The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[hopefuldreamer]

True. But when they do get there, they'll remember you. You can become more than a women, a symbol..

Not the friend they deserve... But the one they need right now

 

[webhead9707]

Nell, I hang out with drunks, druggies and hobos... and they are all nicer than the people you seem to be surrounded by.

There are rare occasions in my life when I over hear something cruel or someone talking about me... and those people I just choose not to invest in.

If someone is talking smack about you, you don't go 'oh, they're probably right'.

You go 'Screw that ********' and you shake it off.

You not getting a women is as much about you being a beta male as it is about me being an alpha woman.

Sure, sometimes i've wondered if maybe the reason i'm not girlfriend material is because i'm not girly enough, not damselly enough etc. That maybe I should try and being more 'nice' and passive...

But ultimately it'd be completely pointless. Cause the real me would come out eventually

Like I said, it's not like every single beta male out there is single. And there are plenty of alpha males that ARE single and can't figure out why as well.

It's all so much more complicated than just this one way of being.

Well said. You can't let what other people think dictate who you are.

 

[webhead9707]

Not the friend they deserve... But the one they need right now

Hahaha, exactly.

 

[Erzengel]

Nell, I think I see the problem. They're drama chicks, dude! They all be cray-cray. Meet some nice girls that don't work in theatre.

I think Nell has stated that he almost got the reputation as someone who'd hit on every eligible female that was in his department. Add that to some of the people that didn't like him, it's not that far off to say that maybe some of them sabotaged his chances.

I did the same thing with my college job. There was 4 or more that I liked while I was there. Never had success until I started meeting people outside my job.

Now I know Nell will bring up, he didn't have success when he was in California, or meeting women outside of school either. But I think he will be in a much different position. He will be a professional, out of school, on his own.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Just went for cig while waiting for my friend to arrive and got chatting to a guy who is so pretty I wanna cry...

Why do I get the feeling that, as sod's law dictates, now I've decided to be a 'good girl' the world's gonna challenge me this evening?

I just have to remember what my friend said. 'You don't have to sleep with them to enjoy the fact they were interested'

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Just went for cig while waiting for my friend to arrive and got chatting to a guy who is so pretty I wanna cry...

Why do I get the feeling that, as sod's law dictates, now I've decided to be a 'good girl' the world's gonna challenge me this evening?

I just have to remember what my friend said. 'You don't have to sleep with them to enjoy the fact they were interested'

Did he seem interested?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Did he seem interested?

Well he caught my eye and kept looking over, he was with what looked like a bunch of guys in a wedding party. All smartly suited up.

Came over and one of the older guys followed, and they asked me where was nice to go out of an evening in Bristol, so I pointed them in the direction of the waterfront and the cider boat. He had a wicked smile

Totally nothing gonna come of that, was just a nice little buzz

 

[webhead9707]

Well he caught my eye and kept looking over, he was with what looked like a bunch of guys in a wedding party. All smartly suited up.

Came over and one of the older guys followed, and they asked me where was nice to go out of an evening in Bristol, so I pointed them in the direction of the waterfront and the cider boat. He had a wicked smile

Totally nothing gonna come of that, was just a nice little buzz

Hahaha, I love those moments! I was at a book store and this gorgeous girl asked me what time it was.. in my head, the answer was "Time for me to take you to dinner" what I said, on the other hand, was "5:47"

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Hahaha, I love those moments! I was at a book store and this gorgeous girl asked me what time it was.. in my head, the answer was "Time for me to take you to dinner" what I said, on the other hand, was "5:47"

Yup.

'Where's good to go in Bristol?'

'You mean other than my bedroom?'



He was one of those guys you just wish you could have somehow got a pic of so you could show your friends

 

[webhead9707]

Yup.

'Where's good to go in Bristol?'

'You mean other than my bedroom?'



He was one of those guys you just wish you could have somehow got a pic of so you could show your friends

I would have sent you $10 via paypal if you had actually said that.

 

[Kane52630]

For me, it sure does. I've had one girlfriend, who couldn't wait to find a reason to get out of the relationship.

