

It's little things like that that show me she is actually trying to make changes on her own, and that's what I want to see more of. The real test is like you said, based on what she chooses to do.

I was just talking about this with a few friends and I decided, I respect her decision to not say anything to him today because he's at her brother's show and this is his day. But if she doesn't bring this up to anyone, and continues to act like it doesn't exist, I'm breaking up with her for good and no looking back because at this point, it doesn't matter what type of issues we have or how we try to work through them ... if she's going to support a conman and continue to play his game and get taken advantage of, I want no part of that.
 
Honestly, whenever theres a break-up, losing of a friend or I'm just generally depressed, I just watch this video.
[YT]KpjocsKaI1g[/YT]
 
I just talked to my girlfriend a little bit ago and she said she's coming back for a week next month, around Halloween. I'm really happy about that, it's been a little over a month since I've seen her.
 
ahah so yesterday I was having a drink after work celebrating( I sold a painting) and drowning sorrows (had my work hours reduced by half) when I start talking to this pretty damn attractive girl. I was helping her with her art project and we ended up drinking and smoking for hours, we eventually go get some late lunch and then roll a joint and smoke it on the grass near her uni.

So I wasnt really sure of her intentions but I just remained friendly and honest. At this point we were pretty high and just asking each other loads of questions when this happens.

Her: Are you seeing anyone?

Me: Oh..ahh nah broke up with girlfriend bla bla bla...why do you ask? are you seeing anyone?

Her: Oh no i meant like a psych

haha pretty lame! Turns out she is a kinda well known Australian model and now stripper. weird night
 
I had a breakup that went sour that gave me the attitude that I just want to go out and had fun. And it was a lot of fun. Really hurt the wallet. But, yeah while it lasted?

I outgrew it. Now I'm married. Some people aren't meant for marriage though.

And I can empathize with your situation. I was single, living at home, no job and got into a car accident. I know it's tough, but you have to deal with things as they come. First focus on getting a job. That's something more important. Then try and meet people. But be in a relationship because you like someone not because you feel you need to have a gf.

Thankfully I've already been offered a couple jobs already, one was really ****y though and too far away, but I got a call for one this morning and they told me to bring everything including a direct deposit form so hopefully the search is over. It's only been 2 weeks since I got laid off so hey I'm not in a bad position here. And there's already drama with the new employees that replaced me at work lol.
It's not a normal situation anyways, the company I worked for is still building so there really aren't a lot of positions at the moment. My brother is one of the longest running employees there and he's like the bosses protege almost so I feel good about being able to get back on there again one day.
 
Hey guys, I posted a while back about a girl (I'll call her B) who flirted a lot with me. After some advice from you guys and made friends, I ended up asking her out, and she told me she didn't feel the same way. We stayed friends, but it was difficult due to her flirtiness.

To help myself move on, I followed Erzengel's advice (thank you so much) and just started chatting up other girls. I haven't gone on dates, per say, but I have hung out with many of them. Have yet to find one that I really click with (different humor, different interests, etc.). That's not to say I've entirely moved on from B - it's more like I have two feet in different puddles. There's some attraction still, but she's just an option now like a lot of the other girl friends I have who I'm slightly attracted to, rather than "the girl in my life."

Now that college is back in session, I've resumed daily contact with B and we've started hanging out one on one again.

Thing is, being friends with her still has one hitch, as I am now incredibly confused about her feelings toward me: she's ramped up the flirting to 11, always looking at me and touching me, bitten me several times, spat water into my mouth (it was freaking gross), lingers with eye contact and hugs, always has to find me at parties when I'm socializing with others and tries to get my attention back to her, and has laid on me (but she does that last part with her other best guy friend, too). All our friends ask if we're dating and are super surprised to find out we aren't. I have reminded them not to bring it up, but her behavior is continuing to mislead people and I don't want any potential dates thinking I'm already taken and avoiding showing interest. It's weirding me out.

Among all the hints she's dropped, though, she has done two things to suggest she wants to be just friends. First, when I was taking her to a movie, she asked if we were going as just friends over text and I said, "Of course." She acted rather distant throughout the movie, something I assumed was her way of reminding me that this was a platonic relationship and I had no qualms with. Second, she jokingly told me when I do find a girl, she would threaten to keep her in line if she did wrong by me.

Yesterday, though, something strange happened. Backstory before we get to the strange event: I'd seen a cute girl one day on campus and we locked eyes and smiled at each other. I was going to ask her out, but as we were passing, I walked into an open door and she giggled and rounded the corner. I debated chasing after her to see if I could get her number but decided against it (I can tell you then and there B hadn't crossed my mind; I was just embarassed).

So I tell this story to B as I'd told it to the amusement of my other friends and the moment I mention that girl, B's eyes glaze over and her smile disappears. I don't think much of it and guess she's just listening to my story, though I had been expecting her to laugh and smile and be happy that I was making an effort, just as she'd been with her other best guy friend. But she only smiles when I tell her I walked into the door and did not end up with the girl's number. Even then, she's not laughing. She's just quiet with a small smile on her face. At that moment, alarm bells are going off in my head that she likes me.

Right now, I think she's developed feelings and is afraid to admit them because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship, or she thinks I might've moved on because I have been lukewarm in my response to her flirtations (I do it to keep myself emotionally at arm's length and to avoid falling for her again). I plan on talking to her this Wednesday to clarify things because if we keep acting like this, this friendship is going to have a time limit.

Do you have any tips for how I should bring up her behavior without making her look like the bad guy? Should I be blunt or delicate in my approach toward talking about our feelings toward each other in general?
 
You told her how you felt. If her feelings have changed, she should speak up.

I honestly think she just likes the attention from you.
 
One thing I've learned is college aged chicks are still girls. They have no idea what they want which is why many fall into the trap of dating the "bad boy" or the guy who treats them like crap when they have a nice guy they should be with (I've been both of those guys at various times in my life). Many of them intentionally and some of them unintentionally lead guys on but it comes with the territory when you're young and still trying to find what it is exactly you want in a partner
 
I got engaged yesterday. I wouldn't have predicted this a year ago.
 
You told her how you felt. If her feelings have changed, she should speak up.

I honestly think she just likes the attention from you.

I'm talking to her today about this. I've been afraid she does like the attention, too.

I'm going to try to get her to open up. She's so hard to read and hasn't been good at revealing herself emotionally, especially since a bad breakup she had in high school (which I can sympathize with, but seriously that was high school).
 
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