The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[Anita18]

I'm kind of a ****e. There's usually intimacy by the 1st date for me so.....

I wouldn't call you a ****e, I call myself kind of uptight and guarded.

Yeah, that never happens for me. So it depends on Ms. Marvel's comfort level.

I just thought I may need the advice before I start Uni, it's never been a problem for me before.

If it hasn't been a problem for you before, I doubt it'll be a huge problem for you later. The boys didn't come running to me in college. I give off uptight tomboy vibes.

If a hypothetical Mrs. Nell ever gave that deal, I would cook every damn night.

I hate washing dishes with every fiber of my being.

This is why my dad actually cooks for my mom every night. They have the same arrangement and he hates washing the dishes.

I would tell the boy early in the relationship.

Very early into my ex-girlfriend and I being official, I was at her apartment and made a move to kiss her. She told me she wanted to "take things slowly", and we had a talk about the pace of progressing our relationship (she wasn't objecting to me kissing her, just putting it out there that she didn't want it to become an overly physical moment).

It was later on in the relationship (but still fairly early) that she told me she was waiting until marriage.

We were watching Robin Hood: Men In Tights and the scene with the chastity belt came on, and I made a comment along the lines of "I hope you don't have one of those" and she replied "And what if I do?" and we had the talk about her wanting to wait until marriage for sex.

Sooooo yea, I think you should tell any prospective boyfriend early. It doesn't have to be on the first date or anything though. But don't sit on that important bit of information.

Yeah, it depends on how fast your relationship is going. If the dude is pushing towards physical intimacy pretty quickly, it's a good bet that he's looking to get some in the relationship.

I mean, the hubs was hoping to get some eventually, but we moved extremely slowly that I never felt pressured or worried.

Ever since Erzette, I started trying all types of different food. Especially seafood. I never liked fish before and I'm Asian. Now I eat sushi.

Wut.

 

[Erzengel]

Blame Murica'.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

If it hasn't been a problem for you before, I doubt it'll be a huge problem for you later. The boys didn't come running to me in college. I give off uptight tomboy vibes.

Only because they were HS relationships that didn't last long and in one case the guy was really passive so nothing was going to happen if I didn't want it to happen.

Apparently I give off a moody/uninterested vibe because I rarely smile (around people I don't know well anyway).

 

[Anita18]

Blame Murica'.

My sister doesn't like seafood either, and she's always the person that the relatives have to consider when planning a big celebratory banquet. All the good celebratory stuff is seafood! We have to make sure she has some tofu to eat, or chicken.

Only because they were HS relationships that didn't last long and in one case the guy was really passive so nothing was going to happen if I didn't want it to happen.

Apparently I give off a moody/uninterested vibe because I rarely smile (around people I don't know well anyway).

Heh, I didn't date anyone in HS at all, so you're ahead of me there.

I smile all the time, but I still give off a nonsexual tomboy vibe.

 

[webhead9707]

So we have a school trip today and she just informed me her boyfriend is tagging along, even though he isn't in the school. Should I tell her I'm a bit pissed off, (Cause I'm both angry and hurt) or should I play it cool?

 

[Erzengel]

You know even though you are best friends, there is a hierarchy. Him then you. If she wants to bring him along anywhere, that's up to her.

You're hurt because you want some quality time with her and he's taking it away from you. However, she shouldn't even have to explain it to you.

I'd advise you to not say anything.

 

[webhead9707]

You know even though you are best friends, there is a hierarchy. Him then you. If she wants to bring him along anywhere, that's up to her.

You're hurt because you want some quality time with her and he's taking it away from you. However, she shouldn't even have to explain it to you.

I'd advise you to not say anything.

Thanks.=)

 

[Boy Scout]

So we have a school trip today and she just informed me her boyfriend is tagging along, even though he isn't in the school. Should I tell her I'm a bit pissed off, (Cause I'm both angry and hurt) or should I play it cool?

Uh...why? Didn't you just say that you were trying to move on?

 

[Anita18]

Uh...why? Didn't you just say that you were trying to move on?

It's not that unusual for friends to feel jealous being usurped by a bf. Even girlfriends (of straight girls ) can feel that way, when you suddenly ditch girl nights for date nights.

But that's kind of how it works. There's only so many hours in a day. You can't expect friends who are new parents to hang out with you just like old times either. Things change.

And I do agree that she shouldn't have to explain anything to webhead9707. This is just how a relationship with another dude is going to work with your friendship. Be prepared to get ditched completely on future dates, though. Having your best friend (of any sex) hang out on dates regularly is a really unusual thing.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah, it depends on how fast your relationship is going. If the dude is pushing towards physical intimacy pretty quickly, it's a good bet that he's looking to get some in the relationship.

I mean, the hubs was hoping to get some eventually, but we moved extremely slowly that I never felt pressured or worried.

I do wonder if my ex-girlfriend ever felt "pressured" by me telling her I eventually wanted sex.

Although, in my defense, I was always specific to tell her I was in the relationship for more than just sex, I did eventually tell her I was a virgin and that sex wasn't my top priority, and tried to relay that it was more the fact that I was us to -eventually- progress to that point, not that I need to get laid tonight or I'm gonna be pissed type thing.