-----

What hurt the most was overhearing women in my theatre department flat out say things like "I wish there were desirable straight men in this department", right in front of me. Always heard women in my department whining and crying about how all the guys in the department were gay, and that there just weren't any desirable straight men around. It really put into perspective for me just how women perceive me. They even made a joke at my expense at one of our department events about my lack of desirability.

I've had women - not necessarily romantic interests, mind you - tell me straight up "do you think the reason why you can't find anyone is because you're fat? No girl is gonna wanna date a fat guy like you". I've had guys tell me this too.

Keep in mind... I'm not even really that fat.

I've had plenty of people essentially tell me "women want alpha males... you need to start acting more like an alpha male if you ever want to date anybody"

You combine this with some of the experiences that I talked about a few pages back, and my lack of being able to attract any attention from the female gender in my 30 years of life... and people wonder why I have a complex.

Sure, on a very rare occasion, someone tells me I dress well, or I carry myself well, or even goes far as to say that I'm attractive or handsome or cute, or carry myself with confidence, or positively comment on my personality and call me "genuine" or a lot of other positive things that I've been called. But nobody ever acts on it. None of those women who say I'm "cute" ever want anything more. None of those women who compliment how I dress, or how I carry myself, or the things that I do with my life, ever want anything more.

I once had a girl straight up tell me "There is no girl in this theatre department that's good enough for you." That's a very endearing thing to say. And I'm not saying that because she said it, that she should automatically want the D or anything like that. But it really would be nice to hear someone say that, and for once, want to back it up.

The same girl that said that to me just responded with a "sorry, bro" when I tried to hang out with her this summer... When I made a flirty comment to her one time about going out, she told me "you're not on the A-list... you have a lot of guys you gotta pass up to get on the A-list".

So yea, I got a complex. Even when a girl has something nice to say about me, nobody is willing to back it up. I've seen first hand, from the horse's mouth, that I'm viewed as "undesirable" by women. And the few exceptions to that rule, of girls who have shown some sort of interest that something happened with, whether some form of sexual encounter, or an actual relationship, all of them couldn't -wait- to bail and get out of the situation as fast as they could. From Amanda, to Courtney, to my ex-girlfriend, to the 19 year old, they couldn't get away from me quick enough. And those are just the girls that gave me some sort of positive response at some point, that doesn't include the countless girls that rejected me without so much as a second though.

-----

As far as my emotional investment in my friends, I basically broke it down to a friend the other day. Specifically speaking about the theatre department, I've kinda broken up the department into 3 groups. There's my group of close friends that I've made that will probably be lifelong friends. There's another group of people, who are basically the foundation of the department, the people who were involved in anything and everything. Were in the fraternity (which I was also a part of), and basically just ran the department. The vast majority of these people, I have hardly had a bad experience with. They are all great people, and I love 'em all. But for whatever reason, I just never became close with most of 'em. Not through any ill will or anything, just never became too close. This is kind of what I'm talking about though... because I'm gonna miss all these people, and being around them, and doing things whether productions or social gatherings with them. They were a part of my life for 4 years - probably the most important 4 years of my life so far - so I'm always going to associate them with a good part of my life and think of them fondly. Reason why I feel too "invested" though is because I feel like they were more important to my life than I was to their's. I don't feel like they are really gonna miss me the way I miss them, or put forth an effort to keep in touch with me the way I'd like to put forth an effort to keep in touch with them. And that kinda sucks, and that kinda bothers me.

There's another group of people who, for whatever reasons that I'll never understand, just don't like me. I mean, that kinda sucks that they don't like me and have issues with me, because I never did anything negative (that I'm aware of) to them, and I always tried to be friends and friendly with them. One person in particular I did a lot of favors for without asking for anything in return, and now she's the main one that has problems with me, actively dislikes me, and came to my goodbye going away dinner and didn't say a single word to me just to make my professor who organized it happy. But whatever... I'm not too torn up about this group of people. They don't like me, they don't like me, whatever. I wish they did, but they don't, and with them those are the ones it's easier to just move on from.

But yea, I invest in people emotionally, probably way too much so, and it bothers me when it's not returned. I do care, and I do wear my heart on my sleeve, and I really shouldn't. But unfortunately I don't know how to turn it off no matter how much I try to shut it all down.

