Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Hound55]

That's called "playing the percentages"...

 

[Anita18]

If it's not sexual at all, you could very well just be really good friends with her and never even cheat on your wife, no?

Yeah. Just think of her as your long-lost sister.

 

[Hound55]

I'm sure none of the girls here would have a problem with their significant other doing that... heh

 

[Polaris23]

I think I'm falling for my close friend.

 

[Charlie Boy]

What are the odds that she'll feel the same way you do... I've been down that path before, man. It's no good... Now that I think about it, I've been down that path a few times... Each time it was more trouble than it was worth.

Draw a line in the sand my friend. Your friends are your friends, and the people you want to have sex with are... Well, the people you want to have sex with... Never shall the two groups be one in the same.

 

[AndThePickles]

I'm sure none of the girls here would have a problem with their significant other doing that... heh

Lol yeah, it sounds like Golgo is definitely acknowledging that his feelings are more than "friendly." I think that it would be inappropriate to seek this woman out.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Lol yeah, it sounds like Golgo is definitely acknowledging that his feelings are more than "friendly." I think that it would be inappropriate to seek this woman out.

But I don't think it would hurt to find her attractive though so long as one treats attractive people when you're in the state of marriage like paintings in a museum. That's always been my philosophy when I'm in a serious relationship. I think in my head, yes, you are quite attractive looking, but I know where my main pickle is and he's not here with me.

 

[Hound55]

Even without a sexual component it still isn't particularly fair though for him to spend all of his time having a certain kind of emotional relationship with this girl away from his wife though.

 

[AndThePickles]

But I don't think it would hurt to find her attractive though so long as one treats attractive people when you're in the state of marriage like paintings in a museum. That's always been my philosophy when I'm in a serious relationship. I think in my head, yes, you are quite attractive looking, but I know where my main pickle is and he's not here with me.

Definitely. It's normal that he finds this other woman attractive, but it sounds like he's gone beyond the initial attraction. The fact that he's saying she's like his other half says to me that unless he wants to leave his wife for her, he should probably not spend time with her. They don't work together anymore, so he would have to purposely seek her out to spend time with her (and it would be on a one-on-one basis).

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

Yeah that sounds kinda dangerous.

 

[Hound55]

Definitely. It's normal that he finds this other woman attractive, but it sounds like he's gone beyond the initial attraction. The fact that he's saying she's like his other half says to me that unless he wants to leave his wife for her, he should probably not spend time with her. They don't work together anymore, so he would have to purposely seek her out to spend time with her (and it would be on a one-on-one basis).

Even beyond that risk though, I would say it's unethical due to the simple fact that it's harming her (philosophically speaking, it's an action which is contrary to her interests).

Either you come clean and leave your wife in order to persue things with this other person or you cut ties and keep working on trying to forget her... Those are your ethical options.

Of course we're not necessarily bound by what's ethical and you could go another route... which would have no bearing on me whatsoever, and I'm not judging, but I'm working from the assumption that those are your boundaries.

 

[Erzengel]

Sooooooo....my first date in a..while went well. Lasted about a hour...she did most of talking. I just asked questions to start conversation. Um...it went well, about an hour after date I asked her if she's free this upcoming weekend for a second date. No response yet...but she's a busy woman, so I dunno if she will agree to second date. Like it went well, but we didn't hug or anything. I may already be friendzoned. Anyhoo...what got me a bit mad...

A employee at the coffee shop called my niece saying I was talking to a girl. >_< how rude. I didn't want family knowing about date. Niece even called me during date but I didn't answer. I told her not to tell my parents...it's just a date. And my parents are gonna throw a fit with me even going out with a 33 year old woman, who is divorced and has a kid. Rather I go out with her again, at least I got some dating practice under my belt. Last woman I went out with..was in 2009...and she was high. Probably had a shot at making out with her, but felt it wouldn't be right. And I just wasn't interested in dating her. Like...not even 6 months before hand she was engaged...but now I'm ranting like usual. Ranting ETM.

And I'm glad she(date in 09) didn't get pulled over. She had weed on her.

You know you actually have to be friends with a girl to be friendzoned.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Definitely. It's normal that he finds this other woman attractive, but it sounds like he's gone beyond the initial attraction. The fact that he's saying she's like his other half says to me that unless he wants to leave his wife for her, he should probably not spend time with her. They don't work together anymore, so he would have to purposely seek her out to spend time with her (and it would be on a one-on-one basis).

That's the tragic thing about relationships in that you get married and think you've found the one, then you meet another person you really like. I guess this is what scares me the most, the whole falling out of love period that can happen when you spend too much time with one person. I suppose the perfect guy for me then would be someone who has a very busy career so that we have periods of time where we don't see each other, hopefully culminating in a deeper longing when we're without each other's company and a greater passion when we are with each other.

 

[Erzengel]

Marriage takes work.

But, I'd be honest with you Jinouga, I think you're REALLY idolizing a perfect relationship. They are never perfect. At best we are going to find 80% of what we are looking for in someone. I think the problem is when we try to find that other 20%.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

You know you actually have to be friends with a girl to be friendzoned.

Dunno bout that.

I friend zone people very quickly on a date, especially if I don't fancy them. It's my defense mechanism really.

 

[Erzengel]

Well I'm not as liberal with the term "friend".

Someone's not my friend after 1 date.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Marriage takes work.

But, I'd be honest with you Jinouga, I think you're REALLY idolizing a perfect relationship. They are never perfect. At best we are going to find 80% of what we are looking for in someone. I think the problem is when we try to find that other 20%.

It's not that I'm looking for a perfect relationship. I'm just trying to utilize things that might actually work. Like a delicious dessert you need to be pretty conservative with it or you'll not be as fond of it over time.

 

[SpideyVille]

The interesting thing about Golgo`s situation is that its not the typical "my wife is getting old and this younger attractive woman is into me." It is more like this girl is so similar to his wife, only he can connect more with her, which makes her go past the point of pure attraction. But obviously he can`t just be friends with her because he feels like he is deeply in love with her. Of course, I still say this could all be a moot point if she doesn`t even feel the same about him. But even if she does, i feel like this is like someone buying something like the first iPad and loving it so much, but once the newer model comes out with some new feature, suddenly you can`t stop thinking about it even though you don`t really need it. you don`t want to get rid of the first one because it still works great and does everything you need it to and more often than not, when you go out and get that new one, you soon realize that its not all that great and you would have perfectly happy living your whole life with that first one. But instead, you now live with the regret of getting the second one.

Like that marriage quote said, wants and needs are comepletely different. If you already have what you need, don`t focus too much of what else you want because you can easily end up with nothing in the end.

 

[WillardNation]

I think it's a sad time when we've turned to Tyler Perry for any kind of advice.

 

[Erzengel]

Racist.

 

[WillardNation]

Yes, that's exactly the reason.

 

[Poeman]

Hopefully golgo's wife is not snooping around his computer

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well I'm not as liberal with the term "friend".

Someone's not my friend after 1 date.

I think there is a difference between the 'friend zone' category and actually being a friend.

It just means that you don't see them in a sexual way, you only see them as 'friend material' not 'boyfriend material'.

 

[Erzengel]

We are probably arguing semantics.

One can just labeled it, "Not Attracted to You".

 

[steintym]

Hopefully golgo's wife is not snooping around his computer

No doubt ... although that might solve the problem