The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[Prison Mike]

I was planning to let it sit for a day or 2 to see if she hits back before asking if everything's ok. But I do hope it isn't a case where she caught COVID on the trip

Since you already asked her, I think that should be good enough.

 

[spiderman2]

So there is a girl I work with who I think is cute. She has only worked there for a few weeks. I have talked to her a little bit. She likes sports witch is a + and the same nfl team has me the Packers. She has like a 5 month old baby and so I figured she is likely taken but I messaged her on Facebook on Friday night basically saying I know you likely have a bf or something with having a baby but if you are single I just wanted to let you know that I think you are cute and that I would like to get to know you better. Last day or so I have been scared waiting to here back from her. Was of work yesterday and today. I got a response from her this morning about 2 hours ago basically saying that she is single but that she is focusing on her self and her baby that she is pretty busy with working, school,baby and coaching she coaches like a highschool basketball team and dealing with a difficulty baby daddy to focus on a relationship.

I am glade she got back to me but I am bummed out that she said that. It's rare to even meet/see someone around my age that is single it seems. I tried to play it cool I suck with people social anxiety and never I been on a date before. I basically just messaged her saying I understand and respect that and said if you ever change your mind here is my phone number. So yeah the ball is in her court not expecting things to change but at least I did what I could and at least she knows how I fell about her. I don't know if she said that just because she is not interested in me or if it's really that she is crazy busy. I mean working, doing school and coaching a sports team is a lot to be doing by it's self and than throw in having a baby and a difficult baby daddy is a lot to be doing but I have also heard the saying that if you are really busy and the right person comes along that you will make time for that person.

Couldn't sleep last few nights waiting to hear back from her and now this morning after hearing back from her.

 

[InCali]

So there is a girl I work with who I think is cute. She has only worked there for a few weeks. I have talked to her a little bit. She likes sports witch is a + and the same nfl team has me the Packers. She has like a 5 month old baby and so I figured she is likely taken but I messaged her on Facebook on Friday night basically saying I know you likely have a bf or something with having a baby but if you are single I just wanted to let you know that I think you are cute and that I would like to get to know you better. Last day or so I have been scared waiting to here back from her. Was of work yesterday and today. I got a response from her this morning about 2 hours ago basically saying that she is single but that she is focusing on her self and her baby that she is pretty busy with working, school,baby and coaching she coaches like a highschool basketball team and dealing with a difficulty baby daddy to focus on a relationship.

I am glade she got back to me but I am bummed out that she said that. It's rare to even meet/see someone around my age that is single it seems. I tried to play it cool I suck with people social anxiety and never I been on a date before. I basically just messaged her saying I understand and respect that and said if you ever change your mind here is my phone number. So yeah the ball is in her court not expecting things to change but at least I did what I could and at least she knows how I fell about her. I don't know if she said that just because she is not interested in me or if it's really that she is crazy busy. I mean working, doing school and coaching a sports team is a lot to be doing by it's self and than throw in having a baby and a difficult baby daddy is a lot to be doing but I have also heard the saying that if you are really busy and the right person comes along that you will make time for that person.

Couldn't sleep last few nights waiting to hear back from her and now this morning after hearing back from her.

People who have had recent, difficult relationships tend to not want to jump back in the waters. I would just be friendly and, if the opportunity presents itself, ask a little bit about her. "How long have you been coaching? What do you like most about coaching?" Small talk. Think about what kinds of non-threatening, platonic questions you could ask. It may help calm your nerves if you think about what you want to say beforehand. Even if you do have a chance to have a discussion, keep it fairly brief and break it off yourself; but in a friendly way. "I've gotta go and take care of a couple of things, but it was really nice talking to you. Take care and good luck with the (fill in the blank)."

I've found that my most meaningful relationships started with friendship.

 

[InCali]

So there is a girl I work with who I think is cute. She has only worked there for a few weeks. I have talked to her a little bit. She likes sports witch is a + and the same nfl team has me the Packers. She has like a 5 month old baby and so I figured she is likely taken but I messaged her on Facebook on Friday night basically saying I know you likely have a bf or something with having a baby but if you are single I just wanted to let you know that I think you are cute and that I would like to get to know you better. Last day or so I have been scared waiting to here back from her. Was of work yesterday and today. I got a response from her this morning about 2 hours ago basically saying that she is single but that she is focusing on her self and her baby that she is pretty busy with working, school,baby and coaching she coaches like a highschool basketball team and dealing with a difficulty baby daddy to focus on a relationship.