 

[Rise_-]

So, lately I've felt like I'm coming to the end of my relationship with my current girlfriend. I'm not angry about it or anything, as we're both sort of doing our own things education-wise and stuff, so I don't want her to feel like I'm holding her back or anything and I don't want her to feel like she's holding me back. Her parents are pretty strict too so that never really helped matters, but that's not the problem.

I've recently tried getting in touch with her so we can end on good terms with no misunderstandings before we start our courses at college in like, a week. But she's just ignoring any effort I'm making at contacting her... I mean, who needs this sort of drama?

Anybody ever been in a similar sort of situation?

I don't really post in this thread, but I needed to get it out. I can't really talk to my irl friends about it as her and I have far too many mutual friends, so it'd be awkward. Pretty much all of her friends are my friends to some extent and vice-versa.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It seems like you've just been around terrible people. Do you like yourself?

Of course I do. But this thread isn't about all the awesome things that have happened in my life or that I have accomplished, it's about relationships. And since I haven't had a positive result with relationships, I have nothing positive to talk about in this thread.

I attempted to make a "Life" thread, that didn't take off and just fizzled out and died, and I'm not gonna necro it just to talk about how awesome I am.

But I am very happy with myself, and who I am, and who I've become. If you asked me 5 years ago "where do you see yourself in 5 years?", my answer wouldn't be where I am now. And that's a good thing because I've come a lot farther than I saw myself coming. I accomplished more in the last 4 years than I imagined I would, and I set myself up for much bigger things than I ever imagined.

I can honestly say that I'm not exactly where I want to be in my life right now, but I don't even see -that- as a bad thing. I'm much further along than I expected to be at this point, and me not being "exactly" where I want to be has more to do with the fact that I have raised the bar so much higher for myself than what it used to be, more than any sort of failure.

At this point in time, I can honestly say I'm only a failure at one thing, and that's romantic relationships.

Every other aspect of my life, I'm very happy with where I'm at and where I'm headed.

Nell, I think I see the problem. They're drama chicks, dude! They all be cray-cray. Meet some nice girls that don't work in theatre.

I've dealt with plenty of girls outside of my drama department as well, and things haven't really gotten much better, despite Erz's continuing claim that a change in location is going to be the magical cure all.

I'm in the drama department, but of all the stories I tell, the majority of them are not drama department related. Out of the 4 girls I mention that -something- did happen with; Amanda, Courtney, my ex-girlfriend, and the 19 year old, only one of those people was someone in the department.

 

[Anita18]

What hurt the most was overhearing women in my theatre department flat out say things like "I wish there were desirable straight men in this department", right in front of me. Always heard women in my department whining and crying about how all the guys in the department were gay, and that there just weren't any desirable straight men around. It really put into perspective for me just how women perceive me. They even made a joke at my expense at one of our department events about my lack of desirability.

I've had women - not necessarily romantic interests, mind you - tell me straight up "do you think the reason why you can't find anyone is because you're fat? No girl is gonna wanna date a fat guy like you". I've had guys tell me this too.

Keep in mind... I'm not even really that fat.

I've had plenty of people essentially tell me "women want alpha males... you need to start acting more like an alpha male if you ever want to date anybody"

I've not had exactly THAT said to me (because I probably give off "I'll kick you in the throat" vibes ), but I've been in a group when guys complain about being single or horny or whatever. I was always the girl they never thought they could date. But not a single one of them would tell me to my face why. They were probably too afraid to.

Not that they'd know what was "wrong" with me either. Even my best friend honestly couldn't think of a reason why I was single for years. (But she's a smart person who believes in compatibility instead of "doing this-and-this to get guys.") It was just a matter of keeping up the search.

But yea, I invest in people emotionally, probably way too much so, and it bothers me when it's not returned. I do care, and I do wear my heart on my sleeve, and I really shouldn't. But unfortunately I don't know how to turn it off no matter how much I try to shut it all down.

I'll admit, it is incredibly disappointing when someone is mean to you when all you've done is be nice to them.

But what makes you still want to seek their approval even if they've made it clear they want to be a jerk to you? Nobody deserves to be an emotional punching bag.

Nell, I hang out with drunks, druggies and hobos... and they are all nicer than the people you seem to be surrounded by.

There are rare occasions in my life when I over hear something cruel or someone talking about me... and those people I just choose not to invest in.

