Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[SpideyVille]

We are probably arguing semantics.

One can just labeled it, "Not Attracted to You".

I recently heard it labeled as "I don`t want to see you naked in my bed."

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Okay I have one.

How do you get a guy to move beyond the 'Your a barmaid and I like to flirt with barmaids cause their unattainable?'

I have a bit of a crush on a guy who's a regular at the pub I work nights. We have tonnes in common, talk for hours, flirt, swap uni stories, laugh. He tease me, I tease him.

The trouble is, he's not making a move. He's hinted. His friends have hinted, sometimes I even catch them saying 'just ask her out'!.

But it's like the minute I'm the other side of the bar, he's not interested.

I dunno if that's a fear thing, or whether he's just not that into me.

 

[Godzilla2000]

My suggestion, you make the first move then. You obviously are on friendly terms and feel comfortable talking to him so just swallow your pride and tell him you feel a strong connection with him and would like to go on a date whenever he's free. The worst he can do is say that A.) He's already got a girlfriend. B.) He's Married. C.) He just wants to continue being friends.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Sooooooo....my first date in a..while went well. Lasted about a hour...she did most of talking. I just asked questions to start conversation. Um...it went well, about an hour after date I asked her if she's free this upcoming weekend for a second date. No response yet...but she's a busy woman, so I dunno if she will agree to second date. Like it went well, but we didn't hug or anything. I may already be friendzoned. Anyhoo...what got me a bit mad...

A employee at the coffee shop called my niece saying I was talking to a girl. >_< how rude. I didn't want family knowing about date. Niece even called me during date but I didn't answer. I told her not to tell my parents...it's just a date. And my parents are gonna throw a fit with me even going out with a 33 year old woman, who is divorced and has a kid. Rather I go out with her again, at least I got some dating practice under my belt. Last woman I went out with..was in 2009...and she was high. Probably had a shot at making out with her, but felt it wouldn't be right. And I just wasn't interested in dating her. Like...not even 6 months before hand she was engaged...but now I'm ranting like usual. Ranting ETM.

And I'm glad she(date in 09) didn't get pulled over. She had weed on her.

It could just be a case of she's just not that into you. If you've never met this person in real life before and this was your first date, if she's not into you, you won't be friendzoned, you just won't hear from her again. In my opinion, not even getting a hug is a bad sign. When was your date?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

That's the tragic thing about relationships in that you get married and think you've found the one, then you meet another person you really like. I guess this is what scares me the most, the whole falling out of love period that can happen when you spend too much time with one person. I suppose the perfect guy for me then would be someone who has a very busy career so that we have periods of time where we don't see each other, hopefully culminating in a deeper longing when we're without each other's company and a greater passion when we are with each other.

See in this case though, you're his mistress and his job is his real wife. He'll go through the motions with you, but work will always come first.

 

[WillardNation]

Okay I have one.

How do you get a guy to move beyond the 'Your a barmaid and I like to flirt with barmaids cause their unattainable?'

I have a bit of a crush on a guy who's a regular at the pub I work nights. We have tonnes in common, talk for hours, flirt, swap uni stories, laugh. He tease me, I tease him.

The trouble is, he's not making a move. He's hinted. His friends have hinted, sometimes I even catch them saying 'just ask her out'!.

But it's like the minute I'm the other side of the bar, he's not interested.

I dunno if that's a fear thing, or whether he's just not that into me.

Ask him out.

 

[Anubis]

Slip him a micky, fireman's carry him into the back room and then have your way with him.

 

[enterthemadness]

My date was yesterday at the local coffee and ice cream shop. We had been talking on Plenty of Fish for about a week beforehand. About a hour later after date I sent her a message on there asking if she's free for next weekend. I already have this feeling there won't be a second date. To me, it went okay, just not a lot of chemistry. Probably didn't help I can never look people in the eye 100% when talking, ESP to women. I just get nervous when talking. My speech wasn't good either, I can say my words clear when I practice or in speech therapy, but one on one with a stranger,...eh. Let's put it this way. When I practice my speech....trying to make it clear, it feels like a second language. When I just talk and my speech comes out it sounds like a accent still, but a...eh.

