The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[SpideyVille]

What happened?

Basically I spent three years heavily devoted to a Christian church and looking back at the experience, it really warped my mind on a lot of things. I mean it definitely taught me some things about life in general, but just being involved in that place and trying to live the life that I felt was expected really made me close-minded in a time where I should have been out meeting new people, instead of judging them for fear that they would judge me first.

Not to mention, I've lived with a really radical "Christian" mother who has been the equivalent of the mother in the Waterboy who considers everything in life that she doesn't agree with to be the devil. So these whole experiences would definitely make talking about religion lead to a fight if I were dating a girl who really believed in it. Its something I'm much rather just avoid altogether.

 

[webhead9707]

Basically I spent three years heavily devoted to a Christian church and looking back at the experience, it really warped my mind on a lot of things. I mean it definitely taught me some things about life in general, but just being involved in that place and trying to live the life that I felt was expected really made me close-minded in a time where I should have been out meeting new people, instead of judging them for fear that they would judge me first.

Not to mention, I've lived with a really radical "Christian" mother who has been the equivalent of the mother in the Waterboy who considers everything in life that she doesn't agree with to be the devil. So these whole experiences would definitely make talking about religion lead to a fight if I were dating a girl who really believed in it. Its something I'm much rather just avoid altogether.

Dang man, I'm sorry it went down like that. I'm a Christian but I'll be the first to admit that a high percentage of people in the church are way too condescending and judging. Get's on my nerves a lot. I'm trying to change that locally, maybe bigger than locally one day.

 

[teh Puffy]

Heres some real advice i am seeking.

I am turning 28 in october. I can admit i have never had a first date. I was never allowed growing up a chance. I was always depressed as a teenager and wanted to better myself before taking a chance for a relationship. Im very socially challenged, and get anxious most times in social situations. (My back story in the shortest form possible)

So i have a friend offering a blind date with a friend of hers. It would be me and her friend. Herself and a mutual friend of ours. Anyone have any nice words of advice? Just know i am anxious and scared, because of a first date is being a blind date.

Thank you HYPSTERS. Please be nice about who i am.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It's hard for me to really offer me advice, simply because while having a level of social awkwardness myself, I'm not really in your shoes in regards to your level of social anxiety. And that's not a knock or anything.

The best advice I can offer is to not put too much pressure on yourself or the situation. Just go out with some friends, have some fun, and enjoy the experience of meeting some new people. Be yourself.

I don't know if that advice helps at all. But I wish you the best in your blind date!

 

[teh Puffy]

It does im very critical of myself. So i do hope people like what they see. Im a great person.

Its weird to have like social anxiety, yet i club 2-3 times a week. I dance all the time hang out with my crew, and have a blast. Its not like i go up to random people all the time. Just occasionally.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[Anita18]

Basically I spent three years heavily devoted to a Christian church and looking back at the experience, it really warped my mind on a lot of things. I mean it definitely taught me some things about life in general, but just being involved in that place and trying to live the life that I felt was expected really made me close-minded in a time where I should have been out meeting new people, instead of judging them for fear that they would judge me first.

I do agree that a few weirdos really do ruin it for everybody.

I work with someone who's religious and believe me, she's much harder on herself than she is on other people. I wish she wasn't so hard on herself either.

And there's actually a lot of prejudice going the other way too. My boss went out of his way today to introduce a new student to said coworker, because the new student mentioned she went to "Bible college" and everyone was like "Aaaagh noooo." But if they're open-minded and do good research, there should be no reason why religious folks have to be ostracized like that. Just because you read the Bible doesn't mean you believe the earth is 5,000 years old or that there's no point to science or any of that stuff. Such people wouldn't be scientists anyway, LOL!

Heres some real advice i am seeking.

I am turning 28 in october. I can admit i have never had a first date. I was never allowed growing up a chance. I was always depressed as a teenager and wanted to better myself before taking a chance for a relationship. Im very socially challenged, and get anxious most times in social situations. (My back story in the shortest form possible)

So i have a friend offering a blind date with a friend of hers. It would be me and her friend. Herself and a mutual friend of ours. Anyone have any nice words of advice? Just know i am anxious and scared, because of a first date is being a blind date.

