The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[MissMarvelous]

General question: do you believe in having an "open relationship"?

 

[InCali]

General question: do you believe in having an "open relationship"?

I've never cared at all what other people do in their private lives. If you are asking about individuals in their own personal lives, I was pretty much in open relationships for a long period of time when I was younger. Occasionally, I would have a one on one relationship, but it was mainly because the other person wanted it. Neither bothered me much. I pretty much ditched the jealousy gene.

 

[Babillygunn]

I’m pretty much ok with open relationships. But I’m prudish when it comes to marriage. Once you enter that contract, you abide by it. I don’t see the point otherwise.

 

[Erzengel]

You both have to be "wired a certain way" so that you are both okay with open relationships and it's joint decision. It can't be, I want an open relationship and want my partner/spouse to be okay with it. And either they aren't okay or they embrace it 100% and the person who wanted it open, now wants it closed because it wasn't how they envisioned it.

 

[Erzengel]

Been dealing with ED and I’m only 36. I wasn’t stressed until this happened and now I’m stressed because it might be a medical issue, so could be sick. Pretty embarrassing for my relationship.

Late response, but you should speak to a doctor.

 

[MissMarvelous]

You both have to be "wired a certain way" so that you are both okay with open relationships and it's joint decision. It can't be, I want an open relationship and want my partner/spouse to be okay with it. And either they aren't okay or they embrace it 100% and the person who wanted it open, now wants it closed because it wasn't how they envisioned it.

Exactly! Otherwise, that'd be cheating.

One more question: what would it entail? Just having casual encounters or having something stable with someone else without getting emotionally attached?

 

[Erzengel]

I guess it depends on the people. I've heard/read people have different requirements. Some have strict no one the other person knows etc., everything has to be outside the home. I feel people have to have quite the libido and/or be able to separate the attachment.

 

[BoredGuy]

Yeah some people have "No Making out" rules, or "No Ongoing Affairs", there's all different types

My gf and I have discussed it on occasion as our libidos seem to have... different time frames to them... and while we both aren't completely opposed, we end up coming to the conclusion that we'd get way too jealous

 

[InCali]

My take, and feelings, on open relationships was that I felt cared for by pretty much everyone I was dating and didn't really feel threatened if someone was seeing other people. I had a pretty tight social group, knew a lot of people, and wasn't really sure if I would ever be in an exclusive relationship forever.

There were times when I was in exclusive relationships and times I wasn't. It was pretty much up to us to work that out, but there were people I was in an open relationship with that I was totally in love with and felt that reciprocity.

I guess I don't get jealous that easily. Now that I'm married, we've decided it's an exclusive relationship, but, recently, my wife had lunch/walk with a guy that lasted about 3 hours and the only thing that sorta pissed me off was that she didn't bring me back a sandwich.

 

[theastsunnn]

I’m like the only person who doesn’t like traveling. Going on a trip soon, because my gf been asking to go on one.

 

[BoredGuy]

I’m like the only person who doesn’t like traveling. Going on a trip soon, because my gf been asking to go on one.

I hear you, I hate traveling... not scared of flying per se, but its the process of going through the airport, and organizing what we do while on the trip, and all the uncertainty about it is anxiety inducing

That said, after every trip I do go on, I have a renewed sense of adventure and wanderlust that lasts for a couple months. I had a massive anxiety attack four years ago, and taking a trip out to the desert (from the east coast) felt like it gave me a much needed reset. Traveling is good for the soul, so allow those around you to encourage you to get out there if possible.

 

[theastsunnn]

I get anxiety too, and I just don’t care to see the world. There I said it. If you told me I could go anywhere for 3 weeks paid, I would rather spend it at home catching up on my hobbies. Ok there’s the Eiffel Tower big deal. I feel more peace being in the middle of the woods Any where, than wasting days not being able to workout, and doing things I don’t really enjoy, but a couple times per year , I put up with it

 

[Wildcard]

General question: do you believe in having an "open relationship"?

Nope. I think it's pointless and more or less a recipe for disaster.

Personally, I feel like if all you're going to do is sleep around, you might as well not even consider yourself in a relationship. I'm a pretty generous guy overall, but not when it comes to my lady. Besides that fact, I learned early on that sleeping around is nowhere near as fun as it seems, so an open relationship would do absolutely nothing for me (besides give me unnecessary stress).

