The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts!

[amazingfantasy15]

You seem to be doing quite well..
Being interested in someone is just horrible so far. It never ends well for me because apparently I'm more repulsive to females than the lovechild of Gollum and Dobby, and I'm just sick of it. I'm not perfect but I would at least treat a girl right and make her feel like a princess, but no. I'm so tired of getting rejected anytime I show interest in someone. I feel like there's just some giant hole in me that only girls I like can see.

I'm with Anita on the princess thing. You shouldn't treat a girl like trash, but doing the princess thing is just as off putting. I'd think most girls just wanted to be treated like a normal person. I treat my wife really well, I'm always there for her if she needs it, however, I will tease her from time to time, but she'll do the same. I'll also call her out if I think she's out of line.

Well with the girl that I'm so into that's my best friend, it took me about 6-8 months because I was trying to decide between her and another girl.. Then with this girl, maybe 3 or 4 months? I guess that it takes me too long but I like making sure someone is right for me before I ask them out because I don't want to have to dump them and hurt them or mess up the friendship if things don't work out.

This is really the heart of your troubles with women. You've gotta move quicker, Waiting 3-4 months to ask someone out is too long, the whole point of the first few dates is to find out how you feel about this person, it's the getting to know you phase. If you're attracted to her, you're also going to need to break the physical barrier too and I'm not talking jump her bones or anything, but holding hands or kissing is something you want to do early, to clearly establish that you want a relationship, not a friendship. Most likely the first relationship you have isn't going to result in marriage, so feeling will get hurt at some point when you break up. Waiting to be friends before making a move is bad because if you are friends then reveal your feeling, you're hurting the friendship by changing it.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Wrong idea?

I'm a tomboy but I don't cuddle with guy friends. That's the quickest way for mistaken feelings to come into play, IMO. Or maybe that's my Asian upbringing talking again. I give everybody a good amount of personal space. Except for the hubs. I violate his personal space all the time.

Cuddling is what pets are for.

I guess the people who know me assume that if I'm comfortable around them then I don't have any romantic feelings towards them.

Usually if I like a boy, I would be hesitant to hug him or even touch him at all. If I don't, I'll probably spontaneously hug him or lean on him. I doubt they're interested in me anyway so it's not really a problem.

 

[Anita18]

LOL I would just like to say, I'm on my iPad (no Adblock) and there is a naked dude in the Equinox ad on top of this page.

 

[Anubis]

Well alright.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

OH MY.

 

[runawayboulder]

Y'know, I just need to vent about something and this is the appropriate place....

I had a relationship with a girl a couple of years ago that (I admittedly) torpedoed because of my own personal faults. Long story short, fast forward to the past few months when I was re-evalutating my life to this point and I was pretty ashamed by how I acted. We had been still been in occasional contact though texts, email, Facebook, whatever and I really made it a point to smooth things over and let her know how regretful I was about the entire situation and how I handled it even though she wasn't all that innocent when things started to implode. It was a real oil and water situation to say the least.

It took a couple orders of flowers and a letter to express that to let her know I was serious. She actually did respond and I made it clear to her that my intentions were not so much to get back with her as to try and start over to be friends and just be civil towards each other. She was totally receptive towards that.....at first, then the next few times I reached out to say hello I was completely ignored. Why the ***k even answer me in the first place? It's like she thinks she "won" or something because I was the one to apologize. I don't understand why some people have so much hatred and anger in their heart. Let that crap go and just act like an adult for christ sake....

 

[Anubis]

Or, you know, you could let it go.

 

[L.A.]

Are you planning on a longer engagement?

I mean I wish you all the luck in the world, but six months is still the honeymoon phase in relationships.


We will be engaged 3 years before we are married. We also purchased a house in the meantime.

Yes a year engagement. Getting married October 2014. I knew early on she was the one. We talk in detail about future plans so i have no doubt she will say yes lol a lot of issues early like my religion me being adventist but we resolved that in time and she's converting. Than it was my parents against because she's not Indonesian. We both resolved that and now my parents love her lol. we have been there so much together in these six months and she have always been there being supportive and loyal. I'm ready to take to the next step

 

[Anita18]

Or, you know, you could let it go.

Agree. Clearly, she's moved on.

I had a heart-to-heart with my ex about a year after we broke up. It was good to talk things out honestly. But I didn't expect to hear from him afterwards, because we weren't friends. I mean, we were friendly, but we wouldn't hang out with each other voluntarily anymore.

 

[Anubis]

And really, why would you want to?

 

[Erzengel]

Y'know, I just need to vent about something and this is the appropriate place....

I had a relationship with a girl a couple of years ago that (I admittedly) torpedoed because of my own personal faults. Long story short, fast forward to the past few months when I was re-evalutating my life to this point and I was pretty ashamed by how I acted. We had been still been in occasional contact though texts, email, Facebook, whatever and I really made it a point to smooth things over and let her know how regretful I was about the entire situation and how I handled it even though she wasn't all that innocent when things started to implode. It was a real oil and water situation to say the least.

