Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Optimus_Prime_]

Just an update: I'm still single.

What the Hype read...

ETM: Lolz I'm forever alone

I've really gotten past a lot of my inner demons as of late. Once you figure out how to kill the social awkwardness which is what ultimately kills everything they start coming to you. The truth is getting girls isn't hard, it's very easy. Too easy. So much so I have almost no clue why I ever had trouble with it.

The key really is confidence and you can't fake that. Outwardly though my biggest fundamental changes, especially around women is I act like I don't give a sh**. If I had any plan it's: say what I want to a girl and do whatever I want to do. In other words don't let them control your life. What they say to you - even if it's a complement - shouldn't alter your perception of yourself. In other words you need to focus on what goes on in your head and worry less about what you've say and do all the time.

My classic 'nice guy' mistake was being impatient. Trying to make something happen. What I found out is if I just did not do much of anything and limited how much I talked I was in like flint.

Maintaining something 'special' is hard.

 

[Anita18]

Well the reason it's a pickle is because my ex of three years left me and was with a new guy in about two days, so I am fairly certain there was some dirty dealings going on so I am not sure she deserves a chance to come back. The issue with the other is obviously she is married but, the real problem is that we have developed a really close friendship over the last couple months and feelings developed but I wont go there because of the obvious. Then the choice issue stems from the fact that I know that the one ex is going to try and come back to me soon and the other one keeps telling me she is going to divorce him she just has to finish filing the paperwork. Sorry maybe I should have been more forthcoming with information, and maybe your 100 % right and I should choose neither.

My coworker is in the middle of divorcing her husband and believe me, she WISHES it was that easy. Divorce is a big pain in the ass. My boss's gf is divorced (very amicably, he reports - they even stayed with her ex last time they were in NYC) and apparently it's a big pain, even if both parties are totally cool with each other and there's no financial drama and no kids, it's still a big pain and takes a long time.

There's a big possibility she's just roping you in to feel okay into helping her cheat on her husband.

 

[WillardNation]

So I've been steady talking and hanging out with the girl I went on a date with a few weeks ago. Things got pretty weird last week for a few days (her wanting pics and sexting but then the next day saying she she just wanted to be friends but getting mad at me for telling my friend that she put me in the friend zone and totally going back on it) but everything got cleared up and I just chalked it up to her being nervous combined with her having a bad week. I mean, I got awkward as hell one night and acted just ******ed and she let that go so I figured I would let her little bout of weirdness go.

So this past weekend, things have been moving along. She's been texting me that she misses me and whatnot and we had plans to go out Saturday night but I was out of town for a couple fights our guys were in and didn't back til late. We hung out twice on Sunday and are pretty much constantly texting. I was texting my friend today who is friends with her boss and hears all the things she tells her boss about me.
He says to me, "I really need to lay off on these *****es, man."
I jokingly replied, "send em my way".
He came back with, "You won't find a breather with Sarah very soon."
I said, "What do you mean?"
He said, "I mean you're going to be in a relationship very soon."
Me: "oh yeah?"
Him: "uhuh!"
Me: "do you have inside information?"
Him: "Yes! You're going to be in a relationship."

So, yeah. I guess that's happening. I'm pretty cool with it.

 

[Hiddensymbols]

My coworker is in the middle of divorcing her husband and believe me, she WISHES it was that easy. Divorce is a big pain in the ass. My boss's gf is divorced (very amicably, he reports - they even stayed with her ex last time they were in NYC) and apparently it's a big pain, even if both parties are totally cool with each other and there's no financial drama and no kids, it's still a big pain and takes a long time.

There's a big possibility she's just roping you in to feel okay into helping her cheat on her husband.

No kidding it is a pain, and that is possible but the only way she is cheating is emotionally, I won't let it ever reach physicality, I am a better man then that.

 

[SpideyVille]

I've really gotten past a lot of my inner demons as of late. Once you figure out how to kill the social awkwardness which is what ultimately kills everything they start coming to you. The truth is getting girls isn't hard, it's very easy. Too easy. So much so I have almost no clue why I ever had trouble with it.

The key really is confidence and you can't fake that. Outwardly though my biggest fundamental changes, especially around women is I act like I don't give a sh**. If I had any plan it's: say what I want to a girl and do whatever I want to do. In other words don't let them control your life. What they say to you - even if it's a complement - shouldn't alter your perception of yourself. In other words you need to focus on what goes on in your head and worry less about what you've say and do all the time.

