The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MissMarvelous]

@Hobgoblin just ignore them both (your ex wife and you dad's gf), that's the best you can do. Do not spend another minute thinking about their facebook friendship or else.

You're finally done! and whatever those two decide to do, it's their business. Just as your life is your business only.

Also, if your ex wife's mum wants to set her up with a church dude, so be it. Move on! You can do it.

 

[Hobgoblin]

You're right, I just heal by whining. It's also my odd sense of humor.

 

[InCali]

@Hobgoblin just ignore them both (your ex wife and you dad's gf), that's the best you can do. Do not spend another minute thinking about their facebook friendship or else.

You're finally done! and whatever those two decide to do, it's their business. Just as your life is your business only.

Also, if your ex wife's mum wants to set her up with a church dude, so be it. Move on! You can do it.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is 100% correct. While I think a subscription (if that's what you call it) to an online dating service would have been a terrific idea for a Xmas present (that's my odd sense of humor), it's best to ignore. If people start prodding you on what you're up to, it's probably best to keep it simple (oh, not much) and move on to another subject.

 

[MissMarvelous]

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is 100% correct. While I think a subscription (if that's what you call it) to an online dating service would have been a terrific idea for a Xmas present (that's my odd sense of humor), it's best to ignore. If people start prodding you on what you're up to, it's probably best to keep it simple (oh, not much) and move on to another subject.

Thank you, dear.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Very much agreed. I'm just kind of amused that she is still trying to reach out to me, as if I would trust her. It's annoying that dad's gf feels that she has the right to involve herself in this but I agree with you, I wont say much to her. All that I said yesterday was that I don't plan on dating for a while and I live a very boring life.

 

[InCali]

Very much agreed. I'm just kind of amused that she is still trying to reach out to me, as if I would trust her. It's annoying that dad's gf feels that she has the right to involve herself in this but I agree with you, I wont say much to her. All that I said yesterday was that I don't plan on dating for a while and I live a very boring life.

Boring can be a step up. LOL.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Part of me still worries that dad's gf will sabotage any future relationship that I have by telling my ex about it. The gf is sympathetic to my ex and she is a vengeful one. Until then, I'm not going to change anything. I'm still going "no contact" and not letting either of them know anything.

 

[InCali]

Part of me still worries that dad's gf will sabotage any future relationship that I have by telling my ex about it. The gf is sympathetic to my ex and she is a vengeful one. Until then, I'm not going to change anything. I'm still going "no contact" and not letting either of them know anything.

If you do get into another relationship, I would suggest letting that person know exactly what's going on. If your "other" knows the details, others in your family can't really sabotage much of anything. I'd hold off on family dinners and stuff like that until the two of you get your sea legs.

 

[ComicChick]

@Hobgoblin have you considered talking to your dad's gf and telling her that you understand they are still friends but you do not want to know anything about your ex and in return, you'd like her not to tell your ex about anything going on in your life either? manipulate the scenario in your favor a bit?

 

[Erzengel]

Immediate thought is that the dad's gf already doesn't like/respect Hobgoblin. Not telling her anything and maybe by extension his dad maybe the best course of action.

 

[ComicChick]

i totally agree with that too, but i think it wouldn't hurt to tell her how he feels on the boundaries, even though it sounds like she won't respect them. at the very least maybe it will keep her from blabbing to him about his ex, which he doesn't seem to want.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I once asked her to end talking with my ex, because I felt that they had no reason to stay in contact. I tried to say it politely but in hindsight I could have said it better. I was speaking with her on the phone at the time and I looked over at dad. He was nodding but looked exasperated. I wondered if he had already had this conversation with her and gotten chewed. Either way, maintaining boundaries is vital.

Everyone seemed disappointed at Christmas that I didnt plan on seeing anyone for a while, especially after my brother told them he has a new girlfriend. While I'm much better now than before, I know that I'm not completely over things. I dont want to carry old baggage into any new relationship that I have. I want to do this the right way. My shrink tells me that 90% of second marriages fail and much of it is because people didnt come to terms with the first marriage. So while many people have been telling me to just start dating again, I'm going to hold off.

 

[InCali]

Yeah. No one gets to tell people who they can talk to or be friends with. You are right to not rush things.

 

[Erzengel]

i totally agree with that too, but i think it wouldn't hurt to tell her how he feels on the boundaries, even though it sounds like she won't respect them. at the very least maybe it will keep her from blabbing to him about his ex, which he doesn't seem to want.

His dad's gf, thinks that talking to his ex wife is "okay" regardless of his and other people's objections. People don't respond well when they don't think they are doing anything wrong and with that reasoning probably wouldn't change their behavior.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Any way you look at it, she wont stop talking with my ex. She's going to keep doing it. I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy but to make a big deal out of it will only make things worse. I just need to keep future relationships private for as long as possible until telling the family about it.

 

[InCali]

Any way you look at it, she wont stop talking with my ex. She's going to keep doing it. I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy but to make a big deal out of it will only make things worse. I just need to keep future relationships private for as long as possible until telling the family about it.

The same goes for you. You don't have to associate with people if you don't want to. I would just shut off communication about whatever you aren't comfortable talking about.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Oh I've already cut off all contact with people that have shown who they really are. I plan to tell as little as possible to people that I don't trust.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Oh I've already cut off all contact with people that have shown who they really are. I plan to tell as little as possible to people that I don't trust.

Just give it time! You'll get where you're supposed to be in due time. This whole situation is just a novelty for everyone... so, let your father' gf gossip around (karma will take care of that, eventually), don't waste your precious time on her.

By the time you get over it and back on the dating scene, this whole circus will be over and forgotten.

Just keep in mind that your dad's gf loyalty is nonexistent.

 

[Hobgoblin]

This has been an educational experience. I've learned who the people that I've kept close to me really are, how to stay patient and let time do it's work and to trust my instincts.

 

[jaqua99]

Ssup?

I got engaged a month or so ago. She said yes

 

[Hobgoblin]

Thank you.

It feels good to be the one with some degree of power. I know she'd love to get back into contact with me, but only to find a way to hurt me. In our seven years together, she was the one in control, no matter how I tried to talk with her. I don't have to have anything to do with her, and I wont.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Question: do you guys think that personality beats looks?

 

[Hobgoblin]

Pretty neck and neck. I’d have to judge by the individual. Personality is a big one for me, I need someone to get along with. I’d like her to be attractive of course but personality comes first.

 

[Erzengel]

I rather be with someone less attractive that I have a lot of fun with than a beautiful person, who's constantly on social media.

 

[InCali]

Question: do you guys think that personality beats looks?

Yes. I have been in relationships with, literally, gorgeous women who were, and probably still are, monstrous pains in the ass and I can categorically state that it's a miserable existence.

EDIT: After thinking about it, I think we need to define the terms a bit. Lack of personality is okay. Someone can be not funny, not particularly social, not the brightest bulb in the socket and things of that nature and I can still handle it. Self centered, uncaring (because believe me, it includes you), rude, etc. is the WORST and intolerable (that's what I was talking about before). What I also don't want in an intimate relationship is dumb and I can honestly say I've never had a partner who wasn't pretty damn smart. I've had friends who aren't that bright, hung out with them on a regular basis, and liked them, but can't handle it with someone I spend most of my time with. I'm just not that patient and need mental stimulation.