If someone is talking smack about you, you don't go 'oh, they're probably right'.

You go 'Screw that ********' and you shake it off.

You not getting a women is as much about you being a beta male as it is about me being an alpha woman.

Sure, sometimes i've wondered if maybe the reason i'm not girlfriend material is because i'm not girly enough, not damselly enough etc. That maybe I should try and being more 'nice' and passive...

But ultimately it'd be completely pointless. Cause the real me would come out eventually

That's what I figured too. Even if I wore a pushup bra or tried to act dumb, the fact that I'm a scientist and that I'm flatchested would come out eventually. Might as well not waste my time, and theirs.

My mom did say that I (and my sister) scared off the guys because we were too capable, and thus intimidating, but there are still men out there who are not intimidated by girls like us. Maybe not a majority of men, but they are out there.

And yes, they would be men, not boys with fragile egos.

Now I know Nell will bring up, he didn't have success when he was in California, or meeting women outside of school either. But I think he will be in a much different position. He will be a professional, out of school, on his own.

Yes, he will be a different person, for sure. Now if only he would believe that himself....

 

[Erzengel]

I've dealt with plenty of girls outside of my drama department as well, and things haven't really gotten much better, despite Erz's continuing claim that a change in location is going to be the magical cure all.

I'm in the drama department, but of all the stories I tell, the majority of them are not drama department related. Out of the 4 girls I mention that -something- did happen with; Amanda, Courtney, my ex-girlfriend, and the 19 year old, only one of those people was someone in the department.

Then you can resign yourself that all women, in every part of the world is exactly like the ones that you met in your life. Despite the fact that the women who do post here, or the guys here who have semi sane gfs/fiances/wives all seem to not be certifiable.

And since they are all right and it's you who's at fault, and since you're incapable of changing, what's the sense in trying?

Or you can choose that maybe you just had bad luck or bad selection of the women you like.

 

[webhead9707]

So, lately I've felt like I'm coming to the end of my relationship with my current girlfriend. I'm not angry about it or anything, as we're both sort of doing our own things education-wise and stuff, so I don't want her to feel like I'm holding her back or anything and I don't want her to feel like she's holding me back. Her parents are pretty strict too so that never really helped matters, but that's not the problem.

I've recently tried getting in touch with her so we can end on good terms with no misunderstandings before we start our courses at college in like, a week. But she's just ignoring any effort I'm making at contacting her... I mean, who needs this sort of drama?

Anybody ever been in a similar sort of situation?

I don't really post in this thread, but I needed to get it out. I can't really talk to my irl friends about it as her and I have far too many mutual friends, so it'd be awkward. Pretty much all of her friends are my friends to some extent and vice-versa.

Dang, that sucks. I don't really know what you should do in that situation. Seems like she's being a bit childish.

Of course I do. But this thread isn't about all the awesome things that have happened in my life or that I have accomplished, it's about relationships. And since I haven't had a positive result with relationships, I have nothing positive to talk about in this thread.

I attempted to make a "Life" thread, that didn't take off and just fizzled out and died, and I'm not gonna necro it just to talk about how awesome I am.



I've dealt with plenty of girls outside of my drama department as well, and things haven't really gotten much better, despite Erz's continuing claim that a change in location is going to be the magical cure all.

I'm in the drama department, but of all the stories I tell, the majority of them are not drama department related. Out of the 4 girls I mention that -something- did happen with; Amanda, Courtney, my ex-girlfriend, and the 19 year old, only one of those people was someone in the department.

Oh no of course! It just seems like with your attitude, I didn't know if you had confidence issues or anything. Girls appreciate confidence a lot, and if you don't have it you're either going to be single, or stuck with a very needy and controlling girl, in my experience. Like, personally I don't think girls find my lankiness very attractive, and I don't like that about myself either, so I'm trying to improve that about myself. I figure, while I'm not in a relationship it's the best time to focus on improving myself. So if there's something you want to improve on, maybe focus on that when it bugs you. You know?

 

[Anita18]

So, lately I've felt like I'm coming to the end of my relationship with my current girlfriend. I'm not angry about it or anything, as we're both sort of doing our own things education-wise and stuff, so I don't want her to feel like I'm holding her back or anything and I don't want her to feel like she's holding me back. Her parents are pretty strict too so that never really helped matters, but that's not the problem.

