The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

Casually asking what his or her views are on marriage/kids on a 2nd or 3rd date with someone you have serious intentions with are not necessarily signs of clinginess or insecurity. They’re part of the getting-to-know-process and information you should want to know before dating long-term.

I’m not asking your social security or PIN number to your bank account.
 
Casually asking what his or her views are on marriage/kids on a 2nd or 3rd date with someone you have serious intentions with are not necessarily signs of clinginess or insecurity. They’re part of the getting-to-know-process and information you should want to know before dating long-term.

I’m not asking your social security or PIN number to your bank account.

Yeah again, even mentioning it casually on previous dates has sent people running in my experience. We will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

But I certainly need to learn things from this experience.
 
Yeah again, even mentioning it casually on previous dates has sent people running in my experience. We will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

But I certainly need to learn things from this experience.

Personally I don’t see the big deal. I guess it depends on the manner in which those questions are asked. It will seem intrusive if the person isnt open or emotionally invested

Shrug

I’m out
 
I think it also has to do with what stage of their lives people maybe in? People may not be asking about marriage and kids in their 20s as opposed to those in their 30s and older?
 
I think it also has to do with what stage of their lives people maybe in? People may not be asking about marriage and kids in their 20s as opposed to those in their 30s and older?
Yeah.

I brought up this topic with my mom. She disagreed saying it’s too early/aggressive for woman to ask but okay if a man does. I still don’t agree but I understood her POV as she grew up in a different generation. I asked my sister, and she says “it all depends... you have to read the room..” which is a sensible approach

different strokes for different folks
 
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I do have a question for AVE, you were dating for 6 months but the last time you saw each other was March and you only had 3 dates. So you had 3 dates between late December, early January? How far apart were you living? Secondly, I understand with the lockdown but you both just spent 3 months talking and didn't try and meet up with each other?
 
I do have a question for AVE, you were dating for 6 months but the last time you saw each other was March and you only had 3 dates. So you had 3 dates between late December, early January? How far apart were you living? Secondly, I understand with the lockdown but you both just spent 3 months talking and didn't try and meet up with each other?

We didn't live to close to each other no, and we both had to plan around work, etc, so we had a date each between January, February, then beginning of March.

And no unless we wanted to break lockdown rules we couldn't meet up, so we just chatted as often as possible between messaging and video/voice calls.
 
So how long would it have been to travel to her?
 
So how are ya'll doing virtual dates? Just video calls and stuff?
 
So how are ya'll doing virtual dates? Just video calls and stuff?
How are virtual dates even a thing? :rolleyes: That’s known in the real world as a video call, phone call or instant / text message.

I’d be lucky to get one of them in any case. Unless you’re hard (not like that) in lockdown, I’d imagine a good portion of people are going on walks and such for first dates, and consecutive ones.
 
So been talking to this girl via chat for over 4 months now. We matched on an app right as the shutdown happened, so never got the chance to go on a first date. The first 3 months of chatting were great, lots of fun, laughs and complaining about not being able to met until 2050. Not sure exactly what happened but interest started waning down in the 4th. I asked if she was still interested and she said yea, but kinda stressed out about a house issue. Understandable I guess, and the chats picked back up a little bit. As the reopening happened, I attempted to ask her out on a hike, or coffee date, but she said it's too hot to do anything outdoors (it's been hot as hell in LA). I suggested doing it around evening time, around 6 when it gets significantly cooler, but she wasn't biting. She suggested we meet when we can dine in, because she wants to have a proper first date, with a meal and us being all dressed up. Obviously that doesn't seem realistically at the moment, and probably not for the next few months in the US. And I find it unrealistic to believe this can go on via chat for that long. And I'm not sure where she stands in this match since she gives a lot of mixed signals. Should I just drop the line? Or find a way to figure out her standing and go from there?
 
Are you talking on the phone, FaceTime etc or just strictly chatting via text?
 
@Legendver2 , if you've been restricted to messaging for three months, it's understandable that conversation may dry up a little as you're naturally going to run out of things to say to each other. I don't personally see why a first date can't be something as simple as an evening walk and coffee or something somewhere though - requiring it to be a dining experience seems a bit ... specific and expectational.