 

[Anita18]

That's the tragic thing about relationships in that you get married and think you've found the one, then you meet another person you really like. I guess this is what scares me the most, the whole falling out of love period that can happen when you spend too much time with one person. I suppose the perfect guy for me then would be someone who has a very busy career so that we have periods of time where we don't see each other, hopefully culminating in a deeper longing when we're without each other's company and a greater passion when we are with each other.

But see, being in a long-term relationship, it's not as easy as "Oh I'm more attracted to this person now, lemme dump my current SO and give it a go with this new guy." It goes deeper than just attraction.

When you're in a marriage or long-term relationship, you literally build a life together and cannot imagine not having them in your corner. This is what my mom told me when I asked her what it's like being married so long - she says it's not the kind of giddy love that the movies show you, but it's the comfort knowing that the other person's part of your family now.

One of my design instructors just lost his wife of 40 years - they were each other's first loves and from the way he talks, it really does seem like there's a huge void in his life now that she's not there.

But there's definitely something to be said about not seeing each other for a while. I lived with my bf for 3 months before he moved away to take a job, and now he visits every 2-3 weeks. And I find that I definitely make time for him because I know we only have a limited amount of time together. Before I sorta took him for granted and figured we could go out later or stuff like that.

My date was yesterday at the local coffee and ice cream shop. We had been talking on Plenty of Fish for about a week beforehand. About a hour later after date I sent her a message on there asking if she's free for next weekend. I already have this feeling there won't be a second date. To me, it went okay, just not a lot of chemistry. Probably didn't help I can never look people in the eye 100% when talking, ESP to women. I just get nervous when talking. My speech wasn't good either, I can say my words clear when I practice or in speech therapy, but one on one with a stranger,...eh. Let's put it this way. When I practice my speech....trying to make it clear, it feels like a second language. When I just talk and my speech comes out it sounds like a accent still, but a...eh.

Eventually you might meet someone who doesn't give a damn about the way you talk. I remember vividly having a REALLY hard time with my stutter my first few days with my bf. He didn't seem to care at all. In fact, he was probably happy that I wasn't a chatterbox.

But really, it's not all about how you do something, but what you do. And there will be people who just aren't attracted to you.

 

[Kane52630]

[YT]MzDK70zO-Eo[/YT]

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Okay I have one.

How do you get a guy to move beyond the 'Your a barmaid and I like to flirt with barmaids cause their unattainable?'

I have a bit of a crush on a guy who's a regular at the pub I work nights. We have tonnes in common, talk for hours, flirt, swap uni stories, laugh. He tease me, I tease him.

The trouble is, he's not making a move. He's hinted. His friends have hinted, sometimes I even catch them saying 'just ask her out'!.

But it's like the minute I'm the other side of the bar, he's not interested.

I dunno if that's a fear thing, or whether he's just not that into me.

You'll probably have to ask him out.

Girls in bars and restaurants are constantly flirty to get tips. Guys play along with it, but know that's pretty much part of their job description.

I've only ever asked out 1 girl that worked at a bar I was a regular at. And of course, I didn't get the date. But that was when I first started going to bars when I first turned 21. After I got a little bit of experience, I realized it's all about getting tips. Then I started actually working in bars and restaurants, and yea. I'll never ask out a girl behind a bar again.

 

[terry78]

Ask him out.

Intricate in its simplicity.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I'm just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on this malevolent sort of behavior when you reject someone, but why do people who claim to love you then wish violent death upon you when you make it explicitly clear you have no feelings for them whatsoever? Now let me set this up, the hateful person in question is a lesbian and she's been particularly aggressive because I have made it known I am only interested in guys. I understand the turmoil of one sided love, believe me I've been there more times than I care to count, but in the end all that frustrated energy is just uselessly wasted on dead end romantic paths. I've learned the fine art of letting go of diverging roads that lead to nowhere and going on with my life always knowing someone better will enter my life. What's with all this negativity from a woman who knows I'm not attracted to them whatsoever? I don't begrudge her her feelings but there are greener pastures out there for her to explore. Why does she, who claims to be in love with me want to make my life miserable? I've been going through a tough time with my father passing away and the life threatening mold situation in my apartment that I'm moving out of. This sort of overreaction to a simple rejection only adds to it all.