I am glade she got back to me but I am bummed out that she said that. It's rare to even meet/see someone around my age that is single it seems. I tried to play it cool I suck with people social anxiety and never I been on a date before. I basically just messaged her saying I understand and respect that and said if you ever change your mind here is my phone number. So yeah the ball is in her court not expecting things to change but at least I did what I could and at least she knows how I fell about her. I don't know if she said that just because she is not interested in me or if it's really that she is crazy busy. I mean working, doing school and coaching a sports team is a lot to be doing by it's self and than throw in having a baby and a difficult baby daddy is a lot to be doing but I have also heard the saying that if you are really busy and the right person comes along that you will make time for that person.

Couldn't sleep last few nights waiting to hear back from her and now this morning after hearing back from her.

One other thing. You don't have to go into a lot of detail about yourself, but be honest and don't try to be someone you aren't. It never works.

 

[Flash525]

Small talk. Think about what kinds of non-threatening, platonic questions you could ask. It may help calm your nerves if you think about what you want to say beforehand. Even if you do have a chance to have a discussion, keep it fairly brief and break it off yourself; but in a friendly way. "I've gotta go and take care of a couple of things, but it was really nice talking to you. Take care and good luck with the (fill in the blank)."

Good advice here, though maybe instead of it was nice talking to you, maybe something more along the lines of maybe we'll chat more later. Leave the opportunity open rather than conclude it.

@spiderman2 , do take into account what's been said here though, this lass may simply not be ready for a(nother) relationship just yet. She has a 5month old daughter and is no doubt still trying to rebalance her life.

Are you prepared to potentially become a step dad, and to be involved with everything included bringing up a baby?

 

[InCali]

Good advice here, though maybe instead of it was nice talking to you, maybe something more along the lines of maybe we'll chat more later. Leave the opportunity open rather than conclude it.

@spiderman2 , do take into account what's been said here though, this lass may simply not be ready for a(nother) relationship just yet. She has a 5month old daughter and is no doubt still trying to rebalance her life.

Are you prepared to potentially become a step dad, and to be involved with everything included bringing up a baby?

Yeah. Anything like that is okay IMO. The bottom line is that you don't want to appear pushy with someone who isn't ready. People make up their own minds about what they want and with whom. No one likes to feel like they are being cornered in a conversation. I'm interested in what other people do and why they do it and often find, and bring up, our commonalities. It could be cooking, movies, sports or whatever. I have this self deprecating sense of humor, but am really quite confident about being able to discuss a wide range of issues. People seem to appreciate my willingness to poke fun at myself and I think it helps me to not come off as a know it all. Bottom line, if you like people, genuinely like them for who they are, they tend to like you back. People are usually pretty shrewd when it comes to figuring people out; even if they don't know it.

 

[spiderman2]

People who have had recent, difficult relationships tend to not want to jump back in the waters. I would just be friendly and, if the opportunity presents itself, ask a little bit about her. "How long have you been coaching? What do you like most about coaching?" Small talk. Think about what kinds of non-threatening, platonic questions you could ask. It may help calm your nerves if you think about what you want to say beforehand. Even if you do have a chance to have a discussion, keep it fairly brief and break it off yourself; but in a friendly way. "I've gotta go and take care of a couple of things, but it was really nice talking to you. Take care and good luck with the (fill in the blank)."

I've found that my most meaningful relationships started with friendship.

Well that is true about a hard end to a relationship that happend not long ago. I fell like a lot of people jump into relationships to fast. Like it seems like a lot of times someone will be in a relationship for like a year or even 2-3 and break up and than like a month later they are in another relationship but ever one is different.

Good advice here, though maybe instead of it was nice talking to you, maybe something more along the lines of maybe we'll chat more later. Leave the opportunity open rather than conclude it.

@spiderman2 , do take into account what's been said here though, this lass may simply not be ready for a(nother) relationship just yet. She has a 5month old daughter and is no doubt still trying to rebalance her life.

Are you prepared to potentially become a step dad, and to be involved with everything included bringing up a baby?