Thank you HYPSTERS. Please be nice about who i am.

Anxiety is fine. Really. Some people are uncomfortable around people who are high strung, but social anxiety is a fact of life for many.

If you see an opportunity to be kind to someone, take it. And I don't mean the typical chivalrous stuff. That stuff takes no thought. I mean being interested in her as a person. It means being so interested in what she's about, that you stop worrying about yourself.

I have a number of friends (as well as myself) who get anxious when meeting new people. Being interested in others and asking questions to those other people is actually a technique to make us less worried about how we come off. As long as you're helpful and kind, that's what people will remember about you.

Was my boss totally suave while making the introductions mentioned above? No, he was hilariously awkward about it, because religion is kind of an awkward subject to bring up at work. But he saw an opportunity to be kind to someone, and he went ahead with it, and that's a very powerful trait of his that I think many students, as well as his peers, respond to.

I won't lie, shifting your attention from yourself to other people isn't easy, especially if you're naturally worried about what other people think of you. I've gotten more comfortable networking, but it can still be a drag. It's something you try, then eventually find it isn't so bad, and then you keep going.

 

[teh Puffy]

Thank you anita.
I am always polite and so curious of other people i meet often never forgetting anything from the time i meet them.
Im just hard on myself, and you can see kind of up there in age, to have this an experience to me is awkward.

Thanks again Hypsters. I have been worriesome of the situation but this helps ease my thoughts of the situation.

 

[Anita18]

Thank you anita.
I am always polite and so curious of other people i meet often never forgetting anything from the time i meet them.
Im just hard on myself, and you can see kind of up there in age, to have this an experience to me is awkward.

Thanks again Hypsters. I have been worriesome of the situation but this helps ease my thoughts of the situation.

If it makes you feel any better, you don't know what this girl is looking for. A lot of guys (especially here) think that girls want super-suave guys, but that's not true. Yes, confidence is attractive, but you don't have to be a social butterfly to be confident. You just have to be proud of who you are. Even if you don't have a lot of experience in whatever. Just own it.

When I met my husband, his confidence was one of the first things that I noticed about him. It wasn't even that he stood up straight and proclaimed to the world with his body language that he was the awesomest person ever, because he's very quiet and doesn't have a huge personality. He just didn't care what people thought of him. That's the aspect of confidence we're talking about.

 

[teh Puffy]

If it makes you feel any better, you don't know what this girl is looking for. A lot of guys (especially here) think that girls want super-suave guys, but that's not true. Yes, confidence is attractive, but you don't have to be a social butterfly to be confident. You just have to be proud of who you are. Even if you don't have a lot of experience in whatever. Just own it.

When I met my husband, his confidence was one of the first things that I noticed about him. It wasn't even that he stood up straight and proclaimed to the world with his body language that he was the awesomest person ever, because he's very quiet and doesn't have a huge personality. He just didn't care what people thought of him. That's the aspect of confidence we're talking about.

This year ive grown leaps and bounds. I have a since of pride in who i am. I just get scared i will not be accepted.

I swear, right now i am not worried because i am trying to get a good idea of how people would treat the situation. Thank you Hypsters.

 

[Anita18]

This year ive grown leaps and bounds. I have a since of pride in who i am. I just get scared i will not be accepted.

I swear, right now i am not worried because i am trying to get a good idea of how people would treat the situation. Thank you Hypsters.

Well, to be fair, if you have a personality at all, some people won't accept you, and that's okay. You just gotta find your crowd.

 

[teh Puffy]

Well, to be fair, if you have a personality at all, some people won't accept you, and that's okay. You just gotta find your crowd.

Its so true.
Im just one wildly different person from everybody i know. I love most of it. Obviously, the ladies friend did and i shouldnt worry. I swear small convos of this makes me less worried.

 

[SpideyVille]

Dang man, I'm sorry it went down like that. I'm a Christian but I'll be the first to admit that a high percentage of people in the church are way too condescending and judging. Get's on my nerves a lot. I'm trying to change that locally, maybe bigger than locally one day.