It took a couple orders of flowers and a letter to express that to let her know I was serious. She actually did respond and I made it clear to her that my intentions were not so much to get back with her as to try and start over to be friends and just be civil towards each other. She was totally receptive towards that.....at first, then the next few times I reached out to say hello I was completely ignored. Why the ***k even answer me in the first place? It's like she thinks she "won" or something because I was the one to apologize. I don't understand why some people have so much hatred and anger in their heart. Let that crap go and just act like an adult for christ sake....

Why do you want to be friends with her?

 

[webhead9707]

I'm with Anita on the princess thing. You shouldn't treat a girl like trash, but doing the princess thing is just as off putting. I'd think most girls just wanted to be treated like a normal person. I treat my wife really well, I'm always there for her if she needs it, however, I will tease her from time to time, but she'll do the same. I'll also call her out if I think she's out of line.



This is really the heart of your troubles with women. You've gotta move quicker, Waiting 3-4 months to ask someone out is too long, the whole point of the first few dates is to find out how you feel about this person, it's the getting to know you phase. If you're attracted to her, you're also going to need to break the physical barrier too and I'm not talking jump her bones or anything, but holding hands or kissing is something you want to do early, to clearly establish that you want a relationship, not a friendship. Most likely the first relationship you have isn't going to result in marriage, so feeling will get hurt at some point when you break up. Waiting to be friends before making a move is bad because if you are friends then reveal your feeling, you're hurting the friendship by changing it.

Oh well yeah absolutely tease her and pick on eachother, that stuff is fun and I love it. I just mean I wouldn't neglect her or anything like that. I'll try to move quicker next time. Whenever the next time may be.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Agree. Clearly, she's moved on.

I had a heart-to-heart with my ex about a year after we broke up. It was good to talk things out honestly. But I didn't expect to hear from him afterwards, because we weren't friends. I mean, we were friendly, but we wouldn't hang out with each other voluntarily anymore.

That's how my ex and I have been since we broke up. We don't hang out, or really have conversations. But if we happen to run into each other, we're civil and friendly. We may or may not have a meet up before I leave, and talk some things through. It's been brought up, but nothing has been decided.

But yea, I think this is a rare instance where I full on agree with Erz and amazingfantasy. I don't know why you'd put forth so much effort to be friends with an ex. I can get remaining friendly and civil - afterall my ex-girlfriend and I had a very amicable breakup (is "amicable" the word I'm looking for? Or is it amiable?), we didn't break up because one person did the other person wrong or anything, we just had different expectations of what we wanted the relationship to be, where we wanted it to go, and how important it was to us.

But there's no way I'd wanna be hang out and talk all the time buddies with her. When we even broke up, she said she hoped her and I could remain friends, and I was flat honest with her "that will be hard for me to do for awhile".

I don't mind talking to her when we run into each other, or in the odd situation here or there where something comes up and one of us randomly contacts the other for an isolated thing, but I wouldn't want to be around her constantly. It took -YEARS- before I could really start talking to Amanda again on any sort of regular basis, and it also took her and I completely wiping clean any semblance of feelings for each other.

 

[the last son]

SO, working out today, I was in an small area working out and this really fit woman came in and was a few spots down. She then stares me down and I look back. This went on for a bout 3 seconds and I looked away and continued working out. This is probably the second time this has happened, but usually from far distances. Would you all say she is somewhat interested?

 

[Anubis]

Did you check to see if you had a bat in the cave?

 

[the last son]

I was sitting on a machine pumping weights, she was sitting upright looking at me.

 

[Anubis]

Meaning she had a birds eye view of that boogie.

 

[runawayboulder]

Why do you want to be friends with her?

Because we are connected through a few social circles. I was trying to make things more civil but I guess it ain't happening. I seriously wonder if she loves the conflict in the air.

 

[Anita18]

Because we are connected through a few social circles. I was trying to make things more civil but I guess it ain't happening. I seriously wonder if she loves the conflict in the air.

Being civil is enough. I met my best friend through my ex, actually. They were close friends in high school. But now we talk to each other more than we talk to him, although I believe she still talks to him from time to time.

Although she did say that if I were to be a crazy ex, she'd have to take his side because of their history. I told her I planned nothing of the sort.

 

[Erzengel]

You can be civil but it sounds like you went above and beyond. I mean flowers?

 

[runawayboulder]

What's wrong with flowers? It was a bad falling out and I was being apologetic. That's what flowers are for.

 

[Erzengel]

Well obviously didn't work. You could have just took each interaction as it came. I mean if you were just polite and she was being rude then people would see it.

 

[Anita18]

What's wrong with flowers? It was a bad falling out and I was being apologetic. That's what flowers are for.

Do you send your friends flowers when they're mad at you?

When you break up with someone, the best they can be is your friend. So treat them like one.

Plus, now you have expectations over the relationship (even if it's just a friend-relationship) because of the flowers you sent. Just talk to clear the air, that should be enough. She doesn't owe you anything.

 

[Anita18]

I was sitting on a machine pumping weights, she was sitting upright looking at me.

IMO, it doesn't mean anything unless she smiles at you. I've inadvertently stared at people when I'm merely thinking.

Unless you think your first date will involve staring contests.

 

[Ant-manic]

IMO, it doesn't mean anything unless she smiles at you. I've inadvertently stared at people when I'm merely thinking.

Unless you think your first date will involve staring contests.

whomever blinks first has to pay.