I'd be interested to hear where your response to @ComicChick , as at three months in, I'd expect that to have progressed, as if you're video calling, or actually speaking, rather than just messaging, that shows there's some element of genuine interest rather than you being just another person to talk too during these trying times.

Presumably LA is still on heavy lockdown? The UK has all but lifted it's restrictions of late - I don't think there's much we can't do here at the moment short of continue to social distance but the shops, hairdressers, cafes, pubs - they're all back open, as are the gyms later this month. Kinda' madness when you think about it but I don't make the rules. The US is obviously bigger, and there's the post protest spikes I've heard about... Not that we need to go into that here.

TLDR? How are you communicating, and can you suggest something else that's going to feel ... dateworthy, but doesn't need to wait until after lockdown is lifted? What's in your area? Could you do an activity?; a cycle ride, paddle boarding, open cinema or something?
 
Are you talking on the phone, FaceTime etc or just strictly chatting via text?
Strictly text. She mentioned early one some other guy was trying to get her on a phone date, and she thought it was weird, and she blocked him. That probably made me more cautious. I probably should've gave it a shot 2 months in, but kinda forgot about it and went with the flow. I'm planning to bring it up this week and see where it goes. It should give me a good enough indication of her interest and enough for me to decide whether to continue or not.
@Legendver2 , if you've been restricted to messaging for three months, it's understandable that conversation may dry up a little as you're naturally going to run out of things to say to each other. I don't personally see why a first date can't be something as simple as an evening walk and coffee or something somewhere though - requiring it to be a dining experience seems a bit ... specific and expectational.

I'd be interested to hear where your response to @ComicChick , as at three months in, I'd expect that to have progressed, as if you're video calling, or actually speaking, rather than just messaging, that shows there's some element of genuine interest rather than you being just another person to talk too during these trying times.

Presumably LA is still on heavy lockdown? The UK has all but lifted it's restrictions of late - I don't think there's much we can't do here at the moment short of continue to social distance but the shops, hairdressers, cafes, pubs - they're all back open, as are the gyms later this month. Kinda' madness when you think about it but I don't make the rules. The US is obviously bigger, and there's the post protest spikes I've heard about... Not that we need to go into that here.

TLDR? How are you communicating, and can you suggest something else that's going to feel ... dateworthy, but doesn't need to wait until after lockdown is lifted? What's in your area? Could you do an activity?; a cycle ride, paddle boarding, open cinema or something?
The first time I asked her, it was to a drive in movie date. She suggested a hike instead, but she scheduled it pretty far in the future (3rd week of July), because she had a family gathering first weekend, and a Vegas trip the following weekend. I then said maybe 4th weekend is better so she can quarantine for 2 weeks before we meet lol. So I find out last week she backed out (due to obvious reasons), so I suggested we bring it back to the 3rd week like originally planned, and she was ok with that, but not to hiking anymore since it's hot. We agreed to play by ear and plan according to the temperature. Personally, I feel like they're just excuses, but then it has been pretty damn hot here in LA. Some restaurants have outdoor seating dine-in, but I'm personally not comfortable with that right now, and I'm sure she feels the same. I'm planning to wait a few more days to bring up a phone call to progress this thing, since those good first 3 months of chatting compels me to see this to a proper end at least. If she still gives me the runaround, then I know it's probably not gonna happen. At least I'll know where she stands and I can just drop this.
 
@Legendver2 , presumably when you message her you utilise paragraphs, right? :p A wall of text is difficult to read. Just a friendly observation.

In any case, she's concerned about the heat and social distancing yet she visited Vegas which, unless I'm mistaken, is both hot and full of ... people. I can't help but grow suspicious knowing that.

If you've been messaging for three months, then lockdown or no lockdown, something more than texts and message exchanges should have happened by now. You've been speaking for 12+ weeks.

I'd like to hope I'm wrong but I can't help but feel you're just someone for her to talk to when she's bored. You're going to need to up the game and get that meet soon I think. If she keeps declining, cut your losses and move on.
 