It's alright, but don't confuse this with me saying I hate Christians or people who are devoted to a religion or anything. I actually appreciate some of the experiences I had there because I feel like there were some stuff that worked in a life sense, and if people need to believe in a higher power or something to do better, than I'm all for whatever motivation they need. But what really gets to me is when people try to force it down your throat. Like in general, I'm a person who hates being ordered around as though I have no choice, and I feel like there's a lot of subtle manipulation that some people try to use, like when my mom says that I should go to her church and stuff so that God can give me a girl. But I know that that's not how life or Christianity works.

Like I mentioned the one story where I was "best friends" with the girl of my dreams at the time, and my pastor saw me talking with her a lot and then with another girl and had to have a talk with me, where he basically blew up my spot and told my friend that I liked her because he believed that I was trying to sleep with both girls. He never realized that the girl never looked at me like that and the other girl was a friend I was going to for advice on how to deal with this girl. That happened during my second year and that really opened up my eyes to what was going on around me, where I felt like I could no longer trust anyone there. And by the time I left, I did it because my heart was no longer in it and I felt like there was no point in sticking around and doing all of the work that I did there if I didn't fully believe in the cause.

I do agree that a few weirdos really do ruin it for everybody.

I work with someone who's religious and believe me, she's much harder on herself than she is on other people. I wish she wasn't so hard on herself either.

And there's actually a lot of prejudice going the other way too. My boss went out of his way today to introduce a new student to said coworker, because the new student mentioned she went to "Bible college" and everyone was like "Aaaagh noooo." But if they're open-minded and do good research, there should be no reason why religious folks have to be ostracized like that. Just because you read the Bible doesn't mean you believe the earth is 5,000 years old or that there's no point to science or any of that stuff. Such people wouldn't be scientists anyway, LOL!

Yeah, that was the other problem I had. I'm hard on myself to begin with, so to believe that I might have done something that God saw and was disappointed by was devastating. Not to mention living with the constant fear of doing the "wrong" thing. Not to mention, the fact that I had a hard time speaking to people in general made me feel worse because we were always being to bring new people to services.

That one girl that I mentioned who I didn't like at first was actually the only person I ever brought with me, and I only did that because she sounded so excited to come with me. I didn't realize until later on that she was only pretending to be excited so that I would like her, and that worked. But I feel like it was something about going to church that made her change her mind with me because after that first time, she began to grow distant. But it was really weird when we started talking again a year later and she invited me to her church after I left mine. I thoroughly enjoyed rejected her invitation.

 

[webhead9707]

It's alright, but don't confuse this with me saying I hate Christians or people who are devoted to a religion or anything. I actually appreciate some of the experiences I had there because I feel like there were some stuff that worked in a life sense, and if people need to believe in a higher power or something to do better, than I'm all for whatever motivation they need. But what really gets to me is when people try to force it down your throat. Like in general, I'm a person who hates being ordered around as though I have no choice, and I feel like there's a lot of subtle manipulation that some people try to use, like when my mom says that I should go to her church and stuff so that God can give me a girl. But I know that that's not how life or Christianity works.

Like I mentioned the one story where I was "best friends" with the girl of my dreams at the time, and my pastor saw me talking with her a lot and then with another girl and had to have a talk with me, where he basically blew up my spot and told my friend that I liked her because he believed that I was trying to sleep with both girls. He never realized that the girl never looked at me like that and the other girl was a friend I was going to for advice on how to deal with this girl. That happened during my second year and that really opened up my eyes to what was going on around me, where I felt like I could no longer trust anyone there. And by the time I left, I did it because my heart was no longer in it and I felt like there was no point in sticking around and doing all of the work that I did there if I didn't fully believe in the cause.


Yeah, that was the other problem I had. I'm hard on myself to begin with, so to believe that I might have done something that God saw and was disappointed by was devastating. Not to mention living with the constant fear of doing the "wrong" thing. Not to mention, the fact that I had a hard time speaking to people in general made me feel worse because we were always being to bring new people to services.