My classic 'nice guy' mistake was being impatient. Trying to make something happen. What I found out is if I just did not do much of anything and limited how much I talked I was in like flint.

Maintaining something 'special' is hard.

My friend was explaining to me how there are guys that act very available (like I have done) and then there's guys who play the opposite and don't seem to care, and that works a lot more, but the best guys are in between, in that they don't allow themselves to be controls by pushing everything aside for a girl, but at the same time, they give her proper attention and don't completely act like they don't give a damn.

But yeah, I have the same impatient problem in that I almost try to force a situation instead of letting things happen naturally, for better or worse.

My coworker is in the middle of divorcing her husband and believe me, she WISHES it was that easy. Divorce is a big pain in the ass. My boss's gf is divorced (very amicably, he reports - they even stayed with her ex last time they were in NYC) and apparently it's a big pain, even if both parties are totally cool with each other and there's no financial drama and no kids, it's still a big pain and takes a long time.

There's a big possibility she's just roping you in to feel okay into helping her cheat on her husband.

Yeah, my sister has two kids and has been in the middle of a divorce for almost a year as they try to deal with court dates and child support and things. It's been a real pain because now she can't leave California for good, so she's sort of stuck out there until the kids are 18..

But yeah, I agree. There's definitely a possibility of this girl saying things just to make things not seem as bad if they were to go down.

 

[WillardNation]

My sister is going through a divorce right now. Her husband has been acting like a psycho and being mean and ****. He made some threatening comments to her the other day when she was here and then I had to step in and have a conversation with him. Funnily enough, since that conversation, he has been the nicest to her that he's been since this whole thing started. He finally realized that it's not just an A and B conversation and I am not someone he wants angry at him.

Funny thing about it is, I think they will have the first custody battle ever where neither of the parents want to take the kids lol.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I've really gotten past a lot of my inner demons as of late. Once you figure out how to kill the social awkwardness which is what ultimately kills everything they start coming to you. The truth is getting girls isn't hard, it's very easy. Too easy. So much so I have almost no clue why I ever had trouble with it.

The key really is confidence and you can't fake that. Outwardly though my biggest fundamental changes, especially around women is I act like I don't give a sh**. If I had any plan it's: say what I want to a girl and do whatever I want to do. In other words don't let them control your life. What they say to you - even if it's a complement - shouldn't alter your perception of yourself. In other words you need to focus on what goes on in your head and worry less about what you've say and do all the time.

My classic 'nice guy' mistake was being impatient. Trying to make something happen. What I found out is if I just did not do much of anything and limited how much I talked I was in like flint.

Maintaining something 'special' is hard.

If getting girls is so easy then why are there guys who struggle? The types of guys who have never had a gf before, the type of guys who have never gotten a piece of the pie.
Oh and try telling that to the type of guys who girls won't go for at all. I hate this notion that if one guy can easily get girls then that all the other guys can easily get girls, in my mind that is what you are seemingly assuming, well something like that.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, my sister has two kids and has been in the middle of a divorce for almost a year as they try to deal with court dates and child support and things. It's been a real pain because now she can't leave California for good, so she's sort of stuck out there until the kids are 18.

It's kind of messy since my coworker has two young children, and her soon-to-be-ex-husband (who hasn't had the kids in his care for most of their lives) applied for sole custody just to mess with her. I think they've straightened that out by now and tried to keep things as drama-free as possible for the kids.

But yeah, her lawyer advised her to clean out any savings accounts in her name since it'd be all on the table for alimony. It's a huge pain.

Funny thing about it is, I think they will have the first custody battle ever where neither of the parents want to take the kids lol.

Poor kids.

If getting girls is so easy then why are there guys who struggle? The types of guys who have never had a gf before, the type of guys who have never gotten a piece of the pie.
Oh and try telling that to the type of guys who girls won't go for at all. I hate this notion that if one guy can easily get girls then that all the other guys can easily get girls, in my mind that is what you are seemingly assuming, well something like that.

I have to say that Optimus is somewhat right. There will be guys who won't get ALL the girls, but there will be a girl for every guy out there, no matter how awkward or "unattractive" he is. That's why girls like me and my coworker exist. I LOVE the shy nerdy guys and my coworker is IMO is a total babe but goes crazy for the short portly guys like George in Seinfeld.

It works the other way around too. Like I probably won't attract 90% of the guys out there, but why would I need to? I just need to find one that's attracted to me AND who I don't want to hit over the head all the time with a baseball bat.