 

[Anubis]

Love, Hate, strong emotions that are one side of the same coin.

When one ends, the other is almost always to follow.

Or maybe she's just a whiny b***h.

 

[Secret Fawful]

I'm just wondering if anyone can enlighten me on this malevolent sort of behavior when you reject someone, but why do people who claim to love you then wish violent death upon you when you make it explicitly clear you have no feelings for them whatsoever? Now let me set this up, the hateful person in question is a lesbian and she's been particularly aggressive because I have made it known I am only interested in guys. I understand the turmoil of one sided love, believe me I've been there more times than I care to count, but in the end all that frustrated energy is just uselessly wasted on dead end romantic paths. I've learned the fine art of letting go of diverging roads that lead to nowhere and going on with my life always knowing someone better will enter my life. What's with all this negativity from a woman who knows I'm not attracted to them whatsoever? I don't begrudge her her feelings but there are greener pastures out there for her to explore. Why does she, who claims to be in love with me want to make my life miserable? I've been going through a tough time with my father passing away and the life threatening mold situation in my apartment that I'm moving out of. This sort of overreaction to a simple rejection only adds to it all.

There's no such thing as a simple rejection. It's natural to be angry when you're rejected, without even a chance. Just because you can turn it into something positive, don't ridicule someone who can't. Not everyone has that ability. Quit using the other hardships in your life as an excuse to make yourself sound like the victim. That stuff has nothing to do with you and her.

 

[Godzilla2000]

There's no such thing as a simple rejection. It's natural to be angry when you're rejected, without even a chance. Just because you can turn it into something positive, don't ridicule someone who can't. Not everyone has that ability. Quit using the other hardships in your life as an excuse to make yourself sound like the victim. That stuff has nothing to do with you and her.

You're wrong, it's got everything to do with it. My dad died this year you know and the grieving process doesn't end overnight. Also it's only been within the past month that I've had the upheaval of having to move all my stuff out of this mold infested apartment complex where my neighbors are drug dealers and pimps. You are just a series of 1s and 0s that has no idea what I've been through at all in your insulated little world of nonreality. I am a victim, a victim of an insanely jealous rage because I won't force myself to feel emotions for people I don't have any for. I've been abused both physically and verbally as well as had mind games played on me for several years by these people and you say it has nothing to do with it. They got me so messed up I can't tell what's real and what's a set up anymore.

 

[Secret Fawful]

You're wrong, it's got everything to do with it. My dad died this year you know and the grieving process doesn't end overnight. Also it's only been within the past month that I've had the upheaval of having to move all my stuff out of this mold infested apartment complex where my neighbors are drug dealers and pimps. You are just a series of 1s and 0s that has no idea what I've been through at all in your insulated little world of nonreality.

Why yes, we're all faceless emotionless rubes completely unaware of what it's like to have a hard time in life. Either way, those things have nothing to do with the rejection. Either take my advice or don't. I don't have the patience for an argument. Actually, don't. Continue having no compassion at all about the other person while thinking only of yourself.

I mean, getting angry about a rejection? Really. Oh my, what a b-tch, right guys.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

You're wrong, it's got everything to do with it. My dad died this year you know and the grieving process doesn't end overnight. Also it's only been within the past month that I've had the upheaval of having to move all my stuff out of this mold infested apartment complex where my neighbors are drug dealers and pimps. You are just a series of 1s and 0s that has no idea what I've been through at all in your insulated little world of nonreality. I am a victim, a victim of an insanely jealous rage because I won't force myself to feel emotions for people I don't have any for. I've been abused both physically and verbally as well as had mind games played on me for several years by these people and you say it has nothing to do with it. They got me so messed up I can't tell what's real and what's a set up anymore.

So without all your hardships you would've been a lesbian and wanted to be with this woman? Your hardships have nothing to do with you rejected this person unless without them you think you would've been a lesbian. Her reaction is extreme, but sometimes rejection is hard to deal with. If she's been abusing you then it's time to file a restraining order.