So I'm a bit torn between "did I make her feel pressured?" versus "at what point do I just have to put out there what I want out of the relationship?"

 

[Boy Scout]

It's not that unusual for friends to feel jealous being usurped by a bf.

That's true. I guess I just found it odd that almost immediately after declaring that he would attempt to move on from her, he comes back upset over the fact that her boyfriend is tagging along with them on a school trip.

 

[Erzengel]

I do wonder if my ex-girlfriend ever felt "pressured" by me telling her I eventually wanted sex.

Although, in my defense, I was always specific to tell her I was in the relationship for more than just sex, I did eventually tell her I was a virgin and that sex wasn't my top priority, and tried to relay that it was more the fact that I was us to -eventually- progress to that point, not that I need to get laid tonight or I'm gonna be pissed type thing.

So I'm a bit torn between "did I make her feel pressured?" versus "at what point do I just have to put out there what I want out of the relationship?"

You don't have to feel bad for anything. Let's say you were willing to wait 6 months and she wanted to wait until she was married. That's not your fault. I mean if you kept bringing it up every day then it's an issue.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Did I mention I'm waiting til marriage to have sex?.. And did you see the part where I said we've been best friends for four years? What kind of desperate crazy person would stick around for four years if he was only in the friendship for potential physicality and all he wanted was to get in her pants? I don't know anyone like that, and especially not me.

And now your argument is invalid, but I appreciate your concern and constructive criticism. Cool username btw.

The wanting to "get in her pants" is a crude way of saying you want to date. If you dating you obviously want some form of a physical relationship with her, it may not be going all the way, but without some bit of physicality then being just friends with her should be perfectly fine.

And this is the kind of stuff I'm talking about; vilifying a guy because god forbid he have feelings for a girl he knows and has a friendship with.

It's not really about vilfying him, but webhead sees himself as the nice guy, the guy who's always there, but never in the romantic sense. Someone who thinks his niceness should be rewarded in some way down the road with a romantic gesture.

He knows I used to have feelings for her. And I was technically kinda sorta barely over her for a short time, so he just doesn't know I got feelings for her *again. We both agreed that, since I'm a good enough guy that I wouldn't do anything, and he struggles with jealousy, it's probably best if he doesn't know. For their relationship. And it's not lying, if he asked we would tell him. But, he hasn't questioned or anything as far as I know, so it's just better of for their relationship if he doesn't know because then he would get all jealous and freak out like he does.

Omitting something like that is a lie. Justifying it doesn't mean it's not a lie.

I know he says he does but, based on what I see and the little experience I have, it seems like clingy love. The "You notice me, and no one else does. I'm a teenager and I get lonely." Kind of love. Does that make sense at all?
Edit:
If he does love her with real, unconditional, perfect love, then I'm happy for her. It just doesn't seem like it to me. I want her to have that REAL love. The "I carved your stories onto the inside of my teeth so only I know why I'm smiling. I chiseled out a spot on my shoulder for you to rest your head" kind of love. That's what I want for her.

This is classic "nice guy" thinking, you've put this girl on such a pedastal that no other girl has a chance with you and no other guy is good enough for her. Real love isn't carving yourself up for her. If you two did start to date, it'd probably be awful for her because she'd feel the need to live up to this image in your mind.

So we have a school trip today and she just informed me her boyfriend is tagging along, even though he isn't in the school. Should I tell her I'm a bit pissed off, (Cause I'm both angry and hurt) or should I play it cool?

And this just confrims everything. Why are you pissed off? Is it because he's going on the trip when he's not in the school? Or is it because it will intrude on the time you two can spend together?

 

[webhead9707]

The wanting to "get in her pants" is a crude way of saying you want to date. If you dating you obviously want some form of a physical relationship with her, it may not be going all the way, but without some bit of physicality then being just friends with her should be perfectly fine.



It's not really about vilfying him, but webhead sees himself as the nice guy, the guy who's always there, but never in the romantic sense. Someone who thinks his niceness should be rewarded in some way down the road with a romantic gesture.



Omitting something like that is a lie. Justifying it doesn't mean it's not a lie.



This is classic "nice guy" thinking, you've put this girl on such a pedastal that no other girl has a chance with you and no other guy is good enough for her. Real love isn't carving yourself up for her. If you two did start to date, it'd probably be awful for her because she'd feel the need to live up to this image in your mind.



And this just confrims everything. Why are you pissed off? Is it because he's going on the trip when he's not in the school? Or is it because it will intrude on the time you two can spend together?

I do not care about physicality with her. I want a relationship with her because I'm aware how life works. I want to marry her because I love the idea of spending every day of the rest of my life with her, and that isn't gonna happen if we're with other people. And I was mostly hurt, I said pissed because I have this habit of getting angry when I get hurt. Not angry at anyone in particular, just, angry in general. Angry at myself for allowing myself to get hurt. I was just looking forward to spending some time with her because I had a rough night last night and it's something I can't talk about with anyone else, for certain reasons. And she's not on a pedestal. I'm not even gonna explain why because I already have. But she isn't on a pedestal.