My bf thinks he's a big nobody and brings nothing to the table physically, but I think he's got quite a handsome face. He doesn't think so though, which actually is how I find him particularly cute.

 

[teh Puffy]

Not so much confidence here for why I've never been on a date as a guy who is 26. More than I just want to know I can treat someone who is interestedin me the way they deserve from me. I just would rather a girl let me know she's interested than put myself out there. Im one of those weirdos.

 

[HisMagicTrick]

Not so much confidence here for why I've never been on a date as a guy who is 26. More than I just want to know I can treat someone who is interestedin me the way they deserve from me. I just would rather a girl let me know she's interested than put myself out there. Im one of those weirdos.

That could be the problem. Too many people sit back and wait for others to make the first move, and therefore never get anywhere in relationships.

 

[Erzengel]

I've said on here before about not having to BE confident just ACT confident but it helps when you have a good amount of self esteem. I think a lot of guys go through growing pains while dating. Some are shy. A lot try to go the friend route or the nice guy routine. I think somewhere I kinda stopped caring and went with the what do I have lose if they say no routine.

That could be the problem. Too many people sit back and wait for others to make the first move, and therefore never get anywhere in relationships.

Ding, ding, ding. It's about putting yourself out there. Ask out 100 girls, one will eventually say yes. But you won't be meeting girls being in your house all the time or *ahem* being on messageboards. If you are still in school, there should be plenty of people to date, if you have trouble, join a club or extracuricular activities.

If you are out of school, I'm hesitant to say date there. But if you have friends, have them set you up, maybe join a community activity, and if all else fails, try online.

There really shouldn't be any excuses on not being able to meet people.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Meeting people generally isn't an issue.

Meeting compatible people, however, seems to be my issue. Everyone in this podunk town is so close-minded, worried about what church you go to, talking about everyone else behind their backs that I really can't wait to get out of here.

The only problem is, the only way that's going to happen is when my mom passes away.

 

[Erzengel]

Why don't you look in the next town?

 

[Poeman]

Meeting people generally isn't an issue.

Meeting compatible people, however, seems to be my issue. Everyone in this podunk town is so close-minded, worried about what church you go to, talking about everyone else behind their backs that I really can't wait to get out of here.

The only problem is, the only way that's going to happen is when my mom passes away.

Also check to see if any of these girls from your town that are to your liking on those internet dating sites...Match.com, eharmony or whatever

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

If getting girls is so easy then why are there guys who struggle? The types of guys who have never had a gf before, the type of guys who have never gotten a piece of the pie.

Because most guys overcomplicate things and try to make it something it isn't. The irony for guys like that is they live in a reality that doesn't exist. Girls don't want perfect because no girl is perfect. They're all people, they all poop, make social faux paus, have awkward sex and look stupid every once in a while. Welcome to being human 101. About the only tangible that changes things is money, and as I'm sure many have pointed out that attracts a certain type of girl.

Most of what nice guys think doesn't bear out in reality. I'll give you an example, having been a nice guy myself. "Nice guys" are usually flabbergasted by statements like this: "I made out with this chicks this weekend, and I have no idea what her name was". Perhaps not something to be proud of, but a 'nice guy' will assume this is prick-ish behavior. Let me try a suggestion though; what would happen if that guy simply asked what her name was later? Would it be the end of the world.

'Nice Guys' forget that the majority of people have flaws, and they generally overreact to their own internal flaws by being too nice. The truth is it doesn't matter what you do or do not do, you can't make someone like you. If you attempt to hide your flaws and over-correct your behavior everywhere you go no one ever will. Girls don't fall in love with caricatures of people. The more you let your guard down, the more people will naturally come to you. If you can get one girl to think you're cute, you really can make ANY girl think you're cute, but that all depends on how loose and confident you WANT to appear.

Those "pick-up artists" never understand they only superficially embodie these traits, but if you start acting confident eventually it will become an actuality.

Also remember you ALWAYS will strike out more than you succeed, but you'll create more opportunities by being confident.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Because most guys overcomplicate things and try to make it something it isn't. The irony for guys like that is they live in a reality that doesn't exist. Girls don't want perfect because no girl is perfect. They're all people, they all poop, make social faux paus, have awkward sex and look stupid every once in a while. Welcome to being human 101. About the only tangible that changes things is money, and as I'm sure many have pointed out that attracts a certain type of girl.

