A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[LOBO3315a]

My right hand always seems to be having more fun than me.....

Wait for him to text, and deflecting with humor is a great way to smooth it over.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Keep on keepin' on then.

It's a sure fire pick up line if you can smooth that into a conversation.

 

[twylight]

It's a sure fire pick up line if you can smooth that into a conversation.

I was frankly, speechless, and went for the trucker reserve list.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

He had been drinking so I was worried the officer would think I had been too, even though I hadn't.

Anyway, should I text him tonight after he's off work? Just a simple little funny hello like "Greetings from the reckless driver criminal mastermind hahaha" to make a joke of it? Or should I wait for him to text? I'm not agonizing over it or anything, but I am curious. I'm wanting to put it behind us and move on with our relationship, so I thought humor would be a good way to do that

Still wouldn't get you arrested. The most the cop could do was make you take the field soberity tests that you would pass because you weren't drinking.

What do you need to put behind you? Getting pulled over? Let's give an example, say he picked a restaurant and you had a bad meal there, didn't get sick or anything, it just wasn't good. Would you feel he needed to apoligize to you for picking that restaurant, would it be something that you, as a couple, needed to put behind you. That's what this is, you're overthinking things! It wasn't a fight, you didn't hit him or cheat on him.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I was freaked out and not thinking clearly. I had never been pulled over, I smelled like a karaoke bar, and a cop was shining a flashlight in my eyes. You try thinking clearly in that situation.

What I'm saying we need to put behind us (if it's an issue) is any possible negativity he feels about anything that happened last night. He may be just fine, he may not.

 

[Mac_Hine]

He's probably fine. I wouldn't think any of it if I was the dude.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I was freaked out and not thinking clearly. I had never been pulled over, I smelled like a karaoke bar, and a cop was shining a flashlight in my eyes. You try thinking clearly in that situation.

One of my best qualities, actually.

Again, this shows how much you overthink things. What's he gonna arrest you for? Not drinking? Smelling bad is not a law (although perhaps it should be).

What I'm saying we need to put behind us (if it's an issue) is any possible negativity he feels about anything that happened last night. He may be just fine, he may not.

He's just fine...we've all been there.

IF he's not 'fine', then what can I say, he's a stupid *****e. If he's agreeing to go out with you though (speaking as a guy) he's trying to get in your pants. Maybe not right away, but somewhere down the line he's considering it. He may even be waiting for you to go "okay, let's do this". He's not spending time with you to hear you piss and moan about traffic tickets. In fact if it makes you feel better, you can test that theory and if he says "no, I would never" or even if he turns down an invitation to make out you can blame ME. So there is no pressure, because if he turns you down it's my fault, I gave you bad advice.

 

[AndThePickles]

Angel, don't you dare text him if he hasnt responded from your two last night. It's his turn to make contact, particularly with the clingy second text. Best way to smooth THAT over is to let him come to you.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

One of my best qualities, actually.

Again, this shows how much you overthink things. What's he gonna arrest you for? Not drinking? Smelling bad is not a law (although perhaps it should be).

I dunno, reckless driving or something? I don't know traffic laws all that well. I mean, I know a portion of them from Driver's Ed, but that was years ago and I doubt they covered every single little traffic law.

I do think too much. I have ADHD. My brain goes a million miles an hour, constantly. So it's not hard to whip me up into a frenzy, especially when I haven't taken my pill. Because when I'm unmedicated (which I was last night), my brain is whirring through every single potential bad outcome of a situation at what feels like the speed of light. Doesn't help that I'm a natural worryer as it is. But anyway, I took my pill this morning and am much calmer.

He's just fine...we've all been there.

IF he's not 'fine', then what can I say, he's a stupid *****e. If he's agreeing to go out with you though (speaking as a guy) he's trying to get in your pants. Maybe not right away, but somewhere down the line he's considering it. He may even be waiting for you to go "okay, let's do this". He's not spending time with you to hear you piss and moan about traffic tickets. In fact if it makes you feel better, you can test that theory and if he says "no, I would never" or even if he turns down an invitation to make out you can blame ME. So there is no pressure, because if he turns you down it's my fault, I gave you bad advice.