I've recently tried getting in touch with her so we can end on good terms with no misunderstandings before we start our courses at college in like, a week. But she's just ignoring any effort I'm making at contacting her... I mean, who needs this sort of drama?

Anybody ever been in a similar sort of situation?

I don't really post in this thread, but I needed to get it out. I can't really talk to my irl friends about it as her and I have far too many mutual friends, so it'd be awkward. Pretty much all of her friends are my friends to some extent and vice-versa.

I'm sorry to say this man, that's kind of presumptuous on your part. Let her decide if you're holding her back or whatever.

At the same time, not communicating isn't a good sign either...

Would it be possible to seek "why isn't she communicating" advice from one of your mutual friends who can be honest with you? You don't have to mention that you want to break up with her, but you deserve to find out what's up with the non-communication.

At this point in time, I can honestly say I'm only a failure at one thing, and that's romantic relationships.

I dunno, "failing" or "succeeding" in romantic relationships is such a....limited way to view it.

On paper, it looks like I've "succeeded." But it sure doesn't feel like it, because I'm still that somehow-intimidating, socially awkward, not-attractive-to-most-guys girl. It feels like I just got lucky, and in a way, I did. I kept looking and managed to find someone. But it isn't like you could throw me in a random group of guys and I'd be able to date every single one of them. Not that I would want to date every single one of them either.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Nell, I hang out with drunks, druggies and hobos... and they are all nicer than the people you seem to be surrounded by.

There are rare occasions in my life when I over hear something cruel or someone talking about me... and those people I just choose not to invest in.

If someone is talking smack about you, you don't go 'oh, they're probably right'.

You go 'Screw that ********' and you shake it off.

You not getting a women is as much about you being a beta male as it is about me being an alpha woman.

Sure, sometimes i've wondered if maybe the reason i'm not girlfriend material is because i'm not girly enough, not damselly enough etc. That maybe I should try and being more 'nice' and passive...

But ultimately it'd be completely pointless. Cause the real me would come out eventually

Like I said, it's not like every single beta male out there is single. And there are plenty of alpha males that ARE single and can't figure out why as well.

It's all so much more complicated than just this one way of being.

Like I said, the vast majority of the group have done me no wrong, they are simply people that for whatever reasons, I can do shows with them, party with them, and go out as a group with them, but I didn't particularly become -close- with them, and I feel that they are more important to me and my life than I am to them. And that kinda sucks, because I would love to be able to keep in touch with a lot of these people now that we're all graduated and moved away. I have some really good memories of really good times with a lot of 'em.

But yea, for whatever reasons, some of the people I was around just flat out didn't like me, and I don't know why. One girl, I did a lot of favors for, gave rides to, helped her out with things, but for whatever reason by the end of it, she hated me and somehow always ended up in any drama that involved me. And yes, those girls that have flat out said in front of me that I'm not desirable. Whatever, they don't like me.

But the things like the not desirable bit do stick with me, because while that may have just been a few girls saying it, -every- girl I've ever been interest in has -shown- it. It's not like it's a case of "well that was one girl that didn't like me, I can always just go date someone else".

No, it's "every girl I've ever been interested in has rejected me or bailed on me as fast as she could, and now I'm hearing women's honest thoughts about me and now I'm understanding that I'm just simply not desirable to women".

Before and after those comments, I have had the same ass **** luck when it comes to women. Those comments were finally just hearing an insiders perspective that I'm not desirable to women to begin with.

So yea, I can play the "**** dat *****" card and dust off my shoulders, but the next time I go ask out a girl it's just gonna be the same **** anyways. Because it always is, and it always has been, inside the department or out. Because that's just what women think of me.

 

[Anita18]

Oh no of course! It just seems like with your attitude, I didn't know if you had confidence issues or anything. Girls appreciate confidence a lot, and if you don't have it you're either going to be single, or stuck with a very needy and controlling girl, in my experience. Like, personally I don't think girls find my lankiness very attractive, and I don't like that about myself either, so I'm trying to improve that about myself. I figure, while I'm not in a relationship it's the best time to focus on improving myself. So if there's something you want to improve on, maybe focus on that when it bugs you. You know?