Most of what nice guys think doesn't bear out in reality. I'll give you an example, having been a nice guy myself. "Nice guys" are usually flabbergasted by statements like this: "I made out with this chicks this weekend, and I have no idea what her name was". Perhaps not something to be proud of, but a 'nice guy' will assume this is prick-ish behavior. Let me try a suggestion though; what would happen if that guy simply asked what her name was later? Would it be the end of the world.

'Nice Guys' forget that the majority of people have flaws, and they generally overreact to their own internal flaws by being too nice. The truth is it doesn't matter what you do or do not do, you can't make someone like you. If you attempt to hide your flaws and over-correct your behavior everywhere you go no one ever will. Girls don't fall in love with caricatures of people. The more you let your guard down, the more people will naturally come to you. If you can get one girl to think you're cute, you really can make ANY girl think you're cute, but that all depends on how loose and confident you WANT to appear.

Those "pick-up artists" never understand they only superficially embodie these traits, but if you start acting confident eventually it will become an actuality.

Also remember you ALWAYS will strike out more than you succeed, but you'll create more opportunities by being confident.

Yes, guys make errors which leads to them not being able to get themselves some, but it's not just them that are a part of the problem. It is still and also the freaking women. Thanks for giving an x amount of dudes false hope. As for making someone like you, I disagree which is because of the fact that one sex goes after the other by using up their time talking to them about miscellaneous things. You and I both know that women like playing hard to get. They can somehow and easily convince a dude or dudes that they are more special than they are by waiting for the dude or dudes to make a move on them. And yes, I already know that a small group of women don't have a problem approaching men.

 

[Erzengel]

How are women the problem again?

 

[steintym]

I have made it clear to her that if she wan'ts something with me I am not willing to help her cheat and I won't be with her if I am the only reason she leaves her husband.

That's cool. I'd tread lightly until you have confirmation things are over. You don't want to be an influence in what takes place with their marriage.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

How are women the problem again?

Oh look, another person who thinks that women don't ever have a hand in the dude can't get laid or a gf scenario.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Why don't you look in the next town?

Because I can't leave my mom for extended periods of time. I'm her sole caretaker, and it's really poor form for me to leave her alone at home to chase skirts in the next town.

Also check to see if any of these girls from your town that are to your liking on those internet dating sites...Match.com, eharmony or whatever

Been there, done that. Most of the women on those sites that I've met locally really aren't what I'm looking for. It comes down to being a computer tech/gaming guy in an area that is noted for being primarily agricultural. I'm just not going to find the gamer/cosplayer woman of my dreams here.

The one person I've met in the past 6 months is all ready married and probably will be so for at least the next year. Even if she still decides the still wants to be with me after all that, she still has an abusive X to deal with that will probably consume a lot of her time dealing with him.

I just feel stuck with no way to move forward.

 

[Erzengel]

Oh look, another person who thinks that women don't ever have a hand in any of the the dude can't get laid or a gf scenario.

What have you done to meet women/date recently? Have you exhausted every avenue?

 

[Erzengel]

Because I can't leave my mom for extended periods of time. I'm her sole caretaker, and it's really poor form for me to leave her alone at home to chase skirts in the next town.

Sorry to hear that.

Been there, done that. Most of the women on those sites that I've met locally really aren't what I'm looking for. It comes down to being a computer tech/gaming guy in an area that is noted for being primarily agricultural. I'm just not going to find the gamer/cosplayer woman of my dreams here.

The one person I've met in the past 6 months is all ready married and probably will be so for at least the next year. Even if she still decides the still wants to be with me after all that, she still has an abusive X to deal with that will probably consume a lot of her time dealing with him.

I just feel stuck with no way to move forward.

I wouldn't necessarily give up, I'm sure new people sign up all the time on those sites.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

What have you done to meet women/date recently? Have you exhausted every avenue?

I haven't gone anywhere just for that reason.

Being myself doesn't work. Being respectful doesn't work, and as for approaching women who like playing hard to get? They can kiss my hairy behind. I'm not going to put up with that sexist and offensive crap.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah, I don't think blaming women based on a generality is going to get you any closer to one or a date.

If you aren't putting an effort into meeting or trying to meet women, because you are already anticipating things won't work out, that's not the gender's fault. That's on you.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Yeah, I don't think blaming women based on a generality is going to get you any closer to one or a date.

If you aren't putting an effort into meeting or trying to meet women, because you are already anticipating things won't work out, that's not the gender's fault. That's on you.

Guy, I've been around for close to 28 years!!! There is a familiar pattern when it comes to things, eventually each person figures out the pattern when it comes to whatever it is. They also REMEMBER. I ain't no god damn vegetable.