It's not like I'm completely opposed to the idea of my pants being gotten into, but not this soon into our dating relationship. I'd feel like a complete ****e if I "dropped it like it's hot" after only a month and a half of dating when we aren't an official couple yet (though we may be soon. I'm not sure). Beyond that, he's told me that his previous relationship moved extremely fast. Like, sex on the first date, moving in together after a month fast. So he wants to take things slower here. Which I'm perfectly fine with. It lets me get more comfortable rather than feeling rushed into things I'm not quite ready for at this point.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Angel, don't you dare text him if he hasnt responded from your two last night. It's his turn to make contact, particularly with the clingy second text. Best way to smooth THAT over is to let him come to you.

Ditto on this by the way, just to be clear.

 

[DV8]

I may have ruined everything...

We went out to sing karaoke tonight. Had a nice time. Then it came time for me to drive him home. I accidentally started going the way to my house for some reason. He pointed this out to me and I immediately turned right at the nearest street to turn around and go the right way....a one-way street. I hit a curb and he pointed out to me before I had turned around that it was a one-way. So I went the right way and was going to just turn around using other streets. Well, as luck would have it, a cop saw us and pulled me over - the first time I've ever been pulled over. I'm in full-on panic mode. Not only because I've never been pulled over, but because I'm scared that I've freaked him out and he'll never want to see me again. The cop takes our info and lets us off with a warning. I apologized a million times on the way back to his house. It still doesn't feel like enough. He said it was ok, and didn't seem freaked out at all, but I'm still worried. I sent him 2 texts since I got home with no reply. Now, he may just be asleep (it is late), or my worry has come true. AUGH!!

Oh, for the curious, the texts I sent were:

"I don't think I'll ever feel I've apologized enough for that..."

*10 minutes later*

"I know I worry too much. But that right there is the sort of thing I'm worried about. That I'll do something that stupid and you'll wig out and leave for good."

this may sound shallow, but uhhhh what do you look like? you should post a photo . . . PS overapologizing is not. cool. ever.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Angel, don't you dare text him if he hasnt responded from your two last night. It's his turn to make contact, particularly with the clingy second text. Best way to smooth THAT over is to let him come to you.

Yeah, he hasn't replied yet. But he is at work right now and generally doesn't text me while he's there unless he gets a break.

And I already said something similar (but not the exact same) to that text to him in person a few weeks ago when I was driving him home (the night we got Taco Bell and I decided not to try and kiss him because he had eaten something with a lot of beef in it and being a vegetarian I didn't want to taste that) and he didn't seem too bothered by it. So I don't know.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's not like I'm completely opposed to the idea of my pants being gotten into, but not this soon into our dating relationship. I'd feel like a complete ****e if I "dropped it like it's hot" after only a month and a half of dating when we aren't an official couple yet (though we may be soon. I'm not sure). Beyond that, he's told me that his previous relationship moved extremely fast. Like, sex on the first date, moving in together after a month fast. So he wants to take things slower here. Which I'm perfectly fine with. It lets me get more comfortable rather than feeling rushed into things I'm not quite ready for at this point.

Didn't you say you haven't been "physical" yet in any sense (Man, this thread DOES need cliffnotes). It's been six weeks? I mean take all the time you need, but six weeks of dating is quite a long time to string that out. That's a personal opinion of course.

My hunch says he's bullsh**ing you a bit on his 'previous relationships'. He's probably trying to make you take the lead a bit, which again may indicate he's not as 'experienced' as he wants you to think.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Didn't you say you haven't been "physical" yet in any sense (Man, this thread DOES need cliffnotes). It's been six weeks? I mean take all the time you need, but six weeks of dating is quite a long time to string that out. That's a personal opinion of course.

My hunch says he's bullsh**ing you a bit on his 'previous relationships'. He's probably trying to make you take the lead a bit, which again may indicate he's not as 'experienced' as he wants you to think.

Yeah, we haven't gotten "physical" in any way yet other than hugging. I was actually going to try yet again last night, but then the insanity happened and kissing was the furthest thing from my mind.

I know there's at least some validity to what he's saying. When we were in high school (he was a year or two above me) he was seen with a different girl every few weeks. He had quite the reputation as a bad boy/player. He's seemed to have outgrown that thankfully.