Well, you should improve yourself when you're ready to do it, relationship status be damned.

I finally started going to the gym and weightlifting WHILE I was already dating the now-hubs. Clearly, he was attracted to me before I started working on my fitness. He's probably going to start too, and obviously he doesn't need to impress any chicks at this point in this life.

You're not going to stay the same person in a long-term relationship, and it's unfair to expect the same from your partner. When your partner changes, you have to encourage them to do it in positive ways. And be okay with the fact that they're possibly going to be doing something else instead of spending time with you.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Oh no of course! It just seems like with your attitude, I didn't know if you had confidence issues or anything. Girls appreciate confidence a lot, and if you don't have it you're either going to be single, or stuck with a very needy and controlling girl, in my experience. Like, personally I don't think girls find my lankiness very attractive, and I don't like that about myself either, so I'm trying to improve that about myself. I figure, while I'm not in a relationship it's the best time to focus on improving myself. So if there's something you want to improve on, maybe focus on that when it bugs you. You know?

It seems like I have no confidence because this is the relationship thread, where I have virtually no positive experiences to speak of, and when it comes to women, you are right that in that aspect, I have absolutely zero confidence. Negative confidence if that's possible.

Put me in any other situation in my life that doesn't involve me trying to court a woman? Yea, I'm pretty confident.

I mean, I understand my limitations and I'm not always willing to just jump head first into a situation that I know little about, but I have confidence in myself and my abilities, my future career, my beliefs whether they be political or religious, relationships with my friends (my friends that I know to be friends, not the ones who treat me like ****), I mean, whatever it may be.

As much as I ***** about women in this thread, I really found myself, and who I want to be, and where I want to go, these last 4 years that I was in college. I did the college thing a little bit later than everyone else, but I still did it, and like I said, I accomplished so much more than I thought I was going to. So much so, that going back home where I have TWO good jobs lined up doesn't feel "good enough", because it's "going back home", and not a new adventure persay. (Not to be confused with "failing", because I'm not going back to a bad situation in the least bit. It's like I said earlier, it's just a matter of me raising my own personal bar for myself so much higher than it used to be, that I expect more of myself than I used to. I feel like I reached the bar, but now I want "more")

Nah, I'm very confident, and if I'm not talking about the subject of women and relationships, I'm very happy with who I am and what I've accomplished, educationally, professionally, and personally.

On the subject of relationships though, all that accomplishment, determination, pride, and drive, however, hasn't turned me into a desirable man for women to want to date and pursue a relationship with. Therein lies my negativity when it comes to women, because no matter what I do, they simply don't want anything to do with me on that level. And that's been proven through their words and their actions.

I dunno, "failing" or "succeeding" in romantic relationships is such a....limited way to view it.

On paper, it looks like I've "succeeded." But it sure doesn't feel like it, because I'm still that somehow-intimidating, socially awkward, not-attractive-to-most-guys girl. It feels like I just got lucky, and in a way, I did. I kept looking and managed to find someone. But it isn't like you could throw me in a random group of guys and I'd be able to date every single one of them. Not that I would want to date every single one of them either.

On the flip side, you could throw me in a random group of women and I wouldn't be able to date -any- of them.

 

[Anita18]

No, it's "every girl I've ever been interested in has rejected me or bailed on me as fast as she could, and now I'm hearing women's honest thoughts about me and now I'm understanding that I'm just simply not desirable to women".

Before and after those comments, I have had the same ass **** luck when it comes to women. Those comments were finally just hearing an insiders perspective that I'm not desirable to women to begin with.

So yea, I can play the "**** dat *****" card and dust off my shoulders, but the next time I go ask out a girl it's just gonna be the same **** anyways. Because it always is, and it always has been, inside the department or out. Because that's just what women think of me.

Well, and 99.9999999999999999999% of guys I liked to have in my life (crushes, friends, acquaintances, whatever) don't think of me as desirable either. The feeling sure isn't new to me.

I got lucky and the ONE guy who did was compatible with me. If he'd been a terrible communicator or a party animal, I'd probably still be looking.

I don't know what else to say to you, man. You just gotta keep looking, and don't waste your time trying to win the approval of people who don't like you. Keep looking. That's all there is to it.