I used to have a friend some years back that was married & she told me about how their marriage was an open one at one point. Her husband was fine with it until it all actually started coming to fruition, then she said it quickly took a toll on him. They eventually reneged on it, but she shared with me that she still wished she was in an open relationship...which was kinda obvious considering she randomly sent me nudes multiple times (as well as others).

Lady had zero real respect for her husband, even though he was literally the only one bringing home any money while she just sat at home & gamed all day despite them struggling financially. As I mentioned above we're not friends anymore so not entirely sure what she's up to now, but when the subject of relationships come up (particularly open ones), it does sometimes make me wonder if they're divorced now considering at that time it seemed to be an inevitability.

 

[JoshB1980]

General question: do you believe in having an "open relationship"?

No, absolutely not. If you're going to have a relationship with someone, sexual or not, you should respect them enough to be completely committed to them. Anything else is selfish, and a recipe for disaster.

 

[MissMarvelous]

Thank you all for participating :P

IMO, an open relationship goes both ways, it is not that only one agrees. That would be a completely different scenario!

Suppose that both agree, and you both have the same opportunities to have safe encounters with other/s - it is not that you MUST do. Maybe just having the "I could do it" card does not necessarily mean that you are going to play it. Maybe? Just having the possibility open...

 

[JoshB1980]

Thank you all for participating

IMO, an open relationship goes both ways, it is not that only one agrees. That would be a completely different scenario!

Suppose that both agree, and you both have the same opportunities to have safe encounters with other/s - it is not that you MUST do. Maybe just having the "I could do it" card does not necessarily mean that you are going to play it. Maybe? Just having the possibility open...

I still think that even the principle of it is selfish. Things like sex and emotional attachment are so precious, that treating them casually only leads to trouble. I've only been in one relationship personally, but we both made a lot of wrong choices, and it ultimately destroyed us.

 

[Wildcard]

Thank you all for participating

IMO, an open relationship goes both ways, it is not that only one agrees. That would be a completely different scenario!

Suppose that both agree, and you both have the same opportunities to have safe encounters with other/s - it is not that you MUST do. Maybe just having the "I could do it" card does not necessarily mean that you are going to play it. Maybe? Just having the possibility open...

In 30 years of living I have not ever seen one "open relationship" scenario that doesn't end in complete disaster for one reason or another. Simply put, it's just gross. Either be committed or stay single.

Just my two cents, anyway.

 

[theastsunnn]

It’s the little things that get to me. I took my gf on vacation, paid for everything, spent the day doing activities and then at night she grabs the remote to watch her TV shows. I keep quiet her mass and go to bed. To me your gf should just hang you a be the remote and let you watch sports after all of that

 

[Erzengel]

If the TV is on on vacation, it's ambient noise to go to sleep to or to get ready in the morning to.

 

[Cap2024]

Does everyone’s parents freak out when they hear their kid is going to propose to their significant other (that they have been in a relationship with and lived with for years) or is that just largely something we queer people have to unfortunately contend with?

 

[Erzengel]

Does everyone’s parents freak out when they hear their kid is going to propose to their significant other (that they have been in a relationship with and lived with for years) or is that just largely something we queer people have to unfortunately contend with?

Unless you have a brother who got engaged/married and you have an exact reaction your parents exhibited, I think it's best to temper your expectations especially if they smile, tell you they're happy but don't seem to give you a tv/movie overreaction at your announcement.

 

[Cap2024]

Unless you have a brother who got engaged/married and you have an exact reaction your parents exhibited, I think it's best to temper your expectations especially if they smile, tell you they're happy but don't seem to give you a tv/movie overreaction at your announcement.

They weren't showing happiness in any way, more shock, surprise and seemingly a desire to refuse to believe in the possibilty (basically matching the same exact reaction to coming out years ago).

 

[Erzengel]

They weren't showing happiness in any way, more shock, surprise and seemingly a desire to refuse to believe in the possibilty (basically matching the same exact reaction to coming out years ago).

Has there ever been a life event anyone else in your family experience that you've seen them express happiness?

 

[Cap2024]

Has there ever been a life event anyone else in your family experience that you've seen them express happiness?

Cousins’ weddings and engagements. Many of them.

 

[Erzengel]

Then you have a legitimate gripe. Maybe they can change in the future, but you are going to have to at least speak your mind to them. And if they don't change, this just might be who they are and you should just temper your expectations for them for your own well being.