 

[AndThePickles]

Yeah, he hasn't replied yet. But he is at work right now and generally doesn't text me while he's there unless he gets a break.

And I already said something similar (but not the exact same) to that text to him in person a few weeks ago when I was driving him home (the night we got Taco Bell and I decided not to try and kiss him because he had eaten something with a lot of beef in it and being a vegetarian I didn't want
to taste that) and he didn't seem too bothered by it. So I don't know.

Saying it once doesn't give you permission to do it again. Once is easy to overlook...multiple times is a good tactic to push any man away.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Yeah, we haven't gotten "physical" in any way yet other than hugging. I was actually going to try yet again last night, but then the insanity happened and kissing was the furthest thing from my mind.

I know there's at least some validity to what he's saying. When we were in high school (he was a year or two above me) he was seen with a different girl every few weeks. He had quite the reputation as a bad boy/player. He's seemed to have outgrown that thankfully.

Don't wait until the end of the night, I think the best bet is the next date you two go out on, begin it with a kiss. Just go for, a lot of your anxiety is probably sexual tension. It's been a month and a half, you're not going slow, you're stopped.

 

[DV8]

Saying it once doesn't give you permission to do it again. Once is easy to overlook...multiple times is a good tactic to push any man away.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Saying it once doesn't give you permission to do it again. Once is easy to overlook...multiple times is a good tactic to push any man away.

Gah, you're probably right. I really hope I can smooth that over if it's bothered him at all (which it's most likely it hasn't). I shouldn't have sent that text. I was just freaking out over the whole situation and wasn't thinking straight.

Don't wait until the end of the night, I think the best bet is the next date you two go out on, begin it with a kiss. Just go for, a lot of your anxiety is probably sexual tension. It's been a month and a half, you're not going slow, you're stopped.

The end of the night just seems like the most natural place to me. I wouldn't want to kiss him at the very beginning of the night, though, because he lives with his grandparents for the moment. Their health isn't the best and he's helping care for them. And they're ultra religious. I doubt they'd appreciate their grandson kissing a girl right in front of them.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah, we haven't gotten "physical" in any way yet other than hugging. I was actually going to try yet again last night, but then the insanity happened and kissing was the furthest thing from my mind.

Holy Sh** moments, imo, are basically green lights to kiss. After that cop walked away, with the car parked. You really couldn't have asked for a better time. I would have just gone for it. I had to run a girl through the pouring rain once. We were soaked, and I knew once I got her back to the car, with the adrenaline going like that. Bingo.

I know there's at least some validity to what he's saying. When we were in high school (he was a year or two above me) he was seen with a different girl every few weeks. He had quite the reputation as a bad boy/player. He's seemed to have outgrown that thankfully.

My guess, that "rep" was bunk. Take a tip from me. I was a late bloomer, and one of the things that helped me was ignoring advice from guys with "reputations". Reputations are just noise. Just because your seen with a girl or can generate a bunch of rumors doesn't mean sh**. The guys who talk big games generally have the biggest problem backing it up. If he's seem to "outgrow" it, it's simply because he finally got into the real world. He's away from High School where he can create a persona to hide behind.

From what you've said he's probably a guy who gets strung along by a lot of girls (hence why he's seen with them) but probably dances around what he wants a lot. Anyone who talks about 'past relationships' or talks about how he used to be a "player" is more than likely talking about a person who never existed but represents all their missed opportunities. The fact that you've held out being physical with him to me also indicates he's not very assertive.

Don't take this the wrong way, but the insecurities you display on here, if he was any sort of "player" he would've exploited those a long time ago. As I say (and please don't text him yet), my wager is he's actually very anxious about physical relationships himself and if you took the lead I bet he'd follow.