And I find it hard to believe in your heart of hearts that you're undesirable to every single woman on this face of this planet with approximately 3.5 billion women on it. I mean, just listen to yourself.

You want to give up because it's too hard, that people aren't giving you any breaks or headway. But is that what you want? To give up and just be single because looking is just too hard? No. Go for what you want. Find that girl for you, man. You don't win her, you find her.

And that advice goes to everyone who's still hankering for some romantic attention.

 

[Anita18]

On the flip side, you could throw me in a random group of women and I wouldn't be able to date -any- of them.

That would be the same for me, mister, depending on the size of the group.

 

[webhead9707]

Well, you should improve yourself when you're ready to do it, relationship status be damned.

I finally started going to the gym and weightlifting WHILE I was already dating the now-hubs. Clearly, he was attracted to me before I started working on my fitness. He's probably going to start too, and obviously he doesn't need to impress any chicks at this point in this life.

You're not going to stay the same person in a long-term relationship, and it's unfair to expect the same from your partner. When your partner changes, you have to encourage them to do it in positive ways. And be okay with the fact that they're possibly going to be doing something else instead of spending time with you.

True. And yeah..Change scares the expletive out of me sometimes.

It seems like I have no confidence because this is the relationship thread, where I have virtually no positive experiences to speak of, and when it comes to women, you are right that in that aspect, I have absolutely zero confidence. Negative confidence if that's possible.

Put me in any other situation in my life that doesn't involve me trying to court a woman? Yea, I'm pretty confident.

I mean, I understand my limitations and I'm not always willing to just jump head first into a situation that I know little about, but I have confidence in myself and my abilities, my future career, my beliefs whether they be political or religious, relationships with my friends (my friends that I know to be friends, not the ones who treat me like ****), I mean, whatever it may be.

As much as I ***** about women in this thread, I really found myself, and who I want to be, and where I want to go, these last 4 years that I was in college. I did the college thing a little bit later than everyone else, but I still did it, and like I said, I accomplished so much more than I thought I was going to. So much so, that going back home where I have TWO good jobs lined up doesn't feel "good enough", because it's "going back home", and not a new adventure persay. (Not to be confused with "failing", because I'm not going back to a bad situation in the least bit. It's like I said earlier, it's just a matter of me raising my own personal bar for myself so much higher than it used to be, that I expect more of myself than I used to. I feel like I reached the bar, but now I want "more")

Nah, I'm very confident, and if I'm not talking about the subject of women and relationships, I'm very happy with who I am and what I've accomplished, educationally, professionally, and personally.

On the subject of relationships though, all that accomplishment, determination, pride, and drive, however, hasn't turned me into a desirable man for women to want to date and pursue a relationship with. Therein lies my negativity when it comes to women, because no matter what I do, they simply don't want anything to do with me on that level. And that's been proven through their words and their actions.



On the flip side, you could throw me in a random group of women and I wouldn't be able to date -any- of them.

I'm gonna give you the advice given to me by a 16 year old girl when I was 14 years old, and it still remains some of the best advice anyone has ever given me.

"F*** them girls. Live it up, let lose, stop chasing them and let one chase you. When the time is right, let her chase you. That way, when she ties you down, you know you've got a keeper."

You seem like a really cool guy. Just because the girls who's parents happened to have unprotected sex at the same time as your parents so far haven't appreciated it, doesn't change that. Live. Do what you believe in. Do the things you dream about. Become the superhero you were meant to be. Girls will see that about you. You do what you want. You're a go getter, and they will like that. And for the love of all that is holy, don't do what I did. If you see a girl who you like and might be interested, ask that girl out.
Don't wait.

 

[Anita18]

True. And yeah..Change scares the expletive out of me sometimes.

You'll learn in time - change is growth. You can't grow if you don't change.

And if there's one thing most women find unattractive, it's a guy who's exactly the same as he was when he was in high school.

 

[webhead9707]

You'll learn in time - change is growth. You can't grow if you don't change.

And if there's one thing most women find unattractive, it's a guy who's exactly the same as he was when he was in high school.

Yeah, logically I know. It's just scary sometimes. But I'm learning to be fearless.