Yeah i get she has a lot going on and i dont know like how her past relationship ended. Like i dont know if the guy brook up with her when he found out she was pregnant and brook her heart or if he was like not there for her when she was going threw child birth. So yeah i dont know the full store on how things ended with the guy and how that might have a impact on how she fells about guys and dating and getting into a relationship and maybe she is scared of getting hurt again. Having a baby that is only 5 months old and being split up with the guy is not a long time to have had a relationship ended after having been with the guy. Baby's scare me i am not a big baby person not sure if i would want to have a baby my self but i know i am getting to the age where woman around my age are more likely to have a kid being that i am 31. So would it be nice to meat someone who dosn't have a kid but i dont want to not try with someone just because they have a kid has that gives you less options and you could miss out on getting to known a good person just because you are afraid of babes lol. It would just be something i would have to adjust to but the whole thing is something of a adjustment has i have never had a GF or really even on a date. I am not agest babes they just scare me because of how small and fragile they are and not knowing what they want.

Yeah. Anything like that is okay IMO. The bottom line is that you don't want to appear pushy with someone who isn't ready. People make up their own minds about what they want and with whom. No one likes to feel like they are being cornered in a conversation. I'm interested in what other people do and why they do it and often find, and bring up, our commonalities. It could be cooking, movies, sports or whatever. I have this self deprecating sense of humor, but am really quite confident about being able to discuss a wide range of issues. People seem to appreciate my willingness to poke fun at myself and I think it helps me to not come off as a know it all. Bottom line, if you like people, genuinely like them for who they are, they tend to like you back. People are usually pretty shrewd when it comes to figuring people out; even if they don't know it.

Yeah that is why i said that i understand and respect what she said and let her know my number because i dont want her to fell like i am being pushy i just want her to know that i would like to get to know her better and that if she is open for hanging out/dating in the future if she fells differently later on that its a option. Like i said ball is in her court if her situations/felling's change about dating and decides she wants to go out with me.

 

[spiderman2]

One other thing. You don't have to go into a lot of detail about yourself, but be honest and don't try to be someone you aren't. It never works.

Yeah i get the whole dont try to be something you are not because even if you try to be something different its only a matter of time before someone is going to see that you are faking it and you got to be able to accept someone for who they are. Trying to be something you are not always sounds very tiring lol. The whole trying to change someone thing is such a funny thing you cant change someone.

 

[InCali]

Well that is true about a hard end to a relationship that happend not long ago. I fell like a lot of people jump into relationships to fast. Like it seems like a lot of times someone will be in a relationship for like a year or even 2-3 and break up and than like a month later they are in another relationship but ever one is different.



Yeah i get she has a lot going on and i dont know like how her past relationship ended. Like i dont know if the guy brook up with her when he found out she was pregnant and brook her heart or if he was like not there for her when she was going threw child birth. So yeah i dont know the full store on how things ended with the guy and how that might have a impact on how she fells about guys and dating and getting into a relationship and maybe she is scared of getting hurt again. Having a baby that is only 5 months old and being split up with the guy is not a long time to have had a relationship ended after having been with the guy. Baby's scare me i am not a big baby person not sure if i would want to have a baby my self but i know i am getting to the age where woman around my age are more likely to have a kid being that i am 31. So would it be nice to meat someone who dosn't have a kid but i dont want to not try with someone just because they have a kid has that gives you less options and you could miss out on getting to known a good person just because you are afraid of babes lol. It would just be something i would have to adjust to but the whole thing is something of a adjustment has i have never had a GF or really even on a date. I am not agest babes they just scare me because of how small and fragile they are and not knowing what they want.




Yeah that is why i said that i understand and respect what she said and let her know my number because i dont want her to fell like i am being pushy i just want her to know that i would like to get to know her better and that if she is open for hanging out/dating in the future if she fells differently later on that its a option. Like i said ball is in her court if her situations/felling's change about dating and decides she wants to go out with me.

Keep it friendly, keep it light; she knows how you feel and will appreciate the fact that you respect her feelings.

Children.....wow.....they can be so much fun and so challenging. I'm not by nature a patient person, but have had to learn to moderate my frustrations.

 

[spiderman2]

Keep it friendly, keep it light; she knows how you feel and will appreciate the fact that you respect her feelings.

Children.....wow.....they can be so much fun and so challenging. I'm not by nature a patient person, but have had to learn to moderate my frustrations.

Yeah that is the thing I want her to appreciate that i respect her felling's so she will trust me, and maybe change her mind later even more so if like i said is true in that she has a hard time trusting men because of her past. I dont want to do something that may make it even more hard to get over her past and to hurt her more.
lol I am not a patient person either and yeah kids are like the patient tester. I have said before i would like rather have to deal with teenagers and there adituide than have to deal with babes and waking up several times during the night, and changing dipers, and all the crying, and having to keep them from getting into everthing so they dont get hurt, and potty training. The first like 3 years or so are why i dont know if i would ever want to have kids lol. I think this girl is 24 and i am 31 but she has more experience than me having a kid and all lol.