 

[DV8]

Don't wait until the end of the night, I think the best bet is the next date you two go out on, begin it with a kiss. Just go for, a lot of your anxiety is probably sexual tension. It's been a month and a half, you're not going slow, you're stopped.

yeah, if you're going to go for it; do this early into the date; there's so much tension that's relieved the rest of the night . . . you will be "waiting for the right opportunity" forever . . . I just walked in on this thread, but I'm sorry to say I don't think he's that into you; otherwise he would've already made a move; especially if he were known to be a "bad boy/player"; grow up as much as a person can, they are still human with urges

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

The end of the night just seems like the most natural place to me. I wouldn't want to kiss him at the very beginning of the night, though, because he lives with his grandparents for the moment. Their health isn't the best and he's helping care for them. And they're ultra religious. I doubt they'd appreciate their grandson kissing a girl right in front of them.

Just so you know, the more I find out about this guy, the less 'experienced' I think he is.

Word to the wise. 'Experienced' guys are go-getters. They'll take a lot of risks, and are generally pushy about getting physical and/or very firm about what they want. This guy seems a bit wishy-washy, and by a bit, I mean very.

 

[DV8]

the elephant in the room here, and no need to step forward, allow me to be the brash one; *ahem* is AngelFairie hot or not? sorry but this is an important point/concern . . .

 

[twylight]

She's quite attractive.

 

[AndThePickles]

Gah, you're probably right. I really hope I can smooth that over if it's bothered him at all (which it's most likely it hasn't). I shouldn't have sent that text. I was just freaking out over the whole situation and wasn't thinking straight.

Don't worry about it any more, and don't bring it up to him. Your best move now is to just relax in the future, and let him be the next one to send a text (or call you, etc)

 

[Angel_Faerie]

this may sound shallow, but uhhhh what do you look like? you should post a photo . . . PS overapologizing is not. cool. ever.

Here I am. Taken like 20 minutes ago. I usually wear makeup but I didn't today.

Spoiler

Holy Sh** moments, imo, are basically green lights to kiss. After that cop walked away, with the car parked. You really couldn't have asked for a better time. I would have just gone for it. I had to run a girl through the pouring rain once. We were soaked, and I knew once I got her back to the car, with the adrenaline going like that. Bingo.

Damn. That would have been a good moment. But I didn't think of that. All I was thinking was "OhGodOhGodOhGod I almost got us in trouble with the cops! OhGodOhGodOhGod I'm the worst driver ever! OhGodOhGodOhGod He probably thinks I'm a maniac!"

My guess, that "rep" was bunk. Take a tip from me. I was a late bloomer, and one of the things that helped me was ignoring advice from guys with "reputations". Reputations are just noise. Just because your seen with a girl or can generate a bunch of rumors doesn't mean sh**. The guys who talk big games generally have the biggest problem backing it up. If he's seem to "outgrow" it, it's simply because he finally got into the real world. He's away from High School where he can create a persona to hide behind.

From what you've said he's probably a guy who gets strung along by a lot of girls (hence why he's seen with them) but probably dances around what he wants a lot. Anyone who talks about 'past relationships' or talks about how he used to be a "player" is more than likely talking about a person who never existed but represents all their missed opportunities. The fact that you've held out being physical with him to me also indicates he's not very assertive.

Don't take this the wrong way, but the insecurities you display on here, if he was any sort of "player" he would've exploited those a long time ago. As I say (and please don't text him yet), my wager is he's actually very anxious about physical relationships himself and if you took the lead I bet he'd follow.

We've talked quite a bit about those days, and a lot of the rep was bunk, but there was some truth to it at the same time. At least according to him. And he's never bragged about his experience with other girls. In fact, most of the time he seems ashamed when he talks about it.

Yes, if he were the same guy he were in high school he probably would exploit them. But he's not that guy now. To me that fact that he hasn't pressed the issue proves that he's changed.

yeah, if you're going to go for it; do this early into the date; there's so much tension that's relieved the rest of the night . . . you will be "waiting for the right opportunity" forever . . . I just walked in on this thread, but I'm sorry to say I don't think he's that into you; otherwise he would've already made a move; especially if he were known to be a "bad boy/player"; grow up as much as a person can, they are still human with urges

He confessed last week that he has feelings for me, so I'm not sure if it's a "H.J.N.T.I.Y" type of thing. He's also said before he's surprised how much he's been restraining himself with me. It's probably for my sake considering my almost complete inexperience when it comes to physical stuff in relationships. Which is why I'm thinking that you guys are right and that I should make the first move.