Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[SpideyVille]

Lord Valumart - You need to go for it. Seems like she was shooting some serious hints ... Unless, of course, you're more interested in the friend.

Who says he can't have both?

 

[steintym]

That would take some serious, veteran moves, but sure ... Why not?

 

[Poeman]

That would take some serious, veteran moves, but sure ... Why not?

I am no veteran, although I feel I am interpersonal and connect with females and can have long convo's that interest them... However, it is always tough to make the move on someone you like or asking them out...I used a sort of pick up like to draw someone's attention and then while she was being introduced to a group of my friends I made the move to be part of that circle and totally c**kblock a couple of guys and continued to push with things that were to her liking. Got her number and after a week we been together for 3 years this month.

It's all about taking chances, do not worry about this "friends" thing...because give it time most friends slowly move away or are no longer around. A girl you like rarely, I mean this RARELY will be your best friend forever. It's not like the movies... Too much involved and ivnested there for say that girl's new bf or husband and likewise with you.

Just be upfront about it the best way you can...Asking someone out is not a stupid thing, especially if its done in a way where you are trying to get an idea if they want to be with you and more importantly you are being honest.

Asking questions like, "say what sort of guy would you be happy with?" "what kind of girl do you see me with?...and the tough "if a guy like me asks you out, what would you say?"...These usually hint you even further in a right direction and that last question is a segway to, "will you go out with me, etc..."

I dont know, I am babbling my personal feelings on the matter.

 

[AndThePickles]

Now Tilted Kilt is a whole other ball game. They just throw it at you in there.

Haha really? There's one close by, I'll have to check it out.

 

[Lord Valumart]

There's absolutely nothing to be confused about. You're friend really likes you. If you feel it too, make a move or you're a chump.

Yeh, I was thinking about making a move tonight, just been to a pub quiz with her. But there was like nothing there tonight. It was really odd, so maybe I missed my chance with her?

So who are you more attracted to, which one do you want to be with? In terms of how "done up" the other girl was, what were you doing the other times, she might have just felt the activity or situation required a nicer look.

Well first time I met her she was dressed all caual for bowling, but since then whenever I've met her for whatever, she's just looked like she's put more of an effort into everything. I don't really meet her without our mutual friend so I dunno how she dresses normally, but I have been told that she doesn't really weear anything I've been seeing her in for nights out or anything.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Are you like that guy who facebook friends everyone from his highschool and elementary school, even if you never talked to any of them? How would you even recognize someone from Kindergarten? No one at 25 looks even remotely the same as they did at 5 (well okay, to a mother maybe). She probably thought you were some random. And even if she knew you attended Kindergarten with her ... YOU'RE STILL JUST SOME GUY WHO ATTENDED KINDERGARTEN WITH HER!!

I have people friend me from high school and elementary school.

What's wrong with that?

A couple of them I've actually kinda become friends with again cuz of Facebook.

 

[WillardNation]

Co-worker relationships are fine. Unless you have a bad break up. Then things can get awkward. Also, one-time hook-ups with co-workers are bad ideas (I'm sure WillardNation will disagree), because y'know gossip.

It's all about how you handle it. If you put a disclaimer out before hand that all it's going go be is emotionless sex and make sure everybody is in agreement with that, it usually works out pretty well.

 

[Anubis]

Which rarely works.

Somebody almost always catches feelings.

 

[SpideyVille]

So seeing as how I've never been on a date before and am looking to change that real soon, what are some good things to do on a first date with a girl, both in terms of places to go and how I should behave?

 

[Erzengel]

You live in NYC. I mean museum, shows, it's getting to the time of the year where you can go ice skating at Rockerfeller Center, games.

And I hate to tell you a blanket statement of how you should behave with women, because they are all different.

I mean, try and keep the conversation on her. Be courteous, be charming, and be funny.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Don't talk to her about the internet discussion forums, you will bore her to tears.

Don't talk about superheroes.

 

[steintym]

Get her good an' drunk ......




Obviously just kidding

Just be yourself and have a good time. Really get to know her and take an interest in the conversation.

Good luck!