@Legendver2 , presumably when you message her you utilise paragraphs, right? :p A wall of text is difficult to read. Just a friendly observation.
No, I keep it simple. I try to match her lengths and gauge when to add more at proper times.

In any case, she's concerned about the heat and social distancing yet she visited Vegas which, unless I'm mistaken, is both hot and full of ... people. I can't help but grow suspicious knowing that.
No she backed out of Vegas, that's why we moved the date back to the original spot since there's no need for her to quarantine since she's not going.

I'd like to hope I'm wrong but I can't help but feel you're just someone for her to talk to when she's bored. You're going to need to up the game and get that meet soon I think. If she keeps declining, cut your losses and move on.
That's the plan. I do feel that's probably what's happening, but I don't like the feeling of being strung along since she directly said she's still interested, and wanted to go on a real date. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt that they're not dicks, so yea. I guess I just want some closure to close this out as amicably as possible if it does appear that's the only path left.
 
there's no need for her to quarantine since she's not going.

What "troubles" me is the fact that people still schedule a trip to Las Vegas in the middle of this Covid situation. It makes me feel that they don't really get it... but, hey! You can't force people to do anything.

She mentioned early one some other guy was trying to get her on a phone date,

While talking/exchanging messages with you, or BEFORE? This is key, because you need to know if she's "off the market" while talking with you, or not.
 
What "troubles" me is the fact that people still schedule a trip to Las Vegas in the middle of this Covid situation. It makes me feel that they don't really get it... but, hey! You can't force people to do anything.
I'm pretty sure this was scheduled over some drunken night for a friend's bday. I assumed when she sobered up, she realized it was a bad idea. Since the beginning she was pretty serious about social distancing, while her friends still hung out, but kept the same bubble. I get it though, sometimes a short release like a small get togetehr to drink does help reset that willpower to stay indoors.

While talking/exchanging messages with you, or BEFORE? This is key, because you need to know if she's "off the market" while talking with you, or not.
This was pretty early on, like the first week, so I'm not sure if it was before or during. But I wouldn't say she's off the market, since she said she's still interested when I asked her 3 months later, and early on she was complaining about not being able to meet for a first date. I mean I'm not gonna ding her for that, since we are in an age of dating apps. I myself an throwing a line to a bunch of swipes too, just that she's the one that hit it off during that time enough to last this long.
 
sometimes a short release like a small get togetehr to drink does help reset that willpower to stay indoors.

True, I can't say that's not true. But one thing is having a small gathering at a friend's house and another completely different is scheduling a trip.

. I myself an throwing a line to a bunch of swipes too, just that she's the one that hit it off during that time enough to last this long.

Well, I get it that you understand that if the both of you are not "exclusive", in a certain way, and the two of you keep talking to other swipes... Then someone else could also be tempting her with a virtual (or not virtual at all!) Date.

You could be doing exactly the same and choose not to say anything about it.

But I think that you already know what to do and I agree that, if she says NO -again- then, you either move on or... I guess that's the only choice, unless you're interested in a friendship.
 
No, I keep it simple. I try to match her lengths and gauge when to add more at proper times.
I can't be sure, but whilst it was just a friendly observation, there was an element of sarcasm in my post too. Your previous reply to me was a wall of text. ;) Use paragraphs, save my eyes. :p

No she backed out of Vegas, that's why we moved the date back to the original spot since there's no need for her to quarantine since she's not going.
Ah right, missed that, but fair enough.

That's the plan. I do feel that's probably what's happening, but I don't like the feeling of being strung along since she directly said she's still interested, and wanted to go on a real date. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt that they're not dicks, so yea. I guess I just want some closure to close this out as amicably as possible if it does appear that's the only path left.
Don't look too much into words, actions speak louder. I've had people say to me that they're still interested, or that they'd like to meet up again when I've known otherwise. I can't quite fathom why, but some people just aren't capable of being upfront and honest, instead they'll continue on with the little white lies in an effort not to hurt your/our feelings (maybe) yet in doing so, they are annoying the hell out of us.

Social distancing is one thing, but if she's continually turning down a coffee or an evening walk (or even a morning one before it gets hot out) time and time again, these are not the signals of promise. You can be sensible and socially distance on a date, especially a first one.
 

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