 

[Flash525]

@spiderman2 , paragraphs man, paragraphs

Yeah i get she has a lot going on and i dont know like how her past relationship ended. Like i dont know if the guy brook up with her when he found out she was pregnant and brook her heart or if he was like not there for her when she was going threw child birth. So yeah i dont know the full store on how things ended with the guy and how that might have a impact on how she fells about guys and dating and getting into a relationship and maybe she is scared of getting hurt again. Having a baby that is only 5 months old and being split up with the guy is not a long time to have had a relationship ended after having been with the guy.

It seems (to me) that you're seriously overthinking this whole ordeal with her. Take a breath and don't overthink the situation.

Baby's scare me i am not a big baby person not sure if i would want to have a baby my self but i know i am getting to the age where woman around my age are more likely to have a kid being that i am 31.

Based on what you've said here, I'd think this girl isn't the right one for you. Her child is going to be a big part of her life for some 16-18 years (before independence). If children or babies scare you, honestly, what are you thinking when you're considering getting involved?

Edit: You've stated that you've never had a relationship and you work with people that're primarily vastly differently aged from you.

Along comes this young girl who (presumably) shows you a little interest - maybe something you've not had in some time - and now you're smitten with her.

Tread carefully, that's all I'm saying for now.

 

[MissMarvelous]

this young girl who (presumably) shows you a little interest

My question is: was that interest or she was just being friendly?

 

[Flash525]

My question is: was that interest or she was just being friendly?

Probably just being friendly, but that friendliness may have been misinterpreted as interest.

Then again, the young girl in question has made her position quite clear, and it doesn't seem as though spidey2 is remotely prepped for the fatherhood role.

To me, it seems there's nothing more to happen here and that hopes and dreams have gotten the better of our fellow poster.

 

[spiderman2]

@spiderman2 , paragraphs man, paragraphs

It seems (to me) that you're seriously overthinking this whole ordeal with her. Take a breath and don't overthink the situation.

Based on what you've said here, I'd think this girl isn't the right one for you. Her child is going to be a big part of her life for some 16-18 years (before independence). If children or babies scare you, honestly, what are you thinking when you're considering getting involved?

Edit: You've stated that you've never had a relationship and you work with people that're primarily vastly differently aged from you.

Along comes this young girl who (presumably) shows you a little interest - maybe something you've not had in some time - and now you're smitten with her.

Tread carefully, that's all I'm saying for now.

I always over think things and i worry about scaring woman. The last woman i liked i managed to scare and it is something i think about all the time to the point i fell like i shouldn't even try with woman. My self confidence is extremely low to begging with and so i tend to over think things and yes i do fell desperate.

Yes child do scare me and yes her kid will be a big part of her like for like 18 years like you said but what i am thinking is simple i dont want to limit my self just because i have a fear of something when i could miss out on someone special by not facing my fear. Its a fear i think i need to deal with and not let it control me. I am not say this woman would be someone but what i am saying is maybe there is someone out there who i would get along with greatly, and have a lot of things incommon with etc but she happens to have a baby.

I work with some people that are like right at my age some younger and so much older. Its just rare and i mean rare that i see a cute girl around my age that is not with a guy. Most of the time i see someone who is cute they are either really young like 18 or way older like 45 or if they are close to my age they have a bf/husband. Being 31 i want to try to find someone around 6 years or so of me she is about 7 so a little over that but still not like crazy age difference. I could never go for someone who is like 15-20 years difference that is just gross.

Like i said i am not going to try any thing with her has i dont want to scare her or piss her of or anything. Things are not like the movies where people go from friends to relationship just like that. If you try to ask someone out or something and they say no or they are not ready etc than there is nothing you can really do but try go act like you dont care and go on with your life and maybe you end up meeting someone else, and if she does change her mind its her job to than let you know.

 

[spiderman2]

My question is: was that interest or she was just being friendly?

Unless someone is being like crazy flirty where its extremely obvious I am not going to pick it up any way.

 

[spiderman2]

Probably just being friendly, but that friendliness may have been misinterpreted as interest.

Then again, the young girl in question has made her position quite clear, and it doesn't seem as though spidey2 is remotely prepped for the fatherhood role.