 

[amazingfantasy15]

So seeing as how I've never been on a date before and am looking to change that real soon, what are some good things to do on a first date with a girl, both in terms of places to go and how I should behave?

I've always felt a good first date was going out for drinks or coffee if you not of drinking age. Let's you talk to each other, get to know each other.

 

[SuperFerret]

Don't talk to her about the internet discussion forums, you will bore her to tears.

Don't talk about superheroes.

And above all else, don't be yourself. Chicks hate that sort of crap.

 

[Poeman]

And above all else, don't be yourself. Chicks hate that sort of crap.

wrong...if you try to be more then just man...Uh, oh sorry got carried away with a Liam Neeson line t:

You should be yourself in that dont try to out think yourself with everything you do, and say.

 

[Secret Fawful]

Really. I don't know any girls who have any substance whatsoever who are bored by petty interests like internet forums and superheros. I understand you were joking, but in all seriousness, I'd hope none of you ever have to deal with such pettiness.

 

[Lord Valumart]

And above all else, don't be yourself. Chicks hate that sort of crap.

Never be yourself. Be Batman.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I have come to the conclusion that the word "Love" is such an overused thing that it has lost all its meaning to me. I mean how can just one word describe something so complicated?

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

And above all else, don't be yourself. Chicks hate that sort of crap.

eh, i thought it was good advice, he shouldn't go on about how he stays indoors and posts on discussion forums all the time, it being a first date it could give the impression of him being some kind of friendless social spaz.
and if he starts talking about Spider-man movies or something, it could give the impression that he's a big baby.

He should just talk about college, people he knows, situations he has been in...then if they get to know each other better and meet up again, he can start talking about Spider-man and forums.

It is all about first impressions, being selective about what you reveal about yourself on that first date, once you get to know each other better, you can come out of the superhero closet, haha.

 

[twylight]

lol, even if you're wrong though? I don't know, I just like a little grit and fire in a guy because if they don't react to one of my Diva fits than that shows me they don't care enough to pay attention to me.

Hahaha I do the same thing. I love it, and usually do it over stupid stiff like opinions on movies, comics, books or TV shows. I stay away from politics as a rule and I know nothing about sports so. I enjoy it as well.

So there's this girl I met about 3 or 4 months back who I've bene hanging out with once or twice a week since I met her. Now we met kinda drunk at a taxi office and when we met up sober we both agreed it would be best to be friends and see what happens.

Now we were going along fine as friends and she never really showed any kind of attraction to me, which I was fine with cause you know, can't change that. So I was introduced to her friend a few months back when we went bowling and she was ok. Thing is, every time I've met her friend since she's always been more, well, done up I suppose. Like she looks better than the last time like she's making more of an effort.

Now the girl I've been hanging out with came over the other night and we watched the Star Wars OT, her idea. She sat in a different chair to begin with but then half way though New Hope she came and sat next to me, then during Empire we cuddled cause it was cold. During Jedi we just sat there, but I felt there was something there when we were talking about stuff. So yeh, I'm kinda confused about stuff...

Anyone got ideas?

Which one do you like best? And for heavens sake! I told you to ask Taxi Girl out!

So you occasionally pick fights for no reason at all than an adrenaline rush? I guess whatever works for some people.

Since I answered the same as Jin, I have to say, it's not about picking fights. It's about having debates on opinion without it getting nasty. If he can't handle me being passionate about something and verbally sparring with me, then I want nothing to do with him. I have a pretty strong and crazy personality. I'd rather have a brick wall I can push against than one that crumbles when I flick it with my nail.

It's all about how you handle it. If you put a disclaimer out before hand that all it's going go be is emotionless sex and make sure everybody is in agreement with that, it usually works out pretty well.

Mine fell apart because he caught feelings and when I asked him about it he replied "I always sort of hope things like this lead to more."

Seriously ruined all my fun. No lie.

So seeing as how I've never been on a date before and am looking to change that real soon, what are some good things to do on a first date with a girl, both in terms of places to go and how I should behave?