 

[Boy Scout]

I know it's hard right now for you to think of anyone else being able to make you feel the way she does, but that person does exist. I know you two have a lot of history, but don't get so hung up on her that you forget that there are literally millions of other girls out there who are your age who you haven't even met yet.

 

[webhead9707]

I know it's hard right now for you to think of anyone else being able to make you feel the way she does, but that person does exist. I know you two have a lot of history, but don't get so hung up on her that you forget that there are literally millions of other girls out there who are your age who you haven't even met yet.

Oh I know, I'm coping. Thank you.=) I know that once I make it to college and meet so many people that things will probably be quite different.

 

[Boy Scout]

Oh I know, I'm coping. Thank you.=) I know that once I make it to college and meet so many people that things will probably be quite different.

Probably.

Maybe it might help to put a little distance between the two of you for a little while? I'm not suggesting cutting her off completely (at least not forever), but maybe you should start giving her some space and taking time to settle some things in your head.

 

[Erzengel]

Plus Webhead think about this. You're 15/16. Now imagine someone twice your age who still aren't married yet. You still have a lot of life to live, experience, etc. You're not even out of high school yet. I mean seriously even if she did want to marry you, how would you swing that?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I do not care about physicality with her. I want a relationship with her because I'm aware how life works. I want to marry her because I love the idea of spending every day of the rest of my life with her, and that isn't gonna happen if we're with other people. And I was mostly hurt, I said pissed because I have this habit of getting angry when I get hurt. Not angry at anyone in particular, just, angry in general. Angry at myself for allowing myself to get hurt. I was just looking forward to spending some time with her because I had a rough night last night and it's something I can't talk about with anyone else, for certain reasons. And she's not on a pedestal. I'm not even gonna explain why because I already have. But she isn't on a pedestal.

Do you really know how life works? The physical part of a relationship is a big part. It's what separates friends from boyfriends/girlfriends, significant others, fiancees, husbands/wives, whatever you want to call it.

Oh I know, I'm coping. Thank you.=) I know that once I make it to college and meet so many people that things will probably be quite different.

Why are you waiting for college? You're in high school, there's gotta be plenty of girls around. If you're friend really isn't on a pedstal, you should be able to find someone you like.

 

[webhead9707]

Probably.

Maybe it might help to put a little distance between the two of you for a little while? I'm not suggesting cutting her off completely (at least not forever), but maybe you should start giving her some space and taking time to settle some things in your head.

I get what you're saying, yeah.

Plus Webhead think about this. You're 15/16. Now imagine someone twice your age who still aren't married yet. You still have a lot of life to live, experience, etc. You're not even out of high school yet. I mean seriously even if she did want to marry you, how would you swing that?

Fair point..

Do you really know how life works? The physical part of a relationship is a big part. It's what separates friends from boyfriends/girlfriends, significant others, fiancees, husbands/wives, whatever you want to call it.



Why are you waiting for college? You're in high school, there's gotta be plenty of girls around. If you're friend really isn't on a pedstal, you should be able to find someone you like.

I feel like you're just looking for reasons to look down on me.. There aren't tons of girls. I live in a small town and there isn't much to do. I'm not really interested in any of the ones I know.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Probably.

Maybe it might help to put a little distance between the two of you for a little while? I'm not suggesting cutting her off completely (at least not forever), but maybe you should start giving her some space and taking time to settle some things in your head.

I agree.

 

[TheHeatKitchen]

You don't have to feel bad for anything. Let's say you were willing to wait 6 months and she wanted to wait until she was married. That's not your fault. I mean if you kept bringing it up every day then it's an issue.

The wanting to "get in her pants" is a crude way of saying you want to date. If you dating you obviously want some form of a physical relationship with her, it may not be going all the way, but without some bit of physicality then being just friends with her should be perfectly fine.



It's not really about vilfying him, but webhead sees himself as the nice guy, the guy who's always there, but never in the romantic sense. Someone who thinks his niceness should be rewarded in some way down the road with a romantic gesture.



Omitting something like that is a lie. Justifying it doesn't mean it's not a lie.



This is classic "nice guy" thinking, you've put this girl on such a pedastal that no other girl has a chance with you and no other guy is good enough for her. Real love isn't carving yourself up for her. If you two did start to date, it'd probably be awful for her because she'd feel the need to live up to this image in your mind.



And this just confrims everything. Why are you pissed off? Is it because he's going on the trip when he's not in the school? Or is it because it will intrude on the time you two can spend together?

You two are way too smart. I might have to bring some of my questions in here sometimes.

 

[Anubis]

It's a good thing this record of his life is out there in ether, cuz in 10 years he'll look back and realize what f**kin' idiot he was.

 

[webhead9707]

It's a good thing this record of his life is out there in ether, cuz in 10 years he'll look back and realize what f**kin' idiot he was.

Silly Anubis, in ten years the internet will have been destroyed in the great human robot war.

 

[Anubis]

Only to be replaced by the grand design which is just the Internet but with ultra porn