It's hilarious when people come here asking for advice and when the don't hear what they want they moan about you don't know the whole story. Of course we don't we're working with the information given to us.

 

[Anubis]

And a one sided perspective to boot.

 

[SpideyVille]

I agree, I've been rejection plenty of times for numerous reasons, and while I can laugh at them all now, I remember feeling really bad after it happened with a girl I really liked to the point where I would be angry. Usually that anger comes from frustration, not with the person, but with the outcome.

Some people may take it to the extremes, but that's no reason to look for pity from people unless they are actually hurting you in some way. But anything else that goes on in your life that isn't related shouldn't be used as an excuse to make others take your side.

 

[steintym]

Rejection, no matter how delicately it is approached, is still a b**** and no one likes to be on the receiving end. Of course the rejected person is going to act hurt and angry. Now if it crosses the line into abuse (physical or mental) or threats, that's another story.

 

[twylight]

I'm trying to sift through all this... but in Jinouga's case, I'm getting the feeling that her father's death and the mold (which is serious stuff to mess with by the way) in no way effects the rejection. But the woman's reaction and apparent anger/disdain is adding an extra burden to emotional issues already in play.

Which begs the original question: If this woman loves and cares for her so much, why is she making her life difficult when she already knows Jinouga is going through hard times?

Answer: She's being a **** so that Jin feels bad/terrible/etc for not accepting her or changing for her (Oh that little 'power of love' hogwash we're fed as children). Without thought for the other things Jin's been going through.

From the original post, that's pretty much all I'm getting. Maybe I'm not reading in as deep as ya'll.

I agree that everyone handles rejection differently.

Personally, and away from the issue at hand, I don't care if you've been rejected, you shouldn't react in a way that effects the other person, or any other person, negatively at all. You either grin and bear it in silence or you walk away for a time (or for all time). Having been on the receiving end of rejection I am mortified when I remember my lashing out the first time. I don't ever want to go there again. So now I just walk away and move on. The lesbian's issues sound like just that her issues, shouldn't be effecting anyone but herself. She shouldn't be lashing out but rather dealing with her misplaced emotional attachment.

 

[AndThePickles]

I can relate to being frustrated when someone gets pissed when you reject them when you BLATANTLY aren't attracted to them. I could see if this was a situation where Jin was leading the person on, but she's made her side known. Sounds like the lesbian is being beyond bitter.

 

[steintym]

After a good rejection, I usually listen to some Slayer and get a good buzz going. Usually does the trick for me ...

 

[SpideyVille]

I'm trying to sift through all this... but in Jinouga's case, I'm getting the feeling that her father's death and the mold (which is serious stuff to mess with by the way) in no way effects the rejection. But the woman's reaction and apparent anger/disdain is adding an extra burden to emotional issues already in play.

Which begs the original question: If this woman loves and cares for her so much, why is she making her life difficult when she already knows Jinouga is going through hard times?

Answer: She's being a **** so that Jin feels bad/terrible/etc for not accepting her or changing for her (Oh that little 'power of love' hogwash we're fed as children). Without thought for the other things Jin's been going through.

From the original post, that's pretty much all I'm getting. Maybe I'm not reading in as deep as ya'll.

I agree that everyone handles rejection differently.

Personally, and away from the issue at hand, I don't care if you've been rejected, you shouldn't react in a way that effects the other person, or any other person, negatively at all. You either grin and bear it in silence or you walk away for a time (or for all time). Having been on the receiving end of rejection I am mortified when I remember my lashing out the first time. I don't ever want to go there again. So now I just walk away and move on. The lesbian's issues sound like just that her issues, shouldn't be effecting anyone but herself. She shouldn't be lashing out but rather dealing with her misplaced emotional attachment.

Doesn't this fall into that mentality of "If I can't have you, nobody can."

Kinda like how in the Phantom of the Opera (musical version), the Phantom presented Christine with the choice of either marrying him, or freeing her after he kills the man she's in love with. Its when your feeling go past love and you feel like you'll do anything just to be with that person whether they even want you or not, mainly because you only end up thinking about what you want.