To me, it seems there's nothing more to happen here and that hopes and dreams have gotten the better of our fellow poster.

Being that its so hard to meet woman in the first place that are single its just frustrating for someone to be single and say they are to busy to focus on a relationship no matter if its true or they are just saying that instead of saying they are just not interested in you that is all. Maybe i am over thinking things but its also kind of easier to think they are truly just focusing on them selfs and there babe like she said than to think its that she is just not interested in you. But yeah no way to know either way for sure and really it dont matter either way really dont make a difference.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Sending her a message to let her know that you like her was a... A brave move, so to speak. More so if she's "the new girl" at work.

Like the guys just said: just be a good co-worker and be friendly, she may need that right now. And give yourself time to actually know her.

 

[InCali]

Ultimately, wondering about what's going on in her head isn't going to help you. As difficult as it may be, just be friendly and keep it light. She knows how you feel and if things change, she'll let you know.

So, yeah, don't complicate things. I can't tell you how to feel, but I doubt winding yourself in knots is going to help on any level.

 

[spiderman2]

Ultimately, wondering about what's going on in her head isn't going to help you. As difficult as it may be, just be friendly and keep it light. She knows how you feel and if things change, she'll let you know.

So, yeah, don't complicate things. I can't tell you how to feel, but I doubt winding yourself in knots is going to help on any level.

Yeah i know easier said than done lol but she knows how i feel and that is what matters. Why do woman have to be so hard? Why cant i just shut my mind of lol. Why it cant be easier to meet someone who is nice lol.

 

[spiderman2]

Sending her a message to let her know that you like her was a... A brave move, so to speak. More so if she's "the new girl" at work.

Like the guys just said: just be a good co-worker and be friendly, she may need that right now. And give yourself time to actually know her.

Yeah i thought it was better to go that way than to try to ask her at work has work is really busy even more so because of covid and it might be hard to get a good moment at work and this way she is not like put on the spot/around other people.

 

[InCali]

Yeah i know easier said than done lol but she knows how i feel and that is what matters. Why do woman have to be so hard? Why cant i just shut my mind of lol. Why it cant be easier to meet someone who is nice lol.

Dude, you're making me laugh. I'm sorry and don't mean to make you feel bad, but women (or men) aren't hard. We can just be complicated sometimes. I think you're making this difficult on yourself. We are who we are and if you are obsessing about someone, that's what's making things hard. She probably just needs a break and wants to focus on a few things. I've been where you appear to be, but you need to relax and not obsess (easier said than done). This doesn't appear to be about her.

 

[spiderman2]

Dude, you're making me laugh. I'm sorry and don't mean to make you feel bad, but women (or men) aren't hard. We can just be complicated sometimes. I think you're making this difficult on yourself. We are who we are and if you are obsessing about someone, that's what's making things hard. She probably just needs a break and wants to focus on a few things. I've been where you appear to be, but you need to relax and not obsess (easier said than done). This doesn't appear to be about her.

I am just not good with people in general and tried of being single lol. When you say ive been where you appear to be you mean felling desperate to meet someone and tried of being single and having a hard time with self confidence? Or just being interested in someone and obsessing about it lol. Well i guess its just harder with woman because i care more. I dont have a lot of friends really only have a few and they are guys dont really have a friend who is a girl and the only time i really had a friend who was a girl was back when i was younger and i didnt really think about girls yet and so it didnt really fell any different to me than.

 

[InCali]

I am just not good with people in general and tried of being single lol. When you say ive been where you appear to be you mean felling desperate to meet someone and tried of being single and having a hard time with self confidence? Or just being interested in someone and obsessing about it lol.

I suppose at times, all of the above. I find humor works pretty well. People like to laugh.

 

[spiderman2]

I am just saying it would be nice to even have a friend that is the opposite sex. I am not sure how common it is for a guy to have a woman who is just a friend or a woman to have a guy who is just a friend but i feel like most people do. One of my good friends for example has had 1 girl he has been friends with for years.

 

[spiderman2]

I suppose at times, all of the above. I find humor works pretty well. People like to laugh.

Oh ok and yeah humor is great can help when felling down about something or trying to deal with akward situations. One of my good friends is extremly funny and its one of the reason i like him a lot and i joke some times about how is someone has funny has him single and not with some girl. I think both woman and men like funny people no matter if its someone who is just a friend or if its dating someone who is funny.