Well, firstly, figure out what the girls likes, and be creative. I can only speak for myself but I'd rather go mini-golfing and get some hot dogs than go to dinner and a movie. It gives you something interactive and opens up the ability to talk more. Museums are fun (also interactive), plays are a fun twist on the dinner/movie theme.
For low stress, meeting for coffee at a cute coffee place is good. it's usually not to loud, it's public and there's no pressure on either of you to stay if the date goes south or you don't *click*.

It really depends on the girl, how much you know about her, and how much you like her.

Really. I don't know any girls who have any substance whatsoever who are bored by petty interests like internet forums and superheros. I understand you were joking, but in all seriousness, I'd hope none of you ever have to deal with such pettiness.

I seriously talked to a friend about the chivalry discussion Darthy posted a week or so ago.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Really. I don't know any girls who have any substance whatsoever who are bored by petty interests like internet forums and superheros. I understand you were joking, but in all seriousness, I'd hope none of you ever have to deal with such pettiness.

I wasn't joking, I don't think it's a good idea for the guy to bang on about superhero movies or the discussion forum on a first date.
He should stick to talking about real things in his life, and try to find common interests to talk about, whether it's his ambitions in life(he said he wanted to be a teacher, so he could talk about that), or what he has learned from life situations.
I'm not saying to have calculated conversation, all I'm saying is to be selective about what he talks about on that first date, because when talking about superheroes or the internet he might give an impression of still being a wee boy, and that is not a good impression to give, because a woman of substance, as you say, will be evaluating everything he says on that first date, and will want to know that he has plans for his life, and is not some dreamer stuck in the house all the time watching movies and wasting time on the internet.

 

[Secret Fawful]

Plans for your life is one thing, but not every woman has plans for HER life either. The person you described sounds like a judgmental a--hole. How about people talk about whatever the hell they want to. Hell, I talked to a man in his sixties the other day who was a massive DnD player and comic book fan for years (had read comics religiously since he was five) and also into Lovecraft and every nerdy thing under the sun, but he had to leave eventually because his wife was done with her shopping. HIS WIFE. Yes, that's entirely possible.

There are happily married people on this forum by the way.

 

[SuperFerret]

Never be yourself. Be Batman.

Sound advice, but it doesn't work if you're married apparently: http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=365853

eh, i thought it was good advice, he shouldn't go on about how he stays indoors and posts on discussion forums all the time, it being a first date it could give the impression of him being some kind of friendless social spaz.
and if he starts talking about Spider-man movies or something, it could give the impression that he's a big baby.

He should just talk about college, people he knows, situations he has been in...then if they get to know each other better and meet up again, he can start talking about Spider-man and forums.

It is all about first impressions, being selective about what you reveal about yourself on that first date, once you get to know each other better, you can come out of the superhero closet, haha.

I don't know about you, but I'm more than a "geek". Sure, I can talk your head off about superheroes, D&D, comics and the like, but I can also offer other opinions on things. I've got a wide range of interests, albeit with geeky stuff making up a large portion of them. It's part of who I am though, and I'm not going to hide that (nor will I be staying in any relationship where it's a problem with the other person). Being who you truly are is the key to any successful relationship, and that's including everything you are.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

@fawful

eh, i don't think you understood a word of what I was saying at all.

and I think you have to get real, when is a person any more judgemental than when on a first date? That is what happens.

I'm just saying focus on aspects that make you sound like you are a man with a plan, rather than a wee boy dreaming his life away.

If you understood what i was saying, you would realise what you saying in reply makes no sense whatsoever.

 

[Secret Fawful]

eh, i don't think you understood a word of what I was saying at all.

and I think you have to get real, when is a person any more judgemental than when on a first date? That is what happens.

When a person isn't a judgmental a--hole. The only normal person is the one you don't know very well.

I'm just saying focus on aspects that make you sound like you are a man with a plan, rather than a wee boy dreaming his life away.

Yeah, no one is as simple as either one of those black and white straw men you set up there, m' kay. Well, they're at least reminiscent of straw men, but a "wee boy dreaming his life away" probably wouldn't be on a date in the first place.

M' kay? Mmmmmm' kay. M'kay.