The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MissMarvelous]

it includes you

I beg your pardon?

 

[InCali]

I beg your pardon?

I feel like a politician!!!! YOU TOOK MY WORDS OUT OF CONTEXT!!!

Self centered and uncaring people don't care about anyone else and "it includes you".

You watch yourself Missy.....

 

[MissMarvelous]

I feel like a politician!!!! YOU TOOK MY WORDS OUT OF CONTEXT!!!

Self centered and uncaring people don't care about anyone else and "it includes you".

You watch yourself Missy.....

It just felt so personal...

I'm still crying.

In silence.

 

[InCali]

It just felt so personal...

I'm still crying.

In silence.

Well, that's a plus.....there's something to put on your dating app profile that's sure to get you some hits.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Well, that's a plus.....there's something to put on your dating app profile that's sure to get you some hits.

You know that punches below the belt are illegal??? that was sooooo below the belt, tho'

 

[InCali]

I meant “you“ in the generic sense. Clearly it wasn’t pointed @ the @MissMarvelous , but if I can get some fun out of it, more the better.

 

[Lily Adler]

So do you guys cyber stalk people you're interested in before dates to get a better idea of what you're dealing with or is television in the wrong here again?

 

[InCali]

That's creepy. No.....it never would have crossed my mind.

 

[MissMarvelous]

That's creepy. No.....it never would have crossed my mind.

Why? Is not creepy, at all.

It's just a background check...

I do check their social media! Just to confirm that the person I'm talking to is real, if he has any friends, or kids (i found out that a guy i was having a date with, had two kids, only a few hours before meeting him. I asked him if he had kids but he denied it... ).

I wouldn't call it stalking, though.

 

[InCali]

Why? Is not creepy, at all.

It's just a background check...

I do check their social media! Just to confirm that the person I'm talking to is real, if he has any friends, or kids (i found out that a guy i was having a date with, had two kids, only a few hours before meeting him. I asked him if he had kids but he denied it... ).

I wouldn't call it stalking, though.

I guess it depends on how you meet someone. It's never been necessary for me and would be creepy for anyone I've ever dated. Clearly you are more careful in your selection of words (that's a good thing BTW )

 

[Hobgoblin]

Yeah, it really depends on the person. I wouldn’t mind it but someone else got annoyed with me when I did it to her. We were classmates and kind of knew each other. Maybe it’s different when a guy does it to a woman.

 

[InCali]

Yeah, it really depends on the person. I wouldn’t mind it but someone else got annoyed with me when I did it to her. We were classmates and kind of knew each other. Maybe it’s different when a guy does it to a woman.

I think it's different when you sorta know someone. I guess if you're meeting someone on line or something like that, it's probably okay to do a quick check on them, but I wouldn't really be interested in something like that; even if I wasn't married.

 

[Hobgoblin]

It’s definitely up to the individuals discretion.

 

[Erzengel]

So do you guys cyber stalk people you're interested in before dates to get a better idea of what you're dealing with or is television in the wrong here again?

I think it may give you a biased look unless there's a huge "red flag". Say, they have a lot of outdoor pictures of them hiking and what not, and you are more of a homebody? I think it shows you possible compatibility issues.

 

[SallyH]

If you do get into another relationship, I would suggest letting that person know exactly what's going on. If your "other" knows the details, others in your family can't really sabotage much of anything. I'd hold off on family dinners and stuff like that until the two of you get your sea legs.

I support you on this point

 

[MissMarvelous]

Clearly you are more careful in your selection of words (that's a good thing BTW )

 

[Wolvieboy17]

So do you guys cyber stalk people you're interested in before dates to get a better idea of what you're dealing with or is television in the wrong here again?

I don't think it's creepy and feel like cyber stalking is probably a very outdated term. I feel like, due to the nature of social media, it's pretty natural to give somebody's insta a quick browse, whereas Cyber Stalk makes it sound like you're trying to dig up private info.

I mean if we're talking dating apps, many of them let you embed your social media onto your actual profile. But also I think it's normal, if you've ever had a crush on someone from uni or work and you connect on socials, to have a quick browse.

TBH, where I think it's mostly problematic is when you fall into the trap of infatuation. If you build up a false, projected image of somebody you don't know that well, it's very easy to fool yourself into actually thinking you know them (Because you've read a bunch of their posts, seen what they get up to etc). It can mean when you finally go on a date with a person, maybe you're more likely to overlook red flags because you've got this false image in your head. It's never good to put somebody on a pedestal and I think there's always the risk of that happening when you try to shortcut "getting to know a person" based on their online persona.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Why? Is not creepy, at all.

It's just a background check...

I do check their social media! Just to confirm that the person I'm talking to is real, if he has any friends, or kids (i found out that a guy i was having a date with, had two kids, only a few hours before meeting him. I asked him if he had kids but he denied it... ).

I wouldn't call it stalking, though.

It's... research.

 

[MissMarvelous]

It's... research.

Exactly!

 

[MissMarvelous]

I have a new open question

For those who used these online sites or dating apps, how long do you think it's ok to keep the conversation flowing before asking the other person out?

Furthermore: what if the girl asks you out?

 

[Wolvieboy17]

For those who used these online sites or dating apps, how long do you think it's ok to keep the conversation flowing before asking the other person out?

Furthermore: what if the girl asks you out?

I think it's case by case. I think it helps to get a feel of the chemistry first, make sure both people are comfortable. But I've also had plenty of instances where it's refreshing to plan a date sooner rather than later. Dating apps in particular, I think a lot of people are fatigued by the whole process, and dragging on long conversations for days i think can be part of that frustration. It can be frustrating to have three weeks of great text conversation only to find out theres no real life chemistry.

But I don't think there's any right or wrong amount of time in general, it just depends on the person. But if you ask respectfully, you don't lose anything, as long as you're chill if the other person wants to talk a bit longer first.

 

[Prison Mike]

I have a new open question

For those who used these online sites or dating apps, how long do you think it's ok to keep the conversation flowing before asking the other person out?

Furthermore: what if the girl asks you out?

I’d be 100% okay with that

 

[InCali]

I've only had a brief experience with dating sites and it was quite some time ago. I've asked people out for dinner and had them ask me out. It didn't matter at all to me. In fact, who asked whom never even crossed my mind.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I asked a guy I've talking to (for a month) if he wanted to meet and he was on board last week but, yesterday, when I asked him again, he said he was in a very complicated and tight situation at work. He did send me a very extensive message explaining me why and such but I just don't buy it.

Life gets tough from one minute to another, I get that! But we still have Saturday!

 

[Prison Mike]

I asked a guy I've talking to (for a month) if he wanted to meet and he was on board last week but, yesterday, when I asked him again, he said he was in a very complicated and tight situation at work. He did send me a very extensive message explaining me why and such but I just don't buy it.

Life gets tough from one minute to another, I get that! But we still have Saturday!

Unless he’s an accountant and has to work on Saturday and Sunday