That one girl that I mentioned who I didn't like at first was actually the only person I ever brought with me, and I only did that because she sounded so excited to come with me. I didn't realize until later on that she was only pretending to be excited so that I would like her, and that worked. But I feel like it was something about going to church that made her change her mind with me because after that first time, she began to grow distant. But it was really weird when we started talking again a year later and she invited me to her church after I left mine. I thoroughly enjoyed rejected her invitation.

That preacher sounds a bit crazy.

The beauty of it, for the record is that God is graceful and loving. I don't know what they preached at that church, but, while yes God can be disappointed and you can mess up, as long as said person believes in him, it doesn't matter what they'll do or what they've done, He's going to go on loving them no matter what.
But this is the relationship thread not the religion thread, so I'll shut up. Lol

 

[CapedCrusader14]

Well it's official, me and the lovely young lady I told you all about are officially together over the moon right now

 

[Erzengel]

Thank you anita.
I am always polite and so curious of other people i meet often never forgetting anything from the time i meet them.
Im just hard on myself, and you can see kind of up there in age, to have this an experience to me is awkward.

Thanks again Hypsters. I have been worriesome of the situation but this helps ease my thoughts of the situation.

Just be yourself. And try not to put pressure on this date. Who knows maybe you won't like her.

If you're nervous, maybe it'd be easier to keep the conversation on her. Ask questions, and just let her do most of the talking. Hope that helps.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Heres some real advice i am seeking.

I am turning 28 in october. I can admit i have never had a first date. I was never allowed growing up a chance. I was always depressed as a teenager and wanted to better myself before taking a chance for a relationship. Im very socially challenged, and get anxious most times in social situations. (My back story in the shortest form possible)

So i have a friend offering a blind date with a friend of hers. It would be me and her friend. Herself and a mutual friend of ours. Anyone have any nice words of advice? Just know i am anxious and scared, because of a first date is being a blind date.

Thank you HYPSTERS. Please be nice about who i am.

The only advice I think that I can bring to this virtual table is the following;

• Be yourself, don't act how you think they want you to be.
• Listen and be attentive to what they have to say.
• Ask them questions based on the information they give to you.
• Keeping eye contact is a good thing, but don't sit there fixated on them the whole time, it will come across as creepy!
• Remember that they are almost certainly as nervous as you are.

Lastly, whether it goes anywhere or not, have a good time.

Basically, all you need to exercise is a healthy dose of common sense and treat your blind date how you yourself would like to be treated in the same situation.

 

[Erzengel]

Well it's official, me and the lovely young lady I told you all about are officially together over the moon right now

Congrats.

 

[teh Puffy]

The only advice I think that I can bring to this virtual table is the following;

• Be yourself, don't act how you think they want you to be.
• Listen and be attentive to what they have to say.
• Ask them questions based on the information they give to you.
• Keeping eye contact is a good thing, but don't sit there fixated on them the whole time, it will come across as creepy!
• Remember that they are almost certainly as nervous as you are.

Lastly, whether it goes anywhere or not, have a good time.

Basically, all you need to exercise is a healthy dose of common sense and treat your blind date how you yourself would like to be treated in the same situation.

Thank you, good sir.
I owe you a laugh and a smile.
I know i need a healthy dose of common sense. I workout six days a week and never on common sense haha.
I apprciate your kind words.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Guys... GUYS!

A girl I like just "liked" my status on Facebook!

That means she wants to be with me forever, right???

 

[Erzengel]

That means she wants you to send her a picture of your privates. 2 Likes means she wants a video.

 

[webhead9707]

Guys... GUYS!

A girl I like just "liked" my status on Facebook!

That means she wants to be with me forever, right???

She wants the d. Elicious appetizers they sell at Applebee's, and she wants you to take her!

 

[Green Goblin]

How would you "dump" someone In a nice way

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

How would you "dump" someone In a nice way

Why are you dumping him / her?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

She wants the d. Elicious appetizers they sell at Applebee's, and she wants you to take her!

Clever

Although I may actually be going out with her before I leave town.

 

[Erzengel]

How would you "dump" someone In a nice way

Unless dumping someone stops meaning, I'm sorry I don't want to remain in a committed relationship with you. There's no real "nice" way to dump someone that doesn't